Memorial Guides

How To Remember A Loved And Missed Mother or Mother Figure On Mothers Day Mothers day is a day to celebrate the memories we've made with our mother or mother figure. This day is a time to reflect on those precious memories and come up with great ways to honour the mother or mother figures that we've lost. Mothers day can be difficult, but there are some ways you can make it memorable by remembering your loved one in a unique way. There are many different ways memorial and remembrance gifts can be given, made, and received. While this process of giving, making, and receiving gifts may seem like something you are not ready to do, it can really help in the processing and healing from losing that special lady from your life. The gifts, or remembrance givings, as we like to call them, are not meant to be offered or received as a replacement for losing your mother or mother figure on mothers day, but more to aid the memories you have together, through the trials of life, the bumps in the road in the relationship bond and more importantly, the smiles and love you shared together in the times that you will hold in your memory box of your life, and theirs. While a lot of people would automatically give or receive an extravagant piece of jewellery or something special they owned while they were alive, which is not wrong by any means, you could also create memories of their life and put it in a physical or experience format, so there is more of a more visual reminder of their precious memories, for instance. These ideas are all creative and unique ways to remember your loved one on this day, and if you're looking for more special and unique ideas, read on. Here are some interesting options for memorial gifts to remember your mother or mother figure on mothers day. Memorial Gifts To Remember Mum Photo Montage You can make a remembrance gift of a photo montage of your loved one's life and put it in a frame for the family. This gift would be a touching way to remember your loved one, as well as a great conversation piece around your loved one when you have guests over. This type of gift has so much more meaning than it does expense, and it can be something that you and your loved ones can look on in many years to come with fond memories. Keepsake Clothing Items Everyone always remembers a beautiful or favourite piece of clothing that reminds them of their mother or mother figure. That favourite piece of clothing, maybe a scarf or even a cardigan, could be made into a memorial gift like a unique cushion or even an outfit for a bear to remind you of them. This can be such a massive comfort around mothers day and can be especially useful for younger family members to have to remind them of the loved one they have lost.  Keepsake Ashes Jars Another option is to make up small jars with the ashes in them and give them away as gifts to collectively share them in public places such as parks and beaches to facilitate remembering mum. These gifts would be creative ways to remember your loved one, and they would be something that the whole family can reflect on for years to come. The jars can be made to a really incredible personal level, so they represent the mother or mother figure they have lost: The fabric seal toppers can be spritzed with their favourite scent. The jars can be decorated with their favourite colours. They can even have personalised message labels attached to the jar, reminiscing the favourite memory you have or the message you'd like to leave her. So personal and so sentimental. Ashes Into Jewellery While we are looking at including ashes in memorial gifts or keepsakes to remember your mother or mother figure or gifting to someone who has lost theirs, we are looking at a more permanent memorial of the lady who has been lost. In recent years, turning the ashes of a loved one into a piece of jewellery as a permanent and wearable comforting memorial has become so popular, and we can see why. For instance, a Necklace for ashes would be made to incorporate the ashes of your mother or mother figure inside a beautiful necklace and specifically designed so it can be worn as a reminder of your lost one, but always holding them close to your heart as they are right there in life with you, immortalised in a piece of jewellery. This is such a comforting idea as a memorial gift and can bring great comfort to those people who have lost their mother or mother figure. Baking Gifts And Memorial Meals While this may not seem much like a physical gift to memorialise your mother or mother figure or to offer someone who has lost theirs, this can be such a touching memorial to both yourself and to your friends and family to remember that special lady on the day that is designed to belong to her. Memorial meals can be arranged ahead of time to ensure those who wish to attend can do so. You can create the menu to be all about your mother or mother figure or gift the experience to someone who has lost theirs. The meal can consist of everything your loved one either loved to cook or cooked for you or their family. The table can be made up with their favourite colours, and you can reminisce and share the cherished memories together. What better way to spend mothers day remembering mum. Plant A Tree Or Create A Garden Planted In Their Memory. We all want to make the memory of our loved ones feel special on mothers day. One of the best ways to do this is by creating a memorial garden or planting a tree in their memory. A memorial garden can offer your family and friends an escape from everyday life, and it will be a place where you can go and reflect and remember them. It's can a beautiful or a simplistic place of reflection place with flowers, trees, and even water features. Conclusion Memorial gifts are given for a mother or loved one who is no longer with us and are especially important on mothers day. It can be challenging to do, but what better way than this day of reflection and honouring? There are many ways memorials can be given, from making and receiving sentimental pieces of jewellery to providing a meal for your friends and family, just as the matriarch would have cared for everyone. However, suppose you're not ready for that yet. In that case, there is always something expressive and meaningful that you can give your loved ones as a remembrance gift on Mothers Day. These givings aren't meant to replace losing your close family member or friend- they serve as another memory made together through tough times -but they will help heal those people affected and enhance the great memories even more.

The Best Guide On How To Help A Friend Who Is Grieving From Loss Introduction When we are looking at how to help a friend that is grieving, we have to understand that they are often feeling such a multitude of emotions. It is sometimes difficult to know exactly how to help them. It is essential to understand that grief affects each person in different ways. While some people might outwardly show their emotions and distress without a barrier, some others might feel everything inwardly and display nothing but an exterior of confidence and control. While we believe we know our friends, we often see that grief changes a person almost from the instant they lose someone dear, so acknowledging this should also be a huge consideration. We can do many things to help a friend who is grieving. Some of the suggestions we are about to share might be more applicable at different stages of grief over others. It's essential to also be mindful of the stage of grief they may be in and the appropriateness of the assistance. So what are the best things we can do to help and offer support to a grieving friend? Let's have a look. Take Time To Listen Having a connection with a person who is going through the grieving process is something that is so powerful, and having the ability to listen will be appreciated by your friend. There is a time and a place to be generally conversational; however, during the grieving process, a listening ear is something that will enable your friend to speak freely with no judgment. Often, no dialogue from your side will be necessary. The strongest element of a conversation is listening, which is particularly important when communicating with your friend who is experiencing very mixed emotions and feelings of loss. Learning how to help a friend that is grieving Through the action of listening may not always be straightforward. The flow of the words from the person grieving may not always make sense, and they may jump from one memory to another when talking; however, it doesn't really have to make sense to you. The words they are speaking will inevitably help them through their grief, and just knowing that someone is listening to all of the happy and sad memories and feelings equally can be enough. Encourage Normality While this may seem like something most people may feel uncomfortable in trying, it may need to be encouraged at certain stages of the grieving process to avoid the person from getting into a negative mindset that can't then be changed. When we are looking to encourage normality, we mean encouraging your friend or loved one to engage in the elements of daily life they did before the loss, no nothing too extravagant and nothing new. If your friend or loved one visited a cafe for tea and cake on a Tuesday morning, for instance. If you have noticed that they haven't been for a while, you may like to encourage them to re-start this to provoke a bit of normality. Encouraging normality when looking at how to help a grieving friend who lost a spouse is particularly powerful, as they will have lost the other half of their lives, which may leave them feeling like their purpose in life has also gone. Of course, it hasn't, but they may see it like this, so it is always important to remind them that their life continues. Reassurance Offering reassurance to a Good friend who has lost someone they love can be one of the best things you can do to provide support. It is essential to reassure your friend that whatever they are feeling and experiencing is completely ok and normal to feel at every stage of the grieving process. Sometimes, people who are experiencing loss can "put up a front" to stop others from seeing the pain they are feeling, so it's important to reassure them that whatever they are thinking and feeling (with the exception of having thoughts of self-harm) is all part of the grieving process. Facilitating your grieving friend to allow them to freely feel and show emotion whenever they need to will encourage them to go through the grieving process without fear of judgment or apprehension of being perceived as weak, so it's crucial. Suggestions Of Remembrance When you are looking at how to help a friend that is grieving, one thing that is often forgotten is offering suggestions of remembrance to create a focus on remembering the person they have lost more permanently. This may be something that is not an immediate thought for them as they go through the stages of grief. Still, once they are ready to remember their loved one in a more permanent fashion, they will be thankful that you have been thinking about it on their behalf. Some permanent remembrance ideas may include: Memorial Garden - A memorial garden can be created as a place to reflect on the person they have lost and as a commemorative area for friends and family to visit. Ashes into rings- This is an extremely popular as a way of keeping a loved one beside them all the time, by turning some of their ashes into jewellery such as rings, which can bring immense comfort. Memorial Bench - A memorial bench or item of personalised reflection. This can provide a place of reflection and solace for your friend to go and remember the person they have lost. Nutrition & Sustenance Sometimes, you may feel at a loss with how to help a friend that is grieving. However, here is this lovely tradition that food is made and brought to them when someone in the community is in need. Why is this appropriate here? During loss, it's often so easy to forget ourselves, and life takes on a whole different dimension to the norm. There are new things to do and focus on, and time seems to run away with us, so it's essential to provide some practical support by way of a gentle reminder (and provisions) that keeping up optimum nutrition and sustenance is crucial during grief. This element of providing food as a way to offer support to a friend who is grieving can be most welcomed as they may not have thought about themselves or have been carried away in grief. Again, the offerings do not need to be extravagant. Some straightforward things to do are: Make sure your friend has things in their fridge to make healthy snack-style meals, such as simple sandwiches or a salad. Make sure they have fresh fruit available for healthy snacks. Provide small re-heatable meals, such as lasagne or cottage pie, that can be used when needed. Ensure they have a small shop delivered regularly, or even accompany them shopping to assist in that way. With so many emotions that are felt after the loss of a loved one, it is really easy to forget about yourself, so having a friend's support in a practical way will make sure that they at least have things available to provide for themselves and receive some much-needed sustenance. Conclusion It is such a different experience from everyday life when someone loses someone they love. Knowing how to help a friend that is grieving be challenging to begin with, but looking for cues in your friend's language and behaviour may give you some indication of what they need. Everyone feels grief differently, so it's important not to dismiss anything they may say or how they are feeling, but to provide them with a non-judgemental listening ear or practical support at a time when they need it most will be most welcomed. People who have lost someone dear will undoubtedly feel very vulnerable and lost indeed. Hence, it is essential to ensure they do not feel isolated while providing them with the space they need too; it can be a delicate balance. If you are unsure about how to provide support, just make sure that they are catered for in the areas they may lapse due to all of the changes, such as company, nutrition and a reminder that whatever they are feeling is totally ok and that you are there to support them in any way you can. Hold their hand, let them cry, or help them create a lasting reminder of the loved one they have lost. A little human interaction and comfort are sometimes enough to let them know you are there and you care.

With The Feeling Of Grief Being Almost Immediate At The Time Of Loss, How Does This Immediate And Continued Grief Affect The Body? Introduction The spectrum of grief falls into so many different areas of life, including physical and mental aspects, which may or may not be detected at the time. Grief gives a majority of people an uncontrollable feeling of overwhelm, almost as if the loss has pinned them to the spot where time and everything else is moving so fast around them. Overwhelm can be incredibly daunting, both at the time and potentially for many weeks and months after the initial loss. Although it is widely understood that grief is a series of emotional responses to the loss of a loved one, in reality, grief is a holistic process that encompasses both mental and physical responses. Some are involuntary and unnoticeable until the worst of the grief has been experienced, and hindsight comes into play. When we look more at how grief affects the body, we talk about how the body can react in line with the emotional responses that grief can provoke. We, of course, appreciate that grief affects every person who encounters a sad loss in very different ways, and this is by no means an exact blueprint of what can happen or what you can expect to experience following a loss. Still, it is, however, a good indication of some of the potential physical responses that grief can have on the body. Your Weight Can Fluctuate Dramatically Grief is one of those feelings that contains so many other groups of emotions, and the complexity of the feelings as a whole can be incredibly overwhelming. When the emotions attached to grief are so changeable daily and even hour by hour, it can be challenging to focus on other aspects of life; even the essential ones such as eating a meal. Weight fluctuations are incredibly common in those experiencing the loss of a loved one. The body will likely fall into two different “pre-sets” when it comes to eating; it will either be ravenous for comfort from the hurt that is being felt, guiding the bereaved into the solace of food to fill a void, or It will switch off the appetite altogether as it will recognise eating as a “non-essential” task at that moment, and even create a feeling of nausea when food is thought about. There is no telling which one will flag up first, or even if the emotional responses will trigger them at all, but what is helpful to know is that either can be considered normal in the short-term following the initial grief. Over time, these default settings may start to ease, and your body will begin to behave more rationally when it comes to eating efficiently following a loss. It is best to try as much as possible to avoid over or under-eating, as this is likely to make you feel poorly yourself, which is something no one wants. Try little bites of healthy food every 2 hours, make sure your fluids are kept on top of to stay hydrated, and try a little light walking every so often to try and build up a little appetite to regain some strength and control. Altered Sleep Patterns Altered sleeping patterns can be a huge factor when looking at how grief affects the body, and the patterns (or non-patterns as the case may be) of sleeping and quality rest may become dramatically changed from what you are used to. Sleep may be one of the physical responses that you have no immediate control over and one response to grief that can last for a long time after the initial loss has occurred. Sleeping can be affected in a variety of ways following a loss, including: Over-sleeping- the automatic inclination to sleep through the pain and grief, which results in minimal waking hours throughout 24 hours, and you feel exhausted throughout the waking hours. Under-sleeping/insomnia- This could result from worrying about what’s going to happen next, what needs to be completed, or even fear over what the future is going to hold. Broken and Disturbed Sleep- Broken and disturbed sleep is incredibly common during the days, weeks, and months after experiencing a loss and is a widely felt side-effect of grief. The unusual sleeping regime is part of the cycle that repeats the notions of “Too tired to stay awake but too awake to go to sleep.” When you are experiencing grief, sleep is one of the elements of your life that can be severely affected, and sometimes, you do not even realise that your sleeping routine has changed until it has happened for a while. A regular sleeping routine can be incredibly difficult to get back into. It can be beneficial to try some natural sleep techniques if you are finding that you are achieving very little natural sleep. You could try such things as warm drinks before bed, a relaxing bath, lavender essence in the bedroom, and maybe even some guided meditation for sleep on audio. Suppose you are finding that you are over-sleeping and cannot achieve being awake for some time. In that case, you may like to try something that increases the adrenaline in your body to give you some gradual endurance, such as a brisk walk or some housework that puts you a little out of puff. These may seem like the last things you want to do, but a little every day will help to regulate an estranged regular sleep pattern. Altered Levels Of Concentration While we are talking about how grief affects the physical element of your holistic self, we also need to consider how grief affects the mind. As we have seen, grief can be an overwhelming experience, even for the toughest of the tough, and this can, in a majority of experiences, affect your levels of concentration while carrying out everyday life. Elements of concentration that can be affected may be: Not being able to follow the flow of a conversation Being spoken to and not actually hearing anything that anyone said Feeling in a “void.” Losing focus on the things you usually take pleasure from Not being able to make decisions Daydreaming or regressing Forgetfulness As well as everything here, grief can also play tricks with the mind, and it is believed that there are some aspects of the brain that replay significant memories and sounds associated with the loss of a loved one. This replay and recall element can affect concentration immensely if you see something in your mind’s eye or hear a sound that provokes thoughts regarding the person you have lost, and it can knock you off course. It may be helpful to try some straightforward mindfulness techniques to ensure that everything you are doing is relevant and necessary. Grief is challenging, and it’s always advisable to only do what you can manage and what is required during the early stages of grief. By making sure everything you are trying to achieve is deliberate and needed, you may be able to improve your levels and depths of concentration little by little. Seeking Comfort You may find that your loss may trigger feelings of needing to constantly seek comfort from and be physically close to the people who were closest to the person you lost. These feelings can feel a bit overwhelming if you have not had them before. Seeking comfort can be a way to express that you are feeling lots of grief while connecting those feelings to the people who meant the most to them, in a way to feel close to the person you lost to. Suppose comfort is something you are seeking, which is a totally normal emotion to feel. In that case, you may find that having the ashes of the person close to you always will serve as some of the comforts you are looking for. Turning ashes into jewellery is a really great way of providing comfort consistently as you will be wearing the jewellery with the ashes inside, so not only does it look beautiful, you will have the comfort right there whenever you need it the most. Conclusion The degrees of which loss can affect the body can vary from person to person, and what one person may be able to manage, another will find that very same thing breaks them apart. While there are many ways of how grief can affect the body, we are confident that people who experience loss may experience these main features mentioned above in one form or another. The feeling of grief after losing a loved one is a natural process, but it is by no means a carbon copy of structured events for everyone. Whatever you feel, and whatever degree you feel it, you have to know that it is ok in body, mind, and soul. It is ok to feel it and acknowledge that we are feeling it, and that is the magic part where the healing begins, and the light at the end of the line can reappear slowly but surely. Be aware of consistent irregular patterns in the common areas listed above, which are the main areas where grief can start to affect the body, as this may cause long-term issues with your physical health further down the line. Accepting the sporadic behaviour is normal after loss is ok; however, you must gradually revert to some sort of normality to enable you to return to a normalised routine in life. The body can be inadvertently affected by grief. It can too get overwhelmed in line with the emotions you feel, so it is essential to take small steps towards making sure that when the deep waters of grief become more shallow, you can emerge healthy in your body and mind.

After Losing A Loved One, Celebrations May Not Feel The Same, But There Are Still Ways To Celebrate Christmas After A Loved One Has Passed Introduction When a loved one passes, it is only natural to assume that your whole world changes. Some elements of life will be changed permanently, and the feeling you get from doing everyday life is inherently different. You gain a whole new and different perspective on life. The feeling of loss after a loved one has passed can be felt in so many different ways. The way grief is felt is such a unique process that it will never be the same from one person to the next. Grief after losing a loved one can make you feel like you do not want to celebrate anything, which is an entirely normal feeling. Sitting alone and thinking is entirely acceptable to do during those times after losing a loved one; however, it is essential to have people around you to celebrate happy occasions, such as Christmas. Christmas is a time designed for togetherness and celebration. Still, after the loss of a loved one, this may be an area that you want to integrate gently and in small sections to make sure that the overwhelm of the occasion and the feeling of grief after losing a loved one does not all come at once. So how can we manage to learn how to celebrate Christmas after losing a loved one? Here are some elements of coping that may help you this festive time. Accept Company Christmas after losing a loved one may feel like the strangest thing on earth. You may feel like there is no point in celebrating when you cannot celebrate with the one you have lost. However, accepting a little company from people you love and trust will really help you to be part of something really special, even if it is only for an hour or 2. Making sure the people, you choose to spend a little time with the know-how you are feeling will help if you start to feel overwhelmed and need to remove yourself from the situation. Start Small There may not be any significant advantage to going headlong into a massive celebration when you are in the midst of the grief of losing a loved one. The ideal way to celebrate Christmas after losing a loved one is to start small, both in regards to gatherings size and time-wise, to ensure that the arrangements are something you feel you can manage. If at any point at all you feel that you may need to withdraw from any plans or celebrations, do not feel guilty for doing so. People who know the situation will understand completely, so dont beat yourself up for at least trying. Have A Dedicated Memorial By organising a dedicated memorial for your loved one with close friends and family, you are allowing everyone close to share a moment to remember the person and the place they still have in your hearts. It can be as simple as everyone lighting a candle together to remember them or releasing a balloon together with a message attached. Memorials allow people to come together to remember the life of your loved one, to support you at a difficult time, and to all be together on a special occasion. A memorial can also be an excellent opportunity to share Christmas bereavement gifts, especially personalised gifts, which can bring so much comfort to everyone who is experiencing the loss. Do Something Special For You When you are looking at ways of how to celebrate Christmas after losing a loved one, it's always best to do something that makes you feel good. The things you can do to make yourself feel better can vary from person to person, but doing something that is just for you will give you a feeling of being human and feeling a little happy about something that you have achieved for yourself and your wellbeing. Some ideas include: Purchasing a special outfit Visiting the hairdresser Choosing some jewellery Taking a short trip to gather your thoughts Of course, there may be more options that would suit you, and none of them are ever going to be bad choices if it's something that makes you feel better. Bereavement Gifting Bereavement gifts are an aspect of grieving after the loss of a loved one that is becoming popular to celebrate the person who is no longer with you. At Christmas, this can help you feel like the loved one is still with you somehow. Gifting yourself something that helps you remember the person you have lost fondly and keep them close to you. You can also consider gifting your friends and family something commemorating the person you (and they) have lost. Christmas bereavement gifts can come in all different formats, but here are some beautiful ideas to gift yourself and others in remembrance of your loved one: Personalised Candles Personalised candles can be a fantastic commemorative gift for yourself and your friends and family as a way to remember the loved one you have lost. The candles can be a way of symbolising their eternal light through a candle dedicated to their memory. Ashes Into Jewellery Jewellery is always a beautiful gift to give yourself and other close friends and family. The gift of incorporating a loved one's ashes into a piece of jewellery that can be worn every day to keep that person close to you is something so thoughtful and comforting. Gifting yourself this option can help the grieving process by having your loved one close to you. Still, it can also be something that you can gift to friends and family members who will also be missing the person who is gone. A Small Ornament A Christmas gift that is dedicated to the memory of the person you have lost can be something very special that means an awful to keep, for yourself and for friends and family. At the festive times of the year, there is something for everyone to leave that special memory in their heart. Personalised baubles, glass ornaments, and gifts such as remembrance figurines can be the perfect choices for small Christmas bereavement gifts. Open Communication When you are looking for ways to celebrate Christmas after losing a loved one, One of the best things you can do is open up the channels of communication with your friends and loved ones. Of course, there may be days where you do not feel strong enough to talk to anyone. Having open communication with the people who love you and those who understand how you may be feeling can positively impact your day. Tell your friends and family that u can make plans to enjoy the Christmas celebrations, but that you may not be able to stay long or you may cancel at the last minute depending on how you feel; they will appreciate the way you are feeling and be supportive. Conclusion Suppose you are looking for some ideas on how to celebrate Christmas after losing a loved one; you can now see that you can implement so many ways so you do not feel isolated, alone and that you do not miss out on the magic of Christmas. The most important thing to do is to do the things you want to do in your own time and under your own instruction to make sure that the things you are doing do not become overwhelming in the midst of your grief. If you are taking part in some elements of Christmas celebrations, it is incredibly important to only do the things you believe you can. It's best not to overwhelm yourself too much when you are already overwhelmed with grief, so make sure you do something to celebrate Christmas little and often. You can still celebrate Christmas after the loss of a loved one by giving yourself and other people commemorative Christmas gifts to ensure that the memory of your loved one is honoured at this special time; personalised candles, ornaments, and even the loved ones ashes into jewellery can all be incredible Christmas gifts to give at a time when you need comfort and care the most. Smile where you can. Talk where you can. And celebrate your loved ones' life during this Christmas period, always.

Losing A Child Is One Of The Most Traumatic Events Any Parent Can Face In Their Lifetime, So How Do We Cope With The grief That Follows The Loss? Coping With Losing A Child Is Difficult To Understand. Ordinarily, when it comes to the subject of grief, we often go through certain stages of grief, between 5 and 7 steps in fact, where the natural process of grief plays out in a natural humanistic process. While this process can be the case when dealing with the grief that accompanies coping with losing a child, the process can be incredibly muddled, and that is totally ok. The loss of a child is potentially one of the most traumatic events that any parent faces in their lifetime, and it is said that we never expect to outlive our children. Unfortunately, it is a reality for some parents, and the grieving process can take many years to get to the point where a normal way of living can resume without feeling intense pain and sorrow. For some parents, those intense feelings never, ever go away; and that is ok too. What Is Grieving? Grieving is incredibly personal, and when you ask people what they feel when they feel grief, it can encompass such a wide range of emotions and feelings, such as: Emptiness Sadness Loss Of Daily Function Cannot Continue Life Without Them Physical and Emotional Pain Numbness Denial Disbelief Grief is a feeling that, as you can see, contains many other emotions, and it can be incredibly confusing and frustrating trying to figure out which one you are feeling and trying to make sense of it. The immediate days and weeks after losing a child can seem like you are lost in a vortex of such extreme sadness and loss where nothing makes sense, and you have no idea which way to turn or which task to attempt to complete next. Hence, it is so crucial that you let happen whatever comes naturally. There really is no right or wrong way to do this, and whatever way you choose to cope, it is essential to feel it in your own time. There are many coping mechanisms a parent can adopt to cope with the grief of losing a child. While in the very early moments of loss, none of these may seem important to deal with the way you are feeling, it really is vital to try and be local and prioritise the most important things first. Talking Can Help You Cope Talking is such a powerful thing to do to start the process of understanding the feeling associated with losing a child. While it may not be the first thing on your agenda, the opportunity to talk to people throughout the grieving process will always be there. Some of the people who can help you by talking may not ordinarily appear as deliberate help. Still, any form of communication will help in the early days and throughout your journey. These people can be: Friends and Family Religious Ministers Medical Staff and Knowledgeable Peers Partners and Siblings Support Group Members Services Like The Samaritans You may find that these incredible services are available in all different formats these days, such as online, in person, or on the telephone, and you may also find it helpful to speak to people anonymously, which is also accepted by most organisations and groups, which can be incredibly useful to express the absolute truth. Online Support Can Be A Great Way Of Coping With Loss Sometimes, coping with losing a child can provoke the feeling of staying away from other people. This can allow you that you need time alone to work through your grief, or even seeing other people with their own children may be painful for you personally. Wanting to be alone is an entirely normal effect of loss, but there are ways you can continue to seek some support via online resources, and these may give you the privacy you need as well as the support you may need too. Very Well Family is a beneficial service that is designed around camping with the loss of a child for all of the family. They can be an advice lifeline, a service that can recommend other local services that can help you cope with your loss, or you can simply read the incredibly helpful information they have available. Child Bereavement UK is a very sympathetic yet practical service that you can seek online that specialises in ways to cope with the loss of a child at any age. They are providers of all of the essential information you may need to help with grief and organisation of affairs, as well as organising events for people who are in the same position as you to create a network of emphatic support. Heal Grief Org Gives some great advice on understanding your grief and allowing you to participate in virtual elements of the process, such as remembrance and lighting a candle, which can bring some comfort when you are feeling at a low point. Social Media Forums- Social media can be an excellent avenue to explore when seeking some online support. There are many groups and pages that will provide excellent information and support from individuals or groups of people who have been or are in the same position as you are. It is essential to mention that these services and forums will all generally operate a “No Judgement” policy and uphold your privacy as the most important concern. Some services you will be drawn to, and some areas may not suit your needs or align with you, and that is totally ok. Finding an avenue that suits you is going to be the one you open up to the most and utilise freely, so although the search can seem like an uphill task, once you find something that helps you in a way you accept, it can be your lifeline to finding ways to cope with grief. Remembering Your Child At Every Stage Only when a child passes away do we realise that we should remember every moment in their life, which includes every milestone, every “First,” and every last. Their journey was precious on this earth, and every moment should be remembered fondly as their journey with you, no matter how short that time must seem. By physically remembering your child can help in coping with losing a child, and you can do this in many ways, such as: Having a memory box created to permanently store all of the precious physical memories to look at in the future to remind you of a really precious child. Make a memorial garden for you and your family and friends to visit and remember your child. Having a remembrance blanket or teddies created from your child’s favorite clothing can be highly comforting for yourself and siblings. Creating a memorial timeline picture, including little snapshots in time that depicts the child’s life through every milestone or every moment they experienced. Turning a portion of their ashes into jewellery, to always keep them close to you. When you are in the midst of grief after losing a child, coping with losing a child can seem like a difficult task, and every day can seem like a battle just to get through. There is help and assistance available to guide you through each stage of the grief process, and everything that is available to you can be sought and delivered on your terms in a way that you are comfortable with. Talking is free, and it can be a really powerful way of interacting with people who are trained to address grief and maybe offer some mechanisms to implement to help you cope solo. At the very least, finding people who are or have been in the same situation as you may be a really helpful thing to do, and by learning from their grief journeys, you can start to figure out your own way forward. Grief is a personal journey, and you are most certainly not alone; if you ever feel alone and overwhelmed with feelings of sadness, guilt, or anything else that takes over you, reach out to someone and talk, maybe write your thoughts down or think about memorialising the memory of your child into a more permanent feature so you know you will have somewhere to go or something to hold that can really help you to cope on the days that seem never ending. You can survive through the loss of a child, and one day soon, you will be able to smile at their memory.

How To Understand and Manage The Grief Of Losing A Husband Or Wife. Introduction Losing a loved one is incredibly difficult, but losing a spouse is exceptionally difficult. To lose a spouse affects everyone in different ways, and many stages of grief accompany the death of a husband or the death of a wife. Of course, the circumstances surrounding the death will significantly impact the feeling left behind in the surviving spouse, and these feelings can vary from sadness to guilt to anger. There will be no telling how grief will affect a surviving spouse until the time comes; there is no definitive way to feel or when to feel it. Grief can also be immediate, gradual, or incredibly delayed in appearing. All of this is completely normal as your mind starts to accept the loss of a spouse and adjusts to life with them no longer in it. So, how can we recognise grief? And how do we handle the feelings that appear when they arise? And finally, how can we remember them in a way that keeps them close and represents the memories we have with them? Let’s look at a few of the critical elements of understanding the emotional pain of losing a spouse. What is Grief? Grief is said to be the automatic and emotional response to a loss, particularly referring to the loss of a person who has died. It is said to be felt at its most powerful when a strong bond of affection has been formed with the person who is no longer here. This, however, can vary from person to person, and from circumstance to circumstance, so we understand that grief is an incredibly personal thing to feel, and there is no right or wrong way to handle grief or understand its effects. When Will I Feel Grief After My Spouse Has Past? When you experience the sad situation of losing a spouse, you can feel the effects immediately, and many emotions can come to the surface, such as: Deep Sadness Feeling Tearful Depression Anger Guilt Feeling Lost & Lonely Grief can also be felt by the surviving spouse that is somewhat delayed. This can be disconcerting for friends and family members to observe; it could be that the surviving spouse is waiting to grieve until everything is taken care of, which is common. The grieving process can also be delayed in the surviving spouse, indicating that they have not entirely accepted the loss of their loved one. However, this is also a common process, and everyone copes with the death of a loved one in different ways and at other times of the process. What Are The Stages Of Grief? The grief process has been studied for many years to try and pin down the stages of grief and the possible feelings attached at each stage after the death of a husband or the death of a wife. These five stages of grief are by no means a blueprint to how someone should be feeling at any particular stage. The stages can overlap, be felt more than once, and bring around a cycle of emotions, but they can help highlight the psychological process of losing a spouse. You may also not experience these feelings in the order set out here, taken from the Kübler-Ross model, taken from a book, and adapted over the years to apportion some understanding of the grieving process. The 5 Stages of grief are:   Denial Grief is such an overwhelming emotion, and it is not uncommon to either consciously or unconsciously pretend that the loss hasn’t happened at all, that they will walk through the door as usual. The process of denying the death allows you to have more time to absorb the loss slowly and allows some headroom to start processing it.   Anger Anger is an outward emotion that can hide a lot of the deeper emotions and pain you may be feeling, and it can find a home with feelings such as bitterness and resentment. You can use many techniques to channel anger, such as writing things down to let the rage, out and physical activities such as boxing to release the tension. You can explore some other methods in this Marie Curie Practical Support Information. Anger can be aimed at yourself, at other people, or even at things around the home. Anger also does not always display itself as verbal or physical confrontations; it can also be a deep and tense feeling that can make your body and mind feel like a coiled spring.   Bargaining Bargaining happens in the grief process when you are looking for ways to regain control of a situation and usually occurs when you are at a stage of feeling incredibly helpless or lost. During the bargaining stage of grief, you may find yourself asking “what if” and “if only” self-directed questions in hopes that some sort of clarity can come from a very painful situation. Bargaining is a defense mechanism against the intense emotions of grief. It is an almost automatic way to postpone the deep sadness, pain, and numb feelings associated with the loss of a spouse.   Depression The depression stage is often called the quiet stage and can be tough to manage and fully recover from. It is not simple or explained easily and can feel overwhelming, and you may feel like you cannot cope with doing anything you regularly do. Moving past this depression stage of grief can be very hard; the best advice is to talk with a mental health practitioner for assistance if you can’t shake the feeling of depression. You may also find it incredibly helpful to find support groups and talk with close friends and family about your feelings. Depression is not your final destination in life, and talking can unburden you psychologically and afford you some clarity in your feeling and hope for the future. Social media is excellent for communicating with people in support groups, such as “Healing Hearts” on Facebook. Here, you can share your experiences and know that they will not judge you for feeling low and gain support from people who can empathise with your situation.   Acceptance. The acceptance stage of grief can be very sobering and It doesn’t mean that you’ve moved beyond losing a spouse. It does, however, mean that you are starting to accept the loss and are realising what it means for your life now. The acceptance stage of grief is a way of understanding that there may be more good days than bad, but the bad days will still be there, which is totally OK. Who Can I Talk To About My Grief? There are many charitable services and support groups that offer support after losing a spouse. They are often charitable services that can provide friendly, empathetic, and professional services while grieving the loss of a loved one. The Loss Foundation runs a drop-in service, both in-person and online, for support from people who are experienced in the process of grief. Healing Hearts is a safe and secure place on Facebook that offers a community of support and guidance for dealing with the loss of a spouse. Grieving.com is online and has lots of interactive forums where you can talk about what you are experiencing, or you can just read the most appropriate thread to glean some information to help you through. How Can We Remember Our Spouse After A Death? When we have gone through the stages of emotion and acceptance after losing a spouse, which can take some time and may feel like you are getting nowhere on some days, the most significant thought that arises is, “How can I remember them?” Apart from actual memories and belongings, which will always remind you of them and the bond you had together, it is always fitting to create something in memory of the person who is no longer here. Here are some beautiful ways you can create something permanent in memorial to your loved one. A Memorial Tree or Garden The planting of a memorial tree or creating an ornamental garden can be the most beautiful solution to remember your spouse. You can create a tree or garden in an area of your choosing. A favourite spot of your spouse is often a popular choice, as it establishes their space for you to reflect and remember them. Many churches and crematoriums have ornamental memorial gardens where it is quiet and peaceful. Having a space here to remember your loved one can be discussed throughout the funeral arrangements or making appointments with your chosen place afterward. Naming a Bench Naming a bench after the death of a spouse is popular to those who may have had a favourite spot within a town or village, especially if the person who has died was a huge part of the community. As mentioned, you can place this in a public spot for public use with permission, but it will always be their bench for people to go and reflect and remember the person to whom the bench is dedicated. Memorialising a bench can be simply done by adding a plaque on a bench, which can be organised and discussed with any suitable company that provides this service. Ashes Into Jewellery Ashes into Jewellery is an increasingly popular choice for spouses to remember their loved ones permanently. It involves having a small amount of the spouses’ ashes turned into a beautiful piece of jewellery. The surviving spouse can always wear the jewellery to hold the loved one close and take them with them through their life journey without them. The piece that is created can always be looked at to remind the wearer that their loved one is always close and with them, protecting them and watching over everything they do in life. Whichever way you choose to memorialise your loved one, make sure you do something personal for you and something that helps you cope with the inevitable feelings and changes you will be experiencing. Grief is not clear-cut and is one of the hardest things to go through after losing a spouse.  Still, there are lots of different ways you can find some assistance or company at every stage. Talking helps to understand, and finding common ground with other people who are going through the same experiences can make you feel a little less isolated and alone. We certainly don’t want your grief to overcome you.

Depression is a mental illness that can affect anyone at any time in their lives. It’s a complex condition to cope with whether you are impacted by it personally or know a friend or family member affected by it. When people have depression, it can be hard for them to openly express how they feel for fear of being judged, ignored, or not receiving the help they need. This fear can force people to put on a mask of being okay and can push them to hide away from the world. Because of this, it’s vitally important to know and understand the potential signs of depression so you can spot them in your loved ones and offer the proper support. With depression on the rise, it’s more important than ever to understand it, what it can look like, and how to offer proper support to friends and family members who may be struggling with it. Clinical depression is a mental illness that involves prolonged periods of feeling ‘down’. It can last for weeks or even months, and it can be recurring for a lot of people – so, for example, symptoms might lessen considerably for a few days before coming back for weeks. Despite having much less stigma attached to it than it used to, many people don’t understand that depression isn’t something that will go away on its own, and sufferers need a lot of support and treatment[i]. What can cause it? Depression doesn’t necessarily have a cause and it can be triggered for many reasons. It might be caused by a series of events in someone’s life or one significant, stressful event. Many people experience depression as a downwards spiral or a slippery slope, where one event triggers depression, and it just seems to get worse from there. Some reasons the risk of developing depression might increase include[ii]: A stressful or traumatic event Any stressful event such as a bereavement, a breakup or witnessing trauma can lead to depression, especially if the person affected by the event withdraws from their family and friends. Loneliness Feeling lonely can make every negative emotion 10x worse, and loneliness is an intensely complex feeling to deal with. Feeling lonely can significantly increase the risk of depression. Read about coping with loneliness and isolation here Illness and injuries When people are ill or have sustained an injury, it usually means that everyday life stops. Their illness or injury may cause them to become isolated, frustrated and depressed. The risk of depression increases even more when the illness or injury is longstanding with no end in sight. Drug and alcohol use The use of drugs and alcohol can increase the risk of depression. Although they may make someone feel better in the short term, the adverse effects are substantial. You might also be more at risk of developing depression if someone in your family has it, or if you have certain personality traits such as being very self-critical or having a low self-esteem. What does depression look like? Depression can feel different from person to person. Although the primary symptoms are the same, they affect everyone’s lives in different ways. It can present both physically and emotionally, and it affects peoples day-to-day lives. On the outside, the symptoms of depression can come across differently. If someone is depressed, you might notice[iii]:   Emotions Someone with depression will have a mix of emotions happening all at once. An outsider might notice the following: They can’t control their emotions They get irritable over small things They seem distant and disconnected Internally, they may be feeling: Chronically sad and upset Suicidal, or that life isn’t worth living Angry and frustrated Fed up, and like they are stuck Guilty for feeling down Avoidance and lack of interest When someone has depression, they may start avoiding many things that they don’t have the energy to do or situations that might cause them anxiety. They could also feel they aren’t wanted or don’t ‘deserve’ to be involved. You might notice that: They try to avoid talking about their lives They cancel all, or most, plans – or just don’t make plans at all They avoid answering questions about how they are They don’t turn up to school, work or appointments Less interest in activities they usually enjoy Physical effects Depression, although widely known as a mental illness, can present a lot of physical symptoms. You might notice: They are always tired They lose weight or have no appetite They have very low levels of energy They might speak and move slower than usual Other symptoms experienced by the affected person might include: Pains and aches throughout the body that can’t be explained Difficulty sleeping, or waking up repeatedly in the night How to help someone with depression If you think a friend or loved one has signs of depression, there are ways you can help. It’s important to remember not to be judgemental and to approach them delicately. They may not even realise that they behave differently and might not have acknowledged their feelings yet[iv]. Speak openly – someone with depression might feel like they can’t talk about their emotions without being judged. If you talk openly about depression and mental health, they will know you are a safe person to talk to. Listen – the best thing you can do when someone is feeling low is to let them speak and listen to what they have to say. Even if they can’t make sense of their feelings, it will feel good to get them out there. Stay in touch – when someone is depressed, they may find it hard to reach out and stay in contact. Try to make time to say hello and have a chat – even if it’s just a text. Be thoughtful – when you’re feeling low, simple, thoughtful acts can make a world of difference. If someone is depressed because they have a long-term illness, ask them if they need someone to shop, cook or clean for them a few times a week. If they have had a recent bereavement, gifting them some ashes jewellery to remember their loved one will help them to feel understood and looked after. Be supportive – when they are ready to get help, support them in any way that you can. Support them in seeking help, and let them know you’ll be there every step of the way. Educate yourself – depression is still very misunderstood. Another way you can help is to educate yourself on what it is to have a greater understanding of what a depressed loved one might be going through.   What not to do It can be easy to cross the fine line between helpful and overbearing, especially when you’re dealing with someone who might be emotionally vulnerable. Before stepping in to help someone with depression, make sure you are wary not to do the following: Try to fix them – because they don’t need to be fixed. Depression can happen to anyone, and making them feel damaged or like they aren’t normal will make them feel more excluded. Force help – if someone isn’t ready for help, the worst thing you can do is try to force it upon them. Just be there when they need you. Invalidate them – don’t make them think their feelings are invalid. Stay away from phrases like “at least…”, and “it could be worse…”. Compare – comparing your experiences to theirs may seem helpful, but it can come across as you invalidating how they are feeling. Avoid saying things like “I know how you feel”, and “we’ve all been there.” Instead, try to say “I’m here for you” and “I can’t imagine how you feel, but I’m here when you’re ready to talk about it.” Remember to look after yourself too When we put a lot of energy into helping someone else, it’s easy to forget about our own needs. Make sure you take time to step back and look after your own mental health. References MIND. (n.d.). Seeking help for a mental health problem. Retrieved from MIND: https://www.mind.org.uk/information-support/guides-to-support-and-services/seeking-help-for-a-mental-health-problem/helping-someone-else-seek-help/ NHS. (2021, April). Overview - Clinical depression. Retrieved from NHS: https://www.nhs.uk/mental-health/conditions/clinical-depression/overview/ NHS. (n.d.). Causes. Retrieved from NHS: https://www.nhs.uk/mental-health/conditions/clinical-depression/causes/ NHS. (n.d.). Symptoms - Clinical depression. Retrieved from NHS: https://www.nhs.uk/mental-health/conditions/clinical-depression/symptoms/ Sources [i] https://www.nhs.uk/mental-health/conditions/clinical-depression/overview/ [ii] https://www.nhs.uk/mental-health/conditions/clinical-depression/causes/ [iii] https://www.nhs.uk/mental-health/conditions/clinical-depression/symptoms/ [iv] https://www.mind.org.uk/information-support/guides-to-support-and-services/seeking-help-for-a-mental-health-problem/helping-someone-else-seek-help/

No matter how you change throughout the course of your life, you’ll always have memories to reflect upon – both good and bad. Memories are precious reminders of the experiences we’ve had, the lives we’ve led, and the people who have touched our hearts. No matter how unique a memory is, it can start to slip away after a little while as we get older and our lives are filled with work, family and other responsibilities which take up room in the forefront of our minds. Memory boxes are the perfect way to remember special moments, people and fun times in our lives. They are also wonderful to pass down to the next generation of your family so they can learn more about the life you lived and what mattered to you. What is a memory box? A memory box is quite simply a box or other vessel which contains pictures, letters and small items which link to happy, exciting or special memories. Although they are usually kept on a personal level and are added to throughout someone’s life, they can be created after someone has passed away, to commemorate a special event like a wedding, or keep a record of a period of time. Most people who have a personal memory box will pull it out when they’re feeling a little nostalgic and take away or add important memories – or they will keep multiple boxes. What to use for a memory box Many containers could be used for a memory box. Some people might use whatever is lying around, but the more creatively-minded person could purpose build or decorate a box for an extra special touch. Some of our favourite ideas for what to use as a memory box include: A shoebox – if you’re on a tight budget or need a temporary solution, a shoebox can make a sturdy, spacious vessel for your memories. You could paint, draw on or otherwise decorate it to make it more personal. Just make sure it is stored in a safe, dry place, and any photos or papers are sealed within a plastic wallet to prevent accidental damage. Biscuit tin – biscuit tins are notoriously misleading in almost every British household because they are strong enough to use for years after their tasty treats have been demolished. They close tightly and will keep their contents protected. This is another option which can be decorated. Locked box – perfect for more sensitive memories such as personal letters; a locked box can be tucked away safely and out of sight. Just make sure you keep the key in a safe place. An engraved box – a lovely wooden box with an engraved name or message on the top makes a delightful choice for a commemorative memory box or as a gift for someone to start their own. Whatever you choose, they should meet a few criteria: Have enough space to hold everything. Be sturdy enough not to get crushed. Be labelled clearly and correctly. Be watertight or kept away from places they will get damp (e.g the cellar or a loft that isn’t correctly insulated). What to put in a memory box There are loads of reasons why you might want to start or put together a memory box. When you get started, you might have something in mind, but we’ve come up with some ideas for what to put in a memory box for various purposes. Read on, or skip to the bit you’re interested in: Child’s milestones For someone with dementia For a lost loved one Wedding Time capsule Child's milestones Children grow up so fast, which is why it’s essential to keep a record of milestone moments and memories. A milestone memory box will be lovely to look back on with the family when they’re all grown up. What to put in the box Pictures of them as they grow up A handprint and footprint Their hospital bracelet from when they were born An ultrasound picture Congratulations cards from when they were born A coin from the year of their birth Their first pair of socks or mittens Their first baby tooth A lock of hair from their first haircut A milestone book that details their first words, when they took their first steps and more Their first drawing from nursery Getting your child involved with decorating and putting together the box when they’re a little bit older is a fun idea. For someone with dementia Memory boxes can be an essential therapeutic tool for people who have dementia. They can include treasured personal belongings or items which the person can easily associate with their life. Physical objects that can be attached to memories are very comforting to people with dementia as they help to open up conversation about subjects they are familiar with[i]. What to put in the box Photographs of loved ones and places they have lived Packaging of old brands they will have used when they were younger (OXO, for example) CDs with favourite songs Items related to their careers Items related to a hobby they enjoy or used to do Souvenirs from their lives Letters and postcards Coins People who have dementia are generally better at retaining older memories, so this should be considered when creating the box. If they are able, you should make sure they are involved in creating the memory box. For a lost loved one Losing a loved one isn’t easy but putting together a box of photos and memories you’ve shared can be a crucial healing activity to help you with your grief. This is often known as a ‘bereavement box’. What to put in the box Pictures or a photo album A ‘timeline’ of their life Letters Journals Their passport Awards, Medals and certificates they earned Their favourite CD Their favourite book A watch, cufflinks, or jewellery they wore all the time A bottle of their perfume or aftershave When putting your box together, think about the person they were, their interests and what was important to them during their life. People sometimes make a bereavement box for friends or family as a touching gift after a loved one has passed away. Other special gifts to give someone during their grieving period could include a photo album, a piece of keepsake jewellery, or an item made from their loved ones favourite clothes. Related articles: What to do with a loved ones belongings once they have passed away Ways to remember a loved one How to deal with grief Wedding One of the biggest days of your life won’t be hard to forget, but keeping a record of who was there, highlight moments and the love that was shared on the day is a beautiful idea. What to put in the box A photobook of the best pictures Your guest list and table plan Dried flowers from the wedding ceremony Yours and your spouses place settings Wedding favours (if they weren’t edible!) Confetti The champagne cork from the 1st toast The cake topper A copy of the wedding invite A copy of the ‘save the date’ A copy of the wedding service A DVD or USB with videos of the big day You can set up a memory book or box for your guests to leave a special note on the day itself. Many people transform these notes into artwork, but they would fit in a memory box perfectly. You could even go a step further and set up a photo booth where people can record a video message (perhaps get this started before the alcohol starts flowing if you want serious sentiments!) Time capsule You may have made a time capsule in school or with your family when you were younger, and in a way, they are a form of memory box. Why not create your own? Whether it is for your own family to dig up in years to come or you want to leave it to be found by chance, you can have some fun creating a time capsule. What to put in the time capsule Newspapers or magazines with the date on them A note of important events that happened that year Information about you and your family A CD or USB containing your favourite songs Coins and/or pound notes Pictures of you, your friends and family Your favourite book Something to do with your favourite hobby or pastime Remember to make sure the container you use is entirely watertight and that everything you put inside it is sealed well to prevent damage. When it comes to burying your time capsule, make sure the container is sealed with epoxy and wrapped in polythene to prevent water getting in[ii]. What not to put in a memory box Although your creativity is your only limit when making a memory box, you should leave some items out. Often if the memory box is on-going, you’ll naturally remove some items as the years go on because you can’t remember what it represents. Perishables: don’t include any food or perishable items like flowers (unless dried) Bad memories: although it can be tempting to cling onto items for sentimentality, if they have a bad memory attached to them you’d be best leaving them out of the box Fragile items: anything made from glass, ceramics or anything that is easy to break should be packaged appropriately or not included Make your memories last Whatever you are creating your memory box for will help your most precious memories stand the test of time. References Carewatch, 2016. HOW TO CREATE A DEMENTIA MEMORY BOX. [Online] Available at: https://www.carewatch.co.uk/how-to-create-a-dementia-memory-box/ [Accessed March 2021]. Minnesota Historical Society, n.d. BUILDING A TIME CAPSULE. [Online] Available at: https://www.mnhs.org/preserve/conservation/reports/timecapsule.pdf [Accessed March 2021]. Sources [i] https://www.carewatch.co.uk/how-to-create-a-dementia-memory-box/ [ii] https://www.mnhs.org/preserve/conservation/reports/timecapsule.pdf

Loneliness is a feeling we all have to deal with at some point in our lives, but it is easier than ever to succumb to feelings of isolation and loneliness – even when surrounded by people who love and care for you. It’s a frustrating feeling. You may often find yourself thinking “why do I feel so alone?” and going down a mental helter-skelter of worry and paranoia. The first thing you need to know is that you are not alone, and although it can be horrible to experience, feeling lonely or isolated is entirely normal. Tackling these emotions and their causes is scary, overwhelming, and something many people cannot do without support. But it is possible, and this guide by Ashes Memorial Jewellery aims to help you get through it. Causes of loneliness Let’s start from the beginning and talk about what can cause us to feel lonely. We all live complex lives, and many events can trigger loneliness. According to a 1996 study, these are some main factors that cause you to feel loneliness[i] - Unfulfilling relationships – being in a relationship, or even a friendship, that isn’t mentally and physically fulfilling can create feelings of isolation Relocations/significant separations – this can be either a physical separation (for example, moving away from a person/people) or an emotional separation (for example, breaking up with a partner or falling out with a friend). This cause also applies when someone passes away. Social exclusion – feeling excluded from your community – whether in school, your local area, religious group, or society as a whole, is one of the leading reasons for loneliness. The statistics A wide variety of factors can cause loneliness, most of which fall under the sections above. As such, certain groups are more affected than others. Older people - According to Age UK, In 2016/17 the number of over-50s experiencing loneliness was 1.4 million. This is predicted to increase to a huge 2 million in 2025/6[ii]. They also reported the leading causes for loneliness in over 50s are poor health, feelings of isolation within their neighbourhoods, inability to do what they want, and being widowed or living alone. Younger people - The ONS (Office for National Statistics) reports that those in the 16 to 24 year-old age bracket were more likely to report ‘often/always’ feeling lonely than older age groups[iii]. Gender - Whilst 14% of older men reported feelings of social isolation compared to 11% of women; women feel lonely more frequently than men according to the ONS (Office for National Statistics)[iv]. Health risks of loneliness Loneliness impacts our mental health, but it can also have a degrading impact on our physical wellbeing, too[v]. It increases risk of high blood pressure It can increase risk of death by 26% It can increase risk of strokes, and the risk of developing heart/coronary disease Dementia and overall cognitive decline are more likely in groups that are lonely Surprisingly, it is believed that loneliness is contagious across friendship groups and social networks[vi].   How to combat loneliness Now we’ve discussed the facts, lets look at ways you can combat feelings of loneliness when they come up. Talk & be heard Talking about how you feel is the best place to start. It’s easy to fall into the mental trap that nobody wants to speak to you or help you when you’re feeling isolated, but this simply isn’t true. Reach out to your family and friends and start a conversation. If you don’t feel that you have anyone to talk to, or you aren’t comfortable speaking to people you know – there are plenty of places you can turn to. Here are some of these services: - Age UK ‘Call in Time’ – this is a weekly friendship call service that will allow you to have a chat with someone new The Silver Line – this is a confidential, free helpline that older people can call anytime for a variety of reasons, from advice to just wanting a chat Samaritans – when life is difficult, Samaritans are available to talk any time of the day or night British Red Cross – the British Red Cross run local loneliness services that will help you to reconnect with your interests, rebuild confidence and meet new people Make new connections There is a strong link between keeping healthy relationships and the state of your general well-being[vii]. Making new connections or mending bridges with family and friends who you’ve grown apart from is truly difficult, but it will help you massively in the long run. Joining communities on social media platforms like Facebook and the Nextdoor app, and attending local events like markets can be great places to start. If you’re feeling confident enough, try getting involved in clubs and groups that relate to things that interest you. For example, there could be a running club that meets in a nearby park, or a book club that meet in the local library. Even if you turn up and observe until you feel comfortable, being around others will make a huge difference. Get out into nature It’s a fact that going outside and being amongst nature has a positive impact on your health. A report from the WHO (World Health Organisation) states the following - “Urban green spaces, such as parks, playgrounds, and residential greenery, can promote mental and physical health {…}[viii]” As well as having an overall affect on your mental state, being in parks amongst families, groups of friends and others who are on their own can make you feel ‘involved’. And who knows, you might strike up a conversation or two.   New hobbies Despite what you might think, it’s never too late to take up a new hobby. As well as keeping your mind active and occupied, beginning a hobby (or even re-sparking your passion for an old one) can help you to meet others and make connections over a similar interest. A hobby will make you feel more fulfilled and accomplished. Therapy Loneliness is often more profound than a surface-level emotion. In many cases, it is caused by deep-rooted issues that manifest as feelings of rejection and isolation. If you’re finding it hard to break down your barriers and resolve your loneliness, it might be worth reaching out to a therapist to see if they can help you on your journey.   The symptoms of loneliness - how to tell when someone needs help In this day and age it’s so important to look out for our loved ones and to know when they need help; whether they ask for it or not. It isn’t always obvious when someone is feeling lonely as they may be uncomfortable admitting it and could tell you everything is okay to avoid the conversation. These are some signs or ‘symptoms’ of loneliness to look out for[ix]. Are they always tired or complaining of feeling fatigued? Have they become more ‘materialistic’? Increased levels of shopping and caring more about material possessions could indicate that something isn’t right emotionally, and they are trying to compensate for this Do they make a big issue out of nothing? If someone ‘blows up’ over minor inconveniences or seems more stressed than usual – they could just be feeling lonely Are they attached to their phone? When people feel alone, their natural instinct could be to get an instant ‘hit’ of socialisation by going on social media. If you notice them spending significantly more time scrolling through their news feeds, take time to check in on them Are they spending more time ‘binge-watching’ TV? Watching TV is an easy way to relax at the end of a long day, but it can also be used as a coping technique to ignore negative emotions If you notice one or more of these signs in someone close to you, gently approach the subject and ask them how they’re doing. Even if they say they’re fine, make more effort to get them involved and help to pull them out of their rut. Remember that you aren't alone Whatever is going on in your life, remember that you aren’t alone. These feelings are temporary and there is a lot you can do to get yourself on the right track again – don’t be scared to reach out and ask for help. References Age UK, 2018. All the Lonely People: Loneliness in Later Life. [Online] Available at: https://www.ageuk.org.uk/globalassets/age-uk/documents/reports-and-publications/reports-and-briefings/loneliness/loneliness-report_final_2409.pdf [Accessed February 2021]. Cacioppo, J. T., Fowler, J. H. & Christakis, N. A., 2009. Alone in the Crowd: The Structure and Spread of Loneliness in a Large Social Network. [Online] Available at: https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC2792572/ [Accessed February 2021]. Campaign to End Loneliness, n.d. The facts on loneliness. [Online] Available at: https://www.campaigntoendloneliness.org/the-facts-on-loneliness/ [Accessed February 2021]. Chopik, W. J., 2017. Associations among relational values, support, health, and well‐being across the adult lifespan. [Online] Available at: https://onlinelibrary.wiley.com/doi/epdf/10.1111/pere.12187 [Accessed February 2021]. Pyle, E. & Evans, D., 2018. Loneliness - What characteristics and circumstances are associated with feeling lonely?. [Online] Available at: https://www.ons.gov.uk/peoplepopulationandcommunity/wellbeing/articles/lonelinesswhatcharacteristicsandcircumstancesareassociatedwithfeelinglonely/2018-04-10 [Accessed February 2021]. Rokach, A. & Brock, H., 1996. The Causes of Loneliness. [Online] Available at: https://psycnet.apa.org/record/1997-38711-001 [Accessed February 2021]. Shaw, G., 2018. 9 subtle signs that you're lonely — even if it doesn't feel like it. [Online] Available at: https://www.insider.com/signs-of-loneliness-2018-6 [Accessed February 2021]. WHO Regional Office for Europe, 2016. Urban green spaces and health - a review of evidence (2016). [Online] Available at: https://www.euro.who.int/en/health-topics/environment-and-health/urban-health/publications/2016/urban-green-spaces-and-health-a-review-of-evidence-2016 [Accessed February 2021]. Sources [i] https://psycnet.apa.org/record/1997-38711-001 [ii] https://www.ageuk.org.uk/globalassets/age-uk/documents/reports-and-publications/reports-and-briefings/loneliness/loneliness-report_final_2409.pdf [iii] https://www.ons.gov.uk/peoplepopulationandcommunity/wellbeing/articles/lonelinesswhatcharacteristicsandcircumstancesareassociatedwithfeelinglonely/2018-04-10 [iv] https://www.ons.gov.uk/peoplepopulationandcommunity/wellbeing/articles/lonelinesswhatcharacteristicsandcircumstancesareassociatedwithfeelinglonely/2018-04-10 [v] https://www.campaigntoendloneliness.org/the-facts-on-loneliness/ [vi] https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC2792572/ [vii] https://onlinelibrary.wiley.com/doi/epdf/10.1111/pere.12187 [viii] https://www.euro.who.int/en/health-topics/environment-and-health/urban-health/publications/2016/urban-green-spaces-and-health-a-review-of-evidence-2016 [ix] https://www.insider.com/signs-of-loneliness-2018-6

When someone you love passes away, it can feel like the world is going to end. Even when you are prepared for the impending death, you can never predict how you’ll feel when it actually happens. Some people feel completely numb or even go into shock. Other people refuse to believe what has happened and try to ‘bargain’ their way out of the grief. Some people sob for days on end, while others act like nothing has happened. It’s important to remember that all of these reactions are completely normal. Your emotions are controlled by several different regions in your brain.[i] Your limbic system and pre-frontal cortex are responsible for regulating your emotions and organising your thoughts. However, when you are experiencing grief, a load of hormones and neurotransmitters flood into these parts of your brain. You might feel like you ‘don’t know whether you’re coming or going,’ calm one minute and hysterical the next. Your overall thought processes slow down, making it hard to concentrate or think clearly, and your hunger and sleep signals are likely to go haywire. Just remember that there is no ‘right or wrong’ way to grieve – everyone is different, and no two situations can be compared. What are the symptoms of grieving? Grief can cause all kinds of strange symptoms, some of which you might not expect to be associated with bereavement.[ii] People often refer to the 7 stages of grief, but generally symptoms of grieving can include: Feeling hyper or restless – It’s not uncommon to feel like you’re bouncing off the walls when you are in grief. Trouble concentrating – It can be hard to focus on the task at hand as your mind wanders. Rumination – Your mind might race as you go over and over what happened, and even play out scenarios in which things could have gone differently. Trouble sleeping – This is one of the most common symptoms of grief. People tend to experience disturbed sleep, such as insomnia or oversleeping. You might even start having nightmares. Loss of appetite – Some grieving people report having no appetite at all and have to force themselves to eat anything. Overeating – However, others experience overeating, as they consume food to dull the pain, leading to weight gain. Withdrawing from social situations – While some people want to be surrounded by loved one or distracted with social engagements, others withdraw into solitude. A sense of isolation and feeling alone – It can seem like no one understands what you’re going through, and you might feel completely alone. This can exacerbate social withdrawal. Substance abuse – It is very common to turn to alcohol and drugs when a loved one passes away, which can lead to substance abuse and addiction issues. Grief is a natural response to the loss of a loved one – it isn’t an illness or something that can be ‘treated.’ While you might benefit from speaking to a grief counsellor or joining a support group, the only remedy for grief is time. Eventually, you will find your ‘new normal.’ The pain and loss will always be with you, but in time you will learn to live with the feelings. Physical effects of bereavement While grief is a natural response to a negative event, it can have real effects on your long-term health.[iii] Some of the symptoms listed in the above section affect your mind and body, but there are also some documented physical effects of grief. Grief and heart health – You have probably heard grief described as “a broken heart” or ‘heartache,” but this isn’t just a turn of phrase. The stress hormones released when you are grieving can actually cause cardiac issues.[iv]Acute stress, such as that brought on by the death of a loved one, can cause stress cardiomyopathy. A study has found that the chances of having an acute heart attack increase by more than 20 times in the 24 hours after someone you love passes away. Also common? Blood clots, increased blood pressure, and even ‘broken heart syndrome,’ which mimics the symptoms of a heart attack. Grief and a lowered immune system – When you experience a tremendous amount of stress, your body goes into survival mode. As a result, your immune system can suffer.[v] When your immune system is weak, you are more susceptible to infections, illnesses, and just generally feeling ‘run down.’ Colds, flu, headaches, and angina (severe chest pains) are all common. Grief and exhaustion – Grief is hard. It makes every task seem monumental and causes physical aches and pains. So, it’s no surprise that it can also make you feel exhausted, making it hard to get even your most routine tasks done. It’s normal to feel extreme tiredness, physically fragile, shaky, and weak. Here are some other physical sensations you might experience while grieving: Tightness in your chest A catch in your throat An upset or ‘hollow’ feeling stomach Trouble breathing, or hitching breath Dry mouth Sensitivity to noise Aches and pains all over your body Emotional effects of bereavement It’s impossible to list all of the myriad ways that bereavement can affect your emotions.[vi] Just know that if you are experiencing a whirlwind of different emotions after a loved one passes away, it is normal. However, if you begin to experience thoughts of suicide or self-harm, get in touch with your GP immediately, or call the Samaritans on 116 123. You will likely feel ‘out of sorts,’ with chaotic feelings and emotions that are all over the place. At first, your feelings are likely to be very intense and even overwhelming, but the feelings tend to subside over time. Some of the most common feelings include: Memory loss Brain fog (muddled and confused thoughts, trouble recalling information when you need it) Rage or extreme anger, sometimes aimed at the deceased Feelings of hopelessness Anxiety about your own mortality ‘Irrational’ worries Relief, usually if the person passed away after battling an illness Irritability and a ‘short temper’ Numbness and detachment Rumination – going over the circumstances leading to death over and over Loneliness and a feeling that ‘no one can understand’ what you’re going through How long does grief last? When you’re in the thick of the early grieving process, it can feel like the pain will never end. While you might be eager for the initial pain and sadness to subside, you might also dread the passing of time, because each day marks another day that your loved one is gone. As a result, some people find a sort of comfort in their grief. You might wonder “how long does grief last?” The honest answer is that there is no answer. Everyone grieves differently, and you might have feelings of grief and loss that come and go for the rest of your life. Birthdays, Christmas, and anniversaries can all trigger sadness and pain all over again, especially on milestone occasions. Just remember that it is normal to yearn and long for your loved one, and to be gentle with yourself. If your grieving is negatively impacting your life more than six months after the loss, you may have Prolonged Grief Syndrome (also called Complicated Grief).[vii] Speak with your GP if your symptoms of bereavement are getting worse, rather than easing, over time. Remember that everyone experiences grief in their own way Everyone goes through the grieving process in their own way, and there is no ‘right or wrong way’ to grieve. Some people find great comfort in looking at photos or mementoes and talking at length about their loved one. They have cremation jewellery made, and decorate their home with pictures of the deceased. However, others prefer to avoid reminders and only bring up their loss at certain times. Some people may cry and break down, while others seem cool and collected. Just remember that everyone goes through this process in their own way. Eventually, the acute pain will pass, but your memories and love will live on forever. Reference list Gupta, S. (2015). How Grief Can Make You Sick. [online] EverydayHealth.com. Available at: https://www.everydayhealth.com/news/how-grief-can-make-you-sick/ [Accessed 16 Sep. 2020]. Hairston, S. (2019). How Grief Shows Up In Your Body. [online] WebMD. Available at: https://www.webmd.com/special-reports/grief-stages/20190711/how-grief-affects-your-body-and-mind [Accessed 18 Sep. 2020]. Henry Ford Health System Staff (2018). How Coping with Grief Can Affect Your Brain. [online] www.henryford.com. Available at: https://www.henryford.com/blog/2018/06/how-coping-with-grief-can-affect-your-brain#:~:text=When%20you [Accessed 16 Sep. 2020]. Marie Curie (2020). Physical symptoms of grief. [online] Marie Curie. Available at: https://www.mariecurie.org.uk/help/support/bereaved-family-friends/dealing-grief/physical-symptoms-grief [Accessed 16 Sep. 2020]. Mayo Clinic Staff (2017). Complicated grief - Symptoms and causes. [online] Mayo Clinic. Available at: https://www.mayoclinic.org/diseases-conditions/complicated-grief/symptoms-causes/syc-20360374 [Accessed 18 Sep. 2020]. mh4rc (2018). Impacts of grief – Mental Health Resources for Carers. [online] IMPACTS OF GRIEF. Available at: http://mhr4c.com.au/grief-and-loss/impacts-of-grief/ [Accessed 16 Sep. 2020]. Pfizer Medical Team (2018). 5 Ways Grief May Affect Your Health. [online] Get Healthy Stay Healthy. Available at: https://www.gethealthystayhealthy.com/articles/5-ways-grief-may-affect-your-health [Accessed 18 Sep. 2020]. Pritchard, E.-L. (2018). 20 physical, behavioural and emotional symptoms of bereavement and how to overcome them. [online] Country Living. Available at: https://www.countryliving.com/uk/wellbeing/a21549981/physical-emotional-behavioural-symptoms-grief-bereavement-how-overcome/ [Accessed 16 Sep. 2020]. Ryback, R. (2017). The Ways We Grieve. [online] Psychology Today. Available at: https://www.psychologytoday.com/gb/blog/the-truisms-wellness/201702/the-ways-we-grieve [Accessed 16 Sep. 2020]. Sources [i] https://www.henryford.com/blog/2018/06/how-coping-with-grief-can-affect-your-brain [ii] https://www.everydayhealth.com/news/how-grief-can-make-you-sick/ [iii] https://www.mariecurie.org.uk/help/support/bereaved-family-friends/dealing-grief/grieving-your-way [iv] https://www.webmd.com/special-reports/grief-stages/20190711/how-grief-affects-your-body-and-mind [v] https://www.gethealthystayhealthy.com/articles/5-ways-grief-may-affect-your-health [vi] https://www.countryliving.com/uk/wellbeing/a21549981/physical-emotional-behavioural-symptoms-grief-bereavement-how-overcome/ [vii] https://www.mayoclinic.org/diseases-conditions/complicated-grief/symptoms-causes/syc-20360374

Your little one is finally here! All of the planning and excitement over the nine months of your pregnancy has resulted in a wondering new baby, and you can't stop yourself from marvelling at their precious fingers, toes, and chubby cheeks. But countless parents will tell you that the years fly by. That's why it is so crucial that you create keepsakes that will help you remember these days for the rest of your life. Your wee baby will be a toddler in the blink of an eye, then attending nursery, before cycling away on their first 'big kid' bike. Then comes primary school, secondary, and sixth form, their first broken heart and their last tuck-in goodnight. Before you know it, you'll be attending your child's university graduation and wondering where all the time went. It's hard to believe as you gaze at your sweet little infant, but it's true! The best way to combat the speed of time is to start documenting your little one's big moments and milestones. Some parents do this by creating scrapbooks or memory boxes; others quilt meaningful blankets from their outgrown baby clothes, still others create baby fingerprint jewellery that they can treasure forever. No matter what you choose to do to mark the passage of time, you'll thank yourself in twenty or thirty years when you can look back and remember this special time. Your children will be eternally grateful that you created such a meaningful tribute to their childhoods. If you have older children at home, get them involved as well – they'll be delighted to help with drawing and crafting, and it will make the end result so much more meaningful. 12 Brilliant Baby Keepsake Ideas Here is a list of the 12 timeless baby keepsakes that we absolutely love. Use these ideas to create your own perfect keepsake to cherish for the rest of your life. You can also gift them to your child at the special milestones in their life. Create a shadow box filled with their 'firsts' – We love the idea of creating a new baby shadow box filled with some of the most special items from your pregnancy and their first few months. Consider adding your baby's first scan photo, their teensy little Hospital ID band, and ink prints of their bitsy hands and feet. You can also add their wee knitted cap, a pair of booties, a rattle, a pacifier, and even a swath of their first baby blanket. Add their name in a unique script, along with some key dates, a nickname, or a special sentiment. Frame their first baby blanket – While you can add a small piece of their first blanket to their baby book, scrapbook, or quilt, some people choose to frame their sweet baby's blanket in its entirety. The more worn and unravelled, the more meaningful this framed wall hanging will be. Hang it on their childhood bedroom wall, or keep it stored for the future when you can present it to them upon the birth of their first child. You could also frame their first formal outfit, first Christmas dress/suit, or their christening gown. The frame will prevent moth holes, water damage, and mildew over the years. Bronze their first pair of shoes – While this might sound like a bit of a retro suggestion, bronzed baby shoes are making a comeback. Many engraving shops still offer this service, allowing you to preserve your baby's tiny little feet. When they're in their teens, you'll marvel at how small they once were! They make an adorable knickknack on your shelf. Create a customised scrapbook just for them – Over the past few decades, people have become increasingly creative with their baby scrapbooking ideas. More than just a way to preserve photos, scrapbooking allows you to incorporate documents, tickets, hospital bracelets, and other 2D mementoes. Doll your scrapbook up with stickers, picture corners, and so much more. You'll find the more you scrapbook, the more creative you become! Fill in a baby book – You'll find many different baby books available online. These differ from blank scrapbooks in that they include specific pages for various milestones in your baby's life. You'll be prompted to add photos, locks of hair, written notes, and a lot more. Some baby books transition into childhood, their teenaged years, and even through to university. They will be eternally grateful that you took the time to present them with this special gift. 'Baby book' websites – These days, nearly everything is online, so it makes sense that some parents are choosing to document their child's lives on their very own digital baby book. You can start your own website and only give the password to friends and family, or you can use one of many online platforms designed for just this purpose. The benefit to an online baby book is that it can never get lost, it can never get damaged, and it can be shared with friends and family around the world. Baby handprint kit – Nothing is cuter than a baby's ickle hands and feet! Why not put them in a mould so that you can create a keepsake that will remind you of this special time forever. These kits include non-toxic clay and a three-window frame that allow you to display the prints alongside photos. These also make a perfect gift for grandparents, godparents, aunts, and uncles. It is such a unique idea. Customise baby fingerprint jewellery – As mentioned above, there is something so sweet about your little one's tiny hands and feet. If you want to keep them close to your heart forever, order a piece of baby fingerprint jewellery to wear around your neck. Grandmas, Godmothers, Aunties, and best friends will also love a necklace featuring your little one's fingerprint. Have a Patchwork Memory Bear made – Are Patchwork memory bears are one of the cutest baby keepsakes imaginable? We think so! You send the company a number of your baby's most meaningful garments, and they transform them into a sweet stuffed teddy that you can keep forever. Use it as a memento on the shelf or let your little one snuggle with it as they grow throughout their childhood. Create a baby time capsule – This is a great one for getting the whole family involved. Ask your older children to help you collect their favourite outgrown baby bits, and ceremonially have them help add them to the time capsule. Your baby can get involved in their own time capsule as they get older, or you can keep it as a surprise to give them on their graduation or wedding day. Quilt a special keepsake blanket – Gather up your favourite baby clothing, worn-out stuffies, baby blankets, and booties, and snip out scraps. Once you have a sizeable basket of fabric scraps, you can begin the quilting process, and then stuff it with batting. If you aren't an avid sewer, you can find plenty of companies online who will make the perfect keepsake quilt for you. You can even transfer a few photos onto white fabric and have those squares added into the pattern. Make a 'one-second video' throughout their childhood – We love this fun social media trend so much that we had to include it in our list. Mums and dads around the world are taking a quick one or two second video of their baby every day (or once a week), and then editing them together for an animation effect. The resulting video is charming, fun, and astonishing – you'll be able to watch your little baby grow from a newborn to a toddler, and then onto a kiddo! If you have video editing chops, you can do this yourself, but there are plenty of online apps and websites that make it easy. Baby keepsakes make great gifts for new parents, who might not have the time, energy, or wherewithal to think about much of anything other than sleep. By creating a meaningful keepsake for their new baby, you will be taking a massive weight off of their shoulders. These baby keepsake ideas will fill your heart with joy years from now when you look back at the first few months and years of your baby's life. Whether you choose to keep them yourself or pass them onto your child when they are grown, there is nothing more meaningful.

When a loved one passes away, even the most mundane and simple tasks can feel overwhelming and painful. When struggling to tidy the house or cook a meal is difficult, more complex and emotional tasks, such as dealing with your loved one’s belongings, can seem impossible. In some cases, you might not have any time limits placed on when you need to deal with their domicile and sort through pack up their belongings. You can wait until you are fully ready to get started and take on the task in small increments. However, in most situations, you only have a fixed amount of time to clear everything out. You’ll have to deal with your loved one’s belongings, even if you don’t feel quite ready. Your loved one’s home will be filled with reminders of them – their scent, their slippers, their last moments alive. There will be many memories, difficult emotions, and pain associated with sorting through your loved one’s possessions, but it can also be a cathartic, healing act. Remembering a loved one is deeply personal, and it is different for everyone. Whether you choose to create ashes jewellery, dedicate a memorial bench in their honour, or commemorate them in your own way, we know that it is never easy to say goodbye. Here are our suggestions and tips for what to do with your loved one’s belongings. Start by thinking about ‘everyday reminders’ You might think that it is the cherished keepsakes and special heirlooms that will be the most painful belongings to go through, but that is not always the case. Yes, photo albums and Christmas decorations will be laden with memories, but most people find that dealing with their loved one’s everyday possessions is even more difficult.[1] Seeing their half-used tube of toothpaste, a packet of medication, their hairbrush covered in strands of hair, and their worn clothing in the laundry hamper – these deeply personal items can be the most challenging emotionally. Their partially read magazine and set of house keys are sure to evoke heaps of memories and feelings. These seemingly small but exquisitely painful everyday reminders can be hard to throw in the bin, even though they are of no use to anyone. This is a good time to rally your friends and family members. They have likely been feeling helpless about what to do to help you in your most difficult time, and will jump at the opportunity to lend a hand. If the idea feels right for you, ask one or two people to do the rounds of your loved one’s home or room before you get there. They can carefully do a sweep for the mundane reminders of your loved ones that have no sentimental value, respectfully placing them in the bin before you arrive. They can place any items that they are unsure of in a box to deal with later. This could include their slippers, a scarf, their hairbrush, and other items that you might want to keep for personal and sentimental reasons. How to get started with your loved one’s belongings It would be lovely to be able to take as long as you want with this task, but in most cases you have to deal with it sooner than later. Make a list of the most practical details before you get started. Find out if you need to deal with their bank accounts, bill payments, estate agents, etc. Dealing with these issues first will ensure that you don’t have any nasty surprises later. When you come across paperwork and any official communication, always set it aside in a labeled box.[2] Next, decide if you want to undertake this task on your own, or if you want the support and company of your close friends. If you have a friend or family member who enjoys organising and sorting, maybe they would be the best choice to ask for help. There are likely other people who can’t be present when you are sorting through the possessions. Make sure that you establish clear communication with the others involved, as throwing away items of significance for them can be hurtful and cause tension. We recommend starting a shared Google doc so that nothing gets lost in the shuffle, and everything is clearly in writing. This simple step will prevent so many problems – don’t neglect to do this. Speaking of starting a document, you should also do this for yourself. Make a list of what needs to be done, and start a prioritised plan that will help guide your process. Most people choose to do this room by room, but you might have a different strategy. Finally, remember to pace yourself as you carry out this trying series of tasks. It can be very hard on your heart and soul, and can be overwhelming. Take it as slowly as your timeline allows. You might want to power through the experience to ‘get it over with,’ but take as many breaks as you can to recharge your spirit. Organise your loved one’s belongings into 6 categories We suggest organising your loved one’s belongings into 6 broad categories.[3] For me This is the pile of items that you want to keep. They might have practical use for you and your family, or sentimental value. Be mindful that you don’t add too many things to this pile; more advice on this is below. For others Here is where your Google Doc information will come in handy, ensuring that you set aside the items requested by others in your loved one’s life. Sell New items and objects in good condition, as well as collectables that no one else wants to keep, can all be sold on eBay, Facebook Marketplace, or Gumtree. Donations Gently used clothing, shoes, and household items can be donated to your local charity. If you loved one had a favourite charity, find out if they are accepting donations. You could also consider donating artefacts or antiques to a local museum. Throw Away Sadly, some items will be too damaged or used to sell, donate, or use again. Remember – donating heavily used clothing to charity shops can actually cost them money, so ensure that you throw away anything that you yourself wouldn’t want to buy.[4] The ‘Unsure’ Box There will always be items that you simply can’t make up your mind about on the spot. Having an ‘unsure’ box will allow you to revisit these items at a later time. Don’t get carried away with this box and rely on it as an indecision crutch – limit the number of items in the box to 10. Once you reach 10 items, you will need to revisit the box every time you want to add another. Resisting the urge to keep too many things Many people end up with too many items in the ‘For me’ pile. If you are the sentimental type, you might find it hard to part with your loved one’s objects, and the pile will get bigger and bigger. To prevent this from happening, ask yourself the following questions: Do I have space for this? Do I have more than one of these? Would a photograph of the item suffice? (this works well with cards and letters) Could you keep a small sample of the items? For instance, take a few swatches of clothing or blankets. Be prepared for any emotions that might arise – but don’t get sidetracked Even the toughest person can be caught off guard when they discover a stack of their grandparents’ love letters, their childhood school projects, or their parents’ genealogy research. These documents can bring tears to your eyes, but be wary – now is not the time to start pouring over their contents. It can be very easy to get sidetracked, and hours of time can escape you. Set them aside in a special pile, and go through them when you have plenty of time to walk down memory lane.[5] Sorting through your loved one’s belongings after they pass is never easy. Remember that this process is challenging for everyone, and give yourself permission to mourn in your own way. You might experience tears, but don’t be surprised if you also find yourself with a smile on your face, or even laughing at happy memories. We wish you all the strength and support as you go through this process. Reference list Garber, J. (n.d.). These Are the Important Papers You Need to Locate After Someone Dies. [online] The Balance. Available at: https://www.thebalance.com/what-do-you-need-to-do-when-someone-dies-3505207 [Accessed 17 Feb. 2020]. Horseley, G. (2014). Cleaning Out a Deceased Loved One’s Closet: 12 Tips to Make the Process a Little Easier. [online] HuffPost. Available at: https://www.huffpost.com/entry/cleaning-out-a-deceased-l_b_6065480 [Accessed 17 Feb. 2020]. Jay, P. (2018). Here’s where your donated clothing really ends up. [online] CBC. Available at: https://www.cbc.ca/news/canada/ottawa/donated-clothing-where-it-ends-up-1.4662023. Stevens, M. (2017). Take a Walk Down Memory Lane. It Can Be Healthy. The New York Times. [online] 25 May. Available at: https://www.nytimes.com/2017/05/25/smarter-living/nostalgia-memories.html [Accessed 17 Feb. 2020]. What’s Your Grief (2013). Dealing with Stuff (literally): sorting through a loved ones belongings. [online] What’s Your Grief. Available at: https://whatsyourgrief.com/sorting-through-belongings/ [Accessed 17 Feb. 2020]. ‌ [1] https://whatsyourgrief.com/sorting-through-belongings/ [2] https://www.thebalance.com/what-do-you-need-to-do-when-someone-dies-3505207 [3] https://www.huffpost.com/entry/cleaning-out-a-deceased-l_b_6065480 [4] https://www.cbc.ca/news/canada/ottawa/donated-clothing-where-it-ends-up-1.4662023 [5] https://www.nytimes.com/2017/05/25/smarter-living/nostalgia-memories.html

Losing a loved one is a deeply painful, stressful, and overwhelming experience. It often feels like the grief will never cease, and the difficult emotions can ebb and flow over time. That said, eventually you will reach a ‘new normal’ that will be easier to manage, and you will likely start to think about how you can best remember your loved one and honour their memory. Remembering your loved one is a deeply personal experience. Everyone has their own way of honouring and evoking someone who has passed, and what works for one family or individual may not feel right for another. We have listed some meaningful ways of remembering a loved one. You can alter and amend them to create memorial traditions that work best for you. Support A Charity Or Cause Close To Their Hearts Everyone has specific causes and charities that truly speak to their hearts. One of the most meaningful ways that you can remember a loved one is to make a donation of cash or in-kind goods to a charity that they supported (or wanted to support) during their life. If your loved one passed away from an illness or a disease, you could also consider choosing a medical charity that helps raise funds for research and treatments. Purchase Memorial Jewellery Memorial jewellery comes in many different styles and options. For some, an engraved bracelet or a locket containing your loved one’s photo will be the ideal way of remembering them on a daily basis. Others prefer to purchase memorial ashes jewellery made out of a small amount of their loved one’s cremains. When you glance down at your jewellery, you’ll be flooded with memories of your friend, spouse, or relative. Commemorate Them With A Memorial Bench Memorial benches have long been a popular way to commemorate and honour a loved one’s life after they pass.[1] By placing the memorial bench in a in a scenic, peaceful, beautiful, or meaningful location, you can sit and remember the wonderful times you had with the departed. You can contact a memorial bench company who organise the bench for you, but you save a lot of money by speaking with the local council to get permission to place an engraved bench in your desired location. Keep Some of Their Treasured Items When a loved one close to you passes away, the responsibility of dealing with their home and estate may fall to you. While you will likely need to donate, sell, and throw away many of their household possessions, be sure to select some of their most treasured items to keep as meaningful keepsakes for years to come. Plant A Memorial Tree Memorial trees have long been a meaningful and significant way to honour a loved one or an event, and the practice occurs around the world.[2] A tree will blossom and bloom each year, reminding you of the celebration of life on a cyclical basis. You might choose to plant a tree in your garden, but if you want to do so in a park or public garden, ensure that you seek permission from the local council in advance. The planting ceremony can be laden with symbolism and meaning, and you can invite other loved ones to attend. Share Their Photos and Stories In An Online Remembrance Book Like a hard copy remembrance book at a funeral or memorial, you can leave memories and thoughts on an online remembrance book. Share the link with well-wishers who can’t make it to the memorial or funeral service. If you wish to take the online remembrance book one step further, you could also create dedicated online memorial website for your loved one. With a little tech savvy, you can form an online repository for photos, anecdotes, songs, and videos.[3] This is an especially good idea if you want to share memories with family members and friends across the country, and around the world. Don’t be afraid to bring them up and share their stories You might be tempted to avoid bringing up your deceased loved one, but experts say that this can actually prolong the most painful parts of the grieving process.[4] Don’t be afraid to talk about your loved one. This can include sharing your most treasured memories in a formal setting, or simply mentioning them in passing when you are reminded of them. Not only can this be healing for you, it can also help your friends and family members through their own grieving and healing process. Create A Shrine To Their Memory The word shrine is certainly a loaded one, but this term actually refers to an ancient and contemporary Greek custom of marking the passing of a loved one. The commemoration doesn’t end after the funeral; memorial services are held again on the 40th day after death, and then on an annual basis.[5] In addition, Greeks create small roadside shrines adorned with photos, candles, flowers, and religious icons.[6] You can do the same in your home or garden. Include items and icons that were meaningful to them during their lifetime. Select an Annual Day Of Celebration Speaking of the Greek Orthodox traditions above, many other cultures and religions around the world also take time out of the life at least once per year to remember their loved ones. In many Latin American countries, they do this one day per year, known as ‘Day of the Dead’ (Día de Muertos). On November 2nd each year, which is a national holiday in Mexico, people gather with friends and family in order to collectively remember their lost dead, making offerings to their loved ones, pray, and celebrate. Rather than celebrating all of your deceased loved ones on one day per year, you can make the celebration more personal by choosing to honour an individual each year on a date meaningful to them. You could do this on the anniversary of their death, or choose to focus your celebrations on their birthday. Play their favourite songs, eat some of their most-loved foods, and take the time to tell stories and reminisce about their life. Create A Memorial Quilt Memory quilts are an American tradition that is growing in popularity in the UK.[7] Create (or hire someone to create) a quilt using clothing, bedding, and other textiles that belonged to your loved one. Consider having some meaningful photos printed onto cotton and include them throughout the design. This can be a truly tactile and comforting way to remember your loved one that can be passed down for generations. Display your loved one’s photos in your home A time-honoured way to remember your loved one is to display their photo in a prominent place in your home. While some people are tempted to remove visible reminders of their loved ones from view to reduce the pain of loss, it can actually be more healing to have them in view.[8] Place a few photos in your home or on your desk where you can see them and smile. The grieving process is different for everyone Remember – there is no ‘one right way’ to grieve. Some of these suggestions and ideas will be suitable for you, and others might not feel quite right. Be creative, and do what you need to do to remember your loved one in the best way for you. Suggested Read:- How To Honor Your Loved Ones Who Have Passed Away Create an online memorial Reference list Cloke, P. and Pawson, E. (2008). Memorial Trees and Treescape Memories. Environment and Planning D: Society and Space, 26(1). Greek Boston (2015). What is the Greek Orthodox Memorial Service? [online] www.greekboston.com. Available at: https://www.greekboston.com/religion/memorial-service/ [Accessed 20 Feb. 2020]. Miller, J.T. (2014). How To Make an Online Memorial for a Departed Loved One. [online] HuffPost. Available at: https://www.huffpost.com/entry/how-to-make-and-online-me_b_5459622 [Accessed 21 Feb. 2020]. Patowary, K. (n.d.). The Roadside Shrines of Greece. [online] Amusing Planet. Available at: https://www.amusingplanet.com/2019/03/the-roadside-shrines-of-greece.html [Accessed 20 Feb. 2020]. Saner, E. (2018). Memorial benches – inspirational reminders, or grave eyesores? The Guardian. [online] 14 Mar. Available at: https://www.theguardian.com/news/shortcuts/2018/mar/14/memorial-benches-inspirational-reminders-or-grave-eyesores [Accessed 20 Feb. 2020]. Taibbi, R. (n.d.). Six Signs of Incomplete Grief. [online] Psychology Today. Available at: https://www.psychologytoday.com/ca/blog/fixing-families/201706/six-signs-incomplete-grief [Accessed 21 Feb. 2020]. What’s Your Grief (2014a). Creating a Memorial Quilt: the inspiring work of Lori Mason. [online] What’s Your Grief. Available at: https://whatsyourgrief.com/creating-memorial-quilt-lori-mason/ [Accessed 20 Feb. 2020]. What’s Your Grief (2014b). Photos of Deceased Loved Ones: The Great Debate. [online] What’s Your Grief. Available at: https://whatsyourgrief.com/photos-of-deceased/ [Accessed 21 Feb. 2020]. ‌ [1] https://www.theguardian.com/news/shortcuts/2018/mar/14/memorial-benches-inspirational-reminders-or-grave-eyesores [2] https://journals.sagepub.com/doi/abs/10.1068/d79j?journalCode=epda [3] https://www.huffpost.com/entry/how-to-make-and-online-me_b_5459622 [4] https://www.psychologytoday.com/ca/blog/fixing-families/201706/six-signs-incomplete-grief [5] https://www.greekboston.com/religion/memorial-service/ [6] https://www.amusingplanet.com/2019/03/the-roadside-shrines-of-greece.html [7] https://whatsyourgrief.com/creating-memorial-quilt-lori-mason/ [8] https://whatsyourgrief.com/photos-of-deceased/

Grieving is painful and difficult no matter what the time of year. However, as the holidays approach, it can become even more difficult. The first Christmas after a loved one dies is always hard.[1] There is something about the nostalgia and traditions of Christmas that can trigger the most severe feelings of grief, sometimes even years after the death. The grief isn’t always easy to deal with, so you might find that you want to do things differently, or even to ‘cancel’ your celebration. Surround yourself with understanding friends and family, or if you prefer, spend the day alone. Remember – there is no one ‘right way’ to grieve. Here are some of our thoughts and ideas about how to deal with grief at Christmas.[2] Do not feel guilty if you have moments of joy or laughter Sometimes the hardest parts about grieving are the unexpected jolts of guilt as you find yourself enjoying a moment or having a genuine laugh. Emotions are complex and layered, and sometimes people find that comedy can ease their pain. Watching a child open a gift, biting into a mince pie, or watching It’s a Wonderful Life can all trigger happiness, and that is normal and ok. It doesn’t mean that you miss your loved one any less. Don’t allow the sneaky tendrils of guilt to make you feel ashamed about any moments of Christmas joy that you may have. On the other hand, don’t feel guilty if this year, you simply have no holiday spirit at all. Implement new traditions As the first Christmas season after your loved one has passed approaches, you might want to think about implementing new traditions. Making a special effort to remember the person can be soothing at this time of year, and can be a meaningful moment in your celebration. Some people choose to set aside a few minutes for each person to speak about the person who has passed. Others light a candle and set it at the table, in the centre, or at a set place.  As a family, you may want to visit their grave, or a place that was special to them. If you have children, remember to involve them. Consider having Memorial Christmas Decorations made to include the person who has passed in your annual celebrations. These decorations include some of the ashes of your loved ones, giving them special significance and meaning. Handling Christmas with children after someone has passed Handling Christmas with children after someone they love has passed can be a tricky and complex experience. Children grieve in very different ways than adults,[3] and they might seem to be enjoying the season as normal, even when they are in pain inside. The most important thing that you can do is open the lines of communication, and let them know that they can share anything they are feeling with you. Let them know that they do not have to celebrate if they do not want to, and ask them if there are any new traditions they would like to start in order to remember the person who has passed. You do not have to celebrate Christmas Some grieving people find that the idea of celebrating Christmas feels distasteful or too painful. However, others wish to have as normal a Christmas as possible, complete all of the foods and traditions that they enjoyed with their loved one. Still others plan a simple celebration, a ‘pared down’ version of their usual fete. It is important to note that all of these options (or something completely different) are valid. If you choose not to celebrate Christmas this year, that might be the best choice for your own mental health and grieving process. Some people find that travelling during the season can help, as they are not surrounded by memories in their home. Remember that everyone in a family mourns differently We all have different ways of grieving, and so it makes sense that we handle Christmas in different ways. As the first Christmas after a death comes closer, conflict can arise within families, as different people will have different expectations about what should occur. As mentioned above, some people will want to ‘skip’ Christmas completely, as they cannot imagine celebrating at this sad time. However, others will wish to have a joyful celebration, complete with all of the traditions that make a family’s Christmas special. This can cause a rift in the family, as everyone has different expectations. Remember that they are also feeling pain, and try to be sensitive to their needs, while asking them to be sensitive for yours. Try to speak openly about your feelings. It is ok to protect your own wellbeing above all else. You might choose not to attend a family gathering this year, and that is perfectly acceptable. Let them know that you need this time to grieve privately, and you will likely join them next year. Consider scheduling a family get-together on Boxing Day or New Year’s Eve instead, or plan a ‘commemoration’ rather than a celebration. Remember to take care of yourself Self-care is one of the most commonly cited concepts around grief, but it can be easier said than done around Christmas time. The holiday season means that your schedule is most likely disrupted, and taking care of your physical and emotional needs can fall by the wayside. Christmas can mean drinking more alcohol than usual, but using alcohol to escape your loss only provides relief in the very short term. In reality, it can make your mental and physical health much worse. The same can be said for decadent treats. Remember that it is ok to indulge, but ‘drowning your sorrows’ in food or alcohol can have negative consequences. Many grieving people find that they are exhausted, both physically and emotionally. Take some long baths, enjoy a warming hot spiced apple juice, and take as many guilt-free afternoon naps as you wish. If you have young children to look after, see if some of your friends and family can pitch in to help. Most importantly – be kind to yourself. Don’t ruminate on all of the things you’re not doing this year. It’s ok that the house is a bit untidy, and it will be fine if the meal is more simple than usual. Grief at Christmas doesn’t only affect the recently bereaved Grief is not just something that the recently bereaved experience. Christmas and other holidays and anniversaries can trigger memories of long ago, reminding you of a loved one who passed in the past. It’s quite ironic that the ‘happiest time of year’ can reopen old wounds and plunge you back into the depths of grief. It can be hard to see the smiling faces of children and happy families when you are feeling the pain and ache of loss. Remember – there is nothing unusual about feeling sadness and pain over the death of a loved one, even if they passed away decades ago. You are not alone. Some people find comfort in ritual and religion, and attend their local church for prayer. Your church or the local council might host grief support groups specifically around Christmas, as many other people are grieving at this time of year. Speaking with others in a similar situation can help to alleviate your pain. How to say Merry Christmas to someone who is grieving It can be hard to know what to say to someone who is grieving, no matter what the time of year. It is especially difficult at Christmas time. If your are speaking to someone who has had a very recent loss, it can see insensitive to wish them ‘happy holidays’ or a ‘Merry Christmas.’ Instead, try some of the following statements. “I am thinking of you this Christmas. How are you doing?’ “I’m keeping you in my thoughts on this second holiday season after your loved one (say their name) passed.” “Would you be interested in joining us for Christmas? We understand if you would prefer to be alone.” “May I come visit you during the holiday season?” “What can I do to support you during this Christmas period?” Remember – it is always better to say something than to say nothing. Even if your sentiment comes out a bit awkward, it is always better than trying to avoid the topic. It’s ok to need support – please reach out Most importantly, remember to reach out if you are suffering. Speak with friends and family, and lean on your support system. If you are feeling very down, or experiencing thoughts of self-harm, please get in touch with Samaritans on freephone 116 123.  They're there for you 24 hours per day, and are there to listen and help.[4] [1] https://www.mariecurie.org.uk/blog/christmas-tips/220455 [2] https://www.ashesmemorialjewellery.com/blog/how-to-deal-with-grief/ [3] https://www.griefshare.org/holidays/helpcenter/helpinggrievingchildren [4] https://www.mind.org.uk/information-support/types-of-mental-health-problems/suicidal-feelings/#.XeUBE5NKjBJ Reference list Ashes Memorial Jewellery. (2019). How To Deal With Grief | Ashes Memorial Jewellery. [online] Available at: https://www.ashesmemorialjewellery.com/blog/how-to-deal-with-grief/ [Accessed 2 Dec. 2019]. Griefshare.org. (2019). Helping Grieving Children Through the Holidays - GriefShare. [online] Available at: https://www.griefshare.org/holidays/helpcenter/helpinggrievingchildren [Accessed 2 Dec. 2019]. Marie Curie. (2018). Christmas after the death of a loved one. [online] Available at: https://www.mariecurie.org.uk/blog/christmas-tips/220455 [Accessed 2 Dec. 2019]. Mind.org.uk. (2019). Suicidal feelings | Mind, the mental health charity - help for mental health problems. [online] Available at: https://www.mind.org.uk/information-support/types-of-mental-health-problems/suicidal-feelings/#.XeUBE5NKjBJ [Accessed 2 Dec. 2019].

Grief is inevitable. At some stage in life, everybody suffers the loss of something they cherish. Typical causes are the loss of a parent, child or sibling, the breakup of a relationship or the passing of a pet. Dealing with grief is a personal journey. There is no set formula or rule book that outlines how you should deal with loss. However, it is important that grief is not ignored as this can lead to psychological and emotional problems later in life. Although there is some debate as to the actual healing process after a loss, it is acknowledged that people overcome grief in stages. It is helpful to identify the different types of grief and understand the typical stages you go through during your recovery. What Are The Seven Stages of Grief? 1. Shock and Disbelief When someone becomes aware of a loss, the initial reaction is typically shock and disbelief. This is your brain’s protective mechanism kicking in to avoid you from being overwhelmed. Feelings of shock and disbelief suspend your pain until you are ready to grieve properly. How you respond to a change in circumstances, and the length of time it takes to pass through each stage, depends on various factors such as age, the closeness of the relationship and your emotional dependency on whatever it is you are missing from your life. 2. Denial Denial is another coping mechanism, a means of self-preservation. It is a subconscious way of suspending belief in order to avoid the feelings of being overwhelmed by pain. This phase takes form in different ways. Some people will deny they are grieving or affected by the loss whilst others will deny their loved one has gone. 3. Guilt A study performed by researchers at Columbia University revealed around 7% of bereaved people suffer from “complicated grief” - a prolonged period of suffering. This often involves ruminating about the circumstances for the loss, a difficulty in comprehending the finality of the situation, and excessive avoidance of anything that serves as a reminder. In some circumstances, it is quite normal for the bereaved to feel a sense of guilt during the grieving process, especially if the death was sudden or unnatural. Researchers at University College London found that shame and feelings of being stigmatised is a common response to unnatural and violent deaths. The report published in The Lancet Psychiatry reads: “…there were many similarities in the mental health problems experienced after bereavement by sudden unnatural causes and by suicide.” Thoughts and feelings may arise that you are to blame, even when you know deep down that you are not. It is common for survivor’s guilt to surface with expressions of what might have been “if only I had/hadn’t…” 4. Anger and Bargaining Stage four is the turning point in how people respond to grief and one of the most important to understand. Feelings of loss, disbelief and guilt can later arise as anger and frustration. It is a sign that you need an emotional release. Some people also negotiate with themselves in an attempt to work out what could have been done differently. This is a necessary process to overcome guilt. During this stage, it is important to find a healthy way to deal with your anger and during the bargaining process, acknowledge there is nothing you could have done to change the outcome. 5. Depression, Loneliness, Reflection Once the bereaved acknowledges the certainty of the loss, a period of depression will follow. This is often accompanied by reflection and feelings of loneliness as you realise those times are gone. In most cases, this stage involves an acute sadness, but can also demobilise people to the point where you do not have the energy or willingness to leave the house. During this stage, grieving is not about feeling the pain of loss, but a fear of the change in your life. This is particularly the case for people that have lost a loved one with whom they spent a lot of time. 6. Reconstruction of Working Through The final turn on the road to recovery begins to emerge in the sixth stage. This is the point in which the bereaved realises the situation cannot be changed and you need to move on. This does not mean you will forget about what you have lost. It’s normal to feel lonely from time to time even after many years. The important factor is that whatever grievances a person experiences, the only way to actually overcome loss is to move forward and find a way to enjoy life again. 7. Acceptance The acceptance stage is when a grieving person makes a conscious decision to move on and actively starts restructuring their life. This may involve a cleansing process of clearing out the possession of a loved one or moving them out of sight. It’s also quite natural to seek out old relationships, start a new hobby or join a social club. In Summary After a significant loss, it can be difficult to adjust to your new circumstances. The goal is to reach the acceptance stage, look beyond the present and focus on the future. Whilst some people struggle to overcome grief, understanding the stages we need to go through during the recovery process, can act as an incentive and encourage you to push yourself towards the next stage. Resources: https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC3384440/ https://www.ucl.ac.uk/psychiatry/ucl-bereavement-study https://www.webmd.com/balance/normal-grieving-and-stages-of-grief#1 https://www.nhs.uk/conditions/stress-anxiety-depression/dealing-with-grief-and-loss/

The death of someone we love, at any stage in our lives, is difficult to cope with.  No matter how expected and the preparation that could be done while the person is alive, the moment of death will still feel sudden and a shock. As an adult, dealing with personal feelings about death is difficult.  If you have children who are experiencing grief with you, it can be almost unbearable.  Marking the moment with memorial jewellery can help.  However, we recognise this is merely one small gesture at a time when life is challenging.  To offer some help, a supporting hand on your shoulder, we have provided the following guide to helping children cope with death. How Do Children React to Death? It is important to first state that children respond differently to death than adults.  Adults should beware before imposing an adult framework on the actions and reactions of the child. Children, when told of the death of a loved one, may not react.  You will be concerned that they may not have understood the news.  Death is indeed a difficult concept for a child, who has yet to conceive of personal mortality.  However, it is likely that the message has been received and they just need time to work out what this means.  Do not press this, inform the child that you know it is a lot of news to receive and that you will be here if they have questions or would like to talk about it.  Give the child room to come to you when the news has settled a little.  They will need you at some point. The reaction at the news of a death will vary depending on the age of the child and the child's history.  There are all sorts of factors that will impact on the reaction of children, from their personality to whether they have experienced death before.  Trust your knowledge of your child and respond as your instincts suggest. Despite the individuality of the child, age is a determinant on how they will conceive of death. Under six months: the child will have no concept of death but will react to the grief of parents.  They may experience feeding and sleeping difficulties. Six months to two years: The child still does not understand death.  Again, the child will respond to the upset of caregivers and will have a sense that something is wrong.  At two, the child will notice someone missing.  You could see that they cry a lot and have tummy aches.  They may demonstrate regressive behaviours and maybe wet the bed again or request a dummy. Two to five years: Children will talk about death, but they will not realise that it cannot be undone.  They may ask questions that show difficulty in believing that the person will not come back.  It is possible that they may feel to blame for the death.  They will ask many questions, and they will need reassurance that you are not just going to die soon too. Five to ten years: Children will now know that death is permanent.  They will understand that it happens to everyone and will likely worry about the death of others too.  They will probably ask many questions about what happens to people when they die.  Be aware that children of this age will want to be a comfort to others and so may mask personal feelings, fearing it may distress loved ones more if they are upset. A child will likely swing between moods quickly.  They will grieve and then suddenly return to normal life.  They may cry one minute and then become absorbed in a game in the next.  This is completely normal, and psychologists call it puddle-jumping.  If the puddle is the child's grief, it is easy to imagine the child jumping in and out of these moments. Children, much more than adults, will entertain magical thinking.  This thinking will lead them to believe that they can control the situation with their thoughts.  They may argue that they thought or said something that caused this event to happen.  It might be that they believe they can do something that will bring the person back. How to Explain Death to a Child Talking to a child about someone dying is one of the most challenging tasks you will likely face.  It may be tempting to ask a professional or someone who is less emotional to talk to the child.  The best person to tell the child is the person who would typically give them care or the person they would run to if they hurt themselves. You may be worried about upsetting or frightening them.  However, of absolute importance is that you are honest and transparent in what you say.  You will need to use simple language, use words like "died" and "dead" and avoiding words like "passed" and "lost" and "asleep" that are too abstract for a child to process. Be aware: your child’s imagination is powerful and can be worse than the reality.  Therefore, being unambiguous, without euphemism, is going to be the most useful approach.  It would be best if you also told the child straight away, as you don't want them to overhear. If you need to assess the child's level of understanding of what you have told them you should wait for them to ask a question.  Before answering the question respond with "What do you think?" This question will allow the child to demonstrate how much they understand what has happened. It would be best if you then described to the child what to expect next.  There may be lots of visitors, for instance.  There may be people who want to ask lots of questions.  There will also be a funeral and the wake after the funeral.  It is best to describe this to the child, so they recognise what is happening as it happens. In all of this, you will be upset too.  You are in pain.  It is fine to show this to the child, as you are role-modelling appropriate emotional behaviour.  If you are crying, try to explain it is because you are sad because the person has died.  You could explain to them that crying is our body's way of releasing the feelings and can act as a medicine.  Cuddling them will make all the difference. How Do You Continue to Help A Child Deal with Death? By showing your feelings, you will encourage the child to show their feelings.  Continue to reassure them that they are loved with cuddles and with words. As time goes on it is essential to return to routines as quickly as possible.  Maintain bedtimes and mealtimes as much as possible, for instance.  Your child's school will be able to help with support during bereavement and sending them to school might be the best idea.  There will be a chance for the child to forget for a while and this will give you the space to do the many activities that come with the death of a loved one. Be prepared to listen.  The child may want to tell a story of the person they remember.  Allow them to speak about the person and talk back a little. Try not to overload the child with too many details, listen and add details where it seems appropriate. It is a good idea to avoid telling them how they should feel.  It is probably too complex to understand how you feel, so there is no set way a young person should feel either.  You may say "it is ok to be sad" or the opposite "don't feel sad" – neither may hit upon what the child is thinking and feeling at that moment.  So, listening to what the child says is important, and answer questions where you can. A child will want to help, as any human does in this situation.  Give the child a small role that they can do to support you.  This could be something small and achievable, but you could make it clear that it would make all the difference at this time. Signs That Your Child May Need Professional Help In the first few weeks, it is normal for there to be disruption and upset.  Sometimes it is important to sit back and wait to see if the emotional disruption will pass.  After a time there may be a pattern of behaviour that becomes worrying, and you may need to seek professional support, either from the school or from your GP.  Some signs to look out for include: The child begins to ask for help with things they were previously able to do for themselves; regression is a common sign of insecurity and shows an underlying fear that life is not what they imagined it to be. They begin to cry a lot: as with adults, uncontrolled emotional outbursts should be a sign of concern. If the child is crying a lot without good reason, then this may be a sign that they need to speak to someone. Their performance begins to decline in school and doesn't pick up again: remember that it is expected that a child may struggle for a little while. Therefore, an immediate reaction at school should be expected but if the child continues to struggle or show indifference, then there may need to be intervention. They seem to be pre-occupied, worried, anxious and nervous: it is likely that the child will become clingy, or the opposite, they may become distant. Both may be a sign that they fear the loss of someone else in life and do not want to experience the same level of hurt. Oddly, a child who is trying too hard to be good may also need support.  A child is more likely to succumb to magical thinking, believing if they do everything right then the person will come back.  It could be that this overly good behaviour needs help as much as any signs of aggression, which is an expression of the loss of control and helplessness in the face of loss. Sleep problems may develop, and bedwetting is an outward sign of emotional distress Children may revisit this grief at significant milestones in life. They may suddenly become sad as they start a new school, or they win a race on sports day. This is to be expected, as they may feel guilt at moving on or may feel angry that this person is not there to be with them.  It is a good idea to continue to speak about feelings even beyond a time when you think the grief has passed. Summary This guide cannot replace the support you may need from health and social care experts.  A qualified professional will be able to offer advice that is personal to your situation and your little person.  You are also the best person to know how to support your child.  We just know this is a difficult time and we hope the points we have addressed will offer some support and small moments of relief.

One of the sad realities of the strong and loving bonds we have with friends and family is that we will all experience the feelings of grief when they pass away. The loss of a parent, friend, spouse or even a pet can create a sense of anguish and depression that can last months or even years. While we often think of grief as arising when someone dies, this complicated emotion can also emerge after a divorce, the loss of a job, Dealing with grief has always been a part of the human condition, and countless poets, musicians and artists have struggled to express their own loss and pain. For the average person, the grieving process can feel like it will never end. Thankfully, there are many resources out there that can help you in your time of grief. What Is Grief? There is no easy definition for grief, as it means very different things to different people. Generally speaking, grief is a multidimensional and complex response to a loss. The loss is usually of a loved person or pet that has died, but it can also be in response to the loss of a job, relationship or other important bond. While people tend to think of grief as solely an emotional experience, it has many other facets. These can include behavioural, physical, social, and spiritual affects on an individual. Is Bereavement the Same Thing as Grief? Grief often refers to the emotional and physical state that one undergoes after a period of immense and profound loss. The term bereavement, however, refers to the temporal period during which this mourning takes place. We tend to refer to the ‘bereavement period,’ during which time a person experiences acute grief. What Are The Symptoms Of Grieving? Each person goes through the grief process in their own way, and they can find themselves experiencing all of these symptoms, or none that are listed. Emotional When someone is grieving, they tend to display at least a few of the emotional symptoms listed below. These symptoms can come and go, and tend to lessen over time. They can arise again around the times of important anniversaries, birthdays and other holidays. A state of ‘numbness’ or an inability to feel anything Crying jags Increased irritability with others Bitterness, anger and rage Detaching from those around you Becoming preoccupied with the loss An inability to feel happiness, joy or calm Anxiety about minor issues These are all completely normal reactions to a loss, and a person experiencing them should never be judged or made to ‘hurry up’ with the process. Physical Grief is so much more than mental pain and suffering – it can also wreak havoc on your physical health. Some of the most common physical symptoms of grief include: Digestive issues – diarrhoea, constipation, upset stomach Extreme fatigue Headaches, ranging from mild to severe Sore muscles Nerve pain throughout the body Pains in the chest or shoulders While these symptoms are normal, if they progress into severe pain you should always contact your GP, or the out of hours service. What Is The Grieving Process? It is always important to note that there is no ‘one’ grieving process. Everybody experiences grief differently, but there is a common model that has found popularity over the past 50 years. The 5 Stages of Grief (also called the Kubler-Ross model) is a concept that was introduced in 1969 by Swiss-American psychiatrist Elisabeth Kübler-Ross. It is still one of the most popular models used today, and can help many people understand what they are going through and why. Not everyone progresses through these stages at the same rate, and some people go up and down the ladder before eventually settling on acceptance. These are the 5 Stages of Grief: Denial – Most people experience an initial period of denial. You might believe that there has been a mistake, that a diagnosis is wrong, or that there is somehow a way that the tragedy is not happening. Anger – Next, once a person can no longer deny what is happening, people often feel a state of frustration, anger, even rage. It is common to look for someone to blame, and lash out at the potential perpetrator. Bargaining – At this stage, an individual tries to bargain for a better outcome. This stage is most common after a diagnosis of a terminal disease. Depression – This stage can last the longest, and can come and go. Depression takes over, and a person can start to feel despair, and like there is no point in continuing on with their life. Acceptance – Finally, a person will make it to a state of acceptance. They come to an understanding of the circumstances, and they begin to forge a path forward. What Are The Different Types Of Grief Disorders? While grief affects each person differently (and we all experience the bereavement period at our own pace), some people find that their grief has progressed to an unmanageable level. Some common grief disorders include prolonger grief disorder, and complicated grief disorder. Prolonged Grief Disorder Prolonged grief disorder is classified as severe grief that impairs an individual for more than 6 months after the traumatic event. This disorder occurs quite frequently, and affects some people much more often than others. Prolonged grief disorder affects some people (those with a family history of the issue) more frequently than others. This disorder tends to affect women more often than men, but it can be found across all genders, income levels, ethnicities and religions. Complicated Grief Disorder Complicated grief disorder and prolonged grief disorder share many things in common, but the hallmark of CGD is that the individual is at the same level of trauma and pain more than 6 months after the event in question. The ‘normal’ process (wherein grief starts to fade and progress through stages) after a few months does not occur, and individuals remain stuck in a perpetual state of fresh trauma. How To Cope With Grief It is important to note that there is no ‘right way’ to grieve. Some people will cling to their loved one’s belongings, while others will want to have a purge. Some take great comfort in speaking about the issue at length to all who will listen, but others will prefer discreet conversations with a counsellor. Of course, addiction and self-harm are not productive or positive responses to grief; if you are feeling suicidal or struggling with addiction, you should seek medical help immediately. Speak To a Counsellor Professional counsellors have extensive training to help people struggling with grief. You will be amazed at how much better you feel after simply unloading your thoughts and feelings. Take Comfort In Reminders Of Your Loved One Many people find that keeping photos, memorial ashes jewellery, letters and other keepsakes on hand can help them to deal with their loss. Join a Support Group Grief support groups can be found in even the smallest villages and towns. Gathering with others who are also experiencing a loss can be a great comfort. Take a Course Of Anti-Depressants For some people, grief can trigger a depressive episode that needs treatment with prescription medicines. Speak to your doctor to find out if an anti-depressant might help. Spend Time With Friends or Engaging In a Hobby One of the best things you can do when grieving is to spend some time with your friends enjoying their company. Get outside, engage in a hobby, or go out for a nice meal – all of these activities can help you take your mind off of your loss. Engage in Self-Care Now is the time to do the small things for yourself that make you feel your best. A hot bath, long walk, meditation, or healthy foods – these can all help you while you are grieving. Remember That It Will Take Time Time can both slow down and speed up while you are grieving. It is common to feel like you should be ‘over it’ only a few months later. Grieving can take years – be patient with yourself. When Should You Seek Help? You should seek help for your grief when your depression or angst starts to feel unmanageable, or if you start to feel suicidal. There are many charities in the UK that can help you, including: Your local NHS Cruse Bereavement Mind Mental Health The Good Grief Trust