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There are few certainties in life, except life itself, and that one day this will end.  Throughout our life, we will experience many funerals.  Despite this, no one becomes an expert at organising or attending an event that marks the loss of someone close to you. It can be tempting to avoid the funeral.  Nobody wants to experience intense emotions or face loss head-on.  However, there are reasons we go through such rituals. The team, at Ashes Memorial Jewellery have put together a guide to help people know all they need to about the funeral process. Why Do We Have Funerals? There are lots of reasons why we choose to have a funeral.  The ultimate aim is practical, as something must be done with the body.  It would seem insensitive to dispose of this body as if there was little meaning to life. You may argue that the person has gone and has no idea that the funeral has occurred. Most of the meaning in the burial is indeed for the living.  In many respects, we are reassured that we are treated well when we die and not just discarded carelessly.  It is about respect. However, there are more pertinent benefits of the funeral.  It is a means of paying tribute to a person's life.  This, in turn, helps us to acknowledge, if not yet accept, that this life has come to an end.  It is a marker that tells us it is time to start mourning.  Without the funeral, it would be easy to fall foul of magical thinking, to assume it was all a mistake, and the person did not die.  The reality of death is evident in the box and the service that focuses on saying goodbye. Going to the funeral will also bring you together with friends and family who are also mourning the loss.  It is comforting to be with others who feel similar levels of pain and understand the sense of loss.  This congregation of people will allow everyone to be open about feelings and to express these. What Happens At A Funeral? There are lots of traditions and beliefs that mean one funeral may be different from the next.  Your religion will have a significant impact on the timing and the service.  If you are not religious, this too will impact on the way the service will be conducted. The ceremony will take place in a church, a chapel or a crematorium, or other religious building.  When arriving, you will likely be ushered in to take your seat before the family, and the coffin arrive.  Some services require you to enter behind the family.  The front rows of the service are for the family.  If you are not close to the person, then you should sit towards the back. The choice of who leads the service depends on your religion.  It may be a celebrant or humanist, or it could be a minister of your faith.  You will likely be presented with an order of ceremonies when you arrive.  This pamphlet will let you know what is going to happen, who will speak, and the hymns that will be sung.  It will also let you know where you can join the family for drinks and food after the ceremony. There is such a lot of choice of what can happen at this ceremony that it will be individual to the family involved. Be aware; the coffin may be on view throughout or shielded behind a curtain.  In a crematorium, part of the ceremony is to remove the casket from view.  You will not see the process of cremation. At a burial, the mourners will move to the graveside behind the coffin.  There will be more words by the grave, and the casket will be lowered into the ground.  Many burials include the dropping of earth, flowers or other objects onto the grave.  Sometimes, only the immediate family proceed to the graveside. Showing emotions at a funeral is to be expected but is not necessary.  You will react-how-you-react.  You should take some tissues just in case. Do You Have To Have A Funeral? No law demands you must have a funeral.  The law states that you must "dispose of the body of the person who has died by burial, cremation or other means."  You can choose to have the burial outside the formal structures of a church or crematorium. This means your choices are: A traditional funeral, either a crematorium or burial Direct cremation, where the body is disposed of without a service. A funeral director can arrange this, and the ashes can be delivered directly to the family. Natural Burial – here the family organise for the burial to take place in a natural place or woodland burial site. This means that all the details of the funeral are entirely at the discretion of the family. DIY funeral – there is no legal requirement to hire a funeral director. You can arrange all the details yourself, from collecting the body from mortuary, transporting them to the burial and more.  Most professionals in the arena of funerals will want you to have a funeral director, but it is not necessary. How Long After A Death Is A Funeral? Some religions require the burial to happen very quickly after death, out of respect to the person.  However, the average time between death and a funeral is two weeks.  If there is an inquest into the death, the funeral may be delayed because the body may not be released. How Much Does A Funeral Cost? Much depends on your choices when planning the funeral.  However, the average cost for burial is close to £5000 and for cremation is £4000.  There are lots of details that will affect the price of the funeral, including: the location the type of coffin the choice of transport the flowers the catering The most significant proportion of costs will likely be the coffin. You will also need to consider the cost of the funeral director, the doctor's fees, the celebrant or service leader, the burial or cremation fees, the headstone, and the fees for other administration costs.  By hiring a funeral director, you will get help with the collection and care of the deceased, as well as additional professional guidance. Who Pays For A Funeral If There Is No Money? If there is no money in the person’s estate, then family and friends are expected to cover the cost of the funeral.  If this is not an option, then you will need to explore how to fund the funeral. Options include: The funeral director may take payment by instalments There may be charities who would be willing to help with the expenses You may also qualify for a Funeral Expenses Payment. If you are claiming benefits, you are entitled to this Funeral Expenses Payment. Here the government gives money towards the funeral costs, though you should apply within six months of the funeral.  To qualify, you need to be a close family member such as a sibling, parent or dependent. Bereavement support payments can also be claimed if your husband, wife or civil partner has died and either you or the deceased has made NI contributions for at least 25 weeks and if they died because of an accident or disease caused by work. They will need to be under State Pension age and living in the UK. What Do You Wear To A Funeral? It may be that the family gives some direction about the dress code.  Some people feel it is appropriate to wear bright colours to celebrate the life of the person.  If the person is young, then something more colourful may feel necessary. However, if there is no mention of dress-code from the family, then you need to assume that it is going to be formal and you should wear dark colours.  You are unlikely to be expected to wear dress clothes for most funerals, just smart clothes in darker tones. For women, it is appropriate to wear dark dresses or suits.  You should, however, keep your shoulders covered.  Avoid bright sundresses and do not reveal too much. The ideal options are a skirt or pantsuit or a dress.  However, it is also fine to wear a skirt and blouse or sweater. For men, you will likely wear a dark suit or a buttoned-up shirt.  Your shirt should be tucked in, and you should wear dress shoes. Both genders need to avoid athletic shoes and flipflops, and it is not appropriate to wear jeans. How Do You Find Out When A Funeral Is? It is usual for the family to place a funeral notice in the local newspaper. This informs others of the death, as well as giving details of arrangements.  It does not have to be a local newspaper; you can publish this notice online and can be this is considered just as respectful.  Therefore, if you are trying to find out when a funeral is, you may want to try the internet first. What Do You Say Someone Who Is Attending A Funeral? Fearing that you are going to be struck dumb or say the wrong thing could make you dread the day of the funeral.  However, if you are looking for some prompts, then some possible phrases could be: I am so sorry. Your mother/ father/ uncle… was loved by many He was a wonderful person and talented at….. Please know that you are all in my prayers I have such good memories of…. she will be missed. When you feel ready, please call me if you need to Do not be afraid to talk about the deceased.  The point of such a day is to share memories and feelings of loss. Summary It is never easy to attend a funeral.  However, it is essential to the healing that will begin soon.  It is a formal ritual that helps us make the passing of a loved one real.  We can say goodbye to them and show our respect and love.  It does not have to be something elaborate to be special.  The point is to respect the life of the person lost and to offer some celebration for life lived. If you would like to memorialise a loved one, then get in touch to learn more about how we can turn ashes to jewellery.

The horrible irony of loss is that at a time when you want to shut down and ignore the world, you must organise so much.  The loss of a loved one can be emotionally overwhelming, but there are legal steps that must be taken, and you must somehow summon the strength to undertake these obligations. This guide aims to make clear you should do in the event of a death.  We hope that this explanation of all that needs to be done will help you through this difficult time. Expected deaths in the home If the end is expected, for instance, if the person has a terminal illness, then you should call the family doctor and their nearest relative.  As the death was expected by the authorities, as well as you, there is little delay in the issuing of a medical certificate, which will allow you to register the death.  The GP should be able to do this for you as soon as you are ready to discuss the passing of the loved one.  This certificate will then allow you to contact a funeral director and begin the necessary arrangements. Unexpected deaths in the home If the death is unexpected, the event is treated in a way dependent on the circumstance.  Therefore, you are best to call 111. An advisor will talk you through all you have to do.  It may be that this death will need to be reported to a coroner to be investigated.  This coroner may request a post-mortem and may open an inquest.  As this could take some time, the arrangements for a funeral may be delayed. Deaths in Hospital The hospital will be well versed in what needs to happen in the event of a death.  The support you will receive should help you deal with the immediate aftermath of the loss.  The hospital will issue the medical certificate and the formal notice.  They will also keep the body in the hospital mortuary until a funeral director or another individual organises the transfer to a chapel of rest or to the family home. Register a death It is important to register the death within five days in England and Wales and within eight days in Scotland.  Failure to register the death in time can lead to a £200 fine.  The deadline can be delayed by a further nine days if the registrar is aware that a medical certificate has been issued.  It may be that the death is reported to a coroner; in this case, you will not be able to register the death formally until the coroner has completed the investigation. The process of registering a death is straightforward.  Here are the steps you should take: Step 1: Locate your nearest register office.  This is where you would declare births, deaths and marriages and is likely to be connected to council offices.  Call the office and request an appointment to register the death.  Do this as soon as you can, as the office can become busy. Step 2: Select the person to register the death. Usually, the person to register the death is a close relative.  If there is no relative, then there are only a limited number of other options.  Only a person who was present at the death or lives in the same house as the deceased, or the person arranging the funeral who is not a funeral director can register the death. Step 3: Collect together the necessary paperwork.  You will need a lot of documentation to register the death successfully.  Most importantly, you will need the medical certificate of cause of death, which will be signed by a doctor.  You will also need the birth certificate, council tax bill, driving licence, passport, marriage or civil partnership certificate, an NHS medical card and proof of address.  If some of this paperwork is not available, then it likely that the registering of death can still go ahead.  The only document you must have is the medical certificate from the doctor. Step 4: Attend the appointment.  You will be expected to provide all relevant information to the registrar to enable them to register the death.  This will take about 30 minutes.  You will need the full names of the person, their full home address, date and place of birth, details of when and when the person died, their occupation, and whether they were receiving benefits.   You will also need to provide the name, occupation and date of birth of a spouse or their civil partner, if applicable. Once you have registered the death, you will receive a Certificate of Registration of Death.  There will also be some other relevant documents that will be essential for the next steps. You will receive a green certificate for the burial or cremation.  You can also request a Death Certificate for a small fee. You will need this Death Certificate for many of the legal and financial arrangements to come.  This is the official notification of the death issued by the registrar and declares that the death has occurred. How to arrange a funeral It may be that the person who has died has left instructions in a letter or will for how the funeral should be arranged.  If this is the case, you can pass these to a funeral director who can enact these wishes.  However, if there is no such direction from the deceased, then the executor or nearest relative will decide if the body is to be cremated or buried and the other details of a funeral. The steps for arranging a funeral are not as difficult as you may fear. Step 1: Find a funeral director.  The National Association of Funeral Directors and the National Society of Allied and Independent Funeral Directors lists all the funeral directors, and you should be able to find organisations in your area. Step 2: Get more than one quotation.  As distressing as this might sound, you should seek out more than one quote for funeral services.  As with any business, there are different levels of service, and some are more expensive than others.  Make sure this quote is itemised and includes: the services of the funeral director; the cost of the coffin; the transfer of your loved one from the place of death to the Chapel of Rest and then to the funeral; the cost of the hearse and all the necessary arrangements and paperwork.  You will need to ask about other expenses, such as the crematorium, the clergy or pastor, the doctors and others.  It is likely the funeral director will request these additional fees up front. Step 3: Talking through the options. You will then need to consider all the different options for the funeral.  This can be distressing, but most people report that this is an essential process for coming to terms with death.  You will need to think about the type of service, the music, who will speak and what will happen after the funeral.  You may wish to invite people to celebrate the life of the person at a wake or similar event. Step 4: Paying for the funeral.  It is an unfortunate truth that a funeral is expensive.  It can be paid for by family members and friends.  However, other options may be available.  There could be a lump sum payout from a life insurance policy or a pension scheme.  It could be that the individual took out a pre-paid funeral plan or that there is enough money in the person's estate to cover the costs.  The cost of the funeral is taken first before any other debt.  You may be able to release money from the deceased's bank account.  However, money from the person's estate may be delayed while in probate.  If the person dies intestate, this could delay the processing of the estate significantly. You can get help with funeral costs from the Social Fund if you are on a low income.  There are strict rules on who can receive this help and how much they can receive.  If you don’t qualify for a payment from the Social Fund, you may still be able to get an interest-free loan for up to £1500. Who do you need to tell about a death? Informing people of the death of a loved one can be raw and painful.  However, there are certain people you should tell and people you must tell. You must tell government organisations.  The government has a Tell Us Once service.  This service will allow you to notify organisations of a person’s death all at the same time.  Although this service is not available in all areas of the UK, where it is available it can help you inform HMRC, DWP, the passport office, the DVLA, the local council and, if applicable, Veterans UK. You will also need to inform: the pension scheme provider, the insurance company, the bank and building society, an employer or school, the mortgage provider, housing association, council offices, the social services, all the utility companies, any medical services including the GP, dentist and optician.  It is a good idea to instruct a solicitor to act your behalf too. You can also register the death with the Bereavement Register.  This will remove the name of your loved one from mailing lists and should prevent receipt of upsetting reminders in the future. You should also seek to inform relatives, friends, employers, and schools – or anyone who has a personal stake in the life of the individual.  This can be difficult, and you may wish to enlist the support of someone close to help you with this process. Death Certificates When informing organisations of the death of a loved one, they are likely to request a copy of the death certificate.  You will have been given the option to purchase a death certificate from the registrar upon the registering of the death.  It is an essential document for those who are managing the estate of the deceased.  It is a good idea to request many copies of this death certificate.  Each certified copy will cost £11 in England and Wales. If you did not get multiple copies of the death certificate when registering the death, you will need to apply to get a copy.  You can do this by contacting the General Register Office in England and Wales.  The insurance companies and the banks are unlikely to accept photocopies of a death certificate. The same people who registered the death, e.g. relatives or a person with the deceased at the time of death, can collect the death certificate. Bereavement Support Services There are practical arrangements in the event of a death, and then there are the pressing emotional challenges to face.  Grief is challenging for everyone.  It is not something that is easily managed alone or without the support of professionals.  Therefore, it is a good idea to reach out to Bereavement Support Services.  Here we introduce some of the possible services you could approach. Cruse Bereavement Care: Cruse is a national charity that aims to help people through the process of grief.  They can offer face-to-face sessions, group conversations, telephone calls, email and website support. The Coroners Courts Support Service: If the death is unexpected and there is an inquest or investigation into the death, then loved ones can seek support from the Coroner’s Court.  This group can offer both emotional and practical support in the lead up to an inquest. Child Bereavement UK:  Is there anything more complicated than the loss of a child?  This service offers help to the loved ones of a child.  However, they also provide support to children who suffer grief too.  The Child Death Helpline is also available and is staffed by trained bereaved parent volunteers. Grief Encounter helps those who are suffering from the emotional consequences of death.  They can offer conversation and information, as well as access to professional support. There are also specific support organisations who serve particular circumstances.  If there has been a suicide, or the death as a result of a terminal illness, or sudden infant death – then specific charities will provide support groups and advice. In summary The period after death is traumatic.  Many people who have dealt with death will tell you that the practical arrangements required are challenging but in some ways a blessing.  The feelings of helplessness and loss of control can contribute to the pain of missing someone.  Therefore, by organising paperwork and funerals, there is something to be done, no matter how sad. What is essential to remember above all else is that you should not seek to do this all by yourself.  Grief, if ignored, can create problems in the future.  Remember to reach out and allow the feelings to come and go.  Negative emotions may not quickly pass, but at some point, you will be able to remember and smile again. Extended reading resource:- Publish an Obituary

Introduction The death of a pet can be an incredibly sad and emotionally draining experience. Most of us have a deep emotional bond with our dogs, cats, birds, rabbits and the other creatures we share our homes with, and the pain cuts deep when they pass away. When your pet first passes away, it can feel like the pain will never end. From shock to guilt, sadness to anger, you are likely to experience a whole range of emotions. While some people might not understand why you are so upset, most people have also lost a pet in the past, and most of your friends, family, and colleagues will be very kind and understanding. Remember to be kind and gentle with yourself, and don’t rush the grieving process. Read ahead for more information and advice on how to deal with the death of a pet. Why Can The Loss Of A Pet Be So Painful? Our pets are often the only relationships in our lives that are purely based on love and unconditional acceptance, with no judgement, anger, or ‘emotional baggage’ attached. A dog, cat or other furry/feathered friend is a member of the family, providing you with seemingly endless amounts of love and companionship. For some of us, our pet is our only companion, keeping us social and helping us to get out of the house. For others, our pets provide much needed emotional and/or physical support. They are always there to greet you when you arrive home, and sit with you at the end of a long day. Losing this reliable and constant friend can be a profound and incredibly painful experience. Whether you have had your pet for a few years or a few decades, you will feel their loss. The ways that your own grief will manifest will likely depend on your personality, your age, how long you have had your pet, your pet’s age and medical issues, and if you have other pets in the home. For some people, it is easier to accept the death of a pet when it is of an advanced age, while for others this makes the loss even more painful. Just remember – everyone is different. What Can You Expect When Your Pet Passes? When your pet first passes, it is normal to experience a sense of shock and disbelief. You might even have a hard time believing that your pet is truly gone. Everyone undergoes grief in his or her own way, so your own grieving process will be an intensely personal experience. Some common emotions that people report experiencing include depression, denial, anger, and guilt. You might feel anger directed at your veterinarian, and blame them for not doing enough to save your canine or feline companion. It is very natural to place blame on yourself, and to even feel guilty for not being able to save your sweet friend. You might find that your own grief comes in a series of stages. It might also come in waves, or as a series of highs and lows. You might start feeling ‘better’ one day, only to be extremely sad or angry the next. Try not to be too hard on yourself – this is normal, and you will soon be able to think about your beloved pet with fondness and love rather than sadness and pain. Even years from now, a sight, smell, or song might trigger a strong memory of your pet, causing a twinge of grief. How To Prepare Yourself For The Loss Of Your Pet? It is not always possible to prepare for the loss of your pet. If your pet dies in an accident, or has a rapidly advancing terminal illness, you may not have any time to prepare yourself. However, if you do have any warning in advance, consider the following: Accept Your Pet's Fate Coming to terms with your pet’s diagnosis might be one of the hardest things you have ever had to do. After all, we all want our pets to live happy, healthy, and long lives and to pass away peacefully of old age. Consider getting a second opinion from a different vet. If the diagnosis is clear, you need to dig deep and focus on your pet’s needs in order to do right by them and prevent them from suffering. Talk To The Vet The most important step is to talk to your vet and take their advice. They can tell you if your pet is experiencing any pain, and make recommendations on the next steps. If your pet is terminally ill but not feeling any pain, your vet might advise that it is ok to take them home for weeks/months, or even years. However, if they state that they believe it is time to administer euthanasia, it is vital that you follow their advice. This can be very emotionally painful, but you can say goodbye and ensure that your pet passes away peacefully. Make Sure You Have Memorabilia Maybe you have hundreds of photos of your pet’s younger days, but have a look to ensure that you have photos of them as they look now. The white on their muzzle and the wizened expression is how you know and love them today, and you will want to be able to look back on all stages of their life. Once your pet has passed away, you can request to have their ashes returned to you. Some people like to display their pet’s ashes in an urn, while other prefer to have their pet’s ashes embedded in pet memorial jewellery. This allows you to take them with you wherever you go. How To Help Yourself Cope With The Loss Of A Pet Everyone goes through pet bereavement in his or her own way, and so it is important to remember that your grief is normal. As listed above, you might feel angry, sad, guilty, or even depressed, but you are not alone. Even if no one else in your life is going through this with you, you can always find support on Facebook groups and other online forums. While some people will feel much better within a few weeks or months, others will be in the grieving process for years. Don’t try to escape or avoid your feelings, as this can make the pain and depression more acute. Some people find a lot of comfort in rituals and services, so don’t hesitate to hold a funeral for your pet if this would help you and provide closure. Some of your friends or colleagues might not be able to understand the level of grief you are going through, but don’t let anyone make you feel ashamed for your reaction. If you are having a hard time moving on after a few months or a year, you could consider speaking with a counsellor or therapist to help you healthily manage your emotions. Just always be patient and kind with yourself, and take comfort in your memories. Many people enjoy keeping mementoes and keepsakes of their pets in visible places to remind them of the good times. This can include photos, a favoured toy, pet memorial jewellery, or placing their ashes on display. How To Explain The Death Of A Pet To a Child? The death of a pet is likely to be one of your child’s profound losses. If this is their first experience of death or dying, it is a chance to model healthy grieving practices and coping mechanisms. While you should keep them from seeing anything too upsetting, it is important not to hide the loss from them. This is likely to be acutely painful for your child, so make sure that they know they are allowed to feel angry, sad, or confused. Their initial reaction may even be to blame you, which can add to your own grief. Just remember that this is a trying time for everyone, and to be kind and gentle. Explaining pet death to a child is never easy, but it is very important. Resist the urge to lie to your child by telling them that your dog or cat ‘went to live elsewhere’ or ‘ran away.’ While you might be trying to protect your child from the harshness of death, it can make them feel even more frightened and confused. Make sure that you answer their inevitable questions as honestly and openly as you can, and allow them to say goodbye (if possible) in advance, which can provide much-needed closure. Do not be surprised if your child begins to express worry or doubt about other loved ones dying or leaving them. Death is confusing and upsetting for all of us, and their minds are grappling with this new experience. Reassure them that you are not going anywhere, and reiterate that they did not do anything to cause this death. Reading books and watching short videos are also good ways to help them cope with their emotions. Summary Losing a pet can be one of the hardest things to go through, and some people claim it is even more painful than losing a friend or family member. Remember that grief takes time and that you are not alone.

The death of someone we love, at any stage in our lives, is difficult to cope with.  No matter how expected and the preparation that could be done while the person is alive, the moment of death will still feel sudden and a shock. As an adult, dealing with personal feelings about death is difficult.  If you have children who are experiencing grief with you, it can be almost unbearable.  Marking the moment with memorial jewellery can help.  However, we recognise this is merely one small gesture at a time when life is challenging.  To offer some help, a supporting hand on your shoulder, we have provided the following guide to helping children cope with death. How Do Children React to Death? It is important to first state that children respond differently to death than adults.  Adults should beware before imposing an adult framework on the actions and reactions of the child. Children, when told of the death of a loved one, may not react.  You will be concerned that they may not have understood the news.  Death is indeed a difficult concept for a child, who has yet to conceive of personal mortality.  However, it is likely that the message has been received and they just need time to work out what this means.  Do not press this, inform the child that you know it is a lot of news to receive and that you will be here if they have questions or would like to talk about it.  Give the child room to come to you when the news has settled a little.  They will need you at some point. The reaction at the news of a death will vary depending on the age of the child and the child's history.  There are all sorts of factors that will impact on the reaction of children, from their personality to whether they have experienced death before.  Trust your knowledge of your child and respond as your instincts suggest. Despite the individuality of the child, age is a determinant on how they will conceive of death. Under six months: the child will have no concept of death but will react to the grief of parents.  They may experience feeding and sleeping difficulties. Six months to two years: The child still does not understand death.  Again, the child will respond to the upset of caregivers and will have a sense that something is wrong.  At two, the child will notice someone missing.  You could see that they cry a lot and have tummy aches.  They may demonstrate regressive behaviours and maybe wet the bed again or request a dummy. Two to five years: Children will talk about death, but they will not realise that it cannot be undone.  They may ask questions that show difficulty in believing that the person will not come back.  It is possible that they may feel to blame for the death.  They will ask many questions, and they will need reassurance that you are not just going to die soon too. Five to ten years: Children will now know that death is permanent.  They will understand that it happens to everyone and will likely worry about the death of others too.  They will probably ask many questions about what happens to people when they die.  Be aware that children of this age will want to be a comfort to others and so may mask personal feelings, fearing it may distress loved ones more if they are upset. A child will likely swing between moods quickly.  They will grieve and then suddenly return to normal life.  They may cry one minute and then become absorbed in a game in the next.  This is completely normal, and psychologists call it puddle-jumping.  If the puddle is the child's grief, it is easy to imagine the child jumping in and out of these moments. Children, much more than adults, will entertain magical thinking.  This thinking will lead them to believe that they can control the situation with their thoughts.  They may argue that they thought or said something that caused this event to happen.  It might be that they believe they can do something that will bring the person back. How to Explain Death to a Child Talking to a child about someone dying is one of the most challenging tasks you will likely face.  It may be tempting to ask a professional or someone who is less emotional to talk to the child.  The best person to tell the child is the person who would typically give them care or the person they would run to if they hurt themselves. You may be worried about upsetting or frightening them.  However, of absolute importance is that you are honest and transparent in what you say.  You will need to use simple language, use words like "died" and "dead" and avoiding words like "passed" and "lost" and "asleep" that are too abstract for a child to process. Be aware: your child’s imagination is powerful and can be worse than the reality.  Therefore, being unambiguous, without euphemism, is going to be the most useful approach.  It would be best if you also told the child straight away, as you don't want them to overhear. If you need to assess the child's level of understanding of what you have told them you should wait for them to ask a question.  Before answering the question respond with "What do you think?" This question will allow the child to demonstrate how much they understand what has happened. It would be best if you then described to the child what to expect next.  There may be lots of visitors, for instance.  There may be people who want to ask lots of questions.  There will also be a funeral and the wake after the funeral.  It is best to describe this to the child, so they recognise what is happening as it happens. In all of this, you will be upset too.  You are in pain.  It is fine to show this to the child, as you are role-modelling appropriate emotional behaviour.  If you are crying, try to explain it is because you are sad because the person has died.  You could explain to them that crying is our body's way of releasing the feelings and can act as a medicine.  Cuddling them will make all the difference. How Do You Continue to Help A Child Deal with Death? By showing your feelings, you will encourage the child to show their feelings.  Continue to reassure them that they are loved with cuddles and with words. As time goes on it is essential to return to routines as quickly as possible.  Maintain bedtimes and mealtimes as much as possible, for instance.  Your child's school will be able to help with support during bereavement and sending them to school might be the best idea.  There will be a chance for the child to forget for a while and this will give you the space to do the many activities that come with the death of a loved one. Be prepared to listen.  The child may want to tell a story of the person they remember.  Allow them to speak about the person and talk back a little. Try not to overload the child with too many details, listen and add details where it seems appropriate. It is a good idea to avoid telling them how they should feel.  It is probably too complex to understand how you feel, so there is no set way a young person should feel either.  You may say "it is ok to be sad" or the opposite "don't feel sad" – neither may hit upon what the child is thinking and feeling at that moment.  So, listening to what the child says is important, and answer questions where you can. A child will want to help, as any human does in this situation.  Give the child a small role that they can do to support you.  This could be something small and achievable, but you could make it clear that it would make all the difference at this time. Signs That Your Child May Need Professional Help In the first few weeks, it is normal for there to be disruption and upset.  Sometimes it is important to sit back and wait to see if the emotional disruption will pass.  After a time there may be a pattern of behaviour that becomes worrying, and you may need to seek professional support, either from the school or from your GP.  Some signs to look out for include: The child begins to ask for help with things they were previously able to do for themselves; regression is a common sign of insecurity and shows an underlying fear that life is not what they imagined it to be. They begin to cry a lot: as with adults, uncontrolled emotional outbursts should be a sign of concern. If the child is crying a lot without good reason, then this may be a sign that they need to speak to someone. Their performance begins to decline in school and doesn't pick up again: remember that it is expected that a child may struggle for a little while. Therefore, an immediate reaction at school should be expected but if the child continues to struggle or show indifference, then there may need to be intervention. They seem to be pre-occupied, worried, anxious and nervous: it is likely that the child will become clingy, or the opposite, they may become distant. Both may be a sign that they fear the loss of someone else in life and do not want to experience the same level of hurt. Oddly, a child who is trying too hard to be good may also need support.  A child is more likely to succumb to magical thinking, believing if they do everything right then the person will come back.  It could be that this overly good behaviour needs help as much as any signs of aggression, which is an expression of the loss of control and helplessness in the face of loss. Sleep problems may develop, and bedwetting is an outward sign of emotional distress Children may revisit this grief at significant milestones in life. They may suddenly become sad as they start a new school, or they win a race on sports day. This is to be expected, as they may feel guilt at moving on or may feel angry that this person is not there to be with them.  It is a good idea to continue to speak about feelings even beyond a time when you think the grief has passed. Summary This guide cannot replace the support you may need from health and social care experts.  A qualified professional will be able to offer advice that is personal to your situation and your little person.  You are also the best person to know how to support your child.  We just know this is a difficult time and we hope the points we have addressed will offer some support and small moments of relief.

One of the most common questions that we receive is ‘how should we scatter ashes?’ Once you have received the cremains of your loved one, this is the next logical question. While some people do choose to create timeless ashes memorial jewellery, keep the ashes in an urn or other memorial vessel in the home or interred in a cemetery vault, many other prefer the idea of scattering them somewhere meaningful to the deceased. But can you scatter ashes anywhere? We have compiled this extensive guide in order to answer the most commonly asked questions about scattering ashes in the UK. If you have any other questions, please do not hesitate to get in touch and we will do our best to help. Where Can You Scatter Ashes? There are three main kinds of places where people wish to scatter ashes – on private property, public property, and in scattering gardens. Private Property – In the UK, you are permitted to scatter ashes on any piece of private property, providing that you have the permission of the land’s owner. Public Property – You are permitted to scatter ashes on public property. In the case of National Trust and National Parks, you do need to seek permission in advance. Get in touch with the specific property you are interested in. Scattering Gardens – Scattering gardens are becoming increasingly popular alternatives to scattering ashes on public or private property. They are tranquil gardens designed with the express purposed of having ashes scattered in their grounds, serving as a place for loved ones to visit in a peaceful, dedicated setting. Methods Of Scattering Ashes Before you begin the process of scattering your loved one’s ashes, there are a few key pieces of information that you should know. Cremains are not fine ash. In fact, they also include pieces of crushed bone that does not break down in the actual cremation process. These cremains will not be uniform in size, and their varying shapes and sizes can upset those who are not prepared for the sight. Some of the cremains will be as light as dust, and will carry on the wind. However, some are coarse and heavy, and they will fall immediately onto the ground or water. Choose a location that is suitable for both outcomes. It is also important to note that any professional you hire to help you spread the ashes should be reliable, trustworthy and experienced. A pilot, drone operator or sea captain manning the vessel you are using should have a lot of experience with scattering ashes, and they should be well-versed in local laws. Casting Ashes - This is the most common way to scatter ashes. From anywhere that you can stand and move your arm, you cast ashes into the wind. Make sure that you cast the ashes with the wind, to ensure that they do not blow back into your face. Cremains can have sharp edges, and can be an irritant if they make contact with eyes or skin (not to mention that this can be upsetting). You must also ensure that no one else is downwind. Trenching Ashes – You might choose to bury your loved one’s ashes into a shallow trench, covering with earth, and then placing a marker on top. While some people choose to place the ashes into a bio-degradable urn, others prefer to leave things natural and simply place soil on top. This is the most similar option to a traditional burial. Another trenching option occurs near the sea. People make a trench during low tide, place the ashes inside, and then wait for the high tide to wash them away to sea. This is a peaceful and meaningful process for the family to witness. Make sure that you bring suitable tools with you, and if you wish to lay down a marker, be sure that it is substantial and won’t blow or float away. Raking Ash Scattering Services – Some people prefer the idea of raking ashes into the soil. Once scattered on the ground, the cremains are then raked, allowing them to break down quickly and help fertilise the soil. When you are choosing a location to rake ashes, make sure you have a general idea about the land’s future uses. You don’t want to come back to this peaceful park next year only to find out it is now a paved lot. Water Ash Scattering Services - People all over the world choose to scatter ashes in water, from the Ganges in India to the Cornish Sea. While some simply stand on the shore, other hire a captain and vessel to go further afield. Remember – some of the ash will sink below the surface immediately while other elements will float for some time. You also need to pay attention to the direction of the wind, just as when you are on shore. If you don’t want to deal with potential blowback, consider a water-soluble and environmentally friendly urn. Aerial Scattering / Drone Scattering –You can hire a company to use a drone specifically desired to carry and scatter a set of ashes, and the event can even be filmed. The sky is really the limit, and your loved one can be spread across a wide and far area of beauty, or a landscape that meant a lot to them. Aeroplane Scattering – This is another less common option, but for some people, it is the right choice. Services are available that specialise in spreading ashes over a large area of land or water. Rules / Laws / Regulations Regarding Scattering Ashes Is it legal to scatter ashes? Yes, in the UK it is legal to scatter ashes – we have very relaxed laws compared to some other countries. If you are scattering ashes on private property, you must have permission of the owner. Can you scatter ashes in National Parks? Yes, you are usually given permission to scatter ashes in National Parks across the UK. However, you do need to seek permission in advance, and agree to leave the natural environment in the same way that you found it. Can you scatter ashes at sea? Yes, in the UK you can scatter ashes at sea or in rivers and lakes. However, the Environmental Agency would like you to keep the following points in mind. While the ashes themselves do not have much of an environmental impact, please do not scatter any personal items that are not also biodegradable. For example, flowers are fine, while plastic wreaths are not. Please choose a location away from buildings, marinas, places where people might be swimming, or fishing spots. Scatter the ashes more than half a mile upstream from anywhere where water is collected. Unsure of this? The Environmental Agency can help you to check. Scatter the ashes low and close to the water’s surface, and don’t do this on a windy day. This prevents the ashes from blowing about and impacting those who work or live in the area. Scattering ashes for Catholics – As recently as 2016, The Vatican has specified that Catholics should bury or inter, and not scatter, their loved one’s ashes. Transporting Ashes Can you carry ashes on planes? The short answer to this question is yes, but remember that every country has its own laws, and each airline has its own policies. You will normally need to show the death certification and certificate of cremation. You will also need to contact the airline to find out if you can carry the ashes in your hand luggage or checked baggage. You might also need to decant the ashes into a non-metallic container for the x-ray process. Poems and Quotes Suitable For Ashes Scattering When you are scattering your loved one’s ashes, you might choose to read aloud a poem, quote, verse or psalm. Some people also choose to play a song that meant a lot to the deceased, with Kansas’s ‘Dust on the Wind’ being a very poignant and popular choice. Think about the kinds of poetry, songs and verses that your family member, spouse or friend enjoyed, and choose something that they cherished in life. If you prefer to choose something more related to the ashes scattering ceremony itself, have a look at this link for a wide variety of choices that fit the experience well and that others have used for funerals and interment. Summary While this is certainly a solemn and important experience, knowing the rules and policies around scattering your loved one’s ashes will make the process more peaceful. Remember, while the UK is vey relaxed about scattering ashes, it is always a good idea to ask permission in advance when choosing a park, garden or other private setting.

One of the sad realities of the strong and loving bonds we have with friends and family is that we will all experience the feelings of grief when they pass away. The loss of a parent, friend, spouse or even a pet can create a sense of anguish and depression that can last months or even years. While we often think of grief as arising when someone dies, this complicated emotion can also emerge after a divorce, the loss of a job, Dealing with grief has always been a part of the human condition, and countless poets, musicians and artists have struggled to express their own loss and pain. For the average person, the grieving process can feel like it will never end. Thankfully, there are many resources out there that can help you in your time of grief. What Is Grief? There is no easy definition for grief, as it means very different things to different people. Generally speaking, grief is a multidimensional and complex response to a loss. The loss is usually of a loved person or pet that has died, but it can also be in response to the loss of a job, relationship or other important bond. While people tend to think of grief as solely an emotional experience, it has many other facets. These can include behavioural, physical, social, and spiritual affects on an individual. Is Bereavement the Same Thing as Grief? Grief often refers to the emotional and physical state that one undergoes after a period of immense and profound loss. The term bereavement, however, refers to the temporal period during which this mourning takes place. We tend to refer to the ‘bereavement period,’ during which time a person experiences acute grief. What Are The Symptoms Of Grieving? Each person goes through the grief process in their own way, and they can find themselves experiencing all of these symptoms, or none that are listed. Emotional When someone is grieving, they tend to display at least a few of the emotional symptoms listed below. These symptoms can come and go, and tend to lessen over time. They can arise again around the times of important anniversaries, birthdays and other holidays. A state of ‘numbness’ or an inability to feel anything Crying jags Increased irritability with others Bitterness, anger and rage Detaching from those around you Becoming preoccupied with the loss An inability to feel happiness, joy or calm Anxiety about minor issues These are all completely normal reactions to a loss, and a person experiencing them should never be judged or made to ‘hurry up’ with the process. Physical Grief is so much more than mental pain and suffering – it can also wreak havoc on your physical health. Some of the most common physical symptoms of grief include: Digestive issues – diarrhoea, constipation, upset stomach Extreme fatigue Headaches, ranging from mild to severe Sore muscles Nerve pain throughout the body Pains in the chest or shoulders While these symptoms are normal, if they progress into severe pain you should always contact your GP, or the out of hours service. What Is The Grieving Process? It is always important to note that there is no ‘one’ grieving process. Everybody experiences grief differently, but there is a common model that has found popularity over the past 50 years. The 5 Stages of Grief (also called the Kubler-Ross model) is a concept that was introduced in 1969 by Swiss-American psychiatrist Elisabeth Kübler-Ross. It is still one of the most popular models used today, and can help many people understand what they are going through and why. Not everyone progresses through these stages at the same rate, and some people go up and down the ladder before eventually settling on acceptance. These are the 5 Stages of Grief: Denial – Most people experience an initial period of denial. You might believe that there has been a mistake, that a diagnosis is wrong, or that there is somehow a way that the tragedy is not happening. Anger – Next, once a person can no longer deny what is happening, people often feel a state of frustration, anger, even rage. It is common to look for someone to blame, and lash out at the potential perpetrator. Bargaining – At this stage, an individual tries to bargain for a better outcome. This stage is most common after a diagnosis of a terminal disease. Depression – This stage can last the longest, and can come and go. Depression takes over, and a person can start to feel despair, and like there is no point in continuing on with their life. Acceptance – Finally, a person will make it to a state of acceptance. They come to an understanding of the circumstances, and they begin to forge a path forward. What Are The Different Types Of Grief Disorders? While grief affects each person differently (and we all experience the bereavement period at our own pace), some people find that their grief has progressed to an unmanageable level. Some common grief disorders include prolonger grief disorder, and complicated grief disorder. Prolonged Grief Disorder Prolonged grief disorder is classified as severe grief that impairs an individual for more than 6 months after the traumatic event. This disorder occurs quite frequently, and affects some people much more often than others. Prolonged grief disorder affects some people (those with a family history of the issue) more frequently than others. This disorder tends to affect women more often than men, but it can be found across all genders, income levels, ethnicities and religions. Complicated Grief Disorder Complicated grief disorder and prolonged grief disorder share many things in common, but the hallmark of CGD is that the individual is at the same level of trauma and pain more than 6 months after the event in question. The ‘normal’ process (wherein grief starts to fade and progress through stages) after a few months does not occur, and individuals remain stuck in a perpetual state of fresh trauma. How To Cope With Grief It is important to note that there is no ‘right way’ to grieve. Some people will cling to their loved one’s belongings, while others will want to have a purge. Some take great comfort in speaking about the issue at length to all who will listen, but others will prefer discreet conversations with a counsellor. Of course, addiction and self-harm are not productive or positive responses to grief; if you are feeling suicidal or struggling with addiction, you should seek medical help immediately. Speak To a Counsellor Professional counsellors have extensive training to help people struggling with grief. You will be amazed at how much better you feel after simply unloading your thoughts and feelings. Take Comfort In Reminders Of Your Loved One Many people find that keeping photos, memorial ashes jewellery, letters and other keepsakes on hand can help them to deal with their loss. Join a Support Group Grief support groups can be found in even the smallest villages and towns. Gathering with others who are also experiencing a loss can be a great comfort. Take a Course Of Anti-Depressants For some people, grief can trigger a depressive episode that needs treatment with prescription medicines. Speak to your doctor to find out if an anti-depressant might help. Spend Time With Friends or Engaging In a Hobby One of the best things you can do when grieving is to spend some time with your friends enjoying their company. Get outside, engage in a hobby, or go out for a nice meal – all of these activities can help you take your mind off of your loss. Engage in Self-Care Now is the time to do the small things for yourself that make you feel your best. A hot bath, long walk, meditation, or healthy foods – these can all help you while you are grieving. Remember That It Will Take Time Time can both slow down and speed up while you are grieving. It is common to feel like you should be ‘over it’ only a few months later. Grieving can take years – be patient with yourself. When Should You Seek Help? You should seek help for your grief when your depression or angst starts to feel unmanageable, or if you start to feel suicidal. There are many charities in the UK that can help you, including: Your local NHS Cruse Bereavement Mind Mental Health The Good Grief Trust

Cremation has long been the most common option when a person passes away. A 2016 YouGov poll showed that more than three times the amount of people preferred the idea of being cremated over burial for themselves and their loved ones. Recent statistics show that more than 75% of Britons are cremated after they pass away, compared to just 18% who are buried. You might be considering cremation for your own funeral plans, or perhaps you are in the process of planning a loved one’s funeral. Learning all about cremation can help to set your mind at ease and help you understand what will happen at every stage of the process. What Is Cremation? The term cremation refers to the combustion of a corpse after death. Extreme heat is applied to the body in order to reduce it to ash and bone fragments. The resulting ash is called cremains; it consists of mineral fragments, carbon, bone other inorganic materials. Cremation is an integral part of numerous religions (including Hinduism and Buddhism). It is forbidden in Islam, Orthodox Christianity, and Orthodox Judaism. I was historically forbidden in the Catholic Church, but is now fully accepted. In modern Britain it is the most popular interment option (far ahead of burial in a coffin), and the cremation process is often a part of the funeral ceremony. What Happens At A Crematorium Funeral? Cremation rituals are different in cultures and countries around the world. A Hindu cremation ceremony on the banks of the River Ganges is going to be very different from a quiet family funeral in the UK. In North America, a traditional funeral occurs, often with an open casket, and the cremation itself takes place at a later date and time. However, in the UK, the cremation process is often integrated into the funeral. While everyone is different, you can often expect a British funeral held at a crematorium to happen along these lines: A coffin containing the body will be brought to a religious or non-religious chapel at the crematorium, and will be set on a raised platform. Guests will arrive at the location. Unlike services held in churches or halls, crematoriums often have many bookings each day, and you will need to keep to a strict schedule. The service will usually be approximately 30 minutes in length. This can include religious content, songs, and eulogies from friends and family. After the remembrances, the committal will begin. This is the point at which the coffin is removed from the room to start the actual cremation process. The coffin may be wheeled away manually, or placed on a conveyor belt to take it towards the furnace. It can also be lowered into the floor, or curtains can be closed around it. This is often a very emotional moment. As guests leave, the celebrant will lead everyone outside. The family will often be on hand to receive flowers and condolences. Many families choose to organise a wake after the service. More toasts and eulogies might occur, and people will share their memories of the deceased over food and drinks. Guests leave the service. The celebrant or funeral director will usually show guests the way out. There is usually an opportunity at this point to see the flowers that have been donated, and to give condolences to the family. The wake is held (optional). There’s often a wake after the funeral service. This is a reception at which food and drinks are served. Here, guests can talk and share their memories of the person who has died. How Is a Body Prepared For Cremation? In order to prepare for cremation, the body is first washed, and thoroughly cleaned. Embalming will only occur if a public viewing has been arranged. At this point all jewellery is removed in order for the family to keep it safe, and all medical devices are extracted from the body. This includes pacemakers, prosthetics, and any other device containing batteries. Metal pins, screws and plates will stay in place, as they do not affect the furnace chamber. The body is then dressed and placed in the coffin. Hair styling and make up might be applied if the family has arranged a viewing. How Does Cremation Work? The cremation process occurs in a specially designed chamber, sometimes referred to as a retort. The chamber is preheated to an intense temperature that ranges from 870–980 degrees Celsius. A mechanised door is opened, the coffin is transferred inside, and then the door is quickly shut order to prevent heat loss. The coffin will burn first, and the body is then exposed to the flames. The intense heat dries out the body, the hair and skin will incinerate, and the muscles will contract and char into ashes. The bones do not burn; instead, they calcify and reduce to a crumbling texture. All gases that are released are ventilated through a special exhaust system. No odour is produced, as a specific process vaporises all smoke and gases. While some crematories utilise a secondary afterburner to break the body down further, others have the technician do this with specific tools. The cremains are allowed to cool, and then all metal (screws, dental gold, hinges from the casket) is collected with a strong magnet and disposed of according to local law. The cremains are then pulverised further using a machine called a cremulator. This results in a fine sand-like powder that is transferred into an urn or box and given to the relatives. Some people choose to spread their loved one’s ashes in a beloved location, while others use a small portion of the cremains to create meaningful ashes jewellery. How Long Does Cremation Take? The actual cremation process takes between one and three hours, and results in 1.5 – 3 kilos of cremains. However, you might have to wait between 3 to 15 business days to secure an appointment at your local crematorium. Certain parts of the country experience regular delays and backlogs. How Much Is Cremation? As with any funeral, the cost of the entire ceremony can vary dramatically depending on setting, number of guests, the wake, and the flowers. However, the standard pricing for a cremation with no ceremony is roughly £1400 in England & Wales, and £1200 in Scotland (owing to different regulations around doctor’s certificates). Frequently Asked Question About Cremation: How Long Is A Cremation Service? Every service is different, but the standard is 30 – 45 minutes. Can You Scatter Ashes At Sea? Yes, in the UK the scattering of ashes at sea or in rivers is common and legal. What Are Human Ashes Made Of? Human ashes are called cremains, and they are comprised mainly of dry calcium phosphates, along with minerals, including salts of sodium and potassium. How Much Ash Is There After Cremation? The amount of cremains differs person to person, and depends mainly on the bone density of the deceased. An adult’s cremains usually weight between 1.5 – 3 kilograms. What's Cheaper: Burial or Cremation? Cremation is the more economical option, as a UK cremation and funeral costs an average of £3,311. With burial, the cost is nearly 25% more, at £4,257 for a burial (not including the cost of the plot) How Long After Death Is A Funeral Cremation? Traditionally, a funeral is often held around one week after the death. However, crematoria can be fully booked for weeks at a time, and so this can take longer to arrange. How Long After Cremation Until You Get The Ashes? The cremains are usually ready to be picked up or delivered within seven to ten days. They can be presented to you in a box, an urn or another container of your choice. Summary It is never easy to talk about death, but learning about cremation can make your decisions much easier. As you can see, cremation is a common, respectful and economical choice for interment.

This is a short video of our workshop.  Julia explain's how we create your very special jewellery and some of the techniques we use.

Following on from Julia's interview with the Burton Mail. BBC Radio Derby got in touch and also wanted to find out more about Julia's long lost family hallmark. Andy Potter joined Julia in the workshop to interview her for the Radio Derby afternoon show. This is the link to listen to the radio interview. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=axr7evvjxwQ

The Burton Mail came to visit Julia in the workshop to find out the story of her long lost family hallmark.  Julia unknowingly picked up the family trade of silversmithing after a lapse of two generations.  She only found this out via her Great Uncle while she was training to become a jeweller at the Birmingham Jewellery School. He had discovered this strange coincidence while researching the Usher family history. Julia, after finding out this fascinating news decided to hunt down his hallmark.  This proved to not be the simple task she first thought it would be.