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After Losing A Loved One, Celebrations May Not Feel The Same, But There Are Still Ways To Celebrate Christmas After A Loved One Has Passed Introduction When a loved one passes, it is only natural to assume that your whole world changes. Some elements of life will be changed permanently, and the feeling you get from doing everyday life is inherently different. You gain a whole new and different perspective on life. The feeling of loss after a loved one has passed can be felt in so many different ways. The way grief is felt is such a unique process that it will never be the same from one person to the next. Grief after losing a loved one can make you feel like you do not want to celebrate anything, which is an entirely normal feeling. Sitting alone and thinking is entirely acceptable to do during those times after losing a loved one; however, it is essential to have people around you to celebrate happy occasions, such as Christmas. Christmas is a time designed for togetherness and celebration. Still, after the loss of a loved one, this may be an area that you want to integrate gently and in small sections to make sure that the overwhelm of the occasion and the feeling of grief after losing a loved one does not all come at once. So how can we manage to learn how to celebrate Christmas after losing a loved one? Here are some elements of coping that may help you this festive time. Accept Company Christmas after losing a loved one may feel like the strangest thing on earth. You may feel like there is no point in celebrating when you cannot celebrate with the one you have lost. However, accepting a little company from people you love and trust will really help you to be part of something really special, even if it is only for an hour or 2. Making sure the people, you choose to spend a little time with the know-how you are feeling will help if you start to feel overwhelmed and need to remove yourself from the situation. Start Small There may not be any significant advantage to going headlong into a massive celebration when you are in the midst of the grief of losing a loved one. The ideal way to celebrate Christmas after losing a loved one is to start small, both in regards to gatherings size and time-wise, to ensure that the arrangements are something you feel you can manage. If at any point at all you feel that you may need to withdraw from any plans or celebrations, do not feel guilty for doing so. People who know the situation will understand completely, so dont beat yourself up for at least trying. Have A Dedicated Memorial By organising a dedicated memorial for your loved one with close friends and family, you are allowing everyone close to share a moment to remember the person and the place they still have in your hearts. It can be as simple as everyone lighting a candle together to remember them or releasing a balloon together with a message attached. Memorials allow people to come together to remember the life of your loved one, to support you at a difficult time, and to all be together on a special occasion. A memorial can also be an excellent opportunity to share Christmas bereavement gifts, especially personalised gifts, which can bring so much comfort to everyone who is experiencing the loss. Do Something Special For You When you are looking at ways of how to celebrate Christmas after losing a loved one, it's always best to do something that makes you feel good. The things you can do to make yourself feel better can vary from person to person, but doing something that is just for you will give you a feeling of being human and feeling a little happy about something that you have achieved for yourself and your wellbeing. Some ideas include: Purchasing a special outfit Visiting the hairdresser Choosing some jewellery Taking a short trip to gather your thoughts Of course, there may be more options that would suit you, and none of them are ever going to be bad choices if it's something that makes you feel better. Bereavement Gifting Bereavement gifts are an aspect of grieving after the loss of a loved one that is becoming popular to celebrate the person who is no longer with you. At Christmas, this can help you feel like the loved one is still with you somehow. Gifting yourself something that helps you remember the person you have lost fondly and keep them close to you. You can also consider gifting your friends and family something commemorating the person you (and they) have lost. Christmas bereavement gifts can come in all different formats, but here are some beautiful ideas to gift yourself and others in remembrance of your loved one: Personalised Candles Personalised candles can be a fantastic commemorative gift for yourself and your friends and family as a way to remember the loved one you have lost. The candles can be a way of symbolising their eternal light through a candle dedicated to their memory. Ashes Into Jewellery Jewellery is always a beautiful gift to give yourself and other close friends and family. The gift of incorporating a loved one's ashes into a piece of jewellery that can be worn every day to keep that person close to you is something so thoughtful and comforting. Gifting yourself this option can help the grieving process by having your loved one close to you. Still, it can also be something that you can gift to friends and family members who will also be missing the person who is gone. A Small Ornament A Christmas gift that is dedicated to the memory of the person you have lost can be something very special that means an awful to keep, for yourself and for friends and family. At the festive times of the year, there is something for everyone to leave that special memory in their heart. Personalised baubles, glass ornaments, and gifts such as remembrance figurines can be the perfect choices for small Christmas bereavement gifts. Open Communication When you are looking for ways to celebrate Christmas after losing a loved one, One of the best things you can do is open up the channels of communication with your friends and loved ones. Of course, there may be days where you do not feel strong enough to talk to anyone. Having open communication with the people who love you and those who understand how you may be feeling can positively impact your day. Tell your friends and family that u can make plans to enjoy the Christmas celebrations, but that you may not be able to stay long or you may cancel at the last minute depending on how you feel; they will appreciate the way you are feeling and be supportive. Conclusion Suppose you are looking for some ideas on how to celebrate Christmas after losing a loved one; you can now see that you can implement so many ways so you do not feel isolated, alone and that you do not miss out on the magic of Christmas. The most important thing to do is to do the things you want to do in your own time and under your own instruction to make sure that the things you are doing do not become overwhelming in the midst of your grief. If you are taking part in some elements of Christmas celebrations, it is incredibly important to only do the things you believe you can. It's best not to overwhelm yourself too much when you are already overwhelmed with grief, so make sure you do something to celebrate Christmas little and often. You can still celebrate Christmas after the loss of a loved one by giving yourself and other people commemorative Christmas gifts to ensure that the memory of your loved one is honoured at this special time; personalised candles, ornaments, and even the loved ones ashes into jewellery can all be incredible Christmas gifts to give at a time when you need comfort and care the most. Smile where you can. Talk where you can. And celebrate your loved ones' life during this Christmas period, always.

Grieving is painful and difficult no matter what the time of year. However, as the holidays approach, it can become even more difficult. The first Christmas after a loved one dies is always hard.[1] There is something about the nostalgia and traditions of Christmas that can trigger the most severe feelings of grief, sometimes even years after the death. The grief isn’t always easy to deal with, so you might find that you want to do things differently, or even to ‘cancel’ your celebration. Surround yourself with understanding friends and family, or if you prefer, spend the day alone. Remember – there is no one ‘right way’ to grieve. Here are some of our thoughts and ideas about how to deal with grief at Christmas.[2] Do not feel guilty if you have moments of joy or laughter Sometimes the hardest parts about grieving are the unexpected jolts of guilt as you find yourself enjoying a moment or having a genuine laugh. Emotions are complex and layered, and sometimes people find that comedy can ease their pain. Watching a child open a gift, biting into a mince pie, or watching It’s a Wonderful Life can all trigger happiness, and that is normal and ok. It doesn’t mean that you miss your loved one any less. Don’t allow the sneaky tendrils of guilt to make you feel ashamed about any moments of Christmas joy that you may have. On the other hand, don’t feel guilty if this year, you simply have no holiday spirit at all. Implement new traditions As the first Christmas season after your loved one has passed approaches, you might want to think about implementing new traditions. Making a special effort to remember the person can be soothing at this time of year, and can be a meaningful moment in your celebration. Some people choose to set aside a few minutes for each person to speak about the person who has passed. Others light a candle and set it at the table, in the centre, or at a set place.  As a family, you may want to visit their grave, or a place that was special to them. If you have children, remember to involve them. Consider having Memorial Christmas Decorations made to include the person who has passed in your annual celebrations. These decorations include some of the ashes of your loved ones, giving them special significance and meaning. Handling Christmas with children after someone has passed Handling Christmas with children after someone they love has passed can be a tricky and complex experience. Children grieve in very different ways than adults,[3] and they might seem to be enjoying the season as normal, even when they are in pain inside. The most important thing that you can do is open the lines of communication, and let them know that they can share anything they are feeling with you. Let them know that they do not have to celebrate if they do not want to, and ask them if there are any new traditions they would like to start in order to remember the person who has passed. You do not have to celebrate Christmas Some grieving people find that the idea of celebrating Christmas feels distasteful or too painful. However, others wish to have as normal a Christmas as possible, complete all of the foods and traditions that they enjoyed with their loved one. Still others plan a simple celebration, a ‘pared down’ version of their usual fete. It is important to note that all of these options (or something completely different) are valid. If you choose not to celebrate Christmas this year, that might be the best choice for your own mental health and grieving process. Some people find that travelling during the season can help, as they are not surrounded by memories in their home. Remember that everyone in a family mourns differently We all have different ways of grieving, and so it makes sense that we handle Christmas in different ways. As the first Christmas after a death comes closer, conflict can arise within families, as different people will have different expectations about what should occur. As mentioned above, some people will want to ‘skip’ Christmas completely, as they cannot imagine celebrating at this sad time. However, others will wish to have a joyful celebration, complete with all of the traditions that make a family’s Christmas special. This can cause a rift in the family, as everyone has different expectations. Remember that they are also feeling pain, and try to be sensitive to their needs, while asking them to be sensitive for yours. Try to speak openly about your feelings. It is ok to protect your own wellbeing above all else. You might choose not to attend a family gathering this year, and that is perfectly acceptable. Let them know that you need this time to grieve privately, and you will likely join them next year. Consider scheduling a family get-together on Boxing Day or New Year’s Eve instead, or plan a ‘commemoration’ rather than a celebration. Remember to take care of yourself Self-care is one of the most commonly cited concepts around grief, but it can be easier said than done around Christmas time. The holiday season means that your schedule is most likely disrupted, and taking care of your physical and emotional needs can fall by the wayside. Christmas can mean drinking more alcohol than usual, but using alcohol to escape your loss only provides relief in the very short term. In reality, it can make your mental and physical health much worse. The same can be said for decadent treats. Remember that it is ok to indulge, but ‘drowning your sorrows’ in food or alcohol can have negative consequences. Many grieving people find that they are exhausted, both physically and emotionally. Take some long baths, enjoy a warming hot spiced apple juice, and take as many guilt-free afternoon naps as you wish. If you have young children to look after, see if some of your friends and family can pitch in to help. Most importantly – be kind to yourself. Don’t ruminate on all of the things you’re not doing this year. It’s ok that the house is a bit untidy, and it will be fine if the meal is more simple than usual. Grief at Christmas doesn’t only affect the recently bereaved Grief is not just something that the recently bereaved experience. Christmas and other holidays and anniversaries can trigger memories of long ago, reminding you of a loved one who passed in the past. It’s quite ironic that the ‘happiest time of year’ can reopen old wounds and plunge you back into the depths of grief. It can be hard to see the smiling faces of children and happy families when you are feeling the pain and ache of loss. Remember – there is nothing unusual about feeling sadness and pain over the death of a loved one, even if they passed away decades ago. You are not alone. Some people find comfort in ritual and religion, and attend their local church for prayer. Your church or the local council might host grief support groups specifically around Christmas, as many other people are grieving at this time of year. Speaking with others in a similar situation can help to alleviate your pain. How to say Merry Christmas to someone who is grieving It can be hard to know what to say to someone who is grieving, no matter what the time of year. It is especially difficult at Christmas time. If your are speaking to someone who has had a very recent loss, it can see insensitive to wish them ‘happy holidays’ or a ‘Merry Christmas.’ Instead, try some of the following statements. “I am thinking of you this Christmas. How are you doing?’ “I’m keeping you in my thoughts on this second holiday season after your loved one (say their name) passed.” “Would you be interested in joining us for Christmas? We understand if you would prefer to be alone.” “May I come visit you during the holiday season?” “What can I do to support you during this Christmas period?” Remember – it is always better to say something than to say nothing. Even if your sentiment comes out a bit awkward, it is always better than trying to avoid the topic. It’s ok to need support – please reach out Most importantly, remember to reach out if you are suffering. Speak with friends and family, and lean on your support system. If you are feeling very down, or experiencing thoughts of self-harm, please get in touch with Samaritans on freephone 116 123.  They're there for you 24 hours per day, and are there to listen and help.[4] [1] https://www.mariecurie.org.uk/blog/christmas-tips/220455 [2] https://www.ashesmemorialjewellery.com/blog/how-to-deal-with-grief/ [3] https://www.griefshare.org/holidays/helpcenter/helpinggrievingchildren [4] https://www.mind.org.uk/information-support/types-of-mental-health-problems/suicidal-feelings/#.XeUBE5NKjBJ Reference list Ashes Memorial Jewellery. (2019). How To Deal With Grief | Ashes Memorial Jewellery. [online] Available at: https://www.ashesmemorialjewellery.com/blog/how-to-deal-with-grief/ [Accessed 2 Dec. 2019]. Griefshare.org. (2019). Helping Grieving Children Through the Holidays - GriefShare. [online] Available at: https://www.griefshare.org/holidays/helpcenter/helpinggrievingchildren [Accessed 2 Dec. 2019]. Marie Curie. (2018). Christmas after the death of a loved one. [online] Available at: https://www.mariecurie.org.uk/blog/christmas-tips/220455 [Accessed 2 Dec. 2019]. Mind.org.uk. (2019). Suicidal feelings | Mind, the mental health charity - help for mental health problems. [online] Available at: https://www.mind.org.uk/information-support/types-of-mental-health-problems/suicidal-feelings/#.XeUBE5NKjBJ [Accessed 2 Dec. 2019].