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Losing a loved one is a deeply painful, stressful, and overwhelming experience. It often feels like the grief will never cease, and the difficult emotions can ebb and flow over time. That said, eventually you will reach a ‘new normal’ that will be easier to manage, and you will likely start to think about how you can best remember your loved one and honour their memory. Remembering your loved one is a deeply personal experience. Everyone has their own way of honouring and evoking someone who has passed, and what works for one family or individual may not feel right for another. We have listed some meaningful ways of remembering a loved one. You can alter and amend them to create memorial traditions that work best for you. Support A Charity Or Cause Close To Their Hearts Everyone has specific causes and charities that truly speak to their hearts. One of the most meaningful ways that you can remember a loved one is to make a donation of cash or in-kind goods to a charity that they supported (or wanted to support) during their life. If your loved one passed away from an illness or a disease, you could also consider choosing a medical charity that helps raise funds for research and treatments. Purchase Memorial Jewellery Memorial jewellery comes in many different styles and options. For some, an engraved bracelet or a locket containing your loved one’s photo will be the ideal way of remembering them on a daily basis. Others prefer to purchase memorial ashes jewellery made out of a small amount of their loved one’s cremains. When you glance down at your jewellery, you’ll be flooded with memories of your friend, spouse, or relative. Commemorate Them With A Memorial Bench Memorial benches have long been a popular way to commemorate and honour a loved one’s life after they pass.[1] By placing the memorial bench in a in a scenic, peaceful, beautiful, or meaningful location, you can sit and remember the wonderful times you had with the departed. You can contact a memorial bench company who organise the bench for you, but you save a lot of money by speaking with the local council to get permission to place an engraved bench in your desired location. Keep Some of Their Treasured Items When a loved one close to you passes away, the responsibility of dealing with their home and estate may fall to you. While you will likely need to donate, sell, and throw away many of their household possessions, be sure to select some of their most treasured items to keep as meaningful keepsakes for years to come. Plant A Memorial Tree Memorial trees have long been a meaningful and significant way to honour a loved one or an event, and the practice occurs around the world.[2] A tree will blossom and bloom each year, reminding you of the celebration of life on a cyclical basis. You might choose to plant a tree in your garden, but if you want to do so in a park or public garden, ensure that you seek permission from the local council in advance. The planting ceremony can be laden with symbolism and meaning, and you can invite other loved ones to attend. Share Their Photos and Stories In An Online Remembrance Book Like a hard copy remembrance book at a funeral or memorial, you can leave memories and thoughts on an online remembrance book. Share the link with well-wishers who can’t make it to the memorial or funeral service. If you wish to take the online remembrance book one step further, you could also create dedicated online memorial website for your loved one. With a little tech savvy, you can form an online repository for photos, anecdotes, songs, and videos.[3] This is an especially good idea if you want to share memories with family members and friends across the country, and around the world. Don’t be afraid to bring them up and share their stories You might be tempted to avoid bringing up your deceased loved one, but experts say that this can actually prolong the most painful parts of the grieving process.[4] Don’t be afraid to talk about your loved one. This can include sharing your most treasured memories in a formal setting, or simply mentioning them in passing when you are reminded of them. Not only can this be healing for you, it can also help your friends and family members through their own grieving and healing process. Create A Shrine To Their Memory The word shrine is certainly a loaded one, but this term actually refers to an ancient and contemporary Greek custom of marking the passing of a loved one. The commemoration doesn’t end after the funeral; memorial services are held again on the 40th day after death, and then on an annual basis.[5] In addition, Greeks create small roadside shrines adorned with photos, candles, flowers, and religious icons.[6] You can do the same in your home or garden. Include items and icons that were meaningful to them during their lifetime. Select an Annual Day Of Celebration Speaking of the Greek Orthodox traditions above, many other cultures and religions around the world also take time out of the life at least once per year to remember their loved ones. In many Latin American countries, they do this one day per year, known as ‘Day of the Dead’ (Día de Muertos). On November 2nd each year, which is a national holiday in Mexico, people gather with friends and family in order to collectively remember their lost dead, making offerings to their loved ones, pray, and celebrate. Rather than celebrating all of your deceased loved ones on one day per year, you can make the celebration more personal by choosing to honour an individual each year on a date meaningful to them. You could do this on the anniversary of their death, or choose to focus your celebrations on their birthday. Play their favourite songs, eat some of their most-loved foods, and take the time to tell stories and reminisce about their life. Create A Memorial Quilt Memory quilts are an American tradition that is growing in popularity in the UK.[7] Create (or hire someone to create) a quilt using clothing, bedding, and other textiles that belonged to your loved one. Consider having some meaningful photos printed onto cotton and include them throughout the design. This can be a truly tactile and comforting way to remember your loved one that can be passed down for generations. Display your loved one’s photos in your home A time-honoured way to remember your loved one is to display their photo in a prominent place in your home. While some people are tempted to remove visible reminders of their loved ones from view to reduce the pain of loss, it can actually be more healing to have them in view.[8] Place a few photos in your home or on your desk where you can see them and smile. The grieving process is different for everyone Remember – there is no ‘one right way’ to grieve. Some of these suggestions and ideas will be suitable for you, and others might not feel quite right. Be creative, and do what you need to do to remember your loved one in the best way for you. Suggested Read:- How To Honor Your Loved Ones Who Have Passed Away Create an online memorial Reference list Cloke, P. and Pawson, E. (2008). Memorial Trees and Treescape Memories. Environment and Planning D: Society and Space, 26(1). Greek Boston (2015). What is the Greek Orthodox Memorial Service? [online] www.greekboston.com. Available at: https://www.greekboston.com/religion/memorial-service/ [Accessed 20 Feb. 2020]. Miller, J.T. (2014). How To Make an Online Memorial for a Departed Loved One. [online] HuffPost. Available at: https://www.huffpost.com/entry/how-to-make-and-online-me_b_5459622 [Accessed 21 Feb. 2020]. Patowary, K. (n.d.). The Roadside Shrines of Greece. [online] Amusing Planet. Available at: https://www.amusingplanet.com/2019/03/the-roadside-shrines-of-greece.html [Accessed 20 Feb. 2020]. Saner, E. (2018). Memorial benches – inspirational reminders, or grave eyesores? The Guardian. [online] 14 Mar. Available at: https://www.theguardian.com/news/shortcuts/2018/mar/14/memorial-benches-inspirational-reminders-or-grave-eyesores [Accessed 20 Feb. 2020]. Taibbi, R. (n.d.). Six Signs of Incomplete Grief. [online] Psychology Today. Available at: https://www.psychologytoday.com/ca/blog/fixing-families/201706/six-signs-incomplete-grief [Accessed 21 Feb. 2020]. What’s Your Grief (2014a). Creating a Memorial Quilt: the inspiring work of Lori Mason. [online] What’s Your Grief. Available at: https://whatsyourgrief.com/creating-memorial-quilt-lori-mason/ [Accessed 20 Feb. 2020]. What’s Your Grief (2014b). Photos of Deceased Loved Ones: The Great Debate. [online] What’s Your Grief. Available at: https://whatsyourgrief.com/photos-of-deceased/ [Accessed 21 Feb. 2020]. ‌ [1] https://www.theguardian.com/news/shortcuts/2018/mar/14/memorial-benches-inspirational-reminders-or-grave-eyesores [2] https://journals.sagepub.com/doi/abs/10.1068/d79j?journalCode=epda [3] https://www.huffpost.com/entry/how-to-make-and-online-me_b_5459622 [4] https://www.psychologytoday.com/ca/blog/fixing-families/201706/six-signs-incomplete-grief [5] https://www.greekboston.com/religion/memorial-service/ [6] https://www.amusingplanet.com/2019/03/the-roadside-shrines-of-greece.html [7] https://whatsyourgrief.com/creating-memorial-quilt-lori-mason/ [8] https://whatsyourgrief.com/photos-of-deceased/

If your loved one has just passed away, you have many decisions to make and tasks to attend to as you plan their funeral. In the confusing and dark days after the death, it can be hard to know what to do when a loved one passes. Some people find that keeping busy and planning the funeral helps them immensely in the initial period of mourning. Creating the order of service for their funeral can be an immensely healing and comforting process. An order of service is a booklet that is offered to guests as they arrive at the funeral, or mailed to those who cannot attend. It provides mourners with the information they need about the service ahead. That said, the order of service is so much more than simply a schedule of the day (although that is an important component for many people). It can also include special memories, photos, quotes from the deceased, a brief biography, and song lyrics, scripture, or poetry that they loved. Many people choose to keep the order of service as a memento; a token of the relationship they had with the deceased. While traditional orders of service can be quite spartan, you are free to be as creative as you wish. You can customise your loved one’s order of service to reflect their unique personality and passion in life. Conversely, you can leave things rather minimal and let their memory speak for themselves. Here is our guide of what to include in a funeral order of service. We hope that it can be of some comfort during this difficult time. The Front Cover Most people choose to keep their funeral order of service front cover quite understated and simple. However, it is completely customisable, and some people do decide to go even more elaborate, or ‘over the top,’ depending on the personality of the deceased. The most common inclusions for an order of service front cover are: The full name of the deceased Their date of birth and their date of death A short quote, message, or piece of scripture that commemorates them The location, time, and date of the funeral Any nicknames that they used As you begin looking through all of the photos of your loved one, choose one that speaks to your heart. Which photo best represents their personality? Some people prefer to select a more contemplative or serious photo, while others think that a humourous or whimsical photo is even more suitable. While you might be tempted to choose a photo of the deceased surrounded by their friends or family, it’s always a better idea to go with a solo photo. The Schedule Of Service Every funeral is different, as each person and their family members have different requirements, wishes, and customs. The schedule of service prepares guests for what to expect. As with any event, people like to be kept abreast of what will happen, and when. Whether you are planning a short non-denominational funeral or a longer religious ceremony, the schedule of service will keep everyone on the same page about every aspect of the rites. A typical schedule of service includes a welcome from the celebrant or religious leader, a series of readings from friends and family, and a listing of the songs or hymns that will be played or sung. The schedule will also include any additional events that are planned, including any graveside ceremonies, wakes, or gatherings that will be held afterwards. A schedule of service typically looks something like this: The title and artist of the song used for the musical procession as guests enter the facility and take their seats The name of the person or celebrant who will do the introduction The lyrics to the songs or funeral hymns that will be played at the service Information about the readings, verses, speeches read by the speakers The prayers that will be read The title and artist of the closing song Information about the location of any graveside ceremony Information about a wake or gathering that will occur after the funeral Special Memories and Moments After you have written the schedule of the service, you can start choosing any additional photos, memories, poetry, and quotes to the booklet.  While some people choose to go with a simple 4-page option (one piece of paper folded in half), others add multiple sheets of paper. Do keep in mind that if you elect to add more pages to your booklet, the price of printing will increase. A lovely idea is to include a timeline of your loved one’s life. This can include any and all landmark moments in their life, such as their graduation, wedding, major promotions, the birth of their children and grandchildren, and other important dates. If they loved a specific sports team, had a lifelong hobby or loved to travel, you can also include information, logos, or illustrations to represent these passions. Similarly, if they themselves were an artist, writer, or photographer, consider adding some of their work for an additional personal touch. This can make the order of service an even more meaningful keepsake for friends and family. Back Cover Once you reach the back cover of the order of service, you will have already included all of the most important information. This is an ideal place to display another photograph of your loved one. Some people choose to use a contemporary photo of the deceased on the cover of the order of service, and a photo of them in their younger years on the back. Of course, you can reverse this. You could also include a family photo on the back of the booklet or a photo of the person and his or her spouse. This is also a good place to list any charities that were important to the deceased or to ask for donations to a charity or cause. It can also be the best place for a heartfelt thanks to anyone who attended, and a message to those who could not make it. Commemorating your loved one in different ways Creating the order of service for your loved one’s funeral is a labour of love, and is a process that many people find comforting during their darkest hours. There are a variety of other commemorative acts that may bring comfort to you as you prepare for the funeral or service. Write a meaningful eulogy that details the important events in your loved one’s life. If you do not feel comfortable reading this aloud, a close friend or the celebrant can do this for you. Write a poem or song that reflects your relationship with the deceased, and expresses how you feel. After their cremation, have a piece of ashes memorial jewellery made with some of their cremains. Create a slide show filled with photos and short video clips from their life, including all of the important moments. Accompany this with a song that they loved, and that will remind others of them. Design a poster or collage featuring photos of the deceased, for display during the wake or gathering. Customise the funeral visitor’s book with photos, quotes, and other meaningful details. The days and months after a loved one passes are never easy. Creating the order of service for their funeral can be a great comfort.

One of the most daunting parts of dealing with the loss of a loved one is the visit to the funeral home. First, there are the arrangements to be made, and then there is the potential for viewing your loved one. Much like the beauty and solace that is found when purchasing memorial jewellery, time with the funeral director and at the Chapel of Rest could help to move you through the process of grief. Although your time at the funeral home can feel unbearably painful, the decisions you make and the discussions you have can help begin the healing process. Here we want to debunk some of the worries and concerns you may have about the funeral home. We hope this guide will provide some comfort and help overcome any potential fears you may have. What Is A Funeral Home? A funeral home is the name of the building where people are taken when they pass. A funeral director runs the establishment. It is this funeral director that will help you in your preparations for the burial or cremation of your loved one. What Happens To A Body In A Funeral Home? The funeral director will be asked to retrieve the person who passed once the death has been certified. This means that the funeral director will go to the family home, or the hospital, and remove the patient. They will then bring them back to the funeral home. What happens with your loved one from this point forward depends on the length of time between death and discovery. Sometimes, it can be many days or even weeks before a patient is found. At this point, the retrieval, and management, of the person is difficult, and the family are unlikely to be involved further with the body of the loved one. However, if the death occurred in the hospital or the family home amongst relatives, the patient will be refrigerated once at the funeral home. If someone is left untreated at room temperature, the remains will deteriorate quickly. Once permission is granted, the person who has passed will be embalmed. The embalming process then involves the removal of bodily fluids and the replacement with embalming fluids. However, much depends on the beliefs of the person. If the person who has passed is of the Muslim faith, it must be an imam who comes in to wash the loved one and then wrap them in an unbleached cloth. If your family member is Hindu or Sikh, then it is family members that must come and do the washing themselves. Once embalmed, your loved one will be dressed and placed in a coffin. Again, cultures vary here. It is traditional for the family to provide the clothing and many offer a favourite outfit of the person who has passed. Some African cultures bury the dead in full robes and headdress. In some Chinese families, they also ask the funeral director to layout spare clothes around the coffin, to aid your loved one in their journey to their next life. The funeral director will ask you for a picture of your loved one. The photograph helps the mortician present your loved one in a way that reflected the person in life. Therefore, they will return the skin tone and style the hair appropriately. It is also possible to apply make-up as your loved one would have worn it in life. Once prepared, your loved one will be transferred to the Chapel of Rest. Here the coffin will be placed in a private viewing room and can stay there for a day or longer if required. If your loved one needed a post-mortem, you should not worry. The post-mortem will not change the appearance of the person who passed, and they can be prepared in the same way as if this had not happened. You will still be able to view the person who has passed. What Is A Chapel Of Rest? A Chapel of Rest is a room or a building where you can view your loved ones if they have passed. It is a room of remembrance. It is a place where you can visit to pay your last respects to those who have passed. The Chapel of Rest is usually attached to the funeral home, where you went to arrange the details of the funeral. Alternatively, the funeral director may have a building used specifically for the viewing of bodies somewhere else. There is no hard and fast rule as to what a Chapel of Rest should look like. The size and décor of the chapel will vary. The person who has passed with be placed in a coffin or casket, known as a catafalque. There may be seats for mourners to stay a period of time with the person who has passed, or there may be a place to light some candles. The privacy of those choosing to view their loved one will be secured. Although Chapels of Rest vary, they all share the same aim to keep this experience discreet. What Happens In A Chapel Of Rest? The Chapel of Rest is where people visit the loved one before she or he is buried. These places exist for those people who feel it is essential to say a final goodbye to a loved one. There is no requirement for you to visit the person who has passed or to see them. The person organising the funeral will be given authority over whether the person can be viewed and by whom. There are no limits to who can see people who have passed, so a person of any age can visit the Chapel of Rest. Your relationship with the person who has passed is irrelevant. The funeral director will advise you if it is suitable to view your loved one. It may be that the viewing would be too distressing, or that the cause of death means they are infectious. It may be that the coffin will need to be sealed for your emotional protection. If it has been a long time between death and viewing, then your loved one may have begun to change. In these cases, the funeral director may encourage you to come much quicker, and they may cover the person who has passed with a veil, so the extent of these changes can be camouflaged. Can You Take Photos In A Chapel Of Rest? If you have permission from the next of kin, you can take photographs in the Chapel of Rest. However, you must ask permission of the person organising the funeral. It is likely that the taking of photographs could cause extreme distress or offence and should not be done if no consent is extended to you. For some people, the taking of photographs can be useful as a tool for explaining the death to younger family members. It may be too challenging for very young children to be close to the remains of those who have passed, but the act of seeing the loved one in a coffin can help them to process the idea of death. Chapel Of Rest Etiquette Although visits to the Chapel of Rest are highly personal events, there are some general rules that people tend to follow. If you fear there may be specific instructions for how you should act, you can speak to the funeral director or the next of kin of the person who has passed. First, what should you wear? To be honest, it is entirely up to you. It will ultimately depend on what you feel comfortable in – and it will depend on your relationship with the person who has passed. This is not the funeral; therefore, you are not expected to wear black, formal wear. You may have rules that are dictated by your culture or your spiritual beliefs. However, ultimately, you should decide what feels appropriate to you. Should you speak in the Chapel of Rest? Many people take the opportunity to talk to the loved one who has passed. Visiting a loved one who has passed is the time when many people take the opportunity to vocalise how they feel and to say goodbye. Be aware of your tone of voice, what you are saying, and how it is being said, in case it is overheard by others who knew the loved one, and your words may hurt them. If you are alone in the room and cannot be heard, then you can speak from your emotions. Just remember that this is a moment that will last long in your memory. You can choose to go into the Chapel of Rest alone. Be aware that this is an emotional and challenging experience. If you need someone to go in with you, the funeral director will likely be happy to accompany you. There is no set time limit, and you can visit more than once – there is no right or wrong decision here. During your visit, you may wish to place items in the coffin. You may have written your loved one a letter, or want them to have a card, a teddy bear or a poem. This item will stay with the person who has passed within the coffin and be with them for the rest of their journey. Summary The loss of a loved one is challenging. Understanding what happens next can, in some ways, relieve some of the fear and worry about what to expect. In this guide to what happens in a funeral home, we hope we have demystified the establishment. You will now, we hope, be able to work closely with your funeral directors. The many, many people who have experienced the loss of a loved one will confirm that this process will be an essential part of the grieving process and one you will be grateful for in retrospect.

There are few certainties in life, except life itself, and that one day this will end.  Throughout our life, we will experience many funerals.  Despite this, no one becomes an expert at organising or attending an event that marks the loss of someone close to you. It can be tempting to avoid the funeral.  Nobody wants to experience intense emotions or face loss head-on.  However, there are reasons we go through such rituals. The team, at Ashes Memorial Jewellery have put together a guide to help people know all they need to about the funeral process. Why Do We Have Funerals? There are lots of reasons why we choose to have a funeral.  The ultimate aim is practical, as something must be done with the body.  It would seem insensitive to dispose of this body as if there was little meaning to life. You may argue that the person has gone and has no idea that the funeral has occurred. Most of the meaning in the burial is indeed for the living.  In many respects, we are reassured that we are treated well when we die and not just discarded carelessly.  It is about respect. However, there are more pertinent benefits of the funeral.  It is a means of paying tribute to a person's life.  This, in turn, helps us to acknowledge, if not yet accept, that this life has come to an end.  It is a marker that tells us it is time to start mourning.  Without the funeral, it would be easy to fall foul of magical thinking, to assume it was all a mistake, and the person did not die.  The reality of death is evident in the box and the service that focuses on saying goodbye. Going to the funeral will also bring you together with friends and family who are also mourning the loss.  It is comforting to be with others who feel similar levels of pain and understand the sense of loss.  This congregation of people will allow everyone to be open about feelings and to express these. What Happens At A Funeral? There are lots of traditions and beliefs that mean one funeral may be different from the next.  Your religion will have a significant impact on the timing and the service.  If you are not religious, this too will impact on the way the service will be conducted. The ceremony will take place in a church, a chapel or a crematorium, or other religious building.  When arriving, you will likely be ushered in to take your seat before the family, and the coffin arrive.  Some services require you to enter behind the family.  The front rows of the service are for the family.  If you are not close to the person, then you should sit towards the back. The choice of who leads the service depends on your religion.  It may be a celebrant or humanist, or it could be a minister of your faith.  You will likely be presented with an order of ceremonies when you arrive.  This pamphlet will let you know what is going to happen, who will speak, and the hymns that will be sung.  It will also let you know where you can join the family for drinks and food after the ceremony. There is such a lot of choice of what can happen at this ceremony that it will be individual to the family involved. Be aware; the coffin may be on view throughout or shielded behind a curtain.  In a crematorium, part of the ceremony is to remove the casket from view.  You will not see the process of cremation. At a burial, the mourners will move to the graveside behind the coffin.  There will be more words by the grave, and the casket will be lowered into the ground.  Many burials include the dropping of earth, flowers or other objects onto the grave.  Sometimes, only the immediate family proceed to the graveside. Showing emotions at a funeral is to be expected but is not necessary.  You will react-how-you-react.  You should take some tissues just in case. Do You Have To Have A Funeral? No law demands you must have a funeral.  The law states that you must "dispose of the body of the person who has died by burial, cremation or other means."  You can choose to have the burial outside the formal structures of a church or crematorium. This means your choices are: A traditional funeral, either a crematorium or burial Direct cremation, where the body is disposed of without a service. A funeral director can arrange this, and the ashes can be delivered directly to the family. Natural Burial – here the family organise for the burial to take place in a natural place or woodland burial site. This means that all the details of the funeral are entirely at the discretion of the family. DIY funeral – there is no legal requirement to hire a funeral director. You can arrange all the details yourself, from collecting the body from mortuary, transporting them to the burial and more.  Most professionals in the arena of funerals will want you to have a funeral director, but it is not necessary. How Long After A Death Is A Funeral? Some religions require the burial to happen very quickly after death, out of respect to the person.  However, the average time between death and a funeral is two weeks.  If there is an inquest into the death, the funeral may be delayed because the body may not be released. How Much Does A Funeral Cost? Much depends on your choices when planning the funeral.  However, the average cost for burial is close to £5000 and for cremation is £4000.  There are lots of details that will affect the price of the funeral, including: the location the type of coffin the choice of transport the flowers the catering The most significant proportion of costs will likely be the coffin. You will also need to consider the cost of the funeral director, the doctor's fees, the celebrant or service leader, the burial or cremation fees, the headstone, and the fees for other administration costs.  By hiring a funeral director, you will get help with the collection and care of the deceased, as well as additional professional guidance. Who Pays For A Funeral If There Is No Money? If there is no money in the person’s estate, then family and friends are expected to cover the cost of the funeral.  If this is not an option, then you will need to explore how to fund the funeral. Options include: The funeral director may take payment by instalments There may be charities who would be willing to help with the expenses You may also qualify for a Funeral Expenses Payment. If you are claiming benefits, you are entitled to this Funeral Expenses Payment. Here the government gives money towards the funeral costs, though you should apply within six months of the funeral.  To qualify, you need to be a close family member such as a sibling, parent or dependent. Bereavement support payments can also be claimed if your husband, wife or civil partner has died and either you or the deceased has made NI contributions for at least 25 weeks and if they died because of an accident or disease caused by work. They will need to be under State Pension age and living in the UK. What Do You Wear To A Funeral? It may be that the family gives some direction about the dress code.  Some people feel it is appropriate to wear bright colours to celebrate the life of the person.  If the person is young, then something more colourful may feel necessary. However, if there is no mention of dress-code from the family, then you need to assume that it is going to be formal and you should wear dark colours.  You are unlikely to be expected to wear dress clothes for most funerals, just smart clothes in darker tones. For women, it is appropriate to wear dark dresses or suits.  You should, however, keep your shoulders covered.  Avoid bright sundresses and do not reveal too much. The ideal options are a skirt or pantsuit or a dress.  However, it is also fine to wear a skirt and blouse or sweater. For men, you will likely wear a dark suit or a buttoned-up shirt.  Your shirt should be tucked in, and you should wear dress shoes. Both genders need to avoid athletic shoes and flipflops, and it is not appropriate to wear jeans. How Do You Find Out When A Funeral Is? It is usual for the family to place a funeral notice in the local newspaper. This informs others of the death, as well as giving details of arrangements.  It does not have to be a local newspaper; you can publish this notice online and can be this is considered just as respectful.  Therefore, if you are trying to find out when a funeral is, you may want to try the internet first. What Do You Say Someone Who Is Attending A Funeral? Fearing that you are going to be struck dumb or say the wrong thing could make you dread the day of the funeral.  However, if you are looking for some prompts, then some possible phrases could be: I am so sorry. Your mother/ father/ uncle… was loved by many He was a wonderful person and talented at….. Please know that you are all in my prayers I have such good memories of…. she will be missed. When you feel ready, please call me if you need to Do not be afraid to talk about the deceased.  The point of such a day is to share memories and feelings of loss. Summary It is never easy to attend a funeral.  However, it is essential to the healing that will begin soon.  It is a formal ritual that helps us make the passing of a loved one real.  We can say goodbye to them and show our respect and love.  It does not have to be something elaborate to be special.  The point is to respect the life of the person lost and to offer some celebration for life lived. If you would like to memorialise a loved one, then get in touch to learn more about how we can turn ashes to jewellery.

One of the most common questions that we receive is ‘how should we scatter ashes?’ Once you have received the cremains of your loved one, this is the next logical question. While some people do choose to create timeless ashes memorial jewellery, keep the ashes in an urn or other memorial vessel in the home or interred in a cemetery vault, many other prefer the idea of scattering them somewhere meaningful to the deceased. But can you scatter ashes anywhere? We have compiled this extensive guide in order to answer the most commonly asked questions about scattering ashes in the UK. If you have any other questions, please do not hesitate to get in touch and we will do our best to help. Where Can You Scatter Ashes? There are three main kinds of places where people wish to scatter ashes – on private property, public property, and in scattering gardens. Private Property – In the UK, you are permitted to scatter ashes on any piece of private property, providing that you have the permission of the land’s owner. Public Property – You are permitted to scatter ashes on public property. In the case of National Trust and National Parks, you do need to seek permission in advance. Get in touch with the specific property you are interested in. Scattering Gardens – Scattering gardens are becoming increasingly popular alternatives to scattering ashes on public or private property. They are tranquil gardens designed with the express purposed of having ashes scattered in their grounds, serving as a place for loved ones to visit in a peaceful, dedicated setting. Methods Of Scattering Ashes Before you begin the process of scattering your loved one’s ashes, there are a few key pieces of information that you should know. Cremains are not fine ash. In fact, they also include pieces of crushed bone that does not break down in the actual cremation process. These cremains will not be uniform in size, and their varying shapes and sizes can upset those who are not prepared for the sight. Some of the cremains will be as light as dust, and will carry on the wind. However, some are coarse and heavy, and they will fall immediately onto the ground or water. Choose a location that is suitable for both outcomes. It is also important to note that any professional you hire to help you spread the ashes should be reliable, trustworthy and experienced. A pilot, drone operator or sea captain manning the vessel you are using should have a lot of experience with scattering ashes, and they should be well-versed in local laws. Casting Ashes - This is the most common way to scatter ashes. From anywhere that you can stand and move your arm, you cast ashes into the wind. Make sure that you cast the ashes with the wind, to ensure that they do not blow back into your face. Cremains can have sharp edges, and can be an irritant if they make contact with eyes or skin (not to mention that this can be upsetting). You must also ensure that no one else is downwind. Trenching Ashes – You might choose to bury your loved one’s ashes into a shallow trench, covering with earth, and then placing a marker on top. While some people choose to place the ashes into a bio-degradable urn, others prefer to leave things natural and simply place soil on top. This is the most similar option to a traditional burial. Another trenching option occurs near the sea. People make a trench during low tide, place the ashes inside, and then wait for the high tide to wash them away to sea. This is a peaceful and meaningful process for the family to witness. Make sure that you bring suitable tools with you, and if you wish to lay down a marker, be sure that it is substantial and won’t blow or float away. Raking Ash Scattering Services – Some people prefer the idea of raking ashes into the soil. Once scattered on the ground, the cremains are then raked, allowing them to break down quickly and help fertilise the soil. When you are choosing a location to rake ashes, make sure you have a general idea about the land’s future uses. You don’t want to come back to this peaceful park next year only to find out it is now a paved lot. Water Ash Scattering Services - People all over the world choose to scatter ashes in water, from the Ganges in India to the Cornish Sea. While some simply stand on the shore, other hire a captain and vessel to go further afield. Remember – some of the ash will sink below the surface immediately while other elements will float for some time. You also need to pay attention to the direction of the wind, just as when you are on shore. If you don’t want to deal with potential blowback, consider a water-soluble and environmentally friendly urn. Aerial Scattering / Drone Scattering –You can hire a company to use a drone specifically desired to carry and scatter a set of ashes, and the event can even be filmed. The sky is really the limit, and your loved one can be spread across a wide and far area of beauty, or a landscape that meant a lot to them. Aeroplane Scattering – This is another less common option, but for some people, it is the right choice. Services are available that specialise in spreading ashes over a large area of land or water. Rules / Laws / Regulations Regarding Scattering Ashes Is it legal to scatter ashes? Yes, in the UK it is legal to scatter ashes – we have very relaxed laws compared to some other countries. If you are scattering ashes on private property, you must have permission of the owner. Can you scatter ashes in National Parks? Yes, you are usually given permission to scatter ashes in National Parks across the UK. However, you do need to seek permission in advance, and agree to leave the natural environment in the same way that you found it. Can you scatter ashes at sea? Yes, in the UK you can scatter ashes at sea or in rivers and lakes. However, the Environmental Agency would like you to keep the following points in mind. While the ashes themselves do not have much of an environmental impact, please do not scatter any personal items that are not also biodegradable. For example, flowers are fine, while plastic wreaths are not. Please choose a location away from buildings, marinas, places where people might be swimming, or fishing spots. Scatter the ashes more than half a mile upstream from anywhere where water is collected. Unsure of this? The Environmental Agency can help you to check. Scatter the ashes low and close to the water’s surface, and don’t do this on a windy day. This prevents the ashes from blowing about and impacting those who work or live in the area. Scattering ashes for Catholics – As recently as 2016, The Vatican has specified that Catholics should bury or inter, and not scatter, their loved one’s ashes. Transporting Ashes Can you carry ashes on planes? The short answer to this question is yes, but remember that every country has its own laws, and each airline has its own policies. You will normally need to show the death certification and certificate of cremation. You will also need to contact the airline to find out if you can carry the ashes in your hand luggage or checked baggage. You might also need to decant the ashes into a non-metallic container for the x-ray process. Poems and Quotes Suitable For Ashes Scattering When you are scattering your loved one’s ashes, you might choose to read aloud a poem, quote, verse or psalm. Some people also choose to play a song that meant a lot to the deceased, with Kansas’s ‘Dust on the Wind’ being a very poignant and popular choice. Think about the kinds of poetry, songs and verses that your family member, spouse or friend enjoyed, and choose something that they cherished in life. If you prefer to choose something more related to the ashes scattering ceremony itself, have a look at this link for a wide variety of choices that fit the experience well and that others have used for funerals and interment. Summary While this is certainly a solemn and important experience, knowing the rules and policies around scattering your loved one’s ashes will make the process more peaceful. Remember, while the UK is vey relaxed about scattering ashes, it is always a good idea to ask permission in advance when choosing a park, garden or other private setting.

Cremation has long been the most common option when a person passes away. A 2016 YouGov poll showed that more than three times the amount of people preferred the idea of being cremated over burial for themselves and their loved ones. Recent statistics show that more than 75% of Britons are cremated after they pass away, compared to just 18% who are buried. You might be considering cremation for your own funeral plans, or perhaps you are in the process of planning a loved one’s funeral. Learning all about cremation can help to set your mind at ease and help you understand what will happen at every stage of the process. What Is Cremation? The term cremation refers to the combustion of a corpse after death. Extreme heat is applied to the body in order to reduce it to ash and bone fragments. The resulting ash is called cremains; it consists of mineral fragments, carbon, bone other inorganic materials. Cremation is an integral part of numerous religions (including Hinduism and Buddhism). It is forbidden in Islam, Orthodox Christianity, and Orthodox Judaism. I was historically forbidden in the Catholic Church, but is now fully accepted. In modern Britain it is the most popular interment option (far ahead of burial in a coffin), and the cremation process is often a part of the funeral ceremony. What Happens At A Crematorium Funeral? Cremation rituals are different in cultures and countries around the world. A Hindu cremation ceremony on the banks of the River Ganges is going to be very different from a quiet family funeral in the UK. In North America, a traditional funeral occurs, often with an open casket, and the cremation itself takes place at a later date and time. However, in the UK, the cremation process is often integrated into the funeral. While everyone is different, you can often expect a British funeral held at a crematorium to happen along these lines: A coffin containing the body will be brought to a religious or non-religious chapel at the crematorium, and will be set on a raised platform. Guests will arrive at the location. Unlike services held in churches or halls, crematoriums often have many bookings each day, and you will need to keep to a strict schedule. The service will usually be approximately 30 minutes in length. This can include religious content, songs, and eulogies from friends and family. After the remembrances, the committal will begin. This is the point at which the coffin is removed from the room to start the actual cremation process. The coffin may be wheeled away manually, or placed on a conveyor belt to take it towards the furnace. It can also be lowered into the floor, or curtains can be closed around it. This is often a very emotional moment. As guests leave, the celebrant will lead everyone outside. The family will often be on hand to receive flowers and condolences. Many families choose to organise a wake after the service. More toasts and eulogies might occur, and people will share their memories of the deceased over food and drinks. Guests leave the service. The celebrant or funeral director will usually show guests the way out. There is usually an opportunity at this point to see the flowers that have been donated, and to give condolences to the family. The wake is held (optional). There’s often a wake after the funeral service. This is a reception at which food and drinks are served. Here, guests can talk and share their memories of the person who has died. How Is a Body Prepared For Cremation? In order to prepare for cremation, the body is first washed, and thoroughly cleaned. Embalming will only occur if a public viewing has been arranged. At this point all jewellery is removed in order for the family to keep it safe, and all medical devices are extracted from the body. This includes pacemakers, prosthetics, and any other device containing batteries. Metal pins, screws and plates will stay in place, as they do not affect the furnace chamber. The body is then dressed and placed in the coffin. Hair styling and make up might be applied if the family has arranged a viewing. How Does Cremation Work? The cremation process occurs in a specially designed chamber, sometimes referred to as a retort. The chamber is preheated to an intense temperature that ranges from 870–980 degrees Celsius. A mechanised door is opened, the coffin is transferred inside, and then the door is quickly shut order to prevent heat loss. The coffin will burn first, and the body is then exposed to the flames. The intense heat dries out the body, the hair and skin will incinerate, and the muscles will contract and char into ashes. The bones do not burn; instead, they calcify and reduce to a crumbling texture. All gases that are released are ventilated through a special exhaust system. No odour is produced, as a specific process vaporises all smoke and gases. While some crematories utilise a secondary afterburner to break the body down further, others have the technician do this with specific tools. The cremains are allowed to cool, and then all metal (screws, dental gold, hinges from the casket) is collected with a strong magnet and disposed of according to local law. The cremains are then pulverised further using a machine called a cremulator. This results in a fine sand-like powder that is transferred into an urn or box and given to the relatives. Some people choose to spread their loved one’s ashes in a beloved location, while others use a small portion of the cremains to create meaningful ashes jewellery. How Long Does Cremation Take? The actual cremation process takes between one and three hours, and results in 1.5 – 3 kilos of cremains. However, you might have to wait between 3 to 15 business days to secure an appointment at your local crematorium. Certain parts of the country experience regular delays and backlogs. How Much Is Cremation? As with any funeral, the cost of the entire ceremony can vary dramatically depending on setting, number of guests, the wake, and the flowers. However, the standard pricing for a cremation with no ceremony is roughly £1400 in England & Wales, and £1200 in Scotland (owing to different regulations around doctor’s certificates). Frequently Asked Question About Cremation: How Long Is A Cremation Service? Every service is different, but the standard is 30 – 45 minutes. Can You Scatter Ashes At Sea? Yes, in the UK the scattering of ashes at sea or in rivers is common and legal. What Are Human Ashes Made Of? Human ashes are called cremains, and they are comprised mainly of dry calcium phosphates, along with minerals, including salts of sodium and potassium. How Much Ash Is There After Cremation? The amount of cremains differs person to person, and depends mainly on the bone density of the deceased. An adult’s cremains usually weight between 1.5 – 3 kilograms. What's Cheaper: Burial or Cremation? Cremation is the more economical option, as a UK cremation and funeral costs an average of £3,311. With burial, the cost is nearly 25% more, at £4,257 for a burial (not including the cost of the plot) How Long After Death Is A Funeral Cremation? Traditionally, a funeral is often held around one week after the death. However, crematoria can be fully booked for weeks at a time, and so this can take longer to arrange. How Long After Cremation Until You Get The Ashes? The cremains are usually ready to be picked up or delivered within seven to ten days. They can be presented to you in a box, an urn or another container of your choice. Summary It is never easy to talk about death, but learning about cremation can make your decisions much easier. As you can see, cremation is a common, respectful and economical choice for interment.