How does grief affect the mind and body?
by Julia Usher
When someone you love passes away, it can feel like the world is going to end. Even when you are prepared for the impending death, you can never predict how you’ll feel when it actually happens.
Some people feel completely numb or even go into shock. Other people refuse to believe what has happened and try to ‘bargain’ their way out of the grief. Some people sob for days on end, while others act like nothing has happened. It’s important to remember that all of these reactions are completely normal.
Your emotions are controlled by several different regions in your brain.[i] Your limbic system and pre-frontal cortex are responsible for regulating your emotions and organising your thoughts. However, when you are experiencing grief, a load of hormones and neurotransmitters flood into these parts of your brain. You might feel like you ‘don’t know whether you’re coming or going,’ calm one minute and hysterical the next.
Your overall thought processes slow down, making it hard to concentrate or think clearly, and your hunger and sleep signals are likely to go haywire. Just remember that there is no ‘right or wrong’ way to grieve – everyone is different, and no two situations can be compared.
What are the symptoms of grieving?
Grief can cause all kinds of strange symptoms, some of which you might not expect to be associated with bereavement.[ii] People often refer to the 7 stages of grief, but generally symptoms of grieving can include:- Feeling hyper or restless – It’s not uncommon to feel like you’re bouncing off the walls when you are in grief.
- Trouble concentrating – It can be hard to focus on the task at hand as your mind wanders.
- Rumination – Your mind might race as you go over and over what happened, and even play out scenarios in which things could have gone differently.
- Trouble sleeping – This is one of the most common symptoms of grief. People tend to experience disturbed sleep, such as insomnia or oversleeping. You might even start having nightmares.
- Loss of appetite – Some grieving people report having no appetite at all and have to force themselves to eat anything.
- Overeating – However, others experience overeating, as they consume food to dull the pain, leading to weight gain.
- Withdrawing from social situations – While some people want to be surrounded by loved one or distracted with social engagements, others withdraw into solitude.
- A sense of isolation and feeling alone – It can seem like no one understands what you’re going through, and you might feel completely alone. This can exacerbate social withdrawal.
- Substance abuse – It is very common to turn to alcohol and drugs when a loved one passes away, which can lead to substance abuse and addiction issues.
Physical effects of bereavement
While grief is a natural response to a negative event, it can have real effects on your long-term health.[iii] Some of the symptoms listed in the above section affect your mind and body, but there are also some documented physical effects of grief.- Grief and heart health – You have probably heard grief described as “a broken heart” or ‘heartache,” but this isn’t just a turn of phrase. The stress hormones released when you are grieving can actually cause cardiac issues.[iv]Acute stress, such as that brought on by the death of a loved one, can cause stress cardiomyopathy. A study has found that the chances of having an acute heart attack increase by more than 20 times in the 24 hours after someone you love passes away. Also common? Blood clots, increased blood pressure, and even ‘broken heart syndrome,’ which mimics the symptoms of a heart attack.
- Grief and a lowered immune system – When you experience a tremendous amount of stress, your body goes into survival mode. As a result, your immune system can suffer.[v] When your immune system is weak, you are more susceptible to infections, illnesses, and just generally feeling ‘run down.’ Colds, flu, headaches, and angina (severe chest pains) are all common.
- Grief and exhaustion – Grief is hard. It makes every task seem monumental and causes physical aches and pains. So, it’s no surprise that it can also make you feel exhausted, making it hard to get even your most routine tasks done. It’s normal to feel extreme tiredness, physically fragile, shaky, and weak.
- Tightness in your chest
- A catch in your throat
- An upset or ‘hollow’ feeling stomach
- Trouble breathing, or hitching breath
- Dry mouth
- Sensitivity to noise
- Aches and pains all over your body
Emotional effects of bereavement
It’s impossible to list all of the myriad ways that bereavement can affect your emotions.[vi] Just know that if you are experiencing a whirlwind of different emotions after a loved one passes away, it is normal. However, if you begin to experience thoughts of suicide or self-harm, get in touch with your GP immediately, or call the Samaritans on 116 123. You will likely feel ‘out of sorts,’ with chaotic feelings and emotions that are all over the place. At first, your feelings are likely to be very intense and even overwhelming, but the feelings tend to subside over time. Some of the most common feelings include:- Memory loss
- Brain fog (muddled and confused thoughts, trouble recalling information when you need it)
- Rage or extreme anger, sometimes aimed at the deceased
- Feelings of hopelessness
- Anxiety about your own mortality
- ‘Irrational’ worries
- Relief, usually if the person passed away after battling an illness
- Irritability and a ‘short temper’
- Numbness and detachment
- Rumination – going over the circumstances leading to death over and over
- Loneliness and a feeling that ‘no one can understand’ what you’re going through