News

No matter how you change throughout the course of your life, you’ll always have memories to reflect upon – both good and bad. Memories are precious reminders of the experiences we’ve had, the lives we’ve led, and the people who have touched our hearts. No matter how unique a memory is, it can start to slip away after a little while as we get older and our lives are filled with work, family and other responsibilities which take up room in the forefront of our minds. Memory boxes are the perfect way to remember special moments, people and fun times in our lives. They are also wonderful to pass down to the next generation of your family so they can learn more about the life you lived and what mattered to you. What is a memory box? A memory box is quite simply a box or other vessel which contains pictures, letters and small items which link to happy, exciting or special memories. Although they are usually kept on a personal level and are added to throughout someone’s life, they can be created after someone has passed away, to commemorate a special event like a wedding, or keep a record of a period of time. Most people who have a personal memory box will pull it out when they’re feeling a little nostalgic and take away or add important memories – or they will keep multiple boxes. What to use for a memory box Many containers could be used for a memory box. Some people might use whatever is lying around, but the more creatively-minded person could purpose build or decorate a box for an extra special touch. Some of our favourite ideas for what to use as a memory box include: A shoebox – if you’re on a tight budget or need a temporary solution, a shoebox can make a sturdy, spacious vessel for your memories. You could paint, draw on or otherwise decorate it to make it more personal. Just make sure it is stored in a safe, dry place, and any photos or papers are sealed within a plastic wallet to prevent accidental damage. Biscuit tin – biscuit tins are notoriously misleading in almost every British household because they are strong enough to use for years after their tasty treats have been demolished. They close tightly and will keep their contents protected. This is another option which can be decorated. Locked box – perfect for more sensitive memories such as personal letters; a locked box can be tucked away safely and out of sight. Just make sure you keep the key in a safe place. An engraved box – a lovely wooden box with an engraved name or message on the top makes a delightful choice for a commemorative memory box or as a gift for someone to start their own. Whatever you choose, they should meet a few criteria: Have enough space to hold everything. Be sturdy enough not to get crushed. Be labelled clearly and correctly. Be watertight or kept away from places they will get damp (e.g the cellar or a loft that isn’t correctly insulated). What to put in a memory box There are loads of reasons why you might want to start or put together a memory box. When you get started, you might have something in mind, but we’ve come up with some ideas for what to put in a memory box for various purposes. Read on, or skip to the bit you’re interested in: Child’s milestones For someone with dementia For a lost loved one Wedding Time capsule Child's milestones Children grow up so fast, which is why it’s essential to keep a record of milestone moments and memories. A milestone memory box will be lovely to look back on with the family when they’re all grown up. What to put in the box Pictures of them as they grow up A handprint and footprint Their hospital bracelet from when they were born An ultrasound picture Congratulations cards from when they were born A coin from the year of their birth Their first pair of socks or mittens Their first baby tooth A lock of hair from their first haircut A milestone book that details their first words, when they took their first steps and more Their first drawing from nursery Getting your child involved with decorating and putting together the box when they’re a little bit older is a fun idea. For someone with dementia Memory boxes can be an essential therapeutic tool for people who have dementia. They can include treasured personal belongings or items which the person can easily associate with their life. Physical objects that can be attached to memories are very comforting to people with dementia as they help to open up conversation about subjects they are familiar with[i]. What to put in the box Photographs of loved ones and places they have lived Packaging of old brands they will have used when they were younger (OXO, for example) CDs with favourite songs Items related to their careers Items related to a hobby they enjoy or used to do Souvenirs from their lives Letters and postcards Coins People who have dementia are generally better at retaining older memories, so this should be considered when creating the box. If they are able, you should make sure they are involved in creating the memory box. For a lost loved one Losing a loved one isn’t easy but putting together a box of photos and memories you’ve shared can be a crucial healing activity to help you with your grief. This is often known as a ‘bereavement box’. What to put in the box Pictures or a photo album A ‘timeline’ of their life Letters Journals Their passport Awards, Medals and certificates they earned Their favourite CD Their favourite book A watch, cufflinks, or jewellery they wore all the time A bottle of their perfume or aftershave When putting your box together, think about the person they were, their interests and what was important to them during their life. People sometimes make a bereavement box for friends or family as a touching gift after a loved one has passed away. Other special gifts to give someone during their grieving period could include a photo album, a piece of keepsake jewellery, or an item made from their loved ones favourite clothes. Related articles: What to do with a loved ones belongings once they have passed away Ways to remember a loved one How to deal with grief Wedding One of the biggest days of your life won’t be hard to forget, but keeping a record of who was there, highlight moments and the love that was shared on the day is a beautiful idea. What to put in the box A photobook of the best pictures Your guest list and table plan Dried flowers from the wedding ceremony Yours and your spouses place settings Wedding favours (if they weren’t edible!) Confetti The champagne cork from the 1st toast The cake topper A copy of the wedding invite A copy of the ‘save the date’ A copy of the wedding service A DVD or USB with videos of the big day You can set up a memory book or box for your guests to leave a special note on the day itself. Many people transform these notes into artwork, but they would fit in a memory box perfectly. You could even go a step further and set up a photo booth where people can record a video message (perhaps get this started before the alcohol starts flowing if you want serious sentiments!) Time capsule You may have made a time capsule in school or with your family when you were younger, and in a way, they are a form of memory box. Why not create your own? Whether it is for your own family to dig up in years to come or you want to leave it to be found by chance, you can have some fun creating a time capsule. What to put in the time capsule Newspapers or magazines with the date on them A note of important events that happened that year Information about you and your family A CD or USB containing your favourite songs Coins and/or pound notes Pictures of you, your friends and family Your favourite book Something to do with your favourite hobby or pastime Remember to make sure the container you use is entirely watertight and that everything you put inside it is sealed well to prevent damage. When it comes to burying your time capsule, make sure the container is sealed with epoxy and wrapped in polythene to prevent water getting in[ii]. What not to put in a memory box Although your creativity is your only limit when making a memory box, you should leave some items out. Often if the memory box is on-going, you’ll naturally remove some items as the years go on because you can’t remember what it represents. Perishables: don’t include any food or perishable items like flowers (unless dried) Bad memories: although it can be tempting to cling onto items for sentimentality, if they have a bad memory attached to them you’d be best leaving them out of the box Fragile items: anything made from glass, ceramics or anything that is easy to break should be packaged appropriately or not included Make your memories last Whatever you are creating your memory box for will help your most precious memories stand the test of time. References Carewatch, 2016. HOW TO CREATE A DEMENTIA MEMORY BOX. [Online] Available at: https://www.carewatch.co.uk/how-to-create-a-dementia-memory-box/ [Accessed March 2021]. Minnesota Historical Society, n.d. BUILDING A TIME CAPSULE. [Online] Available at: https://www.mnhs.org/preserve/conservation/reports/timecapsule.pdf [Accessed March 2021]. Sources [i] https://www.carewatch.co.uk/how-to-create-a-dementia-memory-box/ [ii] https://www.mnhs.org/preserve/conservation/reports/timecapsule.pdf

Loneliness is a feeling we all have to deal with at some point in our lives, but it is easier than ever to succumb to feelings of isolation and loneliness – even when surrounded by people who love and care for you. It’s a frustrating feeling. You may often find yourself thinking “why do I feel so alone?” and going down a mental helter-skelter of worry and paranoia. The first thing you need to know is that you are not alone, and although it can be horrible to experience, feeling lonely or isolated is entirely normal. Tackling these emotions and their causes is scary, overwhelming, and something many people cannot do without support. But it is possible, and this guide by Ashes Memorial Jewellery aims to help you get through it. Causes of loneliness Let’s start from the beginning and talk about what can cause us to feel lonely. We all live complex lives, and many events can trigger loneliness. According to a 1996 study, these are some main factors that cause you to feel loneliness[i] - Unfulfilling relationships – being in a relationship, or even a friendship, that isn’t mentally and physically fulfilling can create feelings of isolation Relocations/significant separations – this can be either a physical separation (for example, moving away from a person/people) or an emotional separation (for example, breaking up with a partner or falling out with a friend). This cause also applies when someone passes away. Social exclusion – feeling excluded from your community – whether in school, your local area, religious group, or society as a whole, is one of the leading reasons for loneliness. The statistics A wide variety of factors can cause loneliness, most of which fall under the sections above. As such, certain groups are more affected than others. Older people - According to Age UK, In 2016/17 the number of over-50s experiencing loneliness was 1.4 million. This is predicted to increase to a huge 2 million in 2025/6[ii]. They also reported the leading causes for loneliness in over 50s are poor health, feelings of isolation within their neighbourhoods, inability to do what they want, and being widowed or living alone. Younger people - The ONS (Office for National Statistics) reports that those in the 16 to 24 year-old age bracket were more likely to report ‘often/always’ feeling lonely than older age groups[iii]. Gender - Whilst 14% of older men reported feelings of social isolation compared to 11% of women; women feel lonely more frequently than men according to the ONS (Office for National Statistics)[iv]. Health risks of loneliness Loneliness impacts our mental health, but it can also have a degrading impact on our physical wellbeing, too[v]. It increases risk of high blood pressure It can increase risk of death by 26% It can increase risk of strokes, and the risk of developing heart/coronary disease Dementia and overall cognitive decline are more likely in groups that are lonely Surprisingly, it is believed that loneliness is contagious across friendship groups and social networks[vi].   How to combat loneliness Now we’ve discussed the facts, lets look at ways you can combat feelings of loneliness when they come up. Talk & be heard Talking about how you feel is the best place to start. It’s easy to fall into the mental trap that nobody wants to speak to you or help you when you’re feeling isolated, but this simply isn’t true. Reach out to your family and friends and start a conversation. If you don’t feel that you have anyone to talk to, or you aren’t comfortable speaking to people you know – there are plenty of places you can turn to. Here are some of these services: - Age UK ‘Call in Time’ – this is a weekly friendship call service that will allow you to have a chat with someone new The Silver Line – this is a confidential, free helpline that older people can call anytime for a variety of reasons, from advice to just wanting a chat Samaritans – when life is difficult, Samaritans are available to talk any time of the day or night British Red Cross – the British Red Cross run local loneliness services that will help you to reconnect with your interests, rebuild confidence and meet new people Make new connections There is a strong link between keeping healthy relationships and the state of your general well-being[vii]. Making new connections or mending bridges with family and friends who you’ve grown apart from is truly difficult, but it will help you massively in the long run. Joining communities on social media platforms like Facebook and the Nextdoor app, and attending local events like markets can be great places to start. If you’re feeling confident enough, try getting involved in clubs and groups that relate to things that interest you. For example, there could be a running club that meets in a nearby park, or a book club that meet in the local library. Even if you turn up and observe until you feel comfortable, being around others will make a huge difference. Get out into nature It’s a fact that going outside and being amongst nature has a positive impact on your health. A report from the WHO (World Health Organisation) states the following - “Urban green spaces, such as parks, playgrounds, and residential greenery, can promote mental and physical health {…}[viii]” As well as having an overall affect on your mental state, being in parks amongst families, groups of friends and others who are on their own can make you feel ‘involved’. And who knows, you might strike up a conversation or two.   New hobbies Despite what you might think, it’s never too late to take up a new hobby. As well as keeping your mind active and occupied, beginning a hobby (or even re-sparking your passion for an old one) can help you to meet others and make connections over a similar interest. A hobby will make you feel more fulfilled and accomplished. Therapy Loneliness is often more profound than a surface-level emotion. In many cases, it is caused by deep-rooted issues that manifest as feelings of rejection and isolation. If you’re finding it hard to break down your barriers and resolve your loneliness, it might be worth reaching out to a therapist to see if they can help you on your journey.   The symptoms of loneliness - how to tell when someone needs help In this day and age it’s so important to look out for our loved ones and to know when they need help; whether they ask for it or not. It isn’t always obvious when someone is feeling lonely as they may be uncomfortable admitting it and could tell you everything is okay to avoid the conversation. These are some signs or ‘symptoms’ of loneliness to look out for[ix]. Are they always tired or complaining of feeling fatigued? Have they become more ‘materialistic’? Increased levels of shopping and caring more about material possessions could indicate that something isn’t right emotionally, and they are trying to compensate for this Do they make a big issue out of nothing? If someone ‘blows up’ over minor inconveniences or seems more stressed than usual – they could just be feeling lonely Are they attached to their phone? When people feel alone, their natural instinct could be to get an instant ‘hit’ of socialisation by going on social media. If you notice them spending significantly more time scrolling through their news feeds, take time to check in on them Are they spending more time ‘binge-watching’ TV? Watching TV is an easy way to relax at the end of a long day, but it can also be used as a coping technique to ignore negative emotions If you notice one or more of these signs in someone close to you, gently approach the subject and ask them how they’re doing. Even if they say they’re fine, make more effort to get them involved and help to pull them out of their rut. Remember that you aren't alone Whatever is going on in your life, remember that you aren’t alone. These feelings are temporary and there is a lot you can do to get yourself on the right track again – don’t be scared to reach out and ask for help. References Age UK, 2018. All the Lonely People: Loneliness in Later Life. [Online] Available at: https://www.ageuk.org.uk/globalassets/age-uk/documents/reports-and-publications/reports-and-briefings/loneliness/loneliness-report_final_2409.pdf [Accessed February 2021]. Cacioppo, J. T., Fowler, J. H. & Christakis, N. A., 2009. Alone in the Crowd: The Structure and Spread of Loneliness in a Large Social Network. [Online] Available at: https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC2792572/ [Accessed February 2021]. Campaign to End Loneliness, n.d. The facts on loneliness. [Online] Available at: https://www.campaigntoendloneliness.org/the-facts-on-loneliness/ [Accessed February 2021]. Chopik, W. J., 2017. Associations among relational values, support, health, and well‐being across the adult lifespan. [Online] Available at: https://onlinelibrary.wiley.com/doi/epdf/10.1111/pere.12187 [Accessed February 2021]. Pyle, E. & Evans, D., 2018. Loneliness - What characteristics and circumstances are associated with feeling lonely?. [Online] Available at: https://www.ons.gov.uk/peoplepopulationandcommunity/wellbeing/articles/lonelinesswhatcharacteristicsandcircumstancesareassociatedwithfeelinglonely/2018-04-10 [Accessed February 2021]. Rokach, A. & Brock, H., 1996. The Causes of Loneliness. [Online] Available at: https://psycnet.apa.org/record/1997-38711-001 [Accessed February 2021]. Shaw, G., 2018. 9 subtle signs that you're lonely — even if it doesn't feel like it. [Online] Available at: https://www.insider.com/signs-of-loneliness-2018-6 [Accessed February 2021]. WHO Regional Office for Europe, 2016. Urban green spaces and health - a review of evidence (2016). [Online] Available at: https://www.euro.who.int/en/health-topics/environment-and-health/urban-health/publications/2016/urban-green-spaces-and-health-a-review-of-evidence-2016 [Accessed February 2021]. Sources [i] https://psycnet.apa.org/record/1997-38711-001 [ii] https://www.ageuk.org.uk/globalassets/age-uk/documents/reports-and-publications/reports-and-briefings/loneliness/loneliness-report_final_2409.pdf [iii] https://www.ons.gov.uk/peoplepopulationandcommunity/wellbeing/articles/lonelinesswhatcharacteristicsandcircumstancesareassociatedwithfeelinglonely/2018-04-10 [iv] https://www.ons.gov.uk/peoplepopulationandcommunity/wellbeing/articles/lonelinesswhatcharacteristicsandcircumstancesareassociatedwithfeelinglonely/2018-04-10 [v] https://www.campaigntoendloneliness.org/the-facts-on-loneliness/ [vi] https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC2792572/ [vii] https://onlinelibrary.wiley.com/doi/epdf/10.1111/pere.12187 [viii] https://www.euro.who.int/en/health-topics/environment-and-health/urban-health/publications/2016/urban-green-spaces-and-health-a-review-of-evidence-2016 [ix] https://www.insider.com/signs-of-loneliness-2018-6

When it comes to jewellery care, there are hundreds of different articles floating around, all claiming to have the best advice on cleaning and caring for your most prized possessions. In this guide, we’ve compiled tried and tested tips & tricks for keeping your jewellery shining for years to come. Aside from normal wear and tear on your most beloved jewellery that you wear every day, there are avoidable accidents that we have all fallen victim to at some time or another! Alongside general cleaning and maintenance advice, this guide takes time to discuss the smartest ways to store your jewellery, and how you can prevent your jewellery from becoming damaged in the first place. Guide contents Preventing jewellery damage Checking jewellery for damage How to store your jewellery How to stop jewellery from tarnishing How to clean silver & gold jewellery Cleaning gemstone jewellery Cleaning & caring for resin jewellery Cleaning mistakes to avoid Insuring your jewellery Preventing jewellery damage Most people have had an unfortunate accident with their favourite piece of jewellery. Whether an earring’s backing has become damaged over time and fallen off whilst out and about, or a pendant has become scratched – broken & lost jewellery can be devastating. Prevent jewellery damage by[i]: - Removing before sleeping, showering & exercising Applying lotions & perfumes before putting jewellery on to avoid getting product on the jewellery (this can accelerate grime build up in links and settings that will become hard to remove) Not allowing your jewellery to come into contact with chemicals - think cleaning products Storing jewellery safely, securely and out of reach of small children Checking jewellery for damage Sometimes damage is caused by wear and tear. This kind of damage isn't avoidable, especially when it's a piece of jewellery you wear every day. You can prevent further damage for looking out for signs that your jewellery needs some TLC before it’s too late. Check stone settings – is the stone loose? Are all the claws of the setting still there? Make sure clasps are still working correctly on bracelets and necklaces Look for weakened links in necklace chains Gently check earring backings (both wire & post backs) to see if they are sturdy Check for too much movement in hinged joints If your jewellery shows any signs of damage, stop wearing it immediately, keep it somewhere safe and take it to a local, trusted jeweller to see what they can do to help. Usually, if you catch the damage at this stage it won’t be too hard for them to fix. How to store your jewellery We know how tempting it is to throw your jewellery on your dresser at the end of the day or to put less-worn pieces straight into your jewellery box until you next need it. It's something we've all done, but there are much better ways to store your jewellery that will not only keep it more organised but keep it looking good for years to come. Separate jewellery types – This won’t just help you when the time comes to accessorise an outfit. Different metals are likely to react to each other when stored in close proximity Keep delicate jewellery protected – some jewellery might be more delicate by design, or it could be more fragile because of the metal used to craft it. Keeping more intricate pieces or soft gold pieces, for example, wrapped up in fabric or inside velvet pouches will help to keep them scratch & tangle free Invest in a good jewellery box – take stock of how much jewellery you have and treat yourself to a proper jewellery box (or two… or three!). If you have a mixture of fine, costume and everyday jewellery, this will make your life much easier. We recommend going for something with a good quality fabric lining that has special compartments for smaller, delicate pieces[ii] Alternative storage options – think about what your greatest annoyance is with your jewellery. If it’s tangled chains, look at getting a ‘necklace tree’ to keep your necklaces separated. If you can’t stand searching for a matching pair of earrings, get a dedicated jewellery box that is specially made for earrings How to stop jewellery from tarnishing In particular, gold & silver jewellery are sensitive to moisture and air and will start to tarnish, or ‘go black’ after a while if not stored correctly. Thankfully, this tarnish isn’t tricky to get rid of (we’ll tell you how later in the guide), but wouldn’t you rather avoid the hassle? Check jewellery is dry before storing[iii] – simple enough! If you’ve been out in the rain or accidentally showered whilst wearing your jewellery, dry it thoroughly before putting it away. This is especially important for silver or sterling silver jewellery Polish & remove grime – Before storing, give your jewellery a quick go-over with a soft jewellery cloth to polish and remove any grime. Lower humidity – The main reason jewellery tarnishes is humidity, so try to keep your jewellery away from humid spaces. An easy trick to ensure jewellery stays dry is to keep it alongside a silica gel packet or two How to clean Silver & Gold jewellery Silver & gold have a naturally lustrous shine that appeals to everyone. Silver & gold jewellery is widely available and makes a popular gift but taking care of your pieces can easily fall on the back burner, and isn’t something a lot of people make time to do. It’s important to remember to handle your jewellery gently, especially more delicate pieces such as link chains and earrings. Cleaning your jewellery is relatively simple. The following methods effectively remove tarnish from your jewellery and get rid of any grime build up.   Dish soap method This is one of the more straightforward methods. Add some dish soap to warm water, mix until bubbled form and soak your jewellery for up to 10 minutes. After this, use a soft toothbrush to get to any hard-to-reach crevices. Rise the mixture off, allow to dry and polish with a soft microfibre cloth (or a jewellery cloth)   Salt bath method Save this method for when tarnish is relatively developed, or there is a bit of grime build-up that you can’t reach with a toothbrush or cloth. For this cleaning method, you’ll need salt, hot water and aluminium foil. To clean your jewellery: Place your jewellery in a bowl and cover with hot water Add in your salt and gently stir it to dissolve Once dissolved, add in a few small pieces of ripped aluminium foil This will cause a reaction that will replace the tarnish with a shiny surface[iv] Finish off by drying and polishing.   Buy a cleaning kit Don’t want to use a DIY method? Jewellery cleaning kits are widely available and easy to get hold of. Take it to a jeweller If the grime is really caked on and you cant get into the settings of your jewellery without causing damage – there is no shame in taking your jewellery to a jeweller for a professional clean. Cleaning gemstone jewellery All gemstones are very different and can require different care. Something right for one could be entirely wrong for another. Mild detergent, warm water and a soft cloth should be enough to keep gemstones nice and shiny. It is essential to research your particular gemstone before you start to use anything more ‘hardcore’ like shop-bought jewellery cleaners and abrasives[v]. Cleaning & caring for resin jewellery Some jewellery has elements that are made with resin (often, companies will use resin to turn ashes into jewellery.) Resin can be quite reactive to chemicals and extreme temperatures, so it’s important you know how to look after it properly. In terms of cleaning, a polish with a soft cloth should do the trick. To avoid damaging your resin piece - Keep away from chemicals under all circumstances. This includes household cleaning products and beauty products like lotion and perfume Resin is not waterproof, so shouldn’t be submerged in water[vi]. Remove your jewellery when showering, bathing and swimming Keep away from extreme temperatures. Very low temperatures can cause the resin to shatter, and high temperatures may cause the resin to become malleable Cleaning mistakes to avoid Although many internet methods can be useful for short term cleaning, they can cause a lot of long term harm to your pieces. Always avoid: - Toothpaste – This is too abrasive and will gradually wear down the metal of your jewellery[vii] Lemon juice – lemon juice is acidic and much more potent than you might think (especially on delicate jewellery & more porous stones) Lack of cleaning – Not cleaning your jewellery regularly can cause dirt build-ups that are difficult to remove Insuring your jewellery Jewellery insurance is often overlooked but is necessary for heirloom and expensive pieces – especially if you wear them a lot. You should insure jewellery against any eventuality, including theft, accidental damage and fire damage. Start taking care of your jewellery today The sooner you begin looking after your jewellery, the longer it will keep its beautiful properties. Start taking care of it properly today and enjoy it for many, many years to come! Do you have any special jewellery care tips to share? References Clark, L., 2016. 10 Mistakes Your Jeweler Wants You to Stop Making. [Online] Available at: https://www.goodhousekeeping.com/home/cleaning/a37670/mistakes-ruining-your-jewelry/ [Accessed January 2021]. KC Designs, n.d. How do I properly store my jewelry?. [Online] Available at: http://www.kcdesignsnyc.com/jewelry-questions/how-to-properly-store-your-jewelry/ [Accessed January 2021]. Lambert, L., 2020. How to Clean Silver Jewelry in a Matter of Minutes. [Online] Available at: https://www.bhg.com/homekeeping/house-cleaning/tips/how-to-clean-silver-jewelry/ [Accessed January 2021]. NAJ, n.d. Caring for Jewellery. [Online] Available at: https://www.naj.co.uk/advice/Caring-for-Jewellery [Accessed January 2021]. Thomann, L., 2019. How to Store Jewelry So It Doesn’t Tarnish. [Online] Available at: https://www.lifestorage.com/blog/storage/how-to-store-jewelry/ [Accessed January 2021]. Tree of Opals, n.d. Resin Jewellery Care. [Online] Available at: https://treeofopals.com/faqs/resin-jewellery-care-instructions/ [Accessed January 2021]. WikiHow, n.d. How to Clean Your Silver Jewelry. [Online] Available at: https://www.wikihow.com/Clean-Your-Silver-Jewelry#Deep-Cleaning-Silver-Jewelry [Accessed January 2021]. Wykoff, G., n.d. How to Clean Your Gemstone Jewelry. [Online] Available at: https://www.gemsociety.org/article/clean-gemstone-jewelry/ [Accessed January 2021]. Sources [i] https://www.naj.co.uk/advice/Caring-for-Jewellery [ii] http://www.kcdesignsnyc.com/jewelry-questions/how-to-properly-store-your-jewelry/ [iii] https://www.lifestorage.com/blog/storage/how-to-store-jewelry/ [iv] https://www.wikihow.com/Clean-Your-Silver-Jewelry#Deep-Cleaning-Silver-Jewelry [v] https://www.gemsociety.org/article/clean-gemstone-jewelry/ [vi] https://treeofopals.com/faqs/resin-jewellery-care-instructions/ [vii] https://www.goodhousekeeping.com/home/cleaning/a37670/mistakes-ruining-your-jewelry/

Losing a loved one is an extremely difficult moment in one’s life, if not the most challenging one. Often, there is not just grief and an overwhelming rush of emotions to deal with, there are also a multitude of things that need to be taken care of. Funeral arrangements need to be made and that includes the wake. You may be wondering about the wake. One question that often comes to mind is “What is a wake?”[i] In simple terms, a wake is a gathering of people either before or after a funeral. It is a time for contemplation and sharing memories of the life of the deceased with other mourners. The term “wake” may seem an unusual one for a funeral and you may be wondering, why is it called a wake?[ii] The term “wake” refers to the ancient tradition of keeping vigil or watching over the body of the deceased from the time of death until the funeral. During this time, those in attendance would offer prayers and, as it continued during the day and night, the phrase “wake” is very appropriate. In more modern times, a wake can be held before the funeral but, in most cases, it is now more common to be held after the funeral. How to organise a wake Making funeral arrangements can be quite overwhelming and organising the wake may be the last thing on your mind. There are no hard or fast rules to hosting a wake and what you choose to do may come down to your own traditions or cultural background. The entire process may seem overwhelming, but it doesn’t need to be. Try following a few simple guidelines: Create a guest list – This may be the hardest part of organising a wake as you need to know how many to cater for at a funeral. Decide whether you want a wake that is ‘invitation only’ or if you will open the venue to all who want to come and pay their respects. Choose a venue – Once you know how many people will be attending the wake, the next thing you need to decide is where to hold a wake. If you really aren’t sure, you can ask the funeral director for advice. Other suitable venues can include church halls, sporting or social clubs, restaurants or hotels. It is also fine to organise a wake at the family home of the deceased or at the home of a friend or family member. In private homes you can also decide to have the wake outdoors as long as the weather is warm. If you do choose this option, make sure you have a backup plan if the weather changes. Catering[iii]– Refreshments are usually served at a wake, but that doesn’t mean you must serve food and beverages if you really don’t want to. However, keep in mind that some people may have travelled a considerable distance to attend the funeral and with the emotional upheaval many face, it is not uncommon for people to forget to eat. Having food and drinks available to guests may make the day easier for all concerned, including yourself. The guest list will help you consider how many to cater for at a funeral and the wake that follows. Once you know the numbers, deciding on catering will be easier. You can decide on hiring a catering service. This is a great option as the caterer will take care of all the food and beverages as well as organising waiters if necessary.  However, an economical option is to ask closer family and friends to bring food. Most in your inner circle will be more than happy to contribute so don’t be shy in asking for help with food, service and helping to clear up afterward. Alcohol – The decision to serve or not serve alcohol at a wake is a difficult one. Many of those grieving may turn to alcohol in this difficult time and some of the guests may go overboard if free alcohol is offered. Keep in mind that funerals and wakes can be deeply tied with religion and alcohol will not be in keeping with the spiritual side of this occasion. Decorations – There is no need to go overboard when it comes to decorations for a wake. A photograph of the deceased is often enough but you can also have a few vases of flowers on tables or even a few candles. General etiquette at a wake Like every social gathering, a wake also comes with some unspoken rules for those in attendance. The wake is not as sombre as the funeral service and although it is an opportunity to release some of the tension and emotions that are inevitable with the loss of a loved one, it is important to be mindful of those at the wake. Read the room – what is acceptable? In some cultures, it is perfectly normal for guests at a wake to regale others by sharing memories of humorous adventures they shared with the deceased. In other cultures, the wake may be a more subdued occasion so it is important to know what behaviour is acceptable and which is not. If you aren’t sure, take your cue from closer family and friends. What to say to the family In general, the rules are quite simple. When you arrive, your first move should be to greet the family of the deceased and offer your condolences. If they are friends, offer to be there for them in the days following the funeral and the wake. Keep your greeting short. The bereaved need to talk to all their guests at a time when they really don’t feel like being overly social. A simple handshake or hug with a few words of support is often enough. You don’t need to stay long if you find wakes difficult but it will mean a lot to the family of the deceased to see you there. If you can’t make it for personal or professional reasons, try to send something like flowers or a hamper to show you care. What to wear An important decision for guests is deciding what to wear to a wake. In most cultures, black attire is the norm but it is not always necessary. What you wear to a funeral and the wake says a lot about you and you want to appear respectful and considerate. While you don’t necessarily need to dress in black from top to toe, keep your colour choices to darker shades such as navy blue, browns or grey. For men, dark trousers and a dark shirt are fine but if you choose a white shirt, it looks more respectful if you cover with a dark jacket. Ladies can dress in a similar fashion with pants or a skirt, or they can opt for a dark coloured dress. What happens if the family don’t want a wake? Everyone grieves differently and there is no right way or wrong way to get through the harrowing days following the death of a loved one. Although most people will organise a wake, others may not be keen on the idea. This is a very personal decision and not one the bereaved will make lightly. You don’t need to have a wake after a funeral if you really don’t want to and there are alternatives you can consider. Have a short wake before the funeral – This can just include immediate family or close friends and all you need to serve is a few platters of cold cuts or sandwiches with tea and coffee. Immediate family dinner at a restaurant – Essentially, this is a wake but if you really want to keep it low key, there is nothing wrong with keeping it to immediate family. Scatter flowers– Gather those closest to the deceased and go to their favourite place. It could be by a river, a forest or any place they loved. Let each person toss flowers into the water in honour of the deceased. Arrange small gifts to remember your loved one – What better way to remember a lost loved one than to carry them with you all the time? If you want to offer something deeply personal to family members, you can have jewellery made to honour your loved one. From ashes rings to lockets encapsulating a lock of hair – there are plenty of choices for memorial jewellery on the market. For those outside of the immediate family circle, you could put together photo albums, or get creative and give them seeds for the deceased’s favourite flower that they can plant in their own gardens. The most important thing to remember when organising a wake is to do what works for you and your family. It can be a grand affair or a very subdued one. It’s also important to be kind to yourself during this difficult time and you are not failing anyone if you ask for help. Family and friends usually come together during these difficult times and most will be more than happy to help you organise the funeral and the wake. Give your dearly departed the send off they deserve but don’t forget to look after yourself. Reach out to friends for company or a shoulder to cry on and take the time to grieve in any way that helps you. Sources [i] https://www.funeralguide.co.uk/help-resources/arranging-a-funeral/funeral-guides/how-to-organise-a-wake [ii] https://www.legacy.com/advice/what-is-a-wake/ [iii] https://www.funeralguide.co.uk/help-resources/arranging-a-funeral/planning-the-service/funeral-foods

Flowers are one of the most traditional symbols of sympathy and mourning when a loved one passes away. Floral arrangements are a way to honour the deceased’s life and send them on to the afterlife with a symbolic gesture. Friends and family members often send bouquets and arrangements as an expression of sympathy, while the closest family chooses unique funeral floral arrangements. There is no hard and fast rule about the flowers that should go in funeral floral arrangements. Some people choose to include the deceased’s favourite flowers, while others prefer to keep things traditional with lilies, gladioli, roses, and carnations.[1] Other ideas to consider are: Take a cue from the deceased’s favourite colours Match the flowers to the colours of their sports team Choose the national flowers of their city, county, or country of birth Match flowers with their preferred songs If you’re looking for unique funeral ideas for flowers, you’ll likely want something a bit unusual yet respectful and classic. Read ahead for a full selection of funeral flower arrangement ideas that will honour your loved one and send them off in style and grace. Why do people have flower arrangements at funerals? There are plenty of reasons why we send and display flowers at funerals in cultures all around the world. From the lei in Hawaii to chrysanthemums in Japan, people have flower arrangements at funerals for their beauty and meaning.[2] However, this wasn’t always the case – throughout history, flowers have been a vital part of funerals for their practical purpose. Before the age of embalming, flowers and incense were used to mask any smells.[3] Funeral floral arrangements became such an essential part of the ritual that even after the advent of modern medicine and science, they were here to stay. In addition to having funerals at the site of the funeral and memorial, it is now common practice to send them to the grieving family. In some cases, the family may ask for charitable donations in lieu of flowers. Many families choose to dry their loved one’s funeral arrangements so that they can treasure them forever as a memory of their loved ones life and passing. Other common ways to remember loved ones include framed portraits, keeping a favourite piece of furniture, and commissioning ashes memorial jewellery. All of these ideas help keep your cherished loved one in your thoughts and close to your heart. Funeral flower ideas and meanings These are some of the most popular funeral flowers, each of which have their own meanings and traditions. Despite their popularity, they can be incorporated into unique and vibrant floral arrangements.[4] Peace Lilies Peace lilies are associated with calm, peace, and tranquillity, which can provide comfort to grieving loved ones.[5] They symbolise healing and recovery, which is very helpful when someone is suffering from grief. Peace lilies are a different shape than a traditional lily, and come as pot plants, so they will bring healing for a long time to come. Lilies Lilies are very traditional funeral flowers, particularly in shades of white and cream. They symbolise renewal and hope and have a heady perfume that lingers in a room. Lilies come in a vast array of colours and sizes so that you can get really creative in your funeral floral arrangement. Carnations Popular as funeral flowers for more than a century, carnations are long-lasting and fragrant. Choose pink for remembrance and white for purity. Carnations look lovely on their own, or as a welcome addition to any funeral bouquet or arrangement. Chrysanthemums Often just called ‘mums,’ chrysanthemums are popular all over the world, but particularly in Asia and certain European countries, such as Korea, Japan, and France.[6] They have big, stunning blooms that work well as the main flower in a larger arrangement. A large bouquet of chrysanthemums also looks stunning on their own and really has a big visual impact.  Gladioli Gladioli symbolise uplifting resilience and strength of character, which make them a classic choice for a funeral bouquet. Their bold and vibrant colours are eye-catching, and their tall boughs add visual drama to any arrangement. Roses Often associated with joy and love, roses also express respect and love. Yellow roses are ideal for a friend’s funeral, while pink roses symbolise grace and appreciation. Deep red roses can also symbolise great love and admiration, making them perfect for mourning. Orchids Orchids are special and unique flowers that can be used for a wide variety of occasions, including mourning. Pink, purple, and white orchids all express compassion and sympathy. Orchids usually come as pot plants, so they will continue to soothe the grieving for months (or even years) to come. Hyacinths While some people prefer funeral arrangements in subdued colours, others want a bolder palette. Hyacinths come in a wide range of electric hues, perfect for adding a pop of colour to a funeral arrangement. Now that you know more about the most popular classic funeral flower choices, you can start to envision how they would look in a remarkable floral arrangement.[7] A wreath to surround the urn Not every funeral includes a casket – some people prefer to display an urn instead, placing it on an altar or ceremonial table. A wreath can be the perfect option to surround the urn and add an extra touch. Choose one made with evergreen leaves, hardy flowers, and pops of colour. In addition to its special place of honour on the day of the funeral, the wreath will dry wonderfully and make a special keepsake. Rare Blue Gems Blue flowers are the rarest in nature and are therefore very prized and sought-after.[8] This rarity and bold hue make them perfect for a unique gesture of remembrance, especially if blue was the deceased’s favourite colour. Mix the blue blooms with pops of white (lilies are ideal) and verdant green ferns for an eye-catching funeral arrangement.   Creating a cross or other religious icons with flowers If the deceased had a strong sense of faith, use contrasting flowers to create a cross, Star of David, Crescent, Wheel, or another religious icon. This type of unique floral arrangement is ideal as the main point of focus for a religious service, and can be adapted to accompany an urn. Standing Spray Standing tall and proud, a spray of flowers will celebrate the life of the deceased with sophistication and dignity.[9] Include roses and gladioli for a traditional touch, and add brightly coloured blooms for a more contemporary and celebratory effect.   A Tribute Wreath A tribute wreath brings comfort to the family in the short term, and when dried and preserved, makes a lasting memento. Memorial wreaths can be as traditional or unique as you wish, and can be used to lay atop the casket or showcase the urn.   A Basket of Lavender Lavender has been known throughout history for its meditative and relaxing effects, and is commonly found in aromatherapy, bath oils, and body products. Its soothing properties make it the perfect gift for anyone suffering the loss of a loved one. Consider a basket of dried or fresh lavender. It not only smells wonderful, but its pale purple flowers are visually calming and delicately beautiful. Though it is a dark and sad time, a unique funeral flower arrangement can help bring a sense of calm, beauty, and tranquillity to your loved one's family and friends. A cherished historical tradition, flowers can bring a dash of life and love into an otherwise traumatic time. Reference list Applebury, G. (2017). 12 Funeral Flower Arrangement Ideas and Images. [online] LoveToKnow. Available at: https://dying.lovetoknow.com/Funeral_Flowers_Images [Accessed 14 Nov. 2020]. Connexion France. (2018). Why chrysanthemums are the French ‘flower of the dead.’ [online] www.connexionfrance.com. Available at: https://www.connexionfrance.com/French-news/Why-chrysanthemums-are-the-French-flower-of-the-dead-at-Toussaint-and-autumn [Accessed 16 Nov. 2020]. Frugal Flower (2016). Funeral Flowers Guide | Tips, Traditions & Types. [online] Frugal Flower. Available at: https://www.frugalflower.com/funeral-flowers-guide [Accessed 15 Nov. 2020]. Interflora (2018). Why Do We Have Flowers at Funerals? [online] Interflora.com.au. Available at: https://www.interflora.com.au/blog/post/meaning-of-funeral-flowers [Accessed 14 Nov. 2020]. Kremp, C. (2019). 10 Ideas For Funeral Flowers Arrangements When You Want Something Unique in 2019 [online] www.kremp.com. Available at: https://www.kremp.com/blog/flowers/10-ideas-funeral-flowers-arrangements-when-you-want-something-unique [Accessed 14 Nov. 2020]. Lowe, A. (2019). Natural Wonder: Why is the colour blue so rare in nature? [online] Biodiversity Revolution. Available at: https://biodiversityrevolution.wordpress.com/2019/08/20/natural-wonder-why-is-the-colour-blue-so-rare-in-nature/[Accessed 16 Nov. 2020]. Smart Garden Guide (2020). Peace Lily Meaning and Symbolism. [online] Smart Garden Guide. Available at: https://smartgardenguide.com/peace-lily-meaning-and-symbolism/ [Accessed 14 Nov. 2020]. Teleflora (2019). Meanings of Traditional Funeral & Sympathy Flowers | Teleflora. [online] www.teleflora.com. Available at: https://www.teleflora.com/funeral-sympathy-collection/funeral-flowers-meaning [Accessed 14 Nov. 2020]. The Environmental Magazine (2019). Interesting Flower Funeral Customs from Around the World. [online] Emagazine.com. Available at: https://emagazine.com/interesting-flower-funeral-customs-from-around-the-world/ [Accessed 15 Nov. 2020]. ‌Sources [1] https://www.frugalflower.com/funeral-flowers-guide [2] https://emagazine.com/interesting-flower-funeral-customs-from-around-the-world/ [3] https://www.interflora.com.au/blog/post/meaning-of-funeral-flowers#:~:text=Today%20flowers%20are%20used%20at,smell%20of%20the%20decaying%20body. [4] https://www.teleflora.com/funeral-sympathy-collection/funeral-flowers-meaning [5] https://smartgardenguide.com/peace-lily-meaning-and-symbolism/ [6] https://www.connexionfrance.com/French-news/Why-chrysanthemums-are-the-French-flower-of-the-dead-at-Toussaint-and-autumn [7] https://dying.lovetoknow.com/Funeral_Flowers_Images [8] https://biodiversityrevolution.wordpress.com/2019/08/20/natural-wonder-why-is-the-colour-blue-so-rare-in-nature/#:~:text=But%20when%20it%20comes%20to [9] https://www.kremp.com/blog/flowers/10-ideas-funeral-flowers-arrangements-when-you-want-something-unique

Please note: Data included in this article is correct at the time of writing (October 2020), and is based on national restrictions in England. The below does not account for additional local tiered restrictions. Please follow up to date government guidance. Across the globe, people are still adjusting to the ‘new normal’ brought about by restrictions put in place to cope with the COVID-19 pandemic. In the UK, this includes new rules about how events can take place safely. Unfortunately, the restrictions have affected funerals, which can already be a sensitive and upsetting time for the family and friends of loved ones who have passed away. Current Funeral Guidelines Since the beginning of the pandemic when only ten mourners were allowed to attend a funeral[i] restrictions have changed as and when needed, making them difficult to keep up with. We’ve broken down some of the basic guidelines to address frequently asked questions. How many people can attend a service? A maximum of 30 people can attend[ii]. Who can come to a funeral? Both family and friends are now welcome to attend funerals. What are the rules on social distancing? 2 metres must be maintained between members of different households. Do you have to wear a face-covering? A face covering or mask must be worn during a funeral service. The above will vary depending on local restrictions. You should always refer to your local authorities’ website if you’re unsure what you are, or are not, allowed to do. What to expect at a funeral during COVID-19 Not knowing what to expect when attending a ‘socially distanced’ funeral can be a source of great anxiety, which is accelerated by natural feelings of grief and upset. So, what can you expect? Social distancing. To reduce the risk of transmitting the virus, you will have to keep a 2-metre distance from family and friends who are not in your household or ‘support bubble’. Workers at the church, crematorium or other venues will help to maintain this. Face coverings. Unless you are exempt from wearing a face covering, you will be expected to wear one. No singing. At funerals, we usually sing a select few hymns or songs that were meaningful to the deceased. During this time, the government has advised against singing, chanting, or playing of instruments which are blown into[iii]. This reduces the chance of the virus being transmitted through the air. Hygiene – Hand sanitiser will be provided, and you should use it upon entering and leaving the venue (if you are able to). Make sure you wash your hands for at least twenty seconds before and after attending the service. The Logistical Impact Logistically, the funeral industry has had to rapidly adapt to accommodate new restrictions and guidelines. With the unfortunate increase in the death rate, some processes have been streamlined for efficiency. Direct cremations Due to restrictions and some families not wanting more distant family members or friends to feel left out or forgotten when it comes to the funeral, many families are opting for direct cremations. This involves the deceased loved one being cremated without an official ceremony. This service has been on the increase during the pandemic[iv]. Death Registration An unprecedented increase in excess deaths[v] has caused changes to the usual death registration process. In ‘normal’ times, a family member would visit the registrar’s office to register a death. However, the Coronavirus Act has allowed this to be carried out by funeral directors, and forms can now be submitted electronically. When a death occurs, two doctors usually certify the death. However, If the cause of death has been identified as COVID-19, only one doctor needs to certify this. This legislation was brought in to speed up the process[vi]. Viewing the body It may not be possible to view the body of a deceased loved one for religious or cultural purposes (or even just for closure and to say goodbye). Be prepared for this, but don’t be afraid to ask if you are allowed to spend time with the body before cremation or burial. The Emotional Impact Funerals are a time of great emotion and being unable to hug and comfort loved ones is nothing short of heartbreaking. COVID-19 has forced a change in the natural mourning process which people have followed for hundreds, if not thousands, of years. Alongside the usual mental and physical impacts of grief, the bereaved are experiencing the following - Feelings of, and physical, isolation - An unfortunate reality of the pandemic is that many people are being forced to grieve alone. Those who are physically isolated due to illness, shielding, or through precaution, are not able to lean on others to support them through their bereavement. Guilt – Guilt is playing a huge factor in people’s bereavement. Feelings of guilt can be raised for many reasons, from not being able to give their loved one the send-off they would have wanted, to not being able to invite all of their nearest and dearest to say goodbye Anger and loss of control - It’s understandable to feel angry about current limitations on funerals, who can attend and how they will be carried out. Try not to direct this anger at those around you. More openness about death – One sad positive that we can take from the pandemic is that people are now becoming more aware of their own mortality, and more open to talking about death. This can help surrounding family and friends to be more prepared for the eventuality, both logistically and emotionally. If you or a loved one are struggling to cope with the emotional impact of death during COVID-19, it’s extremely important to speak out. You will be heard. There are plenty of resources online that can help you to understand and process your emotions. Here are a few: - NHS Bereavement Helpline Samaritans MIND If you’re worried about your mental health, or that of a loved one, don’t hesitate to contact your GP. Even during this time, they will be happy to help. Alternative ways to honour a loved one Until restrictions have relaxed, it’s safe to say that we will have to adjust to a ‘different way’ of grieving. There are plenty of ways to help people say goodbye outside of attending a funeral, here are some ideas: - Lining the streets – many families are inviting those that were close to their lost loved one to line the streets (socially distanced, of course) on the day of the funeral to watch the funeral procession pass. This will offer closure, and seeing others doing the same will help people to not feel so alone in their grief Live streaming the service – It is becoming more popular to set up a live stream of funeral proceedings so people can watch from home and feel involved Video tribute – why not put together a video tribute including footage and photos of your loved one to share with friends and family? This could even include their favourite song Keepsakes for loved ones who couldn’t attend – making or purchasing a keepsake (a piece of ashes jewellery or a framed picture, for example) can be a special way to help someone honour a loved one who has passed on Somewhere to visit – whether it is a grave or a memorial bench in their favourite place, it might be an idea to set up somewhere for people to visit and remember the loved one in their own time Postponing the wake – The government has advised postponing wakes until a time when more people are able to attend. Gathering for a celebration of your loved ones life once restrictions have relaxed could be a lovely way to honour their memory Overall, the impact of COVID-19 on funerals has been quite severe. It is vital to remember that the current restrictions are only temporary, and it won’t always be this way. For now, remember to stay strong and speak out about your grief to family and friends. To ensure full understanding during these uncertain times, please refer to the relevant government guidelines for up-to-date restrictions. You can find guidance for the UK here: - England | Wales | Northern Ireland References Charlie Giattino, H. R. M. R. E. O.-O. a. J. H., 2020. Excess mortality during the Coronavirus pandemic (COVID-19). [Online] Available at: https://ourworldindata.org/excess-mortality-covid [Accessed 17 October 2020]. Conway, H., 2020. Coronavirus is changing funerals and how we deal with the dead. [Online] Available at: https://theconversation.com/coronavirus-is-changing-funerals-and-how-we-deal-with-the-dead-134842 [Accessed 17 October 2020]. Jones, R., 2020. No-frills cremations: how coronavirus is changing funerals in Britain. [Online] Available at: https://www.theguardian.com/money/2020/apr/18/no-frills-cremations-coronavirus-changing-funerals-britain [Accessed 17 October 2020]. Marjoribanks, K., 2020. Funeral changes introduced with only 10 mourners permitted graveside during coronavirus lockdown. [Online] Available at: https://www.dailyrecord.co.uk/news/local-news/funeral-changes-introduced-only-10-21859866 [Accessed 17 October 2020]. Public Health England, 2020. COVID-19: guidance for managing a funeral during the coronavirus pandemic. [Online] Available at: https://www.gov.uk/government/publications/covid-19-guidance-for-managing-a-funeral-during-the-coronavirus-pandemic/covid-19-guidance-for-managing-a-funeral-during-the-coronavirus-pandemic [Accessed 17 October 2020]. Sources [i] https://www.dailyrecord.co.uk/news/local-news/funeral-changes-introduced-only-10-21859866 [ii] https://www.gov.uk/government/publications/covid-19-guidance-for-managing-a-funeral-during-the-coronavirus-pandemic/covid-19-guidance-for-managing-a-funeral-during-the-coronavirus-pandemic [iii] https://www.gov.uk/government/publications/covid-19-guidance-for-managing-a-funeral-during-the-coronavirus-pandemic/covid-19-guidance-for-managing-a-funeral-during-the-coronavirus-pandemic [iv] https://www.theguardian.com/money/2020/apr/18/no-frills-cremations-coronavirus-changing-funerals-britain [v] https://ourworldindata.org/excess-mortality-covid [vi] https://theconversation.com/coronavirus-is-changing-funerals-and-how-we-deal-with-the-dead-134842

When someone you love passes away, it can feel like the world is going to end. Even when you are prepared for the impending death, you can never predict how you’ll feel when it actually happens. Some people feel completely numb or even go into shock. Other people refuse to believe what has happened and try to ‘bargain’ their way out of the grief. Some people sob for days on end, while others act like nothing has happened. It’s important to remember that all of these reactions are completely normal. Your emotions are controlled by several different regions in your brain.[i] Your limbic system and pre-frontal cortex are responsible for regulating your emotions and organising your thoughts. However, when you are experiencing grief, a load of hormones and neurotransmitters flood into these parts of your brain. You might feel like you ‘don’t know whether you’re coming or going,’ calm one minute and hysterical the next. Your overall thought processes slow down, making it hard to concentrate or think clearly, and your hunger and sleep signals are likely to go haywire. Just remember that there is no ‘right or wrong’ way to grieve – everyone is different, and no two situations can be compared. What are the symptoms of grieving? Grief can cause all kinds of strange symptoms, some of which you might not expect to be associated with bereavement.[ii] People often refer to the 7 stages of grief, but generally symptoms of grieving can include: Feeling hyper or restless – It’s not uncommon to feel like you’re bouncing off the walls when you are in grief. Trouble concentrating – It can be hard to focus on the task at hand as your mind wanders. Rumination – Your mind might race as you go over and over what happened, and even play out scenarios in which things could have gone differently. Trouble sleeping – This is one of the most common symptoms of grief. People tend to experience disturbed sleep, such as insomnia or oversleeping. You might even start having nightmares. Loss of appetite – Some grieving people report having no appetite at all and have to force themselves to eat anything. Overeating – However, others experience overeating, as they consume food to dull the pain, leading to weight gain. Withdrawing from social situations – While some people want to be surrounded by loved one or distracted with social engagements, others withdraw into solitude. A sense of isolation and feeling alone – It can seem like no one understands what you’re going through, and you might feel completely alone. This can exacerbate social withdrawal. Substance abuse – It is very common to turn to alcohol and drugs when a loved one passes away, which can lead to substance abuse and addiction issues. Grief is a natural response to the loss of a loved one – it isn’t an illness or something that can be ‘treated.’ While you might benefit from speaking to a grief counsellor or joining a support group, the only remedy for grief is time. Eventually, you will find your ‘new normal.’ The pain and loss will always be with you, but in time you will learn to live with the feelings. Physical effects of bereavement While grief is a natural response to a negative event, it can have real effects on your long-term health.[iii] Some of the symptoms listed in the above section affect your mind and body, but there are also some documented physical effects of grief. Grief and heart health – You have probably heard grief described as “a broken heart” or ‘heartache,” but this isn’t just a turn of phrase. The stress hormones released when you are grieving can actually cause cardiac issues.[iv]Acute stress, such as that brought on by the death of a loved one, can cause stress cardiomyopathy. A study has found that the chances of having an acute heart attack increase by more than 20 times in the 24 hours after someone you love passes away. Also common? Blood clots, increased blood pressure, and even ‘broken heart syndrome,’ which mimics the symptoms of a heart attack. Grief and a lowered immune system – When you experience a tremendous amount of stress, your body goes into survival mode. As a result, your immune system can suffer.[v] When your immune system is weak, you are more susceptible to infections, illnesses, and just generally feeling ‘run down.’ Colds, flu, headaches, and angina (severe chest pains) are all common. Grief and exhaustion – Grief is hard. It makes every task seem monumental and causes physical aches and pains. So, it’s no surprise that it can also make you feel exhausted, making it hard to get even your most routine tasks done. It’s normal to feel extreme tiredness, physically fragile, shaky, and weak. Here are some other physical sensations you might experience while grieving: Tightness in your chest A catch in your throat An upset or ‘hollow’ feeling stomach Trouble breathing, or hitching breath Dry mouth Sensitivity to noise Aches and pains all over your body Emotional effects of bereavement It’s impossible to list all of the myriad ways that bereavement can affect your emotions.[vi] Just know that if you are experiencing a whirlwind of different emotions after a loved one passes away, it is normal. However, if you begin to experience thoughts of suicide or self-harm, get in touch with your GP immediately, or call the Samaritans on 116 123. You will likely feel ‘out of sorts,’ with chaotic feelings and emotions that are all over the place. At first, your feelings are likely to be very intense and even overwhelming, but the feelings tend to subside over time. Some of the most common feelings include: Memory loss Brain fog (muddled and confused thoughts, trouble recalling information when you need it) Rage or extreme anger, sometimes aimed at the deceased Feelings of hopelessness Anxiety about your own mortality ‘Irrational’ worries Relief, usually if the person passed away after battling an illness Irritability and a ‘short temper’ Numbness and detachment Rumination – going over the circumstances leading to death over and over Loneliness and a feeling that ‘no one can understand’ what you’re going through How long does grief last? When you’re in the thick of the early grieving process, it can feel like the pain will never end. While you might be eager for the initial pain and sadness to subside, you might also dread the passing of time, because each day marks another day that your loved one is gone. As a result, some people find a sort of comfort in their grief. You might wonder “how long does grief last?” The honest answer is that there is no answer. Everyone grieves differently, and you might have feelings of grief and loss that come and go for the rest of your life. Birthdays, Christmas, and anniversaries can all trigger sadness and pain all over again, especially on milestone occasions. Just remember that it is normal to yearn and long for your loved one, and to be gentle with yourself. If your grieving is negatively impacting your life more than six months after the loss, you may have Prolonged Grief Syndrome (also called Complicated Grief).[vii] Speak with your GP if your symptoms of bereavement are getting worse, rather than easing, over time. Remember that everyone experiences grief in their own way Everyone goes through the grieving process in their own way, and there is no ‘right or wrong way’ to grieve. Some people find great comfort in looking at photos or mementoes and talking at length about their loved one. They have cremation jewellery made, and decorate their home with pictures of the deceased. However, others prefer to avoid reminders and only bring up their loss at certain times. Some people may cry and break down, while others seem cool and collected. Just remember that everyone goes through this process in their own way. Eventually, the acute pain will pass, but your memories and love will live on forever. Reference list Gupta, S. (2015). How Grief Can Make You Sick. [online] EverydayHealth.com. Available at: https://www.everydayhealth.com/news/how-grief-can-make-you-sick/ [Accessed 16 Sep. 2020]. Hairston, S. (2019). How Grief Shows Up In Your Body. [online] WebMD. Available at: https://www.webmd.com/special-reports/grief-stages/20190711/how-grief-affects-your-body-and-mind [Accessed 18 Sep. 2020]. Henry Ford Health System Staff (2018). How Coping with Grief Can Affect Your Brain. [online] www.henryford.com. Available at: https://www.henryford.com/blog/2018/06/how-coping-with-grief-can-affect-your-brain#:~:text=When%20you [Accessed 16 Sep. 2020]. Marie Curie (2020). Physical symptoms of grief. [online] Marie Curie. Available at: https://www.mariecurie.org.uk/help/support/bereaved-family-friends/dealing-grief/physical-symptoms-grief [Accessed 16 Sep. 2020]. Mayo Clinic Staff (2017). Complicated grief - Symptoms and causes. [online] Mayo Clinic. Available at: https://www.mayoclinic.org/diseases-conditions/complicated-grief/symptoms-causes/syc-20360374 [Accessed 18 Sep. 2020]. mh4rc (2018). Impacts of grief – Mental Health Resources for Carers. [online] IMPACTS OF GRIEF. Available at: http://mhr4c.com.au/grief-and-loss/impacts-of-grief/ [Accessed 16 Sep. 2020]. Pfizer Medical Team (2018). 5 Ways Grief May Affect Your Health. [online] Get Healthy Stay Healthy. Available at: https://www.gethealthystayhealthy.com/articles/5-ways-grief-may-affect-your-health [Accessed 18 Sep. 2020]. Pritchard, E.-L. (2018). 20 physical, behavioural and emotional symptoms of bereavement and how to overcome them. [online] Country Living. Available at: https://www.countryliving.com/uk/wellbeing/a21549981/physical-emotional-behavioural-symptoms-grief-bereavement-how-overcome/ [Accessed 16 Sep. 2020]. Ryback, R. (2017). The Ways We Grieve. [online] Psychology Today. Available at: https://www.psychologytoday.com/gb/blog/the-truisms-wellness/201702/the-ways-we-grieve [Accessed 16 Sep. 2020]. Sources [i] https://www.henryford.com/blog/2018/06/how-coping-with-grief-can-affect-your-brain [ii] https://www.everydayhealth.com/news/how-grief-can-make-you-sick/ [iii] https://www.mariecurie.org.uk/help/support/bereaved-family-friends/dealing-grief/grieving-your-way [iv] https://www.webmd.com/special-reports/grief-stages/20190711/how-grief-affects-your-body-and-mind [v] https://www.gethealthystayhealthy.com/articles/5-ways-grief-may-affect-your-health [vi] https://www.countryliving.com/uk/wellbeing/a21549981/physical-emotional-behavioural-symptoms-grief-bereavement-how-overcome/ [vii] https://www.mayoclinic.org/diseases-conditions/complicated-grief/symptoms-causes/syc-20360374

Creating positive memories together helps families build strong bonds that stand the test of time. Not only do families who have fun together look back on their experiences and laugh or smile, but they are also better able to support each other through life’s trials and tribulations. Research shows that people who recall their childhood fondly tend to be happier, healthier, and in better shape mentally and physically. [1] There is even some evidence that children who have regular experiences of happiness have larger hippocampi, the region of the brain that affects memory, stress, and learning. Studies also show that teenagers who have a bank of positive memories to draw upon are less likely to experience depression.[2] They are more equipped to deal with stress and have more resiliency when things don’t go their way. Think of it as the ‘glass half full’ mentality. Of course, depression has a biochemical component that cannot be ‘cured’ by developing happy memories. However, resilience in the face of stress and setbacks is a valuable tool that can lower cortisol (a stress hormone) and prevent the onset of depressive episodes. While the science is important, it’s also just plain awesome to have fun and build great memories with your kids! Here are some tried and tested simple ways to create wonderful memories and positive experiences with your family. Point out their positives t’s very easy to point out someone’s flaws and foibles, but do you take the time to commend and compliment them for their positives? Make a conscious effort to tell your child or teen about all of the things you like about their behaviour, rather than reprimanding them when they fall out of line.[3] You’ll boost their self-esteem and foster a warm and trusting environment in your home. Immerse yourself in make-believe! As we get older, we often lose the magical ability to immerse ourselves in a world of fanciful make-believe and just PLAY! Kids absolutely adore it when their parents join in on the fun of play, and it improves their cognition and stress levels.[4] Build a fort out of sofa cushions and blankets. Weave storylines for Barbies and toy cars. Engage in a rollicking game of hide-and-seek or tag. No matter what, just let loose, suspend disbelief, and have a blast. Play a sport together Sport is a brilliant way to build camaraderie, encourage healthy competition, and just have a lot of fun! Even if you aren’t a strong athlete, engaging in sport is a healthy and wholesome way for the entire family to connect and build bonds. You’re not limited to basketball or football – go bowling, head to the crazy golf centre, or try your hand at rock climbing together. Inside jokes are the gifts that keep on giving Every family has its own inside jokes, and they help to build bonds and get everyone laughing. Consider buying gifts and tokens that relate to your family’s most treasured inside jokes – they’ll go over like gangbusters. A fingerprint necklace is one way to remind your kids of the best times that you’ve all had together – it’s as unique as your family. Plant a garden as a family Not only will planting a garden get you working together as a family, you’ll teach your children a valuable skill that they can use throughout their entire life. There’s something special about getting your hands dirty and watching your efforts pay off as green shoots start appearing and you harvest your first crops. Cook a meal together with the fruits (and veg) of your labour, and make sure to document everything for your scrapbook. Book a professional photographer Sure, we all have a million phone camera photos of our families, but hiring a professional photographer is a special occasion. Everyone gets dolled up in their very best, and the setting, lighting, and poses are perfect. Give these photos pride of place home to show your kids just how much you value them. What better way to jog your happy memories than by looking back at them through the eyes of a pro? Plan your holidays together with a focus on kid-friendly activities When you’re planning your next holiday, gather your kids around and get them involved in the entire process.[5] Let them look at the weather forecast, pick and choose accommodation, and go through a list of potential activities nearby. Are they interested in visiting a castle, or would they prefer a surf lesson? Let them make the decision. When it comes time to engage in the activities they chose, they’ll feel proud and excited, and you can really hype their sense of ownership and compliment their choices. You’ll be amazed at how much everyone will enjoy the holiday that you all planned together! Get the extended family involved Your family is so much more than your nuclear unit – you have a whole family tree that tells the story of who you are. Get your extended family involved in your kids’ lives at a young age. Grandparents, great aunts and uncles, and even second and third cousins all have fascinating stories and family lore – have your child ask plenty of questions. They can also conduct ‘interviews’ and document the history of the family on both sides. For a bigger project, create a family website on which your kids can store photos, recorded interviews, and videos of the whole clan. Eat together as a family around the dinner table Eating together around the dinner table is an essential part of family bonding. Numerous studies show that children who eat with their families have better test scores, fewer behavioural problems, and healthier BMIs.[6]  Turning off the TV and chatting with your kids over your evening (and even breakfast) meal can boost their self-esteem and set them up for success. It also gives the whole family a chance to connect at the end of a long day. Make a creative family scrapbook These days we tend to document our lives on social media platforms. However, there is something to be said for an old-fashioned hardcopy that your kids can create and handle without any screen time. Scrapbooking is a brilliant way to get everyone involved – include photos, colouring projects, collages, and written accounts of special days. You can all really go wild with decoration, and it will be a joy to watch your kids’ printing and drawing abilities improve over the years. These scrapbooks will become treasured keepsakes, so make sure that you make enough so that each child can one day have their own. Create a family gratitude journal Scrapbooking is colourful and artistic, but writing is also a worthwhile pursuit. Create a family journal in which you document your lives. Write down your activities and the things you are all grateful for at least once per week. Studies show that documenting our gratitude can improve our outlook on life, and even alleviate depression and anxiety.[7] When your kids or teens are feeling down, they can go to the family journal and look back at better times – it really puts everything into perspective. Go for a swim together – or just splash around What is it about swimming that makes kids go bananas? How many times have you heard about families that go to Disneyland, but the kids don’t want to leave the modest hotel pool? Yet once the kids are old enough to swim on their own, parents so often stay on the side lines, letting their kids have all the fun in the water. If your kid loves the pool (or the river, or the sea) that much on their own, they’ll be over the moon when you join in on the fun. Don’t stress over negative memories – life happens With all this talk of building positive memories, you might feel that your job as a parent is to prevent negative memories from occurring. This is, quite simply, impossible. Negative things (and the memories that happen as a result) will always occur – a beloved pet will die, an accident will happen, or someone’s feelings will get hurt. That’s life. However, when your child has a bank of positive memories they can draw from, this can help to balance and counteract negative experiences. Instead of thinking, ‘nothing good ever happens,’ your children will remember the good times, and understand that while life has its ‘downs,’ it also has plenty of ‘ups.’ After all, they have the memories to prove it. Reference list Fiese, B.H., Foley, K.P. and Spagnola, M. (2016). Routine and ritual elements in family mealtimes: Contexts for child well-being and family identity. New Directions for Child and Adolescent Development, 2006(111), pp.67–89. Hartwell-Walker, M. and read, EDL updated: 8 J. 2018 ~ 3 min (2017). 5 Ways to Make Happy Family Memories. [online] psychcentral.com. Available at: https://psychcentral.com/blog/5-ways-to-make-happy-family-memories/ [Accessed 15 Aug. 2020]. Harvard Health Publishing (2019). Giving thanks can make you happier - Harvard Health. [online] Harvard Health. Available at: https://www.health.harvard.edu/healthbeat/giving-thanks-can-make-you-happier [Accessed 17 Aug. 2020]. Narvaez, D. (2019). Why Play With a Child? [online] Psychology Today. Available at: https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/moral-landscapes/201404/why-play-child [Accessed 16 Aug. 2020]. Raising Children (2016). Encouraging good behaviour: 15 tips. [online] Raising Children Network. Available at: https://raisingchildren.net.au/toddlers/behaviour/encouraging-good-behaviour/good-behaviour-tips [Accessed 17 Aug. 2020]. Shellenbarger, S. (2017). Dare to Let the Children Plan Your Vacation. Wall Street Journal. [online] 16 May. Available at: https://www.wsj.com/articles/dare-to-let-the-children-plan-your-vacation-1494947476 [Accessed 17 Aug. 2020]. Walton, A. (2019). The Power of Happy Memories. [online] The Doctor Will See You Now. Available at: http://www.thedoctorwillseeyounow.com/content/depression/art5774.html [Accessed 15 Aug. 2020]. [1] https://psychcentral.com/blog/5-ways-to-make-happy-family-memories/ [2] http://www.thedoctorwillseeyounow.com/content/depression/art5774.html [3] https://raisingchildren.net.au/toddlers/behaviour/encouraging-good-behaviour/good-behaviour-tips [4] https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/moral-landscapes/201404/why-play-child [5] https://www.wsj.com/articles/dare-to-let-the-children-plan-your-vacation-1494947476 [6] https://pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/16646500/ [7] https://www.health.harvard.edu/healthbeat/giving-thanks-can-make-you-happier

If you have ever watched an episode of a crime procedural or followed any true crime cases, you are likely familiar with the use of fingerprints to identify people. Every person on earth has unique fingerprints that can be used to trace their movements and identify their presence. Fingerprints are an invaluable tool that helps law enforcement officials solve crimes and convict criminals in court. But have you ever realised that fingerprints also make lovely mementoes? After all, who doesn’t love the tiny fingerprints (or footprints) of their baby? Or even the beautiful prints from their cat or dog? Fingerprint keepsakes are also perfect as a romantic gesture – they are one in a million (or one in 64 billion, to be exact). Have you ever wanted to learn more about this fascinating topic? We’ve compiled a guide to everything you need to know about fingerprints. What Are Fingerprints? The pressure placed on a foetus’s developing fingers in the womb forms their individual fingerprints. Each of your fingertips is embedded with tiny valleys, ridges, and whorls (collectively called friction ridges) that are utterly unique to your body. The friction ridges include pores that secrete sweat and oils and therefore leave behind residue. There is less than a one in 64 billion chance that you will have the same fingerprints as another person – they truly unique! They are more individual to you than even your DNA sequences.[1] While you also have similar ridged areas on your hands and feet, fingerprints are the most popular for identification and solving crimes. That is because we tend to touch everything with our fingers, and we, therefore, leave many prints behind on the surfaces we encounter. As a biometric characteristic, they are easy to store and analyse. What Are the Different Types of Fingerprints? There are eight common fingerprint patterns that investigators use to identify people and solve crimes.[2] Loops Nearly 70% of all fingerprints analysed include loops, which are ridges turned backwards and that do not twist. Radial loops Named for the radius bone that connects to the thumb, radial loops flow in the direction of the radius. They are quite uncommon and are usually found on the index finger. Ulnar loops Ulnar loops are named for the ulna bone in the forearm – they flow down towards the same side as the little finger. Double-loop Double-loop fingerprints have a pattern with two distinct shoulders, two deltas, and at least one ridge that makes a full circuit. Whorls Whorls are found in around 30% of fingerprints analysed by experts. In a whorl, the ridges turn at least one full circuit. Plain whorl A plain whorl is the most common. It makes a complete circuit with at least two deltas, making them a circular or spiral shape. Central pocket loop whorl Central pocket loop whorls include at least one curving ridge, an obstruction at right angles to the line of flow, and two deltas. It will be circular, spiral, oval, or circular. Accidental whorl Accidental whorls have two distinct patterns that include two or more deltas. Since they do not match the specifics of other whorl categories, they are grouped together in a ‘catch-all’ group. Arches Arches only occur in around 5% of all fingerprints, making them the rarest category of features. These patterns do not include any downward turns and run continuously from one side of the finger to the other. They do not usually include a delta. Plain arch Plain arches start on one side of the finger, and then cascade upwards, resembling an ocean wave. They are the simplest fingerprints for amateurs to recognise and are often included in children’s science kits. Tented arch The tented arch has smaller up-thrusts in the ridges near the middle of the finger, resulting in tent shapes that are also easy to recognise. What Is the Process of Fingerprinting? The scientific term for fingerprinting is dactyloscopy. Today most fingerprinting is done digitally with scanners, but it was traditionally done with an ink pad and paper.[3] Ink fingerprinting To fingerprint someone with an inkpad and paper, you first clean the finger with alcohol to remove sweat and oil. When the finger is dry, roll it in ink from side to side and up and down. Next, roll the finger onto a card, starting with one side of the fingernail and smoothly gliding it to the other. You can also press a finger firmly onto paper for a flat impression, although this is less useful for analysis. Investigators had to map and compare fingerprints manually by eye, which is a time consuming and complicated process. Digital fingerprinting Most fingerprinting today is done with digital scanners that capture the unique patterns. A person places their finger on a silicone or optical reader for a few seconds, and the computer maps the fingerprint and uses this map to search for matches in the database. Most countries have their fingerprint databases and contribute this information to the Interpol (international policing) system. Analysing fingerprints Law enforcement agents look for two different types of fingerprints at a crime scene. Visible prints are found in blood, dirt, mud, or any other substance that will hold an impression. Latent prints are invisible to the naked eye or can only be seen in a particular light, and are made on glass, plastic, and other hard surfaces. Investigators use tape, lasers, specialised cameras, or dusting powders to see and ‘lift’ them. What Is the History of Fingerprinting? People around the world have noticed the distinct patterns on our hands and feet for millennia.[4] In the second millennium BCE, Babylonian officials fingerprinted criminals! They were also used for signatures in ancient Babylon, with kings and officials imprinting their thumbs or fingers in wax to seal contracts. Similarly, in Ancient China, officials used inked fingerprints in court documents, although this may have just been symbolic. The first documented case of fingerprints being used to solve a crime dates all the way back to Ancient Rome. A bloody palm print found at the scene of a crime was used to convict the killer. His palm was examined for a match, and this evidence was used against him in court. In the 19th century, an English magistrate called Sir William Herschel pioneered fingerprinting for signing documents, creating a finger register in Jungipoor, India. Soon after, a Scottish physician called Henry Faulds wrote extensive research papers on the potential for fingerprinting, and his seminal paper was published in ‘Nature’ in 1880. Soon after, Alphonse Bertillon, a French police officer and biometrics researcher, developed a system dubbed the Bertillon System. It used the measurements of criminal’s body parts, including fingerprints, to track and categorise criminals. It was a flawed system, causing Argentinian police officials, including Juan Vucetich, to reject it and search for better solutions. He began to develop his own system and was able to solve a grisly multiple murder in 1891. He called his system comparative dactyloscopy, the term we still use today. By 1896 the system had gained popularity around the world, and the National Bureau of Criminal Identification was founded in Chicago (later Washington DC). Do Identical Twins Have the Same Fingerprints? Identical twins sharing the same fingerprints is a common misconception that likely stems from the fact that they share the same DNA signature. That said, they can be extremely similar, because they are formed under similar conditions in the womb. No two people have ever been found to share the same fingerprints, including identical twins.[5] Why Is Fingerprint Jewellery So Unique?  When you love someone, you love their individuality. What better memento to celebrate their individuality than their fingerprint? A piece of fingerprint jewellery is as unique as your loved one – you can guarantee that absolutely no one else on earth will have the same wonderful necklace or ring as you. Imagine everything that you love about someone encapsulated in a single fingerprint – it’s perfect. Summary The study of fingerprints has a long and storied history that helps us to understand the evolution of law enforcement and detective work. Fingerprints have a truly unique nature makes them the perfect keepsake that will remind you of a loved one’s individuality. This is a genuinely fascinating field of study – have we piqued your inner detective? Reference list Crime and Investigation. (2018). The History of Fingerprinting. [online] Crime + Investigation in the UK. Available at: https://www.crimeandinvestigation.co.uk/shows/crimes-that-shook-australia/articles/the-history-of-fingerprinting [Accessed 22 Jul. 2020]. Davis, A. (2017). 8 Most Common Fingerprint Patterns. [online] Touch N Go. Available at: https://www.touchngoid.com/8-common-fingerprint-patterns/ [Accessed 22 Jul. 2020]. O’Connor, A. (2004). The Claim: Identical Twins Have Identical Fingerprints. The New York Times. [online] 2 Nov. Available at https://www.nytimes.com/2004/11/02/health/the-claim-identical-twins-have-identical-fingerprints.html#:~:text=They%20come%20from%20the%20same [Accessed 22 Jul. 2020]. Watson, S. (2008a). How Fingerprinting Works. [online] HowStuffWorks. Available at: https://science.howstuffworks.com/fingerprinting1.htm [Accessed 22 Jul. 2020]. Watson, S. (2008b). The Fingerprinting Process. [online] HowStuffWorks. Available at: https://science.howstuffworks.com/fingerprinting2.htm#:~:text=The%20technique%20of%20fingerprinting%20is%20known%20as%20dactyloscopy.&text=The%20person%20rolls%20his%20or [Accessed 22 Jul. 2020]. [1] https://science.howstuffworks.com/fingerprinting1.htm [2] https://www.touchngoid.com/8-common-fingerprint-patterns/ [3]https://science.howstuffworks.com/fingerprinting2.htm#:~:text=The%20technique%20of%20fingerprinting%20is%20known%20as%20dactyloscopy.&text=The%20person%20rolls%20his%20or [4] https://www.crimeandinvestigation.co.uk/shows/crimes-that-shook-australia/articles/the-history-of-fingerprinting [5] https://www.nytimes.com/2004/11/02/health/the-claim-identical-twins-have-identical-fingerprints.html#:~:text=They%20come%20from%20the%20same

Your little one is finally here! All of the planning and excitement over the nine months of your pregnancy has resulted in a wondering new baby, and you can't stop yourself from marvelling at their precious fingers, toes, and chubby cheeks. But countless parents will tell you that the years fly by. That's why it is so crucial that you create keepsakes that will help you remember these days for the rest of your life. Your wee baby will be a toddler in the blink of an eye, then attending nursery, before cycling away on their first 'big kid' bike. Then comes primary school, secondary, and sixth form, their first broken heart and their last tuck-in goodnight. Before you know it, you'll be attending your child's university graduation and wondering where all the time went. It's hard to believe as you gaze at your sweet little infant, but it's true! The best way to combat the speed of time is to start documenting your little one's big moments and milestones. Some parents do this by creating scrapbooks or memory boxes; others quilt meaningful blankets from their outgrown baby clothes, still others create baby fingerprint jewellery that they can treasure forever. No matter what you choose to do to mark the passage of time, you'll thank yourself in twenty or thirty years when you can look back and remember this special time. Your children will be eternally grateful that you created such a meaningful tribute to their childhoods. If you have older children at home, get them involved as well – they'll be delighted to help with drawing and crafting, and it will make the end result so much more meaningful. 12 Brilliant Baby Keepsake Ideas Here is a list of the 12 timeless baby keepsakes that we absolutely love. Use these ideas to create your own perfect keepsake to cherish for the rest of your life. You can also gift them to your child at the special milestones in their life. Create a shadow box filled with their 'firsts' – We love the idea of creating a new baby shadow box filled with some of the most special items from your pregnancy and their first few months. Consider adding your baby's first scan photo, their teensy little Hospital ID band, and ink prints of their bitsy hands and feet. You can also add their wee knitted cap, a pair of booties, a rattle, a pacifier, and even a swath of their first baby blanket. Add their name in a unique script, along with some key dates, a nickname, or a special sentiment. Frame their first baby blanket – While you can add a small piece of their first blanket to their baby book, scrapbook, or quilt, some people choose to frame their sweet baby's blanket in its entirety. The more worn and unravelled, the more meaningful this framed wall hanging will be. Hang it on their childhood bedroom wall, or keep it stored for the future when you can present it to them upon the birth of their first child. You could also frame their first formal outfit, first Christmas dress/suit, or their christening gown. The frame will prevent moth holes, water damage, and mildew over the years. Bronze their first pair of shoes – While this might sound like a bit of a retro suggestion, bronzed baby shoes are making a comeback. Many engraving shops still offer this service, allowing you to preserve your baby's tiny little feet. When they're in their teens, you'll marvel at how small they once were! They make an adorable knickknack on your shelf. Create a customised scrapbook just for them – Over the past few decades, people have become increasingly creative with their baby scrapbooking ideas. More than just a way to preserve photos, scrapbooking allows you to incorporate documents, tickets, hospital bracelets, and other 2D mementoes. Doll your scrapbook up with stickers, picture corners, and so much more. You'll find the more you scrapbook, the more creative you become! Fill in a baby book – You'll find many different baby books available online. These differ from blank scrapbooks in that they include specific pages for various milestones in your baby's life. You'll be prompted to add photos, locks of hair, written notes, and a lot more. Some baby books transition into childhood, their teenaged years, and even through to university. They will be eternally grateful that you took the time to present them with this special gift. 'Baby book' websites – These days, nearly everything is online, so it makes sense that some parents are choosing to document their child's lives on their very own digital baby book. You can start your own website and only give the password to friends and family, or you can use one of many online platforms designed for just this purpose. The benefit to an online baby book is that it can never get lost, it can never get damaged, and it can be shared with friends and family around the world. Baby handprint kit – Nothing is cuter than a baby's ickle hands and feet! Why not put them in a mould so that you can create a keepsake that will remind you of this special time forever. These kits include non-toxic clay and a three-window frame that allow you to display the prints alongside photos. These also make a perfect gift for grandparents, godparents, aunts, and uncles. It is such a unique idea. Customise baby fingerprint jewellery – As mentioned above, there is something so sweet about your little one's tiny hands and feet. If you want to keep them close to your heart forever, order a piece of baby fingerprint jewellery to wear around your neck. Grandmas, Godmothers, Aunties, and best friends will also love a necklace featuring your little one's fingerprint. Have a Patchwork Memory Bear made – Are Patchwork memory bears are one of the cutest baby keepsakes imaginable? We think so! You send the company a number of your baby's most meaningful garments, and they transform them into a sweet stuffed teddy that you can keep forever. Use it as a memento on the shelf or let your little one snuggle with it as they grow throughout their childhood. Create a baby time capsule – This is a great one for getting the whole family involved. Ask your older children to help you collect their favourite outgrown baby bits, and ceremonially have them help add them to the time capsule. Your baby can get involved in their own time capsule as they get older, or you can keep it as a surprise to give them on their graduation or wedding day. Quilt a special keepsake blanket – Gather up your favourite baby clothing, worn-out stuffies, baby blankets, and booties, and snip out scraps. Once you have a sizeable basket of fabric scraps, you can begin the quilting process, and then stuff it with batting. If you aren't an avid sewer, you can find plenty of companies online who will make the perfect keepsake quilt for you. You can even transfer a few photos onto white fabric and have those squares added into the pattern. Make a 'one-second video' throughout their childhood – We love this fun social media trend so much that we had to include it in our list. Mums and dads around the world are taking a quick one or two second video of their baby every day (or once a week), and then editing them together for an animation effect. The resulting video is charming, fun, and astonishing – you'll be able to watch your little baby grow from a newborn to a toddler, and then onto a kiddo! If you have video editing chops, you can do this yourself, but there are plenty of online apps and websites that make it easy. Baby keepsakes make great gifts for new parents, who might not have the time, energy, or wherewithal to think about much of anything other than sleep. By creating a meaningful keepsake for their new baby, you will be taking a massive weight off of their shoulders. These baby keepsake ideas will fill your heart with joy years from now when you look back at the first few months and years of your baby's life. Whether you choose to keep them yourself or pass them onto your child when they are grown, there is nothing more meaningful.

Funerals are meant to help the living say goodbye to their loved ones in a meaningful and cathartic way. However, most people choose to plan a funeral that honours the wishes of the recently deceased, even if it isn’t what they themselves would prefer. If their loved one was interested in alternative practices, spirituality, or ideologies, they would likely have been interested in a non-traditional farewell to this earth. Here is a list of many different types of alternative and non-traditional funeral services. What Is A Funeral? Holding a funeral service, also referred to as a celebration of life or a memorial, is an important part of the grieving process. The survivors gather (sometimes virtually) to acknowledge and commemorate the life of a loved one.[1] Cultures all over the world hold different types of funerals, and have done so since time immemorial. Funerals can be held in a religious setting with a member of a religious order leading the ceremony. However, they can also be very informal and include readings, poetry, art, dance, and songs performed by friends and family. While there is truly no limit to the creativity you can exercise during a funeral, many people find comfort in at least some of the traditional rituals performed in their culture. Most importantly, a funeral is all about celebrating the life of the person who has passed away, and bringing comfort to those who are left behind. What is an Alternative Funeral? An alternative funeral is less concerned with the traditional conventions of a religious ceremony, and is more about celebrating the life of the recently passed.[2] Some people choose to couple the planning of an alternative funeral with certain other special rituals and memorials. Creating ashes jewellery, naming a star in their honour, and making a pilgrimage to a special site in their memory – these are all special ways to commemorate your loved one. When you are considering an alternative funeral, here are a few things that you should know. There are no ‘rules’ – you can be creative in your plans While your culture and religion may have specific traditions, there are no rules that state you have to follow them. Choose a ritual that would be meaningful to the person who has passed, and that will provide comfort to those who are left behind. Find a funeral director who will work with you Look for a local funeral director who will work with you to celebrate the deceased in the way in which they would have wanted. If your funeral director is loathe to help you or seems reluctant to ‘bend the traditions,’ contact a different company. Alternative doesn’t have to be ‘crazy’ Just because you have decided to go for an ‘alternative’ funeral doesn’t mean that things have to be completely off the wall. Doing something out of the ordinary could be as simple as popping champagne, painting the coffin in bright colours, or listening to a non-traditional song. Do whatever small gestures, and make as many adjustments to tradition as the deceased would have wanted. This will be an important part of the grieving process. There’s no rule that you have to stick to one belief system Many people out there have blended faiths, complicated faiths, and no faith at all but enjoy the comfort of the ritual. There is absolutely no reason that you need to stick to one belief system – you can blend Buddhist meditation and Catholic prayer, or Hindu mantras with sitting Jewish shivah. Let the beliefs of the deceased guide the spirituality. Alternatively, you can elect to have no religion component whatsoever. Direct cremation Direct cremation refers to the practice in which the body is cremated almost immediately after death, without any funeral service beforehand.[3] Some people choose this option for their own religious beliefs, or are attracted by its low costs. Direct cremation is conducted with the services of a crematory in the days after death, with no viewings, visitation, wake, or expensive coffin. Some people choose to arrange a memorial service at a later time, unconnected to the rites of the body. Family-led funeral When a loved one dies, some people question the practice of bringing a stranger into the mix to lead the funeral, when they themselves knew the deceased intimately. There has been a big uptick in recent years of people choosing to conduct their family member’s funeral themselves.[4] This can include organising and conducting the service, but can also stretch to include preparing their loved one’s body for burial or cremation. Woodland burial Woodlands all over the country are beautiful and tranquil places to be laid to rest.[5] While some woodlands have express rules against burial on site, others welcome the spreading of ashes or burial. Have a look through this extensive list of eligible woodlands throughout the UK that welcome burials in their natural settings. If you have a specific woodland site in mind, check to see if it is registered with The Association of Natural Burial Grounds. It must also be properly certified, and be able to produce a certificate that proves as such. DIY funeral Similar to a family led funeral (detailed above), a DIY funeral allows you to plan and execute the memorial in your own way.[6] You can save more than £1,000 by doing this yourself, but remember that it is a lot of work. You will need to arrange a venue, transportation of the body to the crematory or burial site, and all refreshments and speakers. That said, the effort and planning can be a great comfort to loved ones after the deceased has passed. Burial at sea For some people, there is nothing so romantic and poignant as the idea of burial at sea. This could be the perfect farewell for navy personnel, sailors, avid divers, or anyone with a maritime connection.[7] In the UK, anyone can be buried at sea. You only need to arrange a licence in advance, available for just £175 from the MMO. You must also comply with environmental rules. You’ll need to show a doctor’s certificate stating that the body is free from fever and infection. The body must not be embalmed, and should be dressed in biodegradable clothing. The Britannia Shipping Company helps families arrange burials at sea, as does the Maritime Volunteer Service. Eco Funeral If your loved one enjoyed spending time outside, tried to be easy on the environment, and felt most comfortable when in nature, consider an Eco Funeral.[8] This is a simple ‘back to the earth’ approach that highlights their body’s return to Mother Earth. You can make this as spiritual or as practical as you wish, with an emphasis on the beauty of the planet. Colourful Funeral Did your loved one adore bright colours, wild hues, and having a lot of fun? It sounds like a colourful funeral might be the best choice for their big send off![9] Colourful funerals take the sombre tradition of grey and black and flip it on its head, encouraging people to dress in wild colours. The coffin may be painted in a technicolour of bright shades, and the whole space can be decorated in colourful flowers, cards, and balloons. If the deceased was a fun-loving and exuberant individual, this can be a truly comforting and fitting way to say goodbye. Consider giving each attendee a coloured balloon or sparkler to really make the event stand out. Alternative hearses You can make your loved ones’ final journey an exciting and personal one with a personalised hearse. Some people choose to transport the coffin in a fire engine, a London Routemaster bus, a hot pink convertible, or even a horse drawn hearse. Choose the mode of transportation that reflects your loved one’s personality the most, and bring a smile to all attendees’ faces. Tree Burial Some people are uniquely concerned about the environmental impact of the cremation and/or burial process. Instead of leaving behind heavy metals and synthetic materials, why not be transformed into a tree?[10] Trees are the ultimate symbol of a healthy environment, cleaning the air and providing shade and food. The Capsula Mundi allows you to place the ashes or remains of your loved ones into an egg-shaped casket that slowly breaks down, providing nutrients to a sapling planted above. What a poignant and special way to go! As you can see, there are countless ways to personalise a memorial service and make your loved one’s final send-off very special. Which one suits the occasion the most? Reference list Bell, B. (2016). Burial at sea: Seven things to know. BBC News. [online] 19 Dec. Available at: https://www.bbc.co.uk/news/uk-england-38210497 [Accessed 18 May 2020]. Beyond Life (2017). How to Arrange an Eco Funeral. [online] Beyond Life. Available at: https://beyond.life/help-centre/arranging-a-funeral/arrange-eco-funeral/ [Accessed 18 May 2020]. De Winter, L. (2017). Planning An Alternative Funeral? Nine Things You Need To Know. [online] consent.yahoo.com. Available at: https://www.huffingtonpost.co.uk/louise-de-winter/planning-an-alternative-f_b_17793814.html [Accessed 18 May 2020]. Dignity Funerals (2019). Colourful funerals. [online] Dignity Funerals. Available at: https://www.dignityfunerals.co.uk/arranging-a-funeral/types-of-funeral/alternative-funerals/colourful-funerals/ [Accessed 18 May 2020]. Dignity Memorial (2019). What is a funeral? [online] Dignity Memorial. Available at: https://www.dignitymemorial.com/plan-funeral-cremation/traditional-funeral/what-is-a-funeral [Accessed 18 May 2020]. Erizanu, P. (2018). Organic burial pod turns your body into a tree. [online] CNN. Available at: https://edition.cnn.com/2017/05/03/world/eco-solutions-capsula-mundi/index.html. Everplan (2018). 5 Things You Need To Know About Direct Cremation. [online] Everplans. Available at: https://www.everplans.com/articles/5-things-you-need-to-know-about-direct-cremation [Accessed 18 May 2020]. Money Advice Service (2019). Arranging a funeral yourself (without a funeral director). [online] www.moneyadviceservice.org.uk. Available at: https://www.moneyadviceservice.org.uk/en/articles/arranging-a-funeral-yourself [Accessed 18 May 2020]. Sherwood, H. (2018). The changing face of funerals: why we did it our own way…. The Observer. [online] 22 Jul. Available at: https://www.theguardian.com/lifeandstyle/2018/jul/22/why-families-are-rejecting-traditional-funerals-taking-control [Accessed 18 May 2020]. Woodland Burial Trust (2020). How to find Woodland Burial Sites in the UK. [online] woodlandburialtrust.com. Available at: http://woodlandburialtrust.com/content/woodland_burial_places.php [Accessed 18 May 2020]. ‌ [1] https://www.dignitymemorial.com/plan-funeral-cremation/traditional-funeral/what-is-a-funeral [2] https://www.huffingtonpost.co.uk/louise-de-winter/planning-an-alternative-f_b_17793814.html [3] https://www.everplans.com/articles/5-things-you-need-to-know-about-direct-cremation [4] https://www.theguardian.com/lifeandstyle/2018/jul/22/why-families-are-rejecting-traditional-funerals-taking-control [5] http://woodlandburialtrust.com/content/woodland_burial_places.php [6] https://www.moneyadviceservice.org.uk/en/articles/arranging-a-funeral-yourself [7] https://www.bbc.co.uk/news/uk-england-38210497 [8] https://beyond.life/help-centre/arranging-a-funeral/arrange-eco-funeral/ [9] https://www.dignityfunerals.co.uk/arranging-a-funeral/types-of-funeral/alternative-funerals/colourful-funerals/ [10] https://edition.cnn.com/2017/05/03/world/eco-solutions-capsula-mundi/index.html

It seems like everyone has social media these days. Sharing our photos, opinions, events, and musings in real time has changed the world, and has certainly transformed the way we do business. Companies large and small use social media as a major facet of their marketing plans, and a whole new wave of online ‘influencers’ are now becoming as famous as movie stars and pop idols.[1] With the importance of social media to our daily lives and business strategies, it’s important to think about what would happen to your social media accounts in the event of your death, or the death of someone you love. Will your accounts be left open in the ether, representing you and your business long after you’re gone? This is another important thing to think about when considering what to do when a loved one passes away. Every social media platform goes about this in a slightly different way. Here are the digital legacy policies for most of the biggest social media platforms out there, including Facebook, Twitter, LinkedIn, and Snapchat. What is social media? Social media platforms are websites and apps that allow people to connect and share content with friends or business contacts in a quick, real-time way. Many people use social media on their smartphones, but most of the original platforms, such as Facebook and Twitter, originated and are still often used on laptop and desktop computers.[2] Today, a whole new wave of social media apps have been designed purely for use as smartphone apps, including Snapchat, Tik Tok, and Instagram. What happens to your Facebook after you die? When you die, a close and trusted loved one can make a request to transform your memorialise your facebook profile. This will freeze the page in time and turn it into a digital memorial.[3] The photos, posts, opinions, and links that you have shared in the past will remain visible online, but no one will be able to log into the account to change them or add to them in the future. Your legacy contact, who you can nominate in your Facebook settings, will be required to submit a digital copy of your death certificate to start the transition to a memorial page. Once approved, they will be able to approve new friend requests (perhaps someone who you knew, but who did not have a Facebook account during your lifetime), write a pinned post for the top of the page, and change the cover photo. They won’t be able to log in further or change anything else. You do not have to go the ‘legacy contact ‘ route. You can instead request that your profile is permanently deleted in the case of your death, and all of your past content will disappear. A memorial profile on Facebook or Instagram can be a comfort to loved ones when a person passes away. Along with memorial jewellery (such as fingerprint jewellery or ashes jewelry), framed photos, and home movies, it can be a way to seek comfort and cherish memories. What happens to your Twitter after you die? Twitter has a few different variables for what will happen to your account when you die.[4] Here are the most likely and common outcomes. Have someone access your account - The most reliable way to choose what will happen to your account is to make a plan and leave clear instructions to whoever is in charge of your estate. If you want someone else to be able to access your account after you are gone, leave clear instructions for how to log into your account, and what you want done with it in your absence. Do keep in mind that Twitter has clear rules about this, and their Terms of Service (TOS) state that you cannot transfer your account to another person, even after you die. This means that even if you give the executor of your estate the passwords to your account and written permission to access it, this will only be possible for as long as Twitter thinks you are alive. However, it’s the only way for someone to maintain access to your account. Delete the account before you die - If you want to maintain complete control, some experts suggest that you attempt to delete your account before you die. Of course, this is not always possible, and it does take up to 30 days to implement. Twitter’s official Privacy Policy states that it will not be able to fully delete all data associated with the account until approximately 30 days have passed. Their privacy policy states, “that search engines and other third parties may still retain copies of your public information, like your user profile information and public Tweets, even after you have deleted the information from the Twitter Services or deactivated your account.” Have someone you trust log in and delete your account - If this worries you, and you would like your account fully deleted instead of maintained, instruct someone you trust to log in and delete your account as soon as possible after you die. Have your executor provide a death certificate to Twitter - You can also have your executor contact Twitter – they have an online form that allows a death to be reported. They will need to provide the “information about the deceased, a copy of your ID, and copy of the deceased’s death certificate.” Rely on Twitter’s inactive policy – If no one tweets from your account in 6 months, they will automatically delete the account. This means that if you die, after 6 months your account will likely be deleted due to inactivity. What happens to your Linkedin after you die? When a person dies, LinkedIn offers someone they trust the ability to close down the account fully, removing all content associated with the deceased user.[5] LinkedIn’s official Help Center provides this explanation: “Unfortunately, there may be a time when you come across the profile of a colleague, classmate, or loved one who has passed away. If this happens, we can close that person’s account and remove their profile on your behalf. To start this process, please answer some questions about the person who has passed away. The form can be completed and signed electronically via DocuSign here.” LinkedIn does not allow any kind of a legacy profile. The account will be fully and permanently shut down. What happens to your Instagram after you die? Instagram is owned by Facebook, and so it should come as no surprise that their death policy is similar. They do offer a memorialisation option, and anyone who knew the deceased can request this.[6] They will have to provide proof, but this does not have to be a death certification. They can send a link to the obituary or a news article about the passing. Instagram has faced scrutiny for this, as these links could potentially be faked. A memorial account on Instagram looks much like a normal account of a living user, and all comments and photos are maintained, frozen in time. However, no new content can be added. Instagram ensures users that they try to “prevent references to memorialized accounts from appearing on Instagram in ways that may be upsetting to the person’s friends and family.” Family members or loved ones can also try to delete the account, but Instagram does require a death certificate and legal proof that the individual contacting them is the deceased’s lawful representative. What happens to your Snapchat after you die? Snapchat, a photo-sharing app that is popular amongst young people, has a very minimal death policy. On their “Contact Us” menu, Snapchat explains, “We are so sorry for your loss. We would like to assist you in any way possible.” You are then prompted to provide a death certificate, after which Snapchat will delete the account permanently. If this is not what you want, the only other option is to give your log in details to someone that you trust before you die, so that they can access your page. What happens to your TikTok after you die? Tik Tok is one of the newest social media crazes out there, the first Chinese platform to strike it big in the rest of the world. They do not have an explicit digital memorial policy, but they are expected to release one in the coming months. What happens to your Pinterest after you die? Pinterest also does not have a memorialization policy, and they will only allow someone to deactivate an account if they have the log in information. If you do not have the log in information of a loved one whose account you wish to delete, you can Email care@pinterest.com. You will need to give them the following information: Your full name, and the person’s full name and email address, as well as a link to their Pinterest profile. You’ll also need to provide a death certificate or obituary, and proof of your relationship to the person (i.e. a marriage or birth certificate). If their account is linked to a Facebook account, you should delete that account first. Using an online remembrance book If you choose to delete (or let lapse) your loved one’s social media account, you could also choose to create a different kind of online memorial. Consider creating or writing in an online remembrance book which allows friends and family to share their thoughts, well wishes, and memories. This will ensure that your loved one has a presence online that you can visit and direct others to when they want to pay their respects. Reference list BBC (2015). What happens to your Facebook profile after you die. [online] BBC Newsbeat. Available at: http://www.bbc.co.uk/newsbeat/article/34790918/what-happens-to-your-facebook-profile-after-you-die [Accessed 18 Apr. 2020]. Carroll, E. (n.d.). What happens to your LinkedIn account when you die? [online] The Digital Beyond. Available at: https://www.thedigitalbeyond.com/2014/05/what-happens-to-your-linkedin-account-when-you-die/ [Accessed 18 Apr. 2020]. Everplans. (n.d.). How To Close A Pinterest Account When Someone Dies. [online] Available at: https://www.everplans.com/articles/how-to-close-a-pinterest-account-when-someone-dies [Accessed 18 Apr. 2020]. Hudson, M. (2014). What is Social Media? [online] The Balance Small Business. Available at: https://www.thebalancesmb.com/what-is-social-media-2890301. Nolo (n.d.). What Will Happen to My Twitter Account When I Die? [online] www.nolo.com. Available at: https://www.nolo.com/legal-encyclopedia/what-will-happen-my-twitter-account-when-i-die.html [Accessed 18 Apr. 2020]. Ritschel, C. (2019). This is what happens to your social media accounts when you die. [online] The Independent. Available at: https://www.independent.co.uk/life-style/social-media-what-happens-when-you-die-instagram-facebook-twitter-gmail-pinterest-a8706126.html [Accessed 18 Apr. 2020]. Staff, T.W. (2019). What Happens to Your Social Media Accounts after You Die. [online] The Walrus. Available at: https://thewalrus.ca/death-what-happens-to-your-social-media-accounts-after-you-die/ [Accessed 18 Apr. 2020]. [1] https://www.thebalancesmb.com/what-is-social-media-2890301 [2] https://www.independent.co.uk/life-style/social-media-what-happens-when-you-die-instagram-facebook-twitter-gmail-pinterest-a8706126.html [3] http://www.bbc.co.uk/newsbeat/article/34790918/what-happens-to-your-facebook-profile-after-you-die [4] https://www.nolo.com/legal-encyclopedia/what-will-happen-my-twitter-account-when-i-die.html [5] https://www.thedigitalbeyond.com/2014/05/what-happens-to-your-linkedin-account-when-you-die/ [6]  https://thewalrus.ca/death-what-happens-to-your-social-media-accounts-after-you-die/

What happens when a dog naturally passes? Steps to take once your dog has passed How to Handle Your Dog’s Remains? Dog Burial and Cremation Allow yourself to grieve Losing a pet is one of the most painful losses one can experience. According to psychological research, the death of an animal companion can be even more heart breaking than losing a human family member.[1] Your dog is likely more than just a four-legged friend. They might be your surrogate child, emotional support, and beloved companion. The grief and emotions that you feel when you dog passes at home will be different to the experience of losing a pet at the vet’s office, or in an accident outside the home. It can be hard to know exactly what to do and when to do it when your dog passes away at home. We’ve compiled this guide to help walk you through this difficult time. What happens when a dog naturally passes? Owners commonly have their dogs euthanised (or put to sleep) at a vet’s surgery. However, in some cases, a dog dies of natural causes in the home. What should you do in this case?[2] After your dog passes away, their body may still exhibit what appear to be signs of life, which can be confusing or alarming to their owner. Do not be frightened or upset if your recently deceased dog exhibits the following: Releasing gas or bodily fluids Air released from the mouth Twitching or shuddering, which occurs naturally when the nerves spasm These movements can be particularly upsetting for people who are not expecting them to occur, so it is a good idea to mentally prepare yourself. Steps to take once your dog has passed There are a few steps that you should take immediately if your dog dies suddenly in your home.[3] Assess your dog’s vital signs The most important thing to do is assess your dog’s vital signs so that you can be sure that your dog has indeed passed. If you are unsure about this, transport your dog to the nearest vet’s surgery, or call their emergency number. Feel for your dog’s pulse or heartbeat – if you think your dog might be alive, administer CPR or first aid and get help as soon as possible. Call your vet Even if you are sure that your dog has passed away, it is time to get in touch with their vet. They will be able to advise you about who to call next, whether that is a pet crematory or mobile vet service who will come to pick up their body. If you are unsure about your next steps, your vet’s office may agree to store your dog’s body for a few days while you think this decision over. Call a friend or family member for support During this time of grief, it is time to get in touch with your support networks and ask for help. Call a friend or a family member and ask them to come and be with you while you deal with your dog’s remains. If you do not think that you can mentally or physically handle your dog’s body, choose someone who you think can handle this difficult task. Handling the Body This is an upsetting topic, but an important one to mention. Depending on your circumstances, you might need to handle your dog’s remains. If you are hoping to bury your pet on your own property, you will need to store the body until you are able to do so. You may also need to store the body in the time that it will take for the crematory to pick up or receive delivery of the body. Any animal’s body begins to decompose very soon after death, which can attract insects and release an upsetting smell. Rigor mortis will begin between 10 minutes to 3 hours after the moment of death; ideally, you can handle and move the body before this stiffening takes place. How to Handle Your Dog’s Remains This is certainly a difficult topic, but it is important to understand how to handle your deceased dog’s remains. Wear gloves – Your dog may release fluids from the genitals, mouth, or nose, and additional fluids may occur when you move the body. It is always a good idea to wear gloves when handling the body Use a blanket or towel – Find a sheet, towel, or blanket to swaddle the body, and ensure that it is large enough. Get 2 thick bin bags at the ready. Wrap your dog’s body in the sheet, blanket, or towel – You might want to position their body as if they are asleep, as this can bring you peace. Wrap the body – Wrap the body in the cloth shroud, and then slide into the bin bag (or use 2 if needed). You might need help if your dog is a large breed. Secure the bag with a knot. If you are planning to send your dog’s remains elsewhere for cremation or burial, affix a sticker or tag with your dog’s name and your name. Freeze or cool the remains – You should freeze or cool the remains until they are buried or cremated. If you cannot do this in your own freezer or your vet does not have the facilities, you may need to do this in your garage, basement, or outdoors (if in cooler weather). If this is the case, ensure that you use multiple layers of bin bags. Dog Burial and Cremation When your dog dies, you will need to decide if you want to have the body cremated, or bury it at home or in a pet cemetery.[4] Cremation If you want to have your dog cremated, you can either arrange this through your vet’s office or organise it yourself. While cremation is a more costly option than burial at home, it gives you more flexibility in what you can do with the cremains or memorial. The ashes will be returned to you, and you can do with them what you wish. Some dog owners choose to spread the ashes in a garden or park, place the ashes in an urn, while others choose to transform some of the ashes into jewellery, such as a dog ashes necklace. In this way, they can always be with you throughout your life. How much does it cost to cremate a dog? Dog cremation costs will vary depending on the location in which you live and the different options that crematoriums offer. The different options on offer often include the size of dog, and whether you are arranging a communal or private cremation. A typical cost is around £100. Crematoriums can make every effort to keep your dog’s ashes separate from other animals during communal cremations, but remember that this is not always possible. If you want to ensure that the remains are only from your dog, you will have to pay for a private cremation. Home burial You might choose to bury your dog at home in your own garden, in a place where your dog enjoyed spending their time. This will reduce the costs, and provide a final resting place with meaning. Remember that it may not be legal to bury your dog in rented accommodation, and it is illegal to do so in a public place. Make sure that the grave is at least three feet deep to avoid soil erosion. You may choose to select a grave marker, stone or a tree to mark the site, as this can provide a meaningful place to mourn and remember your fallen friend. Pet cemeteries Pet cemeteries are a more expensive option than home burial or cremation, but this is a formal and dignified option that some owners prefer. This is an ideal solution for anyone who is unsure about their future address, as a pet cemetery will always be a place you can visit. The price of burial is dependent on weight and requires that your dog is entombed in a coffin or secure container Allow yourself to grieve Once all the specifics about the burial have been sorted, it is time for you to allow yourself to grieve. Do not be ashamed to grieve your canine companion, as the death of a dog can be just as devastating as the death of a human. You may find that you work your way through Kubler-Ross’s 7 Stages of Grief. These are non-linear stages – you may find that you go up and down the ladder more than once before finally settling into acceptance.[5] Shock and Disbelief - Your initial feelings of shock and disbelief can help you deal with the logistics as you prepare the burial or cremation. Denial - Denial can take many forms – you can find that you are denying the reality you're your dog has died, or deny the fact that you are grieving. Guilt - You might find yourself worrying that you didn’t do enough to help or save your dog – this is a normal part of bereavement. Anger and Bargaining - Anger and frustration with the situation are normal parts of the grieving process.  Don’t be surprised if your temper is short and you find yourself looking for an outlet for your anger. Depression and loneliness - Once you have acknowledged your loss and the reality sinks in, you might experience a period of depression. Recovery and moving on - Once you begin to move on, you won’t forget about your dog, but you will be able to recover and come to terms with the reality. Acceptance - Once you have accepted your dog’s passing, recovered, and moved on, you can start to heal. You’ll soon be able to think of your beloved companion without the same heaviness in your heart, and enjoy your memories of joy and love. Reference list Adrienne Janet Farricelli (2018). 12 Signs a Dog Is Dying: What to Do When Your Dog’s Health Declines. [online] PetHelpful. Available at: https://pethelpful.com/pet-ownership/The-Dog-Dying-Process-Signs-a-Dog-is-Dying [Accessed 5 Nov. 2019]. Purina (n.d.). What to Do When Your Dog Dies. [online] Purina. Available at: https://www.purina.co.uk/dogs/key-life-stages/saying-goodbye/what-to-do-when-your-dog-dies [Accessed 30 Mar. 2020]. Ryback, R. (2016). Why Losing a Pet Hurts So Much. [online] Psychology Today. Available at: https://www.psychologytoday.com/gb/blog/the-truisms-wellness/201608/why-losing-pet-hurts-so-much [Accessed 30 Mar. 2020]. Stregowski, J. (2019). A Most Difficult Time: Handling Your Dog Dying at Home. [online] The Spruce Pets. Available at: https://www.thesprucepets.com/if-your-dog-dies-at-home-1118473 [Accessed 30 Mar. 2020]. Usher, J. (2019). The Seven Stages of Grief Explained. [online] Ashes Memorial Jewellery. Available at: https://www.ashesmemorialjewellery.com/blog/the-seven-stages-of-grief-explained/ [Accessed 30 Mar. 2020]. Sources [1] https://www.psychologytoday.com/gb/blog/the-truisms-wellness/201608/why-losing-pet-hurts-so-much [2] https://pethelpful.com/pet-ownership/The-Dog-Dying-Process-Signs-a-Dog-is-Dying [3] https://www.thesprucepets.com/if-your-dog-dies-at-home-1118473 [4] https://www.purina.co.uk/dogs/key-life-stages/saying-goodbye/what-to-do-when-your-dog-dies [5] https://www.ashesmemorialjewellery.com/blog/the-seven-stages-of-grief-explained/

What is a coroner's inquest? What is the purpose of an inquest? How does the inquest process work? Post-mortem Why is it carried out? Tips to help you through an inquest Most deaths occur perfectly naturally and in circumstances where a doctor can quickly establish the cause. Where the reason is not immediately apparent or a persons death seems to have happened in a violent or unnatural way; an inquest is the process of getting answers to the important questions of who died, where and how? What is a coroner's inquest? Ordinarily, a persons death is not referred to a Coroner, and the deceased's doctor will issue a medical certificate recording the cause of the death. In many cases, the deceased will have been treated for a medical issue just before death. Where the cause cannot be found, a referral should be made to the Coroners Office. The Coroner decides whether an inquest is needed to find out why the person died. A coroners inquest is a legal inquiry looking into the reasons for a persons death. The role of the Coroner, sometimes along with a Jury, is to investigate the circumstances which caused the person to die and to find out all of the facts relating to the death. The Coroner should open an inquest where there are grounds to suspect that the deceased died a violent or unnatural death, or where the cause of death is not known. The Coroner 'must' open an investigation if the deceased died while in state detention, such as in a prison, police cell or mental health institution. What is the purpose of an inquest? The main purpose of an inquest is to determine the important facts relating to the death. It is a legal process to establish the identity of the dead person, how they died, and when and where the death occurred. The inquest can be conducted by a Coroner alone or with a Jury where the death happened in state detention. Who is involved in an inquest? Coroners are independent judicial officers and are appointed by the local authority. The Coroner is normally a doctor or a lawyer and is responsible by law for investigating the cause of deaths. There are around 98 Coroners in England and Wales, covering over one hundred coroner areas.1 Other persons involved in the process are witnesses to the facts of the death, experts who may prepare reports to assist the inquest in reaching its conclusion, and sometimes legal representatives of the parties involved. The family of the deceased can attend as can the press as the hearings are held in public, except where certain sensitive circumstances mean that part of the hearing must take place in private. How does the inquest process work? When an inquest is required, the Coroner must 'open' it as soon as possible and then if necessary, adjourn for the period of time needed to gather evidence. Where the identity of the deceased is known, subject to the need for a post-mortem, the body can be released to the family for burial or cremation. In some cases a pre-inquest hearing will be needed to set out the scope of the inquest, decide what information is needed and set a timetable for the hearings. The post-mortem may reveal the cause of death, meaning there is not a need for an inquest. Where, for example, the death happened from natural causes that will conclude the process. If further investigation is required, the inquest will be opened and then adjourned. The inquest hearing should take place within six months or as soon as reasonably possible after the death has been referred to the Coroner. Sometimes it may take longer than six months to hold the inquest in complex cases. The hearings themselves are often short but can take weeks or months, the Hillsborough football stadium tragedy being one such case. During the inquest, the Coroner will hear evidence from witnesses and consider other material such as the post-mortem or experts reports. It is up to the Coroner to decide what evidence can be heard. As the purpose of the inquest is limited to discovering the facts of the death the Coroner (or Jury), cannot find anyone criminally responsible for the death. However, if it is suspected that the person died as a result of a crime, the Coroner can pass a file to the police or Crown Prosecution Service. Any 'properly interested parties' can request copies of the statements, reports or medical records to be used in the inquest and can be invited to make representations to the inquest. The inquest takes place in a courtroom, and although it is a process open to the public, reporting restrictions can limit what the press can report. The Coroner and any legal representatives can ask questions of witnesses to try and find out what led to the death. They cannot cross-examine witnesses as the hearing is an investigation and not a Trial. The Coroner does have the power to compel witnesses to attend. The Coroner is also able to call witnesses dealing with any concerns that other deaths may happen in similar circumstances. This is part of the Coroners role to prevent future deaths. The facts of the inquest may be passed on to relevant organisations to improve systems and procedures which might have contributed to the death. Once all of the evidence is heard, the Coroner must reach a conclusion on the cause of death. Where a Jury is needed, the Coroner will hear legal submissions (in their absence) on which conclusions should properly be left for the Jury to consider. The most common conclusions on the cause of death are: accidental death or misadventure narrative detailing the circumstances but not attributing responsibility to any individual alcohol or drug-related death industrial disease unlawful killing, i.e. murder natural causes open, meaning there is not enough evidence to support any other conclusion road traffic collision suicide The decisions are reached on the balance of probabilities, except for unlawful killing, which must be decided on the basis of beyond reasonable doubt. Once the cause of death is established, the Coroner will produce a report, and the death can properly be registered. Post-mortem A post-mortem is a medical examination of the deceased's body, carried out to establish the cause of death. Usually, this involves an internal examination of the body tissue and organs but can also involve toxicology tests to examine if substances are present in the body. Samples can be taken for further tests. Parts of the body may be retained if further tests are required. This may happen where the cause of death is complex or disputed, or a second post-mortem is needed. Why is it carried out? The Coroner may conclude that a post-mortem is necessary to find out the exact cause of death, particularly where a doctor cannot identify the reason to record on the death certificate. A post-mortem is conducted by a pathologist. Body parts, organ tissue and fluids are thoroughly examined to try and establish what caused the person to die. Where a criminal act is suspected of having caused the death, the post-mortem is carried out by a forensic pathologist skilled in such investigations. There is sometimes a request for a second post mortem from legal representatives of any suspect identified. This can cause delay to the body being released and in turn, lead to additional upset to the family of the deceased. The Chief Coroner is able to issue guidance on the appropriate use of post mortems. Tips to help you through an inquest Naturally, an inquest is a difficult time for anyone connected to the person who has died. Emotions can be raw, and the hearings may come soon after the trauma of the death itself. There are some useful steps that can be taken to make the process as bearable as possible: make use of the Coroners office that supports the work of the Coroner in each area. They can provide helpful information and guide you through what might seem a complex and daunting process. the charitable organisation, 'The Coroners Court Support Service' provides help and support to those going through the inquest process (coronerscourtssupportservice.org.uk). be well prepared and ensure you are given access in good time to the statements and reports that will form the evidence in the inquest. think about the questions that you might want to ask of the witnesses and perhaps appoint a family member to act as spokesperson. if you are able to have a legal representative involved, this can help alleviate some of the pressures and stress of the inquest. as the hearings are in public there is nothing to prevent you from taking along a trusted friend to provide moral support. don't do anything or make any decisions in haste. When emotions are very raw people can do and say things that later they regret. Take your time to carefully consider each decision. remember that the purpose of the inquest is to find out why the person died. This may mean that upsetting information is heard, which can be traumatic, but the overall aim is to provide answers, helping people to understand why the death occurred. Summary The Coroners inquest plays a vital role in ensuring that the circumstances of unnatural deaths are fully investigated. It maintains the legal rights of the deceased's family and other properly interested persons, referring the matter on to the prosecuting authorities where a criminal act is suspected and can prevent similar deaths occurring in future.  It can aid the grieving process as the family have the chance to take part and to ask questions and discover the facts about how their loved one died. Sources 1Coroners and Justice Act 2009 [Coroner Areas and Assistant Coroners] Transitional Order 2013). https://assets.publishing.service.gov.uk/government/uploads/system/uploads/attachment_data/file/859076/guide-to-coroner-services-bereaved-people-jan-2020.pdf

When a loved one passes away, even the most mundane and simple tasks can feel overwhelming and painful. When struggling to tidy the house or cook a meal is difficult, more complex and emotional tasks, such as dealing with your loved one’s belongings, can seem impossible. In some cases, you might not have any time limits placed on when you need to deal with their domicile and sort through pack up their belongings. You can wait until you are fully ready to get started and take on the task in small increments. However, in most situations, you only have a fixed amount of time to clear everything out. You’ll have to deal with your loved one’s belongings, even if you don’t feel quite ready. Your loved one’s home will be filled with reminders of them – their scent, their slippers, their last moments alive. There will be many memories, difficult emotions, and pain associated with sorting through your loved one’s possessions, but it can also be a cathartic, healing act. Remembering a loved one is deeply personal, and it is different for everyone. Whether you choose to create ashes jewellery, dedicate a memorial bench in their honour, or commemorate them in your own way, we know that it is never easy to say goodbye. Here are our suggestions and tips for what to do with your loved one’s belongings. Start by thinking about ‘everyday reminders’ You might think that it is the cherished keepsakes and special heirlooms that will be the most painful belongings to go through, but that is not always the case. Yes, photo albums and Christmas decorations will be laden with memories, but most people find that dealing with their loved one’s everyday possessions is even more difficult.[1] Seeing their half-used tube of toothpaste, a packet of medication, their hairbrush covered in strands of hair, and their worn clothing in the laundry hamper – these deeply personal items can be the most challenging emotionally. Their partially read magazine and set of house keys are sure to evoke heaps of memories and feelings. These seemingly small but exquisitely painful everyday reminders can be hard to throw in the bin, even though they are of no use to anyone. This is a good time to rally your friends and family members. They have likely been feeling helpless about what to do to help you in your most difficult time, and will jump at the opportunity to lend a hand. If the idea feels right for you, ask one or two people to do the rounds of your loved one’s home or room before you get there. They can carefully do a sweep for the mundane reminders of your loved ones that have no sentimental value, respectfully placing them in the bin before you arrive. They can place any items that they are unsure of in a box to deal with later. This could include their slippers, a scarf, their hairbrush, and other items that you might want to keep for personal and sentimental reasons. How to get started with your loved one’s belongings It would be lovely to be able to take as long as you want with this task, but in most cases you have to deal with it sooner than later. Make a list of the most practical details before you get started. Find out if you need to deal with their bank accounts, bill payments, estate agents, etc. Dealing with these issues first will ensure that you don’t have any nasty surprises later. When you come across paperwork and any official communication, always set it aside in a labeled box.[2] Next, decide if you want to undertake this task on your own, or if you want the support and company of your close friends. If you have a friend or family member who enjoys organising and sorting, maybe they would be the best choice to ask for help. There are likely other people who can’t be present when you are sorting through the possessions. Make sure that you establish clear communication with the others involved, as throwing away items of significance for them can be hurtful and cause tension. We recommend starting a shared Google doc so that nothing gets lost in the shuffle, and everything is clearly in writing. This simple step will prevent so many problems – don’t neglect to do this. Speaking of starting a document, you should also do this for yourself. Make a list of what needs to be done, and start a prioritised plan that will help guide your process. Most people choose to do this room by room, but you might have a different strategy. Finally, remember to pace yourself as you carry out this trying series of tasks. It can be very hard on your heart and soul, and can be overwhelming. Take it as slowly as your timeline allows. You might want to power through the experience to ‘get it over with,’ but take as many breaks as you can to recharge your spirit. Organise your loved one’s belongings into 6 categories We suggest organising your loved one’s belongings into 6 broad categories.[3] For me This is the pile of items that you want to keep. They might have practical use for you and your family, or sentimental value. Be mindful that you don’t add too many things to this pile; more advice on this is below. For others Here is where your Google Doc information will come in handy, ensuring that you set aside the items requested by others in your loved one’s life. Sell New items and objects in good condition, as well as collectables that no one else wants to keep, can all be sold on eBay, Facebook Marketplace, or Gumtree. Donations Gently used clothing, shoes, and household items can be donated to your local charity. If you loved one had a favourite charity, find out if they are accepting donations. You could also consider donating artefacts or antiques to a local museum. Throw Away Sadly, some items will be too damaged or used to sell, donate, or use again. Remember – donating heavily used clothing to charity shops can actually cost them money, so ensure that you throw away anything that you yourself wouldn’t want to buy.[4] The ‘Unsure’ Box There will always be items that you simply can’t make up your mind about on the spot. Having an ‘unsure’ box will allow you to revisit these items at a later time. Don’t get carried away with this box and rely on it as an indecision crutch – limit the number of items in the box to 10. Once you reach 10 items, you will need to revisit the box every time you want to add another. Resisting the urge to keep too many things Many people end up with too many items in the ‘For me’ pile. If you are the sentimental type, you might find it hard to part with your loved one’s objects, and the pile will get bigger and bigger. To prevent this from happening, ask yourself the following questions: Do I have space for this? Do I have more than one of these? Would a photograph of the item suffice? (this works well with cards and letters) Could you keep a small sample of the items? For instance, take a few swatches of clothing or blankets. Be prepared for any emotions that might arise – but don’t get sidetracked Even the toughest person can be caught off guard when they discover a stack of their grandparents’ love letters, their childhood school projects, or their parents’ genealogy research. These documents can bring tears to your eyes, but be wary – now is not the time to start pouring over their contents. It can be very easy to get sidetracked, and hours of time can escape you. Set them aside in a special pile, and go through them when you have plenty of time to walk down memory lane.[5] Sorting through your loved one’s belongings after they pass is never easy. Remember that this process is challenging for everyone, and give yourself permission to mourn in your own way. You might experience tears, but don’t be surprised if you also find yourself with a smile on your face, or even laughing at happy memories. We wish you all the strength and support as you go through this process. Reference list Garber, J. (n.d.). These Are the Important Papers You Need to Locate After Someone Dies. [online] The Balance. Available at: https://www.thebalance.com/what-do-you-need-to-do-when-someone-dies-3505207 [Accessed 17 Feb. 2020]. Horseley, G. (2014). Cleaning Out a Deceased Loved One’s Closet: 12 Tips to Make the Process a Little Easier. [online] HuffPost. Available at: https://www.huffpost.com/entry/cleaning-out-a-deceased-l_b_6065480 [Accessed 17 Feb. 2020]. Jay, P. (2018). Here’s where your donated clothing really ends up. [online] CBC. Available at: https://www.cbc.ca/news/canada/ottawa/donated-clothing-where-it-ends-up-1.4662023. Stevens, M. (2017). Take a Walk Down Memory Lane. It Can Be Healthy. The New York Times. [online] 25 May. Available at: https://www.nytimes.com/2017/05/25/smarter-living/nostalgia-memories.html [Accessed 17 Feb. 2020]. What’s Your Grief (2013). Dealing with Stuff (literally): sorting through a loved ones belongings. [online] What’s Your Grief. Available at: https://whatsyourgrief.com/sorting-through-belongings/ [Accessed 17 Feb. 2020]. ‌ [1] https://whatsyourgrief.com/sorting-through-belongings/ [2] https://www.thebalance.com/what-do-you-need-to-do-when-someone-dies-3505207 [3] https://www.huffpost.com/entry/cleaning-out-a-deceased-l_b_6065480 [4] https://www.cbc.ca/news/canada/ottawa/donated-clothing-where-it-ends-up-1.4662023 [5] https://www.nytimes.com/2017/05/25/smarter-living/nostalgia-memories.html

Losing a loved one is a deeply painful, stressful, and overwhelming experience. It often feels like the grief will never cease, and the difficult emotions can ebb and flow over time. That said, eventually you will reach a ‘new normal’ that will be easier to manage, and you will likely start to think about how you can best remember your loved one and honour their memory. Remembering your loved one is a deeply personal experience. Everyone has their own way of honouring and evoking someone who has passed, and what works for one family or individual may not feel right for another. We have listed some meaningful ways of remembering a loved one. You can alter and amend them to create memorial traditions that work best for you. Support A Charity Or Cause Close To Their Hearts Everyone has specific causes and charities that truly speak to their hearts. One of the most meaningful ways that you can remember a loved one is to make a donation of cash or in-kind goods to a charity that they supported (or wanted to support) during their life. If your loved one passed away from an illness or a disease, you could also consider choosing a medical charity that helps raise funds for research and treatments. Purchase Memorial Jewellery Memorial jewellery comes in many different styles and options. For some, an engraved bracelet or a locket containing your loved one’s photo will be the ideal way of remembering them on a daily basis. Others prefer to purchase memorial ashes jewellery made out of a small amount of their loved one’s cremains. When you glance down at your jewellery, you’ll be flooded with memories of your friend, spouse, or relative. Commemorate Them With A Memorial Bench Memorial benches have long been a popular way to commemorate and honour a loved one’s life after they pass.[1] By placing the memorial bench in a in a scenic, peaceful, beautiful, or meaningful location, you can sit and remember the wonderful times you had with the departed. You can contact a memorial bench company who organise the bench for you, but you save a lot of money by speaking with the local council to get permission to place an engraved bench in your desired location. Keep Some of Their Treasured Items When a loved one close to you passes away, the responsibility of dealing with their home and estate may fall to you. While you will likely need to donate, sell, and throw away many of their household possessions, be sure to select some of their most treasured items to keep as meaningful keepsakes for years to come. Plant A Memorial Tree Memorial trees have long been a meaningful and significant way to honour a loved one or an event, and the practice occurs around the world.[2] A tree will blossom and bloom each year, reminding you of the celebration of life on a cyclical basis. You might choose to plant a tree in your garden, but if you want to do so in a park or public garden, ensure that you seek permission from the local council in advance. The planting ceremony can be laden with symbolism and meaning, and you can invite other loved ones to attend. Share Their Photos and Stories In An Online Remembrance Book Like a hard copy remembrance book at a funeral or memorial, you can leave memories and thoughts on an online remembrance book. Share the link with well-wishers who can’t make it to the memorial or funeral service. If you wish to take the online remembrance book one step further, you could also create dedicated online memorial website for your loved one. With a little tech savvy, you can form an online repository for photos, anecdotes, songs, and videos.[3] This is an especially good idea if you want to share memories with family members and friends across the country, and around the world. Don’t be afraid to bring them up and share their stories You might be tempted to avoid bringing up your deceased loved one, but experts say that this can actually prolong the most painful parts of the grieving process.[4] Don’t be afraid to talk about your loved one. This can include sharing your most treasured memories in a formal setting, or simply mentioning them in passing when you are reminded of them. Not only can this be healing for you, it can also help your friends and family members through their own grieving and healing process. Create A Shrine To Their Memory The word shrine is certainly a loaded one, but this term actually refers to an ancient and contemporary Greek custom of marking the passing of a loved one. The commemoration doesn’t end after the funeral; memorial services are held again on the 40th day after death, and then on an annual basis.[5] In addition, Greeks create small roadside shrines adorned with photos, candles, flowers, and religious icons.[6] You can do the same in your home or garden. Include items and icons that were meaningful to them during their lifetime. Select an Annual Day Of Celebration Speaking of the Greek Orthodox traditions above, many other cultures and religions around the world also take time out of the life at least once per year to remember their loved ones. In many Latin American countries, they do this one day per year, known as ‘Day of the Dead’ (Día de Muertos). On November 2nd each year, which is a national holiday in Mexico, people gather with friends and family in order to collectively remember their lost dead, making offerings to their loved ones, pray, and celebrate. Rather than celebrating all of your deceased loved ones on one day per year, you can make the celebration more personal by choosing to honour an individual each year on a date meaningful to them. You could do this on the anniversary of their death, or choose to focus your celebrations on their birthday. Play their favourite songs, eat some of their most-loved foods, and take the time to tell stories and reminisce about their life. Create A Memorial Quilt Memory quilts are an American tradition that is growing in popularity in the UK.[7] Create (or hire someone to create) a quilt using clothing, bedding, and other textiles that belonged to your loved one. Consider having some meaningful photos printed onto cotton and include them throughout the design. This can be a truly tactile and comforting way to remember your loved one that can be passed down for generations. Display your loved one’s photos in your home A time-honoured way to remember your loved one is to display their photo in a prominent place in your home. While some people are tempted to remove visible reminders of their loved ones from view to reduce the pain of loss, it can actually be more healing to have them in view.[8] Place a few photos in your home or on your desk where you can see them and smile. The grieving process is different for everyone Remember – there is no ‘one right way’ to grieve. Some of these suggestions and ideas will be suitable for you, and others might not feel quite right. Be creative, and do what you need to do to remember your loved one in the best way for you. Suggested Read:- How To Honor Your Loved Ones Who Have Passed Away Create an online memorial Reference list Cloke, P. and Pawson, E. (2008). Memorial Trees and Treescape Memories. Environment and Planning D: Society and Space, 26(1). Greek Boston (2015). What is the Greek Orthodox Memorial Service? [online] www.greekboston.com. Available at: https://www.greekboston.com/religion/memorial-service/ [Accessed 20 Feb. 2020]. Miller, J.T. (2014). How To Make an Online Memorial for a Departed Loved One. [online] HuffPost. Available at: https://www.huffpost.com/entry/how-to-make-and-online-me_b_5459622 [Accessed 21 Feb. 2020]. Patowary, K. (n.d.). The Roadside Shrines of Greece. [online] Amusing Planet. Available at: https://www.amusingplanet.com/2019/03/the-roadside-shrines-of-greece.html [Accessed 20 Feb. 2020]. Saner, E. (2018). Memorial benches – inspirational reminders, or grave eyesores? The Guardian. [online] 14 Mar. Available at: https://www.theguardian.com/news/shortcuts/2018/mar/14/memorial-benches-inspirational-reminders-or-grave-eyesores [Accessed 20 Feb. 2020]. Taibbi, R. (n.d.). Six Signs of Incomplete Grief. [online] Psychology Today. Available at: https://www.psychologytoday.com/ca/blog/fixing-families/201706/six-signs-incomplete-grief [Accessed 21 Feb. 2020]. What’s Your Grief (2014a). Creating a Memorial Quilt: the inspiring work of Lori Mason. [online] What’s Your Grief. Available at: https://whatsyourgrief.com/creating-memorial-quilt-lori-mason/ [Accessed 20 Feb. 2020]. What’s Your Grief (2014b). Photos of Deceased Loved Ones: The Great Debate. [online] What’s Your Grief. Available at: https://whatsyourgrief.com/photos-of-deceased/ [Accessed 21 Feb. 2020]. ‌ [1] https://www.theguardian.com/news/shortcuts/2018/mar/14/memorial-benches-inspirational-reminders-or-grave-eyesores [2] https://journals.sagepub.com/doi/abs/10.1068/d79j?journalCode=epda [3] https://www.huffpost.com/entry/how-to-make-and-online-me_b_5459622 [4] https://www.psychologytoday.com/ca/blog/fixing-families/201706/six-signs-incomplete-grief [5] https://www.greekboston.com/religion/memorial-service/ [6] https://www.amusingplanet.com/2019/03/the-roadside-shrines-of-greece.html [7] https://whatsyourgrief.com/creating-memorial-quilt-lori-mason/ [8] https://whatsyourgrief.com/photos-of-deceased/

Everyone needs to have a will. While you might think of writing a last will and testament as something only important for the wealthy, or those with children, this is not the case. Even if you only have a few meagre possessions and don’t own a property, leaving a will helps your loved ones to get your affairs in order when you pass. People often don’t know what to do when a loved one passes away, and so leaving a clear will can help them through a dark time. It’s a common misconception that writing a will and testament is overly complicated, or that it requires hiring an expensive notary or solicitor. This is not the case. If your assets and bequests are fairly straightforward, it is reasonably straightforward to create your own will that will stand up in court.[i] This will allow the government and/or your loved ones to execute your wishes with as much ease as possible. There are two common ways to draft your own will: write it in a document on your computer or even by hand, or use an online programme designed to help you through the process. Why do you need a will? There is a wide array of reasons why you need to create a will. You might be reluctant to think about this inevitability; after all, no one likes to think about their own death. However, even if you have only a few possessions and no dependents, it is important that you make a will for some of the following reasons: Without a will, certain strict rules will be followed - The government has strict rules that will dictate how your money, property, and possessions will be allocated in the event that you do not have a will. This means that your belongings and assets could be distributed in ways that you do not wish. In particular, any unmarried partners or stepchildren will be left out of your inheritance. Your children and grandchildren could be left out - If you have children with different partners, or you have stepchildren, they could be completely left out. Similarly, if you wish for a different relative or friend (such as nieces and nephews, or godchildren) to receive your belongings, this needs to be enshrined in a will. Your new partner could be left out - Similarly, even if your romantic partnerships have changed, your ex-husband or wife could still automatically inherit your assets. Did you know that, despite common usage, there is actually no such status as ‘common law’ in the UK?[ii] Your new partner could be left out, even if you are in a ‘common-law’ relationship with them. Without a will, your benefactors might pay higher taxes - Certain inheritance taxes can be mitigated or reduced if you take advice from experts (or online programmes) in advance and if you create a will.[iii] What happens if you pass without a will? If you pass away without leaving a will behind, your property, possessions, and assets will be divvied up according to UK rules. You will be considered an ‘intestate person’ – that is, someone who has died without leaving a will. According to the rules of intestacy, your closest relatives and legal spouse will automatically inherit your estate, regardless of your wishes.[iv] Your assets might be more heavily taxed than if you had left a will. In the case that you do not have a will, your spouse or civil partner will automatically inherit all of your personal belongings, and then the first £250,000 of your assets.[v] It does not matter if you are divorced or have split up and have a new partner – your ex will be treated as your spouse unless your will removes this relationship, or you have remarried. Your children will be entitled to half of all money in addition to £250,000. If you have no spouse or children, your estate will go to your parents, siblings, or nieces/nephews. Step by step guide to writing a will Step 1 – Value your estate In order to write an accurate and useful will, you need to take accurate stock of your possessions and get an idea of what it is worth. Do this by creating a list of your assets and your debts. Your assets could include: Your home and properties Your savings and bonds Life insurance policies Pension funds that pay out a lump sum on death Investments, including stocks and shares Vehicles Household contents Jewellery, art, antiques, and other heirlooms Things of sentimental value Your debts could include: Your mortgage Credit card debt Loans Step 2 - Determine how you would like to divide your estate At this point, it is extremely important that you think carefully about who you want to leave your assets and possessions to when you die. Be very, very clear, and leave no room for nuance or confusion. Use clear, simple language. Some things to consider include: Who do you want to benefit the most? Do you want to leave sentimental items to specific people? Do you wish to leave a gift for a charity or organisation? How much you want to spend on your funeral arrangements? Do you want to set up trusts for children to access when they reach 18? Step 3 – Choose your executor Your executor will be the person responsible for overseeing the distribution of your estate. Some people choose their spouse or one of their children, while others prefer to appoint someone a step removed from their family. You must tell your executor of your intentions to appoint them. Step 4 – Writing your will The following are common options for people writing their wills: Lawyers: Speaking to a solicitor or chartered legal executive is a good idea when making a will. They can provide advice, or write the will on your behalf. Ensure that they are licensed, and have experience writing wills. Professional will writers: Professional will-writers (such as those who belong to the Institute of Professional Willwriters) can be a great help. Charities: If you are struggling to pay for the costs of a lawyer or professional, consult with local charities to see if they provide these services. Will Aid and Free Wills Month are both good resources. Banks: Your bank might offer will-writing services and estate planning as one of their services. Ensure that their fees are competitive before you go this route. Writing your own will: In order to write your own will, you need to ensure that you follow the advice in this article. You might want to seek professional advice before diving into the task. Step 5 - Sign your will with 2 witnesses present Sign your will in the presence of 2 independent witnesses. They should not be benefactors named in your will. Step 6 - Keep your will in a safe place, and advise your executors If no one can find your will upon your death, it won’t do much good! You can store it with your solicitor (if you use one), in a bank safety deposit box, stored safely in your home, or you can leave it with the Probate Service.[vi] Let your executors know where you have stored it. How do you ensure your will is valid? In order to ensure that your will is valid and will be honoured when you pass away, you must ensure that you do the following: Your will needs to be in writing (not a verbal recording or in video form) It must start with the statement that it revokes all previous versions.[vii] If you have ever made a will in the past, you should destroy it/them You must sign your will in the presence of 2 witnesses.[viii] They should not be beneficiaries named in your will You must have the mental capacity to understand the effects of your actions It must be voluntary, and you must not have been coerced or pressured by anyone else to write it How do you make changes to your will? At different times in your life, you might need to make changes to your will. Children are born, relationships end, and life circumstances change. As a result, you should review your will regularly, at least every 5 years. If you need to make a small adjustment to your will, it’s fairly straightforward to add a codicil (a minor amendment).[ix] You will need two witnesses, but they do not need to be the same as the witnesses who signed the original will. Do not attach amendments or changes with staples or paperclips, as these can go missing. Similarly, do not use any paperclips or staples on your will at all. If they detach and leave any marks, it can raise questions about potential missing information. If you need to make major changes, you should rewrite your will following all of the steps listed above, including signing it in the presence of two witnesses. Remember – divorce does not invalidate your previous will (but marrying, remarrying, or entering a new civil partnership does). Always create a new will whenever your serious relationship ends, or when you remarry. Creating a will is easier than you might think Don’t put this task off – creating a will now will save your loved ones a lot of headaches (and potentially money) when you pass away. Ensure they are taken care of, and improve your own peace of mind. Reference list Antoniou, J. (2018). Is a Homemade Handwritten Will Legal in England & Wales? | Co-op Legal. [online] Co-oplegalservices.co.uk. Available at: https://www.co-oplegalservices.co.uk/media-centre/articles-may-aug-2018/is-a-homemade-handwritten-will-legal/ [Accessed 21 Jan. 2020]. Citizensadvice.org.uk. (2019). Living together and marriage: legal differences. [online] Available at: https://www.citizensadvice.org.uk/family/living-together-marriage-and-civil-partnership/living-together-and-marriage-legal-differences/. Fahy, D. (2019). The 10 best ways to avoid inheritance tax - Money To The Masses. [online] Moneytothemasses.com. Available at: https://moneytothemasses.com/tax/inheritance-tax/the-10-best-ways-to-avoid-inheritance-tax [Accessed 21 Jan. 2020]. Government Digital Service (2011). Making a will. [online] GOV.UK. Available at: https://www.gov.uk/make-will/updating-your-will [Accessed 21 Jan. 2020]. GOV.UK. (2016). Intestacy - who inherits if someone dies without a will? [online] Available at: https://www.gov.uk/inherits-someone-dies-without-will [Accessed 21 Jan. 2020]. HM Courts & Tribunals Service (2011). How to deposit a will with the Probate Service: a guide for people who want to deposit a will for safekeeping (PA7). [online] GOV.UK. Available at: https://www.gov.uk/government/publications/how-to-deposit-a-will-with-the-probate-service-a-guide-for-people-who-want-to-deposit-a-will-for-safekeeping-pa7 [Accessed 21 Jan. 2020]. Legalwills.co.uk. (2020). U.K. Legal Wills. [online] Available at: https://www.legalwills.co.uk/signingawill [Accessed 21 Jan. 2020]. Moneyadviceservice.org.uk. (2020). Sorting out the estate when there isn’t a will. [online] Available at: https://www.moneyadviceservice.org.uk/en/articles/sorting-out-the-estate-when-there-isnt-a-will [Accessed 21 Jan. 2020]. Randolph, M. (2015). How to Tell if a Will Was Revoked or Replaced. [online] www.alllaw.com. Available at: https://www.alllaw.com/articles/nolo/wills-trusts/how-tell-if-will-was-revoked-replaced.html [Accessed 21 Jan. 2020]. ‌Resources [i] https://www.co-oplegalservices.co.uk/media-centre/articles-may-aug-2018/is-a-homemade-handwritten-will-legal/ [ii] https://www.citizensadvice.org.uk/family/living-together-marriage-and-civil-partnership/living-together-and-marriage-legal-differences/ [iii] https://moneytothemasses.com/tax/inheritance-tax/the-10-best-ways-to-avoid-inheritance-tax [iv] https://www.gov.uk/inherits-someone-dies-without-will [v] https://www.moneyadviceservice.org.uk/en/articles/sorting-out-the-estate-when-there-isnt-a-will [vi] https://www.gov.uk/government/publications/how-to-deposit-a-will-with-the-probate-service-a-guide-for-people-who-want-to-deposit-a-will-for-safekeeping-pa7 [vii] https://www.alllaw.com/articles/nolo/wills-trusts/how-tell-if-will-was-revoked-replaced.html [viii] https://www.legalwills.co.uk/signingawill [ix] https://www.gov.uk/make-will/updating-your-will

If your loved one has just passed away, you have many decisions to make and tasks to attend to as you plan their funeral. In the confusing and dark days after the death, it can be hard to know what to do when a loved one passes. Some people find that keeping busy and planning the funeral helps them immensely in the initial period of mourning. Creating the order of service for their funeral can be an immensely healing and comforting process. An order of service is a booklet that is offered to guests as they arrive at the funeral, or mailed to those who cannot attend. It provides mourners with the information they need about the service ahead. That said, the order of service is so much more than simply a schedule of the day (although that is an important component for many people). It can also include special memories, photos, quotes from the deceased, a brief biography, and song lyrics, scripture, or poetry that they loved. Many people choose to keep the order of service as a memento; a token of the relationship they had with the deceased. While traditional orders of service can be quite spartan, you are free to be as creative as you wish. You can customise your loved one’s order of service to reflect their unique personality and passion in life. Conversely, you can leave things rather minimal and let their memory speak for themselves. Here is our guide of what to include in a funeral order of service. We hope that it can be of some comfort during this difficult time. The Front Cover Most people choose to keep their funeral order of service front cover quite understated and simple. However, it is completely customisable, and some people do decide to go even more elaborate, or ‘over the top,’ depending on the personality of the deceased. The most common inclusions for an order of service front cover are: The full name of the deceased Their date of birth and their date of death A short quote, message, or piece of scripture that commemorates them The location, time, and date of the funeral Any nicknames that they used As you begin looking through all of the photos of your loved one, choose one that speaks to your heart. Which photo best represents their personality? Some people prefer to select a more contemplative or serious photo, while others think that a humourous or whimsical photo is even more suitable. While you might be tempted to choose a photo of the deceased surrounded by their friends or family, it’s always a better idea to go with a solo photo. The Schedule Of Service Every funeral is different, as each person and their family members have different requirements, wishes, and customs. The schedule of service prepares guests for what to expect. As with any event, people like to be kept abreast of what will happen, and when. Whether you are planning a short non-denominational funeral or a longer religious ceremony, the schedule of service will keep everyone on the same page about every aspect of the rites. A typical schedule of service includes a welcome from the celebrant or religious leader, a series of readings from friends and family, and a listing of the songs or hymns that will be played or sung. The schedule will also include any additional events that are planned, including any graveside ceremonies, wakes, or gatherings that will be held afterwards. A schedule of service typically looks something like this: The title and artist of the song used for the musical procession as guests enter the facility and take their seats The name of the person or celebrant who will do the introduction The lyrics to the songs or funeral hymns that will be played at the service Information about the readings, verses, speeches read by the speakers The prayers that will be read The title and artist of the closing song Information about the location of any graveside ceremony Information about a wake or gathering that will occur after the funeral Special Memories and Moments After you have written the schedule of the service, you can start choosing any additional photos, memories, poetry, and quotes to the booklet.  While some people choose to go with a simple 4-page option (one piece of paper folded in half), others add multiple sheets of paper. Do keep in mind that if you elect to add more pages to your booklet, the price of printing will increase. A lovely idea is to include a timeline of your loved one’s life. This can include any and all landmark moments in their life, such as their graduation, wedding, major promotions, the birth of their children and grandchildren, and other important dates. If they loved a specific sports team, had a lifelong hobby or loved to travel, you can also include information, logos, or illustrations to represent these passions. Similarly, if they themselves were an artist, writer, or photographer, consider adding some of their work for an additional personal touch. This can make the order of service an even more meaningful keepsake for friends and family. Back Cover Once you reach the back cover of the order of service, you will have already included all of the most important information. This is an ideal place to display another photograph of your loved one. Some people choose to use a contemporary photo of the deceased on the cover of the order of service, and a photo of them in their younger years on the back. Of course, you can reverse this. You could also include a family photo on the back of the booklet or a photo of the person and his or her spouse. This is also a good place to list any charities that were important to the deceased or to ask for donations to a charity or cause. It can also be the best place for a heartfelt thanks to anyone who attended, and a message to those who could not make it. Commemorating your loved one in different ways Creating the order of service for your loved one’s funeral is a labour of love, and is a process that many people find comforting during their darkest hours. There are a variety of other commemorative acts that may bring comfort to you as you prepare for the funeral or service. Write a meaningful eulogy that details the important events in your loved one’s life. If you do not feel comfortable reading this aloud, a close friend or the celebrant can do this for you. Write a poem or song that reflects your relationship with the deceased, and expresses how you feel. After their cremation, have a piece of ashes memorial jewellery made with some of their cremains. Create a slide show filled with photos and short video clips from their life, including all of the important moments. Accompany this with a song that they loved, and that will remind others of them. Design a poster or collage featuring photos of the deceased, for display during the wake or gathering. Customise the funeral visitor’s book with photos, quotes, and other meaningful details. The days and months after a loved one passes are never easy. Creating the order of service for their funeral can be a great comfort.

Grieving is painful and difficult no matter what the time of year. However, as the holidays approach, it can become even more difficult. The first Christmas after a loved one dies is always hard.[1] There is something about the nostalgia and traditions of Christmas that can trigger the most severe feelings of grief, sometimes even years after the death. The grief isn’t always easy to deal with, so you might find that you want to do things differently, or even to ‘cancel’ your celebration. Surround yourself with understanding friends and family, or if you prefer, spend the day alone. Remember – there is no one ‘right way’ to grieve. Here are some of our thoughts and ideas about how to deal with grief at Christmas.[2] Do not feel guilty if you have moments of joy or laughter Sometimes the hardest parts about grieving are the unexpected jolts of guilt as you find yourself enjoying a moment or having a genuine laugh. Emotions are complex and layered, and sometimes people find that comedy can ease their pain. Watching a child open a gift, biting into a mince pie, or watching It’s a Wonderful Life can all trigger happiness, and that is normal and ok. It doesn’t mean that you miss your loved one any less. Don’t allow the sneaky tendrils of guilt to make you feel ashamed about any moments of Christmas joy that you may have. On the other hand, don’t feel guilty if this year, you simply have no holiday spirit at all. Implement new traditions As the first Christmas season after your loved one has passed approaches, you might want to think about implementing new traditions. Making a special effort to remember the person can be soothing at this time of year, and can be a meaningful moment in your celebration. Some people choose to set aside a few minutes for each person to speak about the person who has passed. Others light a candle and set it at the table, in the centre, or at a set place.  As a family, you may want to visit their grave, or a place that was special to them. If you have children, remember to involve them. Consider having Memorial Christmas Decorations made to include the person who has passed in your annual celebrations. These decorations include some of the ashes of your loved ones, giving them special significance and meaning. Handling Christmas with children after someone has passed Handling Christmas with children after someone they love has passed can be a tricky and complex experience. Children grieve in very different ways than adults,[3] and they might seem to be enjoying the season as normal, even when they are in pain inside. The most important thing that you can do is open the lines of communication, and let them know that they can share anything they are feeling with you. Let them know that they do not have to celebrate if they do not want to, and ask them if there are any new traditions they would like to start in order to remember the person who has passed. You do not have to celebrate Christmas Some grieving people find that the idea of celebrating Christmas feels distasteful or too painful. However, others wish to have as normal a Christmas as possible, complete all of the foods and traditions that they enjoyed with their loved one. Still others plan a simple celebration, a ‘pared down’ version of their usual fete. It is important to note that all of these options (or something completely different) are valid. If you choose not to celebrate Christmas this year, that might be the best choice for your own mental health and grieving process. Some people find that travelling during the season can help, as they are not surrounded by memories in their home. Remember that everyone in a family mourns differently We all have different ways of grieving, and so it makes sense that we handle Christmas in different ways. As the first Christmas after a death comes closer, conflict can arise within families, as different people will have different expectations about what should occur. As mentioned above, some people will want to ‘skip’ Christmas completely, as they cannot imagine celebrating at this sad time. However, others will wish to have a joyful celebration, complete with all of the traditions that make a family’s Christmas special. This can cause a rift in the family, as everyone has different expectations. Remember that they are also feeling pain, and try to be sensitive to their needs, while asking them to be sensitive for yours. Try to speak openly about your feelings. It is ok to protect your own wellbeing above all else. You might choose not to attend a family gathering this year, and that is perfectly acceptable. Let them know that you need this time to grieve privately, and you will likely join them next year. Consider scheduling a family get-together on Boxing Day or New Year’s Eve instead, or plan a ‘commemoration’ rather than a celebration. Remember to take care of yourself Self-care is one of the most commonly cited concepts around grief, but it can be easier said than done around Christmas time. The holiday season means that your schedule is most likely disrupted, and taking care of your physical and emotional needs can fall by the wayside. Christmas can mean drinking more alcohol than usual, but using alcohol to escape your loss only provides relief in the very short term. In reality, it can make your mental and physical health much worse. The same can be said for decadent treats. Remember that it is ok to indulge, but ‘drowning your sorrows’ in food or alcohol can have negative consequences. Many grieving people find that they are exhausted, both physically and emotionally. Take some long baths, enjoy a warming hot spiced apple juice, and take as many guilt-free afternoon naps as you wish. If you have young children to look after, see if some of your friends and family can pitch in to help. Most importantly – be kind to yourself. Don’t ruminate on all of the things you’re not doing this year. It’s ok that the house is a bit untidy, and it will be fine if the meal is more simple than usual. Grief at Christmas doesn’t only affect the recently bereaved Grief is not just something that the recently bereaved experience. Christmas and other holidays and anniversaries can trigger memories of long ago, reminding you of a loved one who passed in the past. It’s quite ironic that the ‘happiest time of year’ can reopen old wounds and plunge you back into the depths of grief. It can be hard to see the smiling faces of children and happy families when you are feeling the pain and ache of loss. Remember – there is nothing unusual about feeling sadness and pain over the death of a loved one, even if they passed away decades ago. You are not alone. Some people find comfort in ritual and religion, and attend their local church for prayer. Your church or the local council might host grief support groups specifically around Christmas, as many other people are grieving at this time of year. Speaking with others in a similar situation can help to alleviate your pain. How to say Merry Christmas to someone who is grieving It can be hard to know what to say to someone who is grieving, no matter what the time of year. It is especially difficult at Christmas time. If your are speaking to someone who has had a very recent loss, it can see insensitive to wish them ‘happy holidays’ or a ‘Merry Christmas.’ Instead, try some of the following statements. “I am thinking of you this Christmas. How are you doing?’ “I’m keeping you in my thoughts on this second holiday season after your loved one (say their name) passed.” “Would you be interested in joining us for Christmas? We understand if you would prefer to be alone.” “May I come visit you during the holiday season?” “What can I do to support you during this Christmas period?” Remember – it is always better to say something than to say nothing. Even if your sentiment comes out a bit awkward, it is always better than trying to avoid the topic. It’s ok to need support – please reach out Most importantly, remember to reach out if you are suffering. Speak with friends and family, and lean on your support system. If you are feeling very down, or experiencing thoughts of self-harm, please get in touch with Samaritans on freephone 116 123.  They're there for you 24 hours per day, and are there to listen and help.[4] [1] https://www.mariecurie.org.uk/blog/christmas-tips/220455 [2] https://www.ashesmemorialjewellery.com/blog/how-to-deal-with-grief/ [3] https://www.griefshare.org/holidays/helpcenter/helpinggrievingchildren [4] https://www.mind.org.uk/information-support/types-of-mental-health-problems/suicidal-feelings/#.XeUBE5NKjBJ Reference list Ashes Memorial Jewellery. (2019). How To Deal With Grief | Ashes Memorial Jewellery. [online] Available at: https://www.ashesmemorialjewellery.com/blog/how-to-deal-with-grief/ [Accessed 2 Dec. 2019]. Griefshare.org. (2019). Helping Grieving Children Through the Holidays - GriefShare. [online] Available at: https://www.griefshare.org/holidays/helpcenter/helpinggrievingchildren [Accessed 2 Dec. 2019]. Marie Curie. (2018). Christmas after the death of a loved one. [online] Available at: https://www.mariecurie.org.uk/blog/christmas-tips/220455 [Accessed 2 Dec. 2019]. Mind.org.uk. (2019). Suicidal feelings | Mind, the mental health charity - help for mental health problems. [online] Available at: https://www.mind.org.uk/information-support/types-of-mental-health-problems/suicidal-feelings/#.XeUBE5NKjBJ [Accessed 2 Dec. 2019].

One of the most daunting parts of dealing with the loss of a loved one is the visit to the funeral home. First, there are the arrangements to be made, and then there is the potential for viewing your loved one. Much like the beauty and solace that is found when purchasing memorial jewellery, time with the funeral director and at the Chapel of Rest could help to move you through the process of grief. Although your time at the funeral home can feel unbearably painful, the decisions you make and the discussions you have can help begin the healing process. Here we want to debunk some of the worries and concerns you may have about the funeral home. We hope this guide will provide some comfort and help overcome any potential fears you may have. What Is A Funeral Home? A funeral home is the name of the building where people are taken when they pass. A funeral director runs the establishment. It is this funeral director that will help you in your preparations for the burial or cremation of your loved one. What Happens To A Body In A Funeral Home? The funeral director will be asked to retrieve the person who passed once the death has been certified. This means that the funeral director will go to the family home, or the hospital, and remove the patient. They will then bring them back to the funeral home. What happens with your loved one from this point forward depends on the length of time between death and discovery. Sometimes, it can be many days or even weeks before a patient is found. At this point, the retrieval, and management, of the person is difficult, and the family are unlikely to be involved further with the body of the loved one. However, if the death occurred in the hospital or the family home amongst relatives, the patient will be refrigerated once at the funeral home. If someone is left untreated at room temperature, the remains will deteriorate quickly. Once permission is granted, the person who has passed will be embalmed. The embalming process then involves the removal of bodily fluids and the replacement with embalming fluids. However, much depends on the beliefs of the person. If the person who has passed is of the Muslim faith, it must be an imam who comes in to wash the loved one and then wrap them in an unbleached cloth. If your family member is Hindu or Sikh, then it is family members that must come and do the washing themselves. Once embalmed, your loved one will be dressed and placed in a coffin. Again, cultures vary here. It is traditional for the family to provide the clothing and many offer a favourite outfit of the person who has passed. Some African cultures bury the dead in full robes and headdress. In some Chinese families, they also ask the funeral director to layout spare clothes around the coffin, to aid your loved one in their journey to their next life. The funeral director will ask you for a picture of your loved one. The photograph helps the mortician present your loved one in a way that reflected the person in life. Therefore, they will return the skin tone and style the hair appropriately. It is also possible to apply make-up as your loved one would have worn it in life. Once prepared, your loved one will be transferred to the Chapel of Rest. Here the coffin will be placed in a private viewing room and can stay there for a day or longer if required. If your loved one needed a post-mortem, you should not worry. The post-mortem will not change the appearance of the person who passed, and they can be prepared in the same way as if this had not happened. You will still be able to view the person who has passed. What Is A Chapel Of Rest? A Chapel of Rest is a room or a building where you can view your loved ones if they have passed. It is a room of remembrance. It is a place where you can visit to pay your last respects to those who have passed. The Chapel of Rest is usually attached to the funeral home, where you went to arrange the details of the funeral. Alternatively, the funeral director may have a building used specifically for the viewing of bodies somewhere else. There is no hard and fast rule as to what a Chapel of Rest should look like. The size and décor of the chapel will vary. The person who has passed with be placed in a coffin or casket, known as a catafalque. There may be seats for mourners to stay a period of time with the person who has passed, or there may be a place to light some candles. The privacy of those choosing to view their loved one will be secured. Although Chapels of Rest vary, they all share the same aim to keep this experience discreet. What Happens In A Chapel Of Rest? The Chapel of Rest is where people visit the loved one before she or he is buried. These places exist for those people who feel it is essential to say a final goodbye to a loved one. There is no requirement for you to visit the person who has passed or to see them. The person organising the funeral will be given authority over whether the person can be viewed and by whom. There are no limits to who can see people who have passed, so a person of any age can visit the Chapel of Rest. Your relationship with the person who has passed is irrelevant. The funeral director will advise you if it is suitable to view your loved one. It may be that the viewing would be too distressing, or that the cause of death means they are infectious. It may be that the coffin will need to be sealed for your emotional protection. If it has been a long time between death and viewing, then your loved one may have begun to change. In these cases, the funeral director may encourage you to come much quicker, and they may cover the person who has passed with a veil, so the extent of these changes can be camouflaged. Can You Take Photos In A Chapel Of Rest? If you have permission from the next of kin, you can take photographs in the Chapel of Rest. However, you must ask permission of the person organising the funeral. It is likely that the taking of photographs could cause extreme distress or offence and should not be done if no consent is extended to you. For some people, the taking of photographs can be useful as a tool for explaining the death to younger family members. It may be too challenging for very young children to be close to the remains of those who have passed, but the act of seeing the loved one in a coffin can help them to process the idea of death. Chapel Of Rest Etiquette Although visits to the Chapel of Rest are highly personal events, there are some general rules that people tend to follow. If you fear there may be specific instructions for how you should act, you can speak to the funeral director or the next of kin of the person who has passed. First, what should you wear? To be honest, it is entirely up to you. It will ultimately depend on what you feel comfortable in – and it will depend on your relationship with the person who has passed. This is not the funeral; therefore, you are not expected to wear black, formal wear. You may have rules that are dictated by your culture or your spiritual beliefs. However, ultimately, you should decide what feels appropriate to you. Should you speak in the Chapel of Rest? Many people take the opportunity to talk to the loved one who has passed. Visiting a loved one who has passed is the time when many people take the opportunity to vocalise how they feel and to say goodbye. Be aware of your tone of voice, what you are saying, and how it is being said, in case it is overheard by others who knew the loved one, and your words may hurt them. If you are alone in the room and cannot be heard, then you can speak from your emotions. Just remember that this is a moment that will last long in your memory. You can choose to go into the Chapel of Rest alone. Be aware that this is an emotional and challenging experience. If you need someone to go in with you, the funeral director will likely be happy to accompany you. There is no set time limit, and you can visit more than once – there is no right or wrong decision here. During your visit, you may wish to place items in the coffin. You may have written your loved one a letter, or want them to have a card, a teddy bear or a poem. This item will stay with the person who has passed within the coffin and be with them for the rest of their journey. Summary The loss of a loved one is challenging. Understanding what happens next can, in some ways, relieve some of the fear and worry about what to expect. In this guide to what happens in a funeral home, we hope we have demystified the establishment. You will now, we hope, be able to work closely with your funeral directors. The many, many people who have experienced the loss of a loved one will confirm that this process will be an essential part of the grieving process and one you will be grateful for in retrospect.