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Flowers are one of the most traditional symbols of sympathy and mourning when a loved one passes away. Floral arrangements are a way to honour the deceased’s life and send them on to the afterlife with a symbolic gesture. Friends and family members often send bouquets and arrangements as an expression of sympathy, while the closest family chooses unique funeral floral arrangements. There is no hard and fast rule about the flowers that should go in funeral floral arrangements. Some people choose to include the deceased’s favourite flowers, while others prefer to keep things traditional with lilies, gladioli, roses, and carnations.[1] Other ideas to consider are: Take a cue from the deceased’s favourite colours Match the flowers to the colours of their sports team Choose the national flowers of their city, county, or country of birth Match flowers with their preferred songs If you’re looking for unique funeral ideas for flowers, you’ll likely want something a bit unusual yet respectful and classic. Read ahead for a full selection of funeral flower arrangement ideas that will honour your loved one and send them off in style and grace. Why do people have flower arrangements at funerals? There are plenty of reasons why we send and display flowers at funerals in cultures all around the world. From the lei in Hawaii to chrysanthemums in Japan, people have flower arrangements at funerals for their beauty and meaning.[2] However, this wasn’t always the case – throughout history, flowers have been a vital part of funerals for their practical purpose. Before the age of embalming, flowers and incense were used to mask any smells.[3] Funeral floral arrangements became such an essential part of the ritual that even after the advent of modern medicine and science, they were here to stay. In addition to having funerals at the site of the funeral and memorial, it is now common practice to send them to the grieving family. In some cases, the family may ask for charitable donations in lieu of flowers. Many families choose to dry their loved one’s funeral arrangements so that they can treasure them forever as a memory of their loved ones life and passing. Other common ways to remember loved ones include framed portraits, keeping a favourite piece of furniture, and commissioning ashes memorial jewellery. All of these ideas help keep your cherished loved one in your thoughts and close to your heart. Funeral flower ideas and meanings These are some of the most popular funeral flowers, each of which have their own meanings and traditions. Despite their popularity, they can be incorporated into unique and vibrant floral arrangements.[4] Peace Lilies Peace lilies are associated with calm, peace, and tranquillity, which can provide comfort to grieving loved ones.[5] They symbolise healing and recovery, which is very helpful when someone is suffering from grief. Peace lilies are a different shape than a traditional lily, and come as pot plants, so they will bring healing for a long time to come. Lilies Lilies are very traditional funeral flowers, particularly in shades of white and cream. They symbolise renewal and hope and have a heady perfume that lingers in a room. Lilies come in a vast array of colours and sizes so that you can get really creative in your funeral floral arrangement. Carnations Popular as funeral flowers for more than a century, carnations are long-lasting and fragrant. Choose pink for remembrance and white for purity. Carnations look lovely on their own, or as a welcome addition to any funeral bouquet or arrangement. Chrysanthemums Often just called ‘mums,’ chrysanthemums are popular all over the world, but particularly in Asia and certain European countries, such as Korea, Japan, and France.[6] They have big, stunning blooms that work well as the main flower in a larger arrangement. A large bouquet of chrysanthemums also looks stunning on their own and really has a big visual impact.  Gladioli Gladioli symbolise uplifting resilience and strength of character, which make them a classic choice for a funeral bouquet. Their bold and vibrant colours are eye-catching, and their tall boughs add visual drama to any arrangement. Roses Often associated with joy and love, roses also express respect and love. Yellow roses are ideal for a friend’s funeral, while pink roses symbolise grace and appreciation. Deep red roses can also symbolise great love and admiration, making them perfect for mourning. Orchids Orchids are special and unique flowers that can be used for a wide variety of occasions, including mourning. Pink, purple, and white orchids all express compassion and sympathy. Orchids usually come as pot plants, so they will continue to soothe the grieving for months (or even years) to come. Hyacinths While some people prefer funeral arrangements in subdued colours, others want a bolder palette. Hyacinths come in a wide range of electric hues, perfect for adding a pop of colour to a funeral arrangement. Now that you know more about the most popular classic funeral flower choices, you can start to envision how they would look in a remarkable floral arrangement.[7] A wreath to surround the urn Not every funeral includes a casket – some people prefer to display an urn instead, placing it on an altar or ceremonial table. A wreath can be the perfect option to surround the urn and add an extra touch. Choose one made with evergreen leaves, hardy flowers, and pops of colour. In addition to its special place of honour on the day of the funeral, the wreath will dry wonderfully and make a special keepsake. Rare Blue Gems Blue flowers are the rarest in nature and are therefore very prized and sought-after.[8] This rarity and bold hue make them perfect for a unique gesture of remembrance, especially if blue was the deceased’s favourite colour. Mix the blue blooms with pops of white (lilies are ideal) and verdant green ferns for an eye-catching funeral arrangement.   Creating a cross or other religious icons with flowers If the deceased had a strong sense of faith, use contrasting flowers to create a cross, Star of David, Crescent, Wheel, or another religious icon. This type of unique floral arrangement is ideal as the main point of focus for a religious service, and can be adapted to accompany an urn. Standing Spray Standing tall and proud, a spray of flowers will celebrate the life of the deceased with sophistication and dignity.[9] Include roses and gladioli for a traditional touch, and add brightly coloured blooms for a more contemporary and celebratory effect.   A Tribute Wreath A tribute wreath brings comfort to the family in the short term, and when dried and preserved, makes a lasting memento. Memorial wreaths can be as traditional or unique as you wish, and can be used to lay atop the casket or showcase the urn.   A Basket of Lavender Lavender has been known throughout history for its meditative and relaxing effects, and is commonly found in aromatherapy, bath oils, and body products. Its soothing properties make it the perfect gift for anyone suffering the loss of a loved one. Consider a basket of dried or fresh lavender. It not only smells wonderful, but its pale purple flowers are visually calming and delicately beautiful. Though it is a dark and sad time, a unique funeral flower arrangement can help bring a sense of calm, beauty, and tranquillity to your loved one's family and friends. A cherished historical tradition, flowers can bring a dash of life and love into an otherwise traumatic time. Reference list Applebury, G. (2017). 12 Funeral Flower Arrangement Ideas and Images. [online] LoveToKnow. Available at: https://dying.lovetoknow.com/Funeral_Flowers_Images [Accessed 14 Nov. 2020]. Connexion France. (2018). Why chrysanthemums are the French ‘flower of the dead.’ [online] www.connexionfrance.com. Available at: https://www.connexionfrance.com/French-news/Why-chrysanthemums-are-the-French-flower-of-the-dead-at-Toussaint-and-autumn [Accessed 16 Nov. 2020]. Frugal Flower (2016). Funeral Flowers Guide | Tips, Traditions & Types. [online] Frugal Flower. Available at: https://www.frugalflower.com/funeral-flowers-guide [Accessed 15 Nov. 2020]. Interflora (2018). Why Do We Have Flowers at Funerals? [online] Interflora.com.au. Available at: https://www.interflora.com.au/blog/post/meaning-of-funeral-flowers [Accessed 14 Nov. 2020]. Kremp, C. (2019). 10 Ideas For Funeral Flowers Arrangements When You Want Something Unique in 2019 [online] www.kremp.com. Available at: https://www.kremp.com/blog/flowers/10-ideas-funeral-flowers-arrangements-when-you-want-something-unique [Accessed 14 Nov. 2020]. Lowe, A. (2019). Natural Wonder: Why is the colour blue so rare in nature? [online] Biodiversity Revolution. Available at: https://biodiversityrevolution.wordpress.com/2019/08/20/natural-wonder-why-is-the-colour-blue-so-rare-in-nature/[Accessed 16 Nov. 2020]. Smart Garden Guide (2020). Peace Lily Meaning and Symbolism. [online] Smart Garden Guide. Available at: https://smartgardenguide.com/peace-lily-meaning-and-symbolism/ [Accessed 14 Nov. 2020]. Teleflora (2019). Meanings of Traditional Funeral & Sympathy Flowers | Teleflora. [online] www.teleflora.com. Available at: https://www.teleflora.com/funeral-sympathy-collection/funeral-flowers-meaning [Accessed 14 Nov. 2020]. The Environmental Magazine (2019). Interesting Flower Funeral Customs from Around the World. [online] Emagazine.com. Available at: https://emagazine.com/interesting-flower-funeral-customs-from-around-the-world/ [Accessed 15 Nov. 2020]. ‌Sources [1] https://www.frugalflower.com/funeral-flowers-guide [2] https://emagazine.com/interesting-flower-funeral-customs-from-around-the-world/ [3] https://www.interflora.com.au/blog/post/meaning-of-funeral-flowers#:~:text=Today%20flowers%20are%20used%20at,smell%20of%20the%20decaying%20body. [4] https://www.teleflora.com/funeral-sympathy-collection/funeral-flowers-meaning [5] https://smartgardenguide.com/peace-lily-meaning-and-symbolism/ [6] https://www.connexionfrance.com/French-news/Why-chrysanthemums-are-the-French-flower-of-the-dead-at-Toussaint-and-autumn [7] https://dying.lovetoknow.com/Funeral_Flowers_Images [8] https://biodiversityrevolution.wordpress.com/2019/08/20/natural-wonder-why-is-the-colour-blue-so-rare-in-nature/#:~:text=But%20when%20it%20comes%20to [9] https://www.kremp.com/blog/flowers/10-ideas-funeral-flowers-arrangements-when-you-want-something-unique

Please note: Data included in this article is correct at the time of writing (October 2020), and is based on national restrictions in England. The below does not account for additional local tiered restrictions. Please follow up to date government guidance. Across the globe, people are still adjusting to the ‘new normal’ brought about by restrictions put in place to cope with the COVID-19 pandemic. In the UK, this includes new rules about how events can take place safely. Unfortunately, the restrictions have affected funerals, which can already be a sensitive and upsetting time for the family and friends of loved ones who have passed away. Current Funeral Guidelines Since the beginning of the pandemic when only ten mourners were allowed to attend a funeral[i] restrictions have changed as and when needed, making them difficult to keep up with. We’ve broken down some of the basic guidelines to address frequently asked questions. How many people can attend a service? A maximum of 30 people can attend[ii]. Who can come to a funeral? Both family and friends are now welcome to attend funerals. What are the rules on social distancing? 2 metres must be maintained between members of different households. Do you have to wear a face-covering? A face covering or mask must be worn during a funeral service. The above will vary depending on local restrictions. You should always refer to your local authorities’ website if you’re unsure what you are, or are not, allowed to do. What to expect at a funeral during COVID-19 Not knowing what to expect when attending a ‘socially distanced’ funeral can be a source of great anxiety, which is accelerated by natural feelings of grief and upset. So, what can you expect? Social distancing. To reduce the risk of transmitting the virus, you will have to keep a 2-metre distance from family and friends who are not in your household or ‘support bubble’. Workers at the church, crematorium or other venues will help to maintain this. Face coverings. Unless you are exempt from wearing a face covering, you will be expected to wear one. No singing. At funerals, we usually sing a select few hymns or songs that were meaningful to the deceased. During this time, the government has advised against singing, chanting, or playing of instruments which are blown into[iii]. This reduces the chance of the virus being transmitted through the air. Hygiene – Hand sanitiser will be provided, and you should use it upon entering and leaving the venue (if you are able to). Make sure you wash your hands for at least twenty seconds before and after attending the service. The Logistical Impact Logistically, the funeral industry has had to rapidly adapt to accommodate new restrictions and guidelines. With the unfortunate increase in the death rate, some processes have been streamlined for efficiency. Direct cremations Due to restrictions and some families not wanting more distant family members or friends to feel left out or forgotten when it comes to the funeral, many families are opting for direct cremations. This involves the deceased loved one being cremated without an official ceremony. This service has been on the increase during the pandemic[iv]. Death Registration An unprecedented increase in excess deaths[v] has caused changes to the usual death registration process. In ‘normal’ times, a family member would visit the registrar’s office to register a death. However, the Coronavirus Act has allowed this to be carried out by funeral directors, and forms can now be submitted electronically. When a death occurs, two doctors usually certify the death. However, If the cause of death has been identified as COVID-19, only one doctor needs to certify this. This legislation was brought in to speed up the process[vi]. Viewing the body It may not be possible to view the body of a deceased loved one for religious or cultural purposes (or even just for closure and to say goodbye). Be prepared for this, but don’t be afraid to ask if you are allowed to spend time with the body before cremation or burial. The Emotional Impact Funerals are a time of great emotion and being unable to hug and comfort loved ones is nothing short of heartbreaking. COVID-19 has forced a change in the natural mourning process which people have followed for hundreds, if not thousands, of years. Alongside the usual mental and physical impacts of grief, the bereaved are experiencing the following - Feelings of, and physical, isolation - An unfortunate reality of the pandemic is that many people are being forced to grieve alone. Those who are physically isolated due to illness, shielding, or through precaution, are not able to lean on others to support them through their bereavement. Guilt – Guilt is playing a huge factor in people’s bereavement. Feelings of guilt can be raised for many reasons, from not being able to give their loved one the send-off they would have wanted, to not being able to invite all of their nearest and dearest to say goodbye Anger and loss of control - It’s understandable to feel angry about current limitations on funerals, who can attend and how they will be carried out. Try not to direct this anger at those around you. More openness about death – One sad positive that we can take from the pandemic is that people are now becoming more aware of their own mortality, and more open to talking about death. This can help surrounding family and friends to be more prepared for the eventuality, both logistically and emotionally. If you or a loved one are struggling to cope with the emotional impact of death during COVID-19, it’s extremely important to speak out. You will be heard. There are plenty of resources online that can help you to understand and process your emotions. Here are a few: - NHS Bereavement Helpline Samaritans MIND If you’re worried about your mental health, or that of a loved one, don’t hesitate to contact your GP. Even during this time, they will be happy to help. Alternative ways to honour a loved one Until restrictions have relaxed, it’s safe to say that we will have to adjust to a ‘different way’ of grieving. There are plenty of ways to help people say goodbye outside of attending a funeral, here are some ideas: - Lining the streets – many families are inviting those that were close to their lost loved one to line the streets (socially distanced, of course) on the day of the funeral to watch the funeral procession pass. This will offer closure, and seeing others doing the same will help people to not feel so alone in their grief Live streaming the service – It is becoming more popular to set up a live stream of funeral proceedings so people can watch from home and feel involved Video tribute – why not put together a video tribute including footage and photos of your loved one to share with friends and family? This could even include their favourite song Keepsakes for loved ones who couldn’t attend – making or purchasing a keepsake (a piece of ashes jewellery or a framed picture, for example) can be a special way to help someone honour a loved one who has passed on Somewhere to visit – whether it is a grave or a memorial bench in their favourite place, it might be an idea to set up somewhere for people to visit and remember the loved one in their own time Postponing the wake – The government has advised postponing wakes until a time when more people are able to attend. Gathering for a celebration of your loved ones life once restrictions have relaxed could be a lovely way to honour their memory Overall, the impact of COVID-19 on funerals has been quite severe. It is vital to remember that the current restrictions are only temporary, and it won’t always be this way. For now, remember to stay strong and speak out about your grief to family and friends. To ensure full understanding during these uncertain times, please refer to the relevant government guidelines for up-to-date restrictions. You can find guidance for the UK here: - England | Wales | Northern Ireland References Charlie Giattino, H. R. M. R. E. O.-O. a. J. H., 2020. Excess mortality during the Coronavirus pandemic (COVID-19). [Online] Available at: https://ourworldindata.org/excess-mortality-covid [Accessed 17 October 2020]. Conway, H., 2020. Coronavirus is changing funerals and how we deal with the dead. [Online] Available at: https://theconversation.com/coronavirus-is-changing-funerals-and-how-we-deal-with-the-dead-134842 [Accessed 17 October 2020]. Jones, R., 2020. No-frills cremations: how coronavirus is changing funerals in Britain. [Online] Available at: https://www.theguardian.com/money/2020/apr/18/no-frills-cremations-coronavirus-changing-funerals-britain [Accessed 17 October 2020]. Marjoribanks, K., 2020. Funeral changes introduced with only 10 mourners permitted graveside during coronavirus lockdown. [Online] Available at: https://www.dailyrecord.co.uk/news/local-news/funeral-changes-introduced-only-10-21859866 [Accessed 17 October 2020]. Public Health England, 2020. COVID-19: guidance for managing a funeral during the coronavirus pandemic. [Online] Available at: https://www.gov.uk/government/publications/covid-19-guidance-for-managing-a-funeral-during-the-coronavirus-pandemic/covid-19-guidance-for-managing-a-funeral-during-the-coronavirus-pandemic [Accessed 17 October 2020]. Sources [i] https://www.dailyrecord.co.uk/news/local-news/funeral-changes-introduced-only-10-21859866 [ii] https://www.gov.uk/government/publications/covid-19-guidance-for-managing-a-funeral-during-the-coronavirus-pandemic/covid-19-guidance-for-managing-a-funeral-during-the-coronavirus-pandemic [iii] https://www.gov.uk/government/publications/covid-19-guidance-for-managing-a-funeral-during-the-coronavirus-pandemic/covid-19-guidance-for-managing-a-funeral-during-the-coronavirus-pandemic [iv] https://www.theguardian.com/money/2020/apr/18/no-frills-cremations-coronavirus-changing-funerals-britain [v] https://ourworldindata.org/excess-mortality-covid [vi] https://theconversation.com/coronavirus-is-changing-funerals-and-how-we-deal-with-the-dead-134842

When someone you love passes away, it can feel like the world is going to end. Even when you are prepared for the impending death, you can never predict how you’ll feel when it actually happens. Some people feel completely numb or even go into shock. Other people refuse to believe what has happened and try to ‘bargain’ their way out of the grief. Some people sob for days on end, while others act like nothing has happened. It’s important to remember that all of these reactions are completely normal. Your emotions are controlled by several different regions in your brain.[i] Your limbic system and pre-frontal cortex are responsible for regulating your emotions and organising your thoughts. However, when you are experiencing grief, a load of hormones and neurotransmitters flood into these parts of your brain. You might feel like you ‘don’t know whether you’re coming or going,’ calm one minute and hysterical the next. Your overall thought processes slow down, making it hard to concentrate or think clearly, and your hunger and sleep signals are likely to go haywire. Just remember that there is no ‘right or wrong’ way to grieve – everyone is different, and no two situations can be compared. What are the symptoms of grieving? Grief can cause all kinds of strange symptoms, some of which you might not expect to be associated with bereavement.[ii] People often refer to the 7 stages of grief, but generally symptoms of grieving can include: Feeling hyper or restless – It’s not uncommon to feel like you’re bouncing off the walls when you are in grief. Trouble concentrating – It can be hard to focus on the task at hand as your mind wanders. Rumination – Your mind might race as you go over and over what happened, and even play out scenarios in which things could have gone differently. Trouble sleeping – This is one of the most common symptoms of grief. People tend to experience disturbed sleep, such as insomnia or oversleeping. You might even start having nightmares. Loss of appetite – Some grieving people report having no appetite at all and have to force themselves to eat anything. Overeating – However, others experience overeating, as they consume food to dull the pain, leading to weight gain. Withdrawing from social situations – While some people want to be surrounded by loved one or distracted with social engagements, others withdraw into solitude. A sense of isolation and feeling alone – It can seem like no one understands what you’re going through, and you might feel completely alone. This can exacerbate social withdrawal. Substance abuse – It is very common to turn to alcohol and drugs when a loved one passes away, which can lead to substance abuse and addiction issues. Grief is a natural response to the loss of a loved one – it isn’t an illness or something that can be ‘treated.’ While you might benefit from speaking to a grief counsellor or joining a support group, the only remedy for grief is time. Eventually, you will find your ‘new normal.’ The pain and loss will always be with you, but in time you will learn to live with the feelings. Physical effects of bereavement While grief is a natural response to a negative event, it can have real effects on your long-term health.[iii] Some of the symptoms listed in the above section affect your mind and body, but there are also some documented physical effects of grief. Grief and heart health – You have probably heard grief described as “a broken heart” or ‘heartache,” but this isn’t just a turn of phrase. The stress hormones released when you are grieving can actually cause cardiac issues.[iv]Acute stress, such as that brought on by the death of a loved one, can cause stress cardiomyopathy. A study has found that the chances of having an acute heart attack increase by more than 20 times in the 24 hours after someone you love passes away. Also common? Blood clots, increased blood pressure, and even ‘broken heart syndrome,’ which mimics the symptoms of a heart attack. Grief and a lowered immune system – When you experience a tremendous amount of stress, your body goes into survival mode. As a result, your immune system can suffer.[v] When your immune system is weak, you are more susceptible to infections, illnesses, and just generally feeling ‘run down.’ Colds, flu, headaches, and angina (severe chest pains) are all common. Grief and exhaustion – Grief is hard. It makes every task seem monumental and causes physical aches and pains. So, it’s no surprise that it can also make you feel exhausted, making it hard to get even your most routine tasks done. It’s normal to feel extreme tiredness, physically fragile, shaky, and weak. Here are some other physical sensations you might experience while grieving: Tightness in your chest A catch in your throat An upset or ‘hollow’ feeling stomach Trouble breathing, or hitching breath Dry mouth Sensitivity to noise Aches and pains all over your body Emotional effects of bereavement It’s impossible to list all of the myriad ways that bereavement can affect your emotions.[vi] Just know that if you are experiencing a whirlwind of different emotions after a loved one passes away, it is normal. However, if you begin to experience thoughts of suicide or self-harm, get in touch with your GP immediately, or call the Samaritans on 116 123. You will likely feel ‘out of sorts,’ with chaotic feelings and emotions that are all over the place. At first, your feelings are likely to be very intense and even overwhelming, but the feelings tend to subside over time. Some of the most common feelings include: Memory loss Brain fog (muddled and confused thoughts, trouble recalling information when you need it) Rage or extreme anger, sometimes aimed at the deceased Feelings of hopelessness Anxiety about your own mortality ‘Irrational’ worries Relief, usually if the person passed away after battling an illness Irritability and a ‘short temper’ Numbness and detachment Rumination – going over the circumstances leading to death over and over Loneliness and a feeling that ‘no one can understand’ what you’re going through How long does grief last? When you’re in the thick of the early grieving process, it can feel like the pain will never end. While you might be eager for the initial pain and sadness to subside, you might also dread the passing of time, because each day marks another day that your loved one is gone. As a result, some people find a sort of comfort in their grief. You might wonder “how long does grief last?” The honest answer is that there is no answer. Everyone grieves differently, and you might have feelings of grief and loss that come and go for the rest of your life. Birthdays, Christmas, and anniversaries can all trigger sadness and pain all over again, especially on milestone occasions. Just remember that it is normal to yearn and long for your loved one, and to be gentle with yourself. If your grieving is negatively impacting your life more than six months after the loss, you may have Prolonged Grief Syndrome (also called Complicated Grief).[vii] Speak with your GP if your symptoms of bereavement are getting worse, rather than easing, over time. Remember that everyone experiences grief in their own way Everyone goes through the grieving process in their own way, and there is no ‘right or wrong way’ to grieve. Some people find great comfort in looking at photos or mementoes and talking at length about their loved one. They have cremation jewellery made, and decorate their home with pictures of the deceased. However, others prefer to avoid reminders and only bring up their loss at certain times. Some people may cry and break down, while others seem cool and collected. Just remember that everyone goes through this process in their own way. Eventually, the acute pain will pass, but your memories and love will live on forever. Reference list Gupta, S. (2015). How Grief Can Make You Sick. [online] EverydayHealth.com. Available at: https://www.everydayhealth.com/news/how-grief-can-make-you-sick/ [Accessed 16 Sep. 2020]. Hairston, S. (2019). How Grief Shows Up In Your Body. [online] WebMD. Available at: https://www.webmd.com/special-reports/grief-stages/20190711/how-grief-affects-your-body-and-mind [Accessed 18 Sep. 2020]. Henry Ford Health System Staff (2018). How Coping with Grief Can Affect Your Brain. [online] www.henryford.com. Available at: https://www.henryford.com/blog/2018/06/how-coping-with-grief-can-affect-your-brain#:~:text=When%20you [Accessed 16 Sep. 2020]. Marie Curie (2020). Physical symptoms of grief. [online] Marie Curie. Available at: https://www.mariecurie.org.uk/help/support/bereaved-family-friends/dealing-grief/physical-symptoms-grief [Accessed 16 Sep. 2020]. Mayo Clinic Staff (2017). Complicated grief - Symptoms and causes. [online] Mayo Clinic. Available at: https://www.mayoclinic.org/diseases-conditions/complicated-grief/symptoms-causes/syc-20360374 [Accessed 18 Sep. 2020]. mh4rc (2018). Impacts of grief – Mental Health Resources for Carers. [online] IMPACTS OF GRIEF. Available at: http://mhr4c.com.au/grief-and-loss/impacts-of-grief/ [Accessed 16 Sep. 2020]. Pfizer Medical Team (2018). 5 Ways Grief May Affect Your Health. [online] Get Healthy Stay Healthy. Available at: https://www.gethealthystayhealthy.com/articles/5-ways-grief-may-affect-your-health [Accessed 18 Sep. 2020]. Pritchard, E.-L. (2018). 20 physical, behavioural and emotional symptoms of bereavement and how to overcome them. [online] Country Living. Available at: https://www.countryliving.com/uk/wellbeing/a21549981/physical-emotional-behavioural-symptoms-grief-bereavement-how-overcome/ [Accessed 16 Sep. 2020]. Ryback, R. (2017). The Ways We Grieve. [online] Psychology Today. Available at: https://www.psychologytoday.com/gb/blog/the-truisms-wellness/201702/the-ways-we-grieve [Accessed 16 Sep. 2020]. Sources [i] https://www.henryford.com/blog/2018/06/how-coping-with-grief-can-affect-your-brain [ii] https://www.everydayhealth.com/news/how-grief-can-make-you-sick/ [iii] https://www.mariecurie.org.uk/help/support/bereaved-family-friends/dealing-grief/grieving-your-way [iv] https://www.webmd.com/special-reports/grief-stages/20190711/how-grief-affects-your-body-and-mind [v] https://www.gethealthystayhealthy.com/articles/5-ways-grief-may-affect-your-health [vi] https://www.countryliving.com/uk/wellbeing/a21549981/physical-emotional-behavioural-symptoms-grief-bereavement-how-overcome/ [vii] https://www.mayoclinic.org/diseases-conditions/complicated-grief/symptoms-causes/syc-20360374

If you have ever watched an episode of a crime procedural or followed any true crime cases, you are likely familiar with the use of fingerprints to identify people. Every person on earth has unique fingerprints that can be used to trace their movements and identify their presence. Fingerprints are an invaluable tool that helps law enforcement officials solve crimes and convict criminals in court. But have you ever realised that fingerprints also make lovely mementoes? After all, who doesn’t love the tiny fingerprints (or footprints) of their baby? Or even the beautiful prints from their cat or dog? Fingerprint keepsakes are also perfect as a romantic gesture – they are one in a million (or one in 64 billion, to be exact). Have you ever wanted to learn more about this fascinating topic? We’ve compiled a guide to everything you need to know about fingerprints. What Are Fingerprints? The pressure placed on a foetus’s developing fingers in the womb forms their individual fingerprints. Each of your fingertips is embedded with tiny valleys, ridges, and whorls (collectively called friction ridges) that are utterly unique to your body. The friction ridges include pores that secrete sweat and oils and therefore leave behind residue. There is less than a one in 64 billion chance that you will have the same fingerprints as another person – they truly unique! They are more individual to you than even your DNA sequences.[1] While you also have similar ridged areas on your hands and feet, fingerprints are the most popular for identification and solving crimes. That is because we tend to touch everything with our fingers, and we, therefore, leave many prints behind on the surfaces we encounter. As a biometric characteristic, they are easy to store and analyse. What Are the Different Types of Fingerprints? There are eight common fingerprint patterns that investigators use to identify people and solve crimes.[2] Loops Nearly 70% of all fingerprints analysed include loops, which are ridges turned backwards and that do not twist. Radial loops Named for the radius bone that connects to the thumb, radial loops flow in the direction of the radius. They are quite uncommon and are usually found on the index finger. Ulnar loops Ulnar loops are named for the ulna bone in the forearm – they flow down towards the same side as the little finger. Double-loop Double-loop fingerprints have a pattern with two distinct shoulders, two deltas, and at least one ridge that makes a full circuit. Whorls Whorls are found in around 30% of fingerprints analysed by experts. In a whorl, the ridges turn at least one full circuit. Plain whorl A plain whorl is the most common. It makes a complete circuit with at least two deltas, making them a circular or spiral shape. Central pocket loop whorl Central pocket loop whorls include at least one curving ridge, an obstruction at right angles to the line of flow, and two deltas. It will be circular, spiral, oval, or circular. Accidental whorl Accidental whorls have two distinct patterns that include two or more deltas. Since they do not match the specifics of other whorl categories, they are grouped together in a ‘catch-all’ group. Arches Arches only occur in around 5% of all fingerprints, making them the rarest category of features. These patterns do not include any downward turns and run continuously from one side of the finger to the other. They do not usually include a delta. Plain arch Plain arches start on one side of the finger, and then cascade upwards, resembling an ocean wave. They are the simplest fingerprints for amateurs to recognise and are often included in children’s science kits. Tented arch The tented arch has smaller up-thrusts in the ridges near the middle of the finger, resulting in tent shapes that are also easy to recognise. What Is the Process of Fingerprinting? The scientific term for fingerprinting is dactyloscopy. Today most fingerprinting is done digitally with scanners, but it was traditionally done with an ink pad and paper.[3] Ink fingerprinting To fingerprint someone with an inkpad and paper, you first clean the finger with alcohol to remove sweat and oil. When the finger is dry, roll it in ink from side to side and up and down. Next, roll the finger onto a card, starting with one side of the fingernail and smoothly gliding it to the other. You can also press a finger firmly onto paper for a flat impression, although this is less useful for analysis. Investigators had to map and compare fingerprints manually by eye, which is a time consuming and complicated process. Digital fingerprinting Most fingerprinting today is done with digital scanners that capture the unique patterns. A person places their finger on a silicone or optical reader for a few seconds, and the computer maps the fingerprint and uses this map to search for matches in the database. Most countries have their fingerprint databases and contribute this information to the Interpol (international policing) system. Analysing fingerprints Law enforcement agents look for two different types of fingerprints at a crime scene. Visible prints are found in blood, dirt, mud, or any other substance that will hold an impression. Latent prints are invisible to the naked eye or can only be seen in a particular light, and are made on glass, plastic, and other hard surfaces. Investigators use tape, lasers, specialised cameras, or dusting powders to see and ‘lift’ them. What Is the History of Fingerprinting? People around the world have noticed the distinct patterns on our hands and feet for millennia.[4] In the second millennium BCE, Babylonian officials fingerprinted criminals! They were also used for signatures in ancient Babylon, with kings and officials imprinting their thumbs or fingers in wax to seal contracts. Similarly, in Ancient China, officials used inked fingerprints in court documents, although this may have just been symbolic. The first documented case of fingerprints being used to solve a crime dates all the way back to Ancient Rome. A bloody palm print found at the scene of a crime was used to convict the killer. His palm was examined for a match, and this evidence was used against him in court. In the 19th century, an English magistrate called Sir William Herschel pioneered fingerprinting for signing documents, creating a finger register in Jungipoor, India. Soon after, a Scottish physician called Henry Faulds wrote extensive research papers on the potential for fingerprinting, and his seminal paper was published in ‘Nature’ in 1880. Soon after, Alphonse Bertillon, a French police officer and biometrics researcher, developed a system dubbed the Bertillon System. It used the measurements of criminal’s body parts, including fingerprints, to track and categorise criminals. It was a flawed system, causing Argentinian police officials, including Juan Vucetich, to reject it and search for better solutions. He began to develop his own system and was able to solve a grisly multiple murder in 1891. He called his system comparative dactyloscopy, the term we still use today. By 1896 the system had gained popularity around the world, and the National Bureau of Criminal Identification was founded in Chicago (later Washington DC). Do Identical Twins Have the Same Fingerprints? Identical twins sharing the same fingerprints is a common misconception that likely stems from the fact that they share the same DNA signature. That said, they can be extremely similar, because they are formed under similar conditions in the womb. No two people have ever been found to share the same fingerprints, including identical twins.[5] Why Is Fingerprint Jewellery So Unique?  When you love someone, you love their individuality. What better memento to celebrate their individuality than their fingerprint? A piece of fingerprint jewellery is as unique as your loved one – you can guarantee that absolutely no one else on earth will have the same wonderful necklace or ring as you. Imagine everything that you love about someone encapsulated in a single fingerprint – it’s perfect. Summary The study of fingerprints has a long and storied history that helps us to understand the evolution of law enforcement and detective work. Fingerprints have a truly unique nature makes them the perfect keepsake that will remind you of a loved one’s individuality. This is a genuinely fascinating field of study – have we piqued your inner detective? Reference list Crime and Investigation. (2018). The History of Fingerprinting. [online] Crime + Investigation in the UK. Available at: https://www.crimeandinvestigation.co.uk/shows/crimes-that-shook-australia/articles/the-history-of-fingerprinting [Accessed 22 Jul. 2020]. Davis, A. (2017). 8 Most Common Fingerprint Patterns. [online] Touch N Go. Available at: https://www.touchngoid.com/8-common-fingerprint-patterns/ [Accessed 22 Jul. 2020]. O’Connor, A. (2004). The Claim: Identical Twins Have Identical Fingerprints. The New York Times. [online] 2 Nov. Available at https://www.nytimes.com/2004/11/02/health/the-claim-identical-twins-have-identical-fingerprints.html#:~:text=They%20come%20from%20the%20same [Accessed 22 Jul. 2020]. Watson, S. (2008a). How Fingerprinting Works. [online] HowStuffWorks. Available at: https://science.howstuffworks.com/fingerprinting1.htm [Accessed 22 Jul. 2020]. Watson, S. (2008b). The Fingerprinting Process. [online] HowStuffWorks. Available at: https://science.howstuffworks.com/fingerprinting2.htm#:~:text=The%20technique%20of%20fingerprinting%20is%20known%20as%20dactyloscopy.&text=The%20person%20rolls%20his%20or [Accessed 22 Jul. 2020]. [1] https://science.howstuffworks.com/fingerprinting1.htm [2] https://www.touchngoid.com/8-common-fingerprint-patterns/ [3]https://science.howstuffworks.com/fingerprinting2.htm#:~:text=The%20technique%20of%20fingerprinting%20is%20known%20as%20dactyloscopy.&text=The%20person%20rolls%20his%20or [4] https://www.crimeandinvestigation.co.uk/shows/crimes-that-shook-australia/articles/the-history-of-fingerprinting [5] https://www.nytimes.com/2004/11/02/health/the-claim-identical-twins-have-identical-fingerprints.html#:~:text=They%20come%20from%20the%20same

Your little one is finally here! All of the planning and excitement over the nine months of your pregnancy has resulted in a wondering new baby, and you can't stop yourself from marvelling at their precious fingers, toes, and chubby cheeks. But countless parents will tell you that the years fly by. That's why it is so crucial that you create keepsakes that will help you remember these days for the rest of your life. Your wee baby will be a toddler in the blink of an eye, then attending nursery, before cycling away on their first 'big kid' bike. Then comes primary school, secondary, and sixth form, their first broken heart and their last tuck-in goodnight. Before you know it, you'll be attending your child's university graduation and wondering where all the time went. It's hard to believe as you gaze at your sweet little infant, but it's true! The best way to combat the speed of time is to start documenting your little one's big moments and milestones. Some parents do this by creating scrapbooks or memory boxes; others quilt meaningful blankets from their outgrown baby clothes, still others create baby fingerprint jewellery that they can treasure forever. No matter what you choose to do to mark the passage of time, you'll thank yourself in twenty or thirty years when you can look back and remember this special time. Your children will be eternally grateful that you created such a meaningful tribute to their childhoods. If you have older children at home, get them involved as well – they'll be delighted to help with drawing and crafting, and it will make the end result so much more meaningful. 12 Brilliant Baby Keepsake Ideas Here is a list of the 12 timeless baby keepsakes that we absolutely love. Use these ideas to create your own perfect keepsake to cherish for the rest of your life. You can also gift them to your child at the special milestones in their life. Create a shadow box filled with their 'firsts' – We love the idea of creating a new baby shadow box filled with some of the most special items from your pregnancy and their first few months. Consider adding your baby's first scan photo, their teensy little Hospital ID band, and ink prints of their bitsy hands and feet. You can also add their wee knitted cap, a pair of booties, a rattle, a pacifier, and even a swath of their first baby blanket. Add their name in a unique script, along with some key dates, a nickname, or a special sentiment. Frame their first baby blanket – While you can add a small piece of their first blanket to their baby book, scrapbook, or quilt, some people choose to frame their sweet baby's blanket in its entirety. The more worn and unravelled, the more meaningful this framed wall hanging will be. Hang it on their childhood bedroom wall, or keep it stored for the future when you can present it to them upon the birth of their first child. You could also frame their first formal outfit, first Christmas dress/suit, or their christening gown. The frame will prevent moth holes, water damage, and mildew over the years. Bronze their first pair of shoes – While this might sound like a bit of a retro suggestion, bronzed baby shoes are making a comeback. Many engraving shops still offer this service, allowing you to preserve your baby's tiny little feet. When they're in their teens, you'll marvel at how small they once were! They make an adorable knickknack on your shelf. Create a customised scrapbook just for them – Over the past few decades, people have become increasingly creative with their baby scrapbooking ideas. More than just a way to preserve photos, scrapbooking allows you to incorporate documents, tickets, hospital bracelets, and other 2D mementoes. Doll your scrapbook up with stickers, picture corners, and so much more. You'll find the more you scrapbook, the more creative you become! Fill in a baby book – You'll find many different baby books available online. These differ from blank scrapbooks in that they include specific pages for various milestones in your baby's life. You'll be prompted to add photos, locks of hair, written notes, and a lot more. Some baby books transition into childhood, their teenaged years, and even through to university. They will be eternally grateful that you took the time to present them with this special gift. 'Baby book' websites – These days, nearly everything is online, so it makes sense that some parents are choosing to document their child's lives on their very own digital baby book. You can start your own website and only give the password to friends and family, or you can use one of many online platforms designed for just this purpose. The benefit to an online baby book is that it can never get lost, it can never get damaged, and it can be shared with friends and family around the world. Baby handprint kit – Nothing is cuter than a baby's ickle hands and feet! Why not put them in a mould so that you can create a keepsake that will remind you of this special time forever. These kits include non-toxic clay and a three-window frame that allow you to display the prints alongside photos. These also make a perfect gift for grandparents, godparents, aunts, and uncles. It is such a unique idea. Customise baby fingerprint jewellery – As mentioned above, there is something so sweet about your little one's tiny hands and feet. If you want to keep them close to your heart forever, order a piece of baby fingerprint jewellery to wear around your neck. Grandmas, Godmothers, Aunties, and best friends will also love a necklace featuring your little one's fingerprint. Have a Patchwork Memory Bear made – Are Patchwork memory bears are one of the cutest baby keepsakes imaginable? We think so! You send the company a number of your baby's most meaningful garments, and they transform them into a sweet stuffed teddy that you can keep forever. Use it as a memento on the shelf or let your little one snuggle with it as they grow throughout their childhood. Create a baby time capsule – This is a great one for getting the whole family involved. Ask your older children to help you collect their favourite outgrown baby bits, and ceremonially have them help add them to the time capsule. Your baby can get involved in their own time capsule as they get older, or you can keep it as a surprise to give them on their graduation or wedding day. Quilt a special keepsake blanket – Gather up your favourite baby clothing, worn-out stuffies, baby blankets, and booties, and snip out scraps. Once you have a sizeable basket of fabric scraps, you can begin the quilting process, and then stuff it with batting. If you aren't an avid sewer, you can find plenty of companies online who will make the perfect keepsake quilt for you. You can even transfer a few photos onto white fabric and have those squares added into the pattern. Make a 'one-second video' throughout their childhood – We love this fun social media trend so much that we had to include it in our list. Mums and dads around the world are taking a quick one or two second video of their baby every day (or once a week), and then editing them together for an animation effect. The resulting video is charming, fun, and astonishing – you'll be able to watch your little baby grow from a newborn to a toddler, and then onto a kiddo! If you have video editing chops, you can do this yourself, but there are plenty of online apps and websites that make it easy. Baby keepsakes make great gifts for new parents, who might not have the time, energy, or wherewithal to think about much of anything other than sleep. By creating a meaningful keepsake for their new baby, you will be taking a massive weight off of their shoulders. These baby keepsake ideas will fill your heart with joy years from now when you look back at the first few months and years of your baby's life. Whether you choose to keep them yourself or pass them onto your child when they are grown, there is nothing more meaningful.

Funerals are meant to help the living say goodbye to their loved ones in a meaningful and cathartic way. However, most people choose to plan a funeral that honours the wishes of the recently deceased, even if it isn’t what they themselves would prefer. If their loved one was interested in alternative practices, spirituality, or ideologies, they would likely have been interested in a non-traditional farewell to this earth. Here is a list of many different types of alternative and non-traditional funeral services. What Is A Funeral? Holding a funeral service, also referred to as a celebration of life or a memorial, is an important part of the grieving process. The survivors gather (sometimes virtually) to acknowledge and commemorate the life of a loved one.[1] Cultures all over the world hold different types of funerals, and have done so since time immemorial. Funerals can be held in a religious setting with a member of a religious order leading the ceremony. However, they can also be very informal and include readings, poetry, art, dance, and songs performed by friends and family. While there is truly no limit to the creativity you can exercise during a funeral, many people find comfort in at least some of the traditional rituals performed in their culture. Most importantly, a funeral is all about celebrating the life of the person who has passed away, and bringing comfort to those who are left behind. What is an Alternative Funeral? An alternative funeral is less concerned with the traditional conventions of a religious ceremony, and is more about celebrating the life of the recently passed.[2] Some people choose to couple the planning of an alternative funeral with certain other special rituals and memorials. Creating ashes jewellery, naming a star in their honour, and making a pilgrimage to a special site in their memory – these are all special ways to commemorate your loved one. When you are considering an alternative funeral, here are a few things that you should know. There are no ‘rules’ – you can be creative in your plans While your culture and religion may have specific traditions, there are no rules that state you have to follow them. Choose a ritual that would be meaningful to the person who has passed, and that will provide comfort to those who are left behind. Find a funeral director who will work with you Look for a local funeral director who will work with you to celebrate the deceased in the way in which they would have wanted. If your funeral director is loathe to help you or seems reluctant to ‘bend the traditions,’ contact a different company. Alternative doesn’t have to be ‘crazy’ Just because you have decided to go for an ‘alternative’ funeral doesn’t mean that things have to be completely off the wall. Doing something out of the ordinary could be as simple as popping champagne, painting the coffin in bright colours, or listening to a non-traditional song. Do whatever small gestures, and make as many adjustments to tradition as the deceased would have wanted. This will be an important part of the grieving process. There’s no rule that you have to stick to one belief system Many people out there have blended faiths, complicated faiths, and no faith at all but enjoy the comfort of the ritual. There is absolutely no reason that you need to stick to one belief system – you can blend Buddhist meditation and Catholic prayer, or Hindu mantras with sitting Jewish shivah. Let the beliefs of the deceased guide the spirituality. Alternatively, you can elect to have no religion component whatsoever. Direct cremation Direct cremation refers to the practice in which the body is cremated almost immediately after death, without any funeral service beforehand.[3] Some people choose this option for their own religious beliefs, or are attracted by its low costs. Direct cremation is conducted with the services of a crematory in the days after death, with no viewings, visitation, wake, or expensive coffin. Some people choose to arrange a memorial service at a later time, unconnected to the rites of the body. Family-led funeral When a loved one dies, some people question the practice of bringing a stranger into the mix to lead the funeral, when they themselves knew the deceased intimately. There has been a big uptick in recent years of people choosing to conduct their family member’s funeral themselves.[4] This can include organising and conducting the service, but can also stretch to include preparing their loved one’s body for burial or cremation. Woodland burial Woodlands all over the country are beautiful and tranquil places to be laid to rest.[5] While some woodlands have express rules against burial on site, others welcome the spreading of ashes or burial. Have a look through this extensive list of eligible woodlands throughout the UK that welcome burials in their natural settings. If you have a specific woodland site in mind, check to see if it is registered with The Association of Natural Burial Grounds. It must also be properly certified, and be able to produce a certificate that proves as such. DIY funeral Similar to a family led funeral (detailed above), a DIY funeral allows you to plan and execute the memorial in your own way.[6] You can save more than £1,000 by doing this yourself, but remember that it is a lot of work. You will need to arrange a venue, transportation of the body to the crematory or burial site, and all refreshments and speakers. That said, the effort and planning can be a great comfort to loved ones after the deceased has passed. Burial at sea For some people, there is nothing so romantic and poignant as the idea of burial at sea. This could be the perfect farewell for navy personnel, sailors, avid divers, or anyone with a maritime connection.[7] In the UK, anyone can be buried at sea. You only need to arrange a licence in advance, available for just £175 from the MMO. You must also comply with environmental rules. You’ll need to show a doctor’s certificate stating that the body is free from fever and infection. The body must not be embalmed, and should be dressed in biodegradable clothing. The Britannia Shipping Company helps families arrange burials at sea, as does the Maritime Volunteer Service. Eco Funeral If your loved one enjoyed spending time outside, tried to be easy on the environment, and felt most comfortable when in nature, consider an Eco Funeral.[8] This is a simple ‘back to the earth’ approach that highlights their body’s return to Mother Earth. You can make this as spiritual or as practical as you wish, with an emphasis on the beauty of the planet. Colourful Funeral Did your loved one adore bright colours, wild hues, and having a lot of fun? It sounds like a colourful funeral might be the best choice for their big send off![9] Colourful funerals take the sombre tradition of grey and black and flip it on its head, encouraging people to dress in wild colours. The coffin may be painted in a technicolour of bright shades, and the whole space can be decorated in colourful flowers, cards, and balloons. If the deceased was a fun-loving and exuberant individual, this can be a truly comforting and fitting way to say goodbye. Consider giving each attendee a coloured balloon or sparkler to really make the event stand out. Alternative hearses You can make your loved ones’ final journey an exciting and personal one with a personalised hearse. Some people choose to transport the coffin in a fire engine, a London Routemaster bus, a hot pink convertible, or even a horse drawn hearse. Choose the mode of transportation that reflects your loved one’s personality the most, and bring a smile to all attendees’ faces. Tree Burial Some people are uniquely concerned about the environmental impact of the cremation and/or burial process. Instead of leaving behind heavy metals and synthetic materials, why not be transformed into a tree?[10] Trees are the ultimate symbol of a healthy environment, cleaning the air and providing shade and food. The Capsula Mundi allows you to place the ashes or remains of your loved ones into an egg-shaped casket that slowly breaks down, providing nutrients to a sapling planted above. What a poignant and special way to go! As you can see, there are countless ways to personalise a memorial service and make your loved one’s final send-off very special. Which one suits the occasion the most? Reference list Bell, B. (2016). Burial at sea: Seven things to know. BBC News. [online] 19 Dec. Available at: https://www.bbc.co.uk/news/uk-england-38210497 [Accessed 18 May 2020]. Beyond Life (2017). How to Arrange an Eco Funeral. [online] Beyond Life. Available at: https://beyond.life/help-centre/arranging-a-funeral/arrange-eco-funeral/ [Accessed 18 May 2020]. De Winter, L. (2017). Planning An Alternative Funeral? Nine Things You Need To Know. [online] consent.yahoo.com. Available at: https://www.huffingtonpost.co.uk/louise-de-winter/planning-an-alternative-f_b_17793814.html [Accessed 18 May 2020]. Dignity Funerals (2019). Colourful funerals. [online] Dignity Funerals. Available at: https://www.dignityfunerals.co.uk/arranging-a-funeral/types-of-funeral/alternative-funerals/colourful-funerals/ [Accessed 18 May 2020]. Dignity Memorial (2019). What is a funeral? [online] Dignity Memorial. Available at: https://www.dignitymemorial.com/plan-funeral-cremation/traditional-funeral/what-is-a-funeral [Accessed 18 May 2020]. Erizanu, P. (2018). Organic burial pod turns your body into a tree. [online] CNN. Available at: https://edition.cnn.com/2017/05/03/world/eco-solutions-capsula-mundi/index.html. Everplan (2018). 5 Things You Need To Know About Direct Cremation. [online] Everplans. Available at: https://www.everplans.com/articles/5-things-you-need-to-know-about-direct-cremation [Accessed 18 May 2020]. Money Advice Service (2019). Arranging a funeral yourself (without a funeral director). [online] www.moneyadviceservice.org.uk. Available at: https://www.moneyadviceservice.org.uk/en/articles/arranging-a-funeral-yourself [Accessed 18 May 2020]. Sherwood, H. (2018). The changing face of funerals: why we did it our own way…. The Observer. [online] 22 Jul. Available at: https://www.theguardian.com/lifeandstyle/2018/jul/22/why-families-are-rejecting-traditional-funerals-taking-control [Accessed 18 May 2020]. Woodland Burial Trust (2020). How to find Woodland Burial Sites in the UK. [online] woodlandburialtrust.com. Available at: http://woodlandburialtrust.com/content/woodland_burial_places.php [Accessed 18 May 2020]. ‌ [1] https://www.dignitymemorial.com/plan-funeral-cremation/traditional-funeral/what-is-a-funeral [2] https://www.huffingtonpost.co.uk/louise-de-winter/planning-an-alternative-f_b_17793814.html [3] https://www.everplans.com/articles/5-things-you-need-to-know-about-direct-cremation [4] https://www.theguardian.com/lifeandstyle/2018/jul/22/why-families-are-rejecting-traditional-funerals-taking-control [5] http://woodlandburialtrust.com/content/woodland_burial_places.php [6] https://www.moneyadviceservice.org.uk/en/articles/arranging-a-funeral-yourself [7] https://www.bbc.co.uk/news/uk-england-38210497 [8] https://beyond.life/help-centre/arranging-a-funeral/arrange-eco-funeral/ [9] https://www.dignityfunerals.co.uk/arranging-a-funeral/types-of-funeral/alternative-funerals/colourful-funerals/ [10] https://edition.cnn.com/2017/05/03/world/eco-solutions-capsula-mundi/index.html

It seems like everyone has social media these days. Sharing our photos, opinions, events, and musings in real time has changed the world, and has certainly transformed the way we do business. Companies large and small use social media as a major facet of their marketing plans, and a whole new wave of online ‘influencers’ are now becoming as famous as movie stars and pop idols.[1] With the importance of social media to our daily lives and business strategies, it’s important to think about what would happen to your social media accounts in the event of your death, or the death of someone you love. Will your accounts be left open in the ether, representing you and your business long after you’re gone? This is another important thing to think about when considering what to do when a loved one passes away. Every social media platform goes about this in a slightly different way. Here are the digital legacy policies for most of the biggest social media platforms out there, including Facebook, Twitter, LinkedIn, and Snapchat. What is social media? Social media platforms are websites and apps that allow people to connect and share content with friends or business contacts in a quick, real-time way. Many people use social media on their smartphones, but most of the original platforms, such as Facebook and Twitter, originated and are still often used on laptop and desktop computers.[2] Today, a whole new wave of social media apps have been designed purely for use as smartphone apps, including Snapchat, Tik Tok, and Instagram. What happens to your Facebook after you die? When you die, a close and trusted loved one can make a request to transform your memorialise your facebook profile. This will freeze the page in time and turn it into a digital memorial.[3] The photos, posts, opinions, and links that you have shared in the past will remain visible online, but no one will be able to log into the account to change them or add to them in the future. Your legacy contact, who you can nominate in your Facebook settings, will be required to submit a digital copy of your death certificate to start the transition to a memorial page. Once approved, they will be able to approve new friend requests (perhaps someone who you knew, but who did not have a Facebook account during your lifetime), write a pinned post for the top of the page, and change the cover photo. They won’t be able to log in further or change anything else. You do not have to go the ‘legacy contact ‘ route. You can instead request that your profile is permanently deleted in the case of your death, and all of your past content will disappear. A memorial profile on Facebook or Instagram can be a comfort to loved ones when a person passes away. Along with memorial jewellery (such as fingerprint jewellery or ashes jewelry), framed photos, and home movies, it can be a way to seek comfort and cherish memories. What happens to your Twitter after you die? Twitter has a few different variables for what will happen to your account when you die.[4] Here are the most likely and common outcomes. Have someone access your account - The most reliable way to choose what will happen to your account is to make a plan and leave clear instructions to whoever is in charge of your estate. If you want someone else to be able to access your account after you are gone, leave clear instructions for how to log into your account, and what you want done with it in your absence. Do keep in mind that Twitter has clear rules about this, and their Terms of Service (TOS) state that you cannot transfer your account to another person, even after you die. This means that even if you give the executor of your estate the passwords to your account and written permission to access it, this will only be possible for as long as Twitter thinks you are alive. However, it’s the only way for someone to maintain access to your account. Delete the account before you die - If you want to maintain complete control, some experts suggest that you attempt to delete your account before you die. Of course, this is not always possible, and it does take up to 30 days to implement. Twitter’s official Privacy Policy states that it will not be able to fully delete all data associated with the account until approximately 30 days have passed. Their privacy policy states, “that search engines and other third parties may still retain copies of your public information, like your user profile information and public Tweets, even after you have deleted the information from the Twitter Services or deactivated your account.” Have someone you trust log in and delete your account - If this worries you, and you would like your account fully deleted instead of maintained, instruct someone you trust to log in and delete your account as soon as possible after you die. Have your executor provide a death certificate to Twitter - You can also have your executor contact Twitter – they have an online form that allows a death to be reported. They will need to provide the “information about the deceased, a copy of your ID, and copy of the deceased’s death certificate.” Rely on Twitter’s inactive policy – If no one tweets from your account in 6 months, they will automatically delete the account. This means that if you die, after 6 months your account will likely be deleted due to inactivity. What happens to your Linkedin after you die? When a person dies, LinkedIn offers someone they trust the ability to close down the account fully, removing all content associated with the deceased user.[5] LinkedIn’s official Help Center provides this explanation: “Unfortunately, there may be a time when you come across the profile of a colleague, classmate, or loved one who has passed away. If this happens, we can close that person’s account and remove their profile on your behalf. To start this process, please answer some questions about the person who has passed away. The form can be completed and signed electronically via DocuSign here.” LinkedIn does not allow any kind of a legacy profile. The account will be fully and permanently shut down. What happens to your Instagram after you die? Instagram is owned by Facebook, and so it should come as no surprise that their death policy is similar. They do offer a memorialisation option, and anyone who knew the deceased can request this.[6] They will have to provide proof, but this does not have to be a death certification. They can send a link to the obituary or a news article about the passing. Instagram has faced scrutiny for this, as these links could potentially be faked. A memorial account on Instagram looks much like a normal account of a living user, and all comments and photos are maintained, frozen in time. However, no new content can be added. Instagram ensures users that they try to “prevent references to memorialized accounts from appearing on Instagram in ways that may be upsetting to the person’s friends and family.” Family members or loved ones can also try to delete the account, but Instagram does require a death certificate and legal proof that the individual contacting them is the deceased’s lawful representative. What happens to your Snapchat after you die? Snapchat, a photo-sharing app that is popular amongst young people, has a very minimal death policy. On their “Contact Us” menu, Snapchat explains, “We are so sorry for your loss. We would like to assist you in any way possible.” You are then prompted to provide a death certificate, after which Snapchat will delete the account permanently. If this is not what you want, the only other option is to give your log in details to someone that you trust before you die, so that they can access your page. What happens to your TikTok after you die? Tik Tok is one of the newest social media crazes out there, the first Chinese platform to strike it big in the rest of the world. They do not have an explicit digital memorial policy, but they are expected to release one in the coming months. What happens to your Pinterest after you die? Pinterest also does not have a memorialization policy, and they will only allow someone to deactivate an account if they have the log in information. If you do not have the log in information of a loved one whose account you wish to delete, you can Email care@pinterest.com. You will need to give them the following information: Your full name, and the person’s full name and email address, as well as a link to their Pinterest profile. You’ll also need to provide a death certificate or obituary, and proof of your relationship to the person (i.e. a marriage or birth certificate). If their account is linked to a Facebook account, you should delete that account first. Using an online remembrance book If you choose to delete (or let lapse) your loved one’s social media account, you could also choose to create a different kind of online memorial. Consider creating or writing in an online remembrance book which allows friends and family to share their thoughts, well wishes, and memories. This will ensure that your loved one has a presence online that you can visit and direct others to when they want to pay their respects. Reference list BBC (2015). What happens to your Facebook profile after you die. [online] BBC Newsbeat. Available at: http://www.bbc.co.uk/newsbeat/article/34790918/what-happens-to-your-facebook-profile-after-you-die [Accessed 18 Apr. 2020]. Carroll, E. (n.d.). What happens to your LinkedIn account when you die? [online] The Digital Beyond. Available at: https://www.thedigitalbeyond.com/2014/05/what-happens-to-your-linkedin-account-when-you-die/ [Accessed 18 Apr. 2020]. Everplans. (n.d.). How To Close A Pinterest Account When Someone Dies. [online] Available at: https://www.everplans.com/articles/how-to-close-a-pinterest-account-when-someone-dies [Accessed 18 Apr. 2020]. Hudson, M. (2014). What is Social Media? [online] The Balance Small Business. Available at: https://www.thebalancesmb.com/what-is-social-media-2890301. Nolo (n.d.). What Will Happen to My Twitter Account When I Die? [online] www.nolo.com. Available at: https://www.nolo.com/legal-encyclopedia/what-will-happen-my-twitter-account-when-i-die.html [Accessed 18 Apr. 2020]. Ritschel, C. (2019). This is what happens to your social media accounts when you die. [online] The Independent. Available at: https://www.independent.co.uk/life-style/social-media-what-happens-when-you-die-instagram-facebook-twitter-gmail-pinterest-a8706126.html [Accessed 18 Apr. 2020]. Staff, T.W. (2019). What Happens to Your Social Media Accounts after You Die. [online] The Walrus. Available at: https://thewalrus.ca/death-what-happens-to-your-social-media-accounts-after-you-die/ [Accessed 18 Apr. 2020]. [1] https://www.thebalancesmb.com/what-is-social-media-2890301 [2] https://www.independent.co.uk/life-style/social-media-what-happens-when-you-die-instagram-facebook-twitter-gmail-pinterest-a8706126.html [3] http://www.bbc.co.uk/newsbeat/article/34790918/what-happens-to-your-facebook-profile-after-you-die [4] https://www.nolo.com/legal-encyclopedia/what-will-happen-my-twitter-account-when-i-die.html [5] https://www.thedigitalbeyond.com/2014/05/what-happens-to-your-linkedin-account-when-you-die/ [6]  https://thewalrus.ca/death-what-happens-to-your-social-media-accounts-after-you-die/

What happens when a dog naturally passes? Steps to take once your dog has passed How to Handle Your Dog’s Remains? Dog Burial and Cremation Allow yourself to grieve Losing a pet is one of the most painful losses one can experience. According to psychological research, the death of an animal companion can be even more heart breaking than losing a human family member.[1] Your dog is likely more than just a four-legged friend. They might be your surrogate child, emotional support, and beloved companion. The grief and emotions that you feel when you dog passes at home will be different to the experience of losing a pet at the vet’s office, or in an accident outside the home. It can be hard to know exactly what to do and when to do it when your dog passes away at home. We’ve compiled this guide to help walk you through this difficult time. What happens when a dog naturally passes? Owners commonly have their dogs euthanised (or put to sleep) at a vet’s surgery. However, in some cases, a dog dies of natural causes in the home. What should you do in this case?[2] After your dog passes away, their body may still exhibit what appear to be signs of life, which can be confusing or alarming to their owner. Do not be frightened or upset if your recently deceased dog exhibits the following: Releasing gas or bodily fluids Air released from the mouth Twitching or shuddering, which occurs naturally when the nerves spasm These movements can be particularly upsetting for people who are not expecting them to occur, so it is a good idea to mentally prepare yourself. Steps to take once your dog has passed There are a few steps that you should take immediately if your dog dies suddenly in your home.[3] Assess your dog’s vital signs The most important thing to do is assess your dog’s vital signs so that you can be sure that your dog has indeed passed. If you are unsure about this, transport your dog to the nearest vet’s surgery, or call their emergency number. Feel for your dog’s pulse or heartbeat – if you think your dog might be alive, administer CPR or first aid and get help as soon as possible. Call your vet Even if you are sure that your dog has passed away, it is time to get in touch with their vet. They will be able to advise you about who to call next, whether that is a pet crematory or mobile vet service who will come to pick up their body. If you are unsure about your next steps, your vet’s office may agree to store your dog’s body for a few days while you think this decision over. Call a friend or family member for support During this time of grief, it is time to get in touch with your support networks and ask for help. Call a friend or a family member and ask them to come and be with you while you deal with your dog’s remains. If you do not think that you can mentally or physically handle your dog’s body, choose someone who you think can handle this difficult task. Handling the Body This is an upsetting topic, but an important one to mention. Depending on your circumstances, you might need to handle your dog’s remains. If you are hoping to bury your pet on your own property, you will need to store the body until you are able to do so. You may also need to store the body in the time that it will take for the crematory to pick up or receive delivery of the body. Any animal’s body begins to decompose very soon after death, which can attract insects and release an upsetting smell. Rigor mortis will begin between 10 minutes to 3 hours after the moment of death; ideally, you can handle and move the body before this stiffening takes place. How to Handle Your Dog’s Remains This is certainly a difficult topic, but it is important to understand how to handle your deceased dog’s remains. Wear gloves – Your dog may release fluids from the genitals, mouth, or nose, and additional fluids may occur when you move the body. It is always a good idea to wear gloves when handling the body Use a blanket or towel – Find a sheet, towel, or blanket to swaddle the body, and ensure that it is large enough. Get 2 thick bin bags at the ready. Wrap your dog’s body in the sheet, blanket, or towel – You might want to position their body as if they are asleep, as this can bring you peace. Wrap the body – Wrap the body in the cloth shroud, and then slide into the bin bag (or use 2 if needed). You might need help if your dog is a large breed. Secure the bag with a knot. If you are planning to send your dog’s remains elsewhere for cremation or burial, affix a sticker or tag with your dog’s name and your name. Freeze or cool the remains – You should freeze or cool the remains until they are buried or cremated. If you cannot do this in your own freezer or your vet does not have the facilities, you may need to do this in your garage, basement, or outdoors (if in cooler weather). If this is the case, ensure that you use multiple layers of bin bags. Dog Burial and Cremation When your dog dies, you will need to decide if you want to have the body cremated, or bury it at home or in a pet cemetery.[4] Cremation If you want to have your dog cremated, you can either arrange this through your vet’s office or organise it yourself. While cremation is a more costly option than burial at home, it gives you more flexibility in what you can do with the cremains or memorial. The ashes will be returned to you, and you can do with them what you wish. Some dog owners choose to spread the ashes in a garden or park, place the ashes in an urn, while others choose to transform some of the ashes into jewellery, such as a dog ashes necklace. In this way, they can always be with you throughout your life. How much does it cost to cremate a dog? Dog cremation costs will vary depending on the location in which you live and the different options that crematoriums offer. The different options on offer often include the size of dog, and whether you are arranging a communal or private cremation. A typical cost is around £100. Crematoriums can make every effort to keep your dog’s ashes separate from other animals during communal cremations, but remember that this is not always possible. If you want to ensure that the remains are only from your dog, you will have to pay for a private cremation. Home burial You might choose to bury your dog at home in your own garden, in a place where your dog enjoyed spending their time. This will reduce the costs, and provide a final resting place with meaning. Remember that it may not be legal to bury your dog in rented accommodation, and it is illegal to do so in a public place. Make sure that the grave is at least three feet deep to avoid soil erosion. You may choose to select a grave marker, stone or a tree to mark the site, as this can provide a meaningful place to mourn and remember your fallen friend. Pet cemeteries Pet cemeteries are a more expensive option than home burial or cremation, but this is a formal and dignified option that some owners prefer. This is an ideal solution for anyone who is unsure about their future address, as a pet cemetery will always be a place you can visit. The price of burial is dependent on weight and requires that your dog is entombed in a coffin or secure container Allow yourself to grieve Once all the specifics about the burial have been sorted, it is time for you to allow yourself to grieve. Do not be ashamed to grieve your canine companion, as the death of a dog can be just as devastating as the death of a human. You may find that you work your way through Kubler-Ross’s 7 Stages of Grief. These are non-linear stages – you may find that you go up and down the ladder more than once before finally settling into acceptance.[5] Shock and Disbelief - Your initial feelings of shock and disbelief can help you deal with the logistics as you prepare the burial or cremation. Denial - Denial can take many forms – you can find that you are denying the reality you're your dog has died, or deny the fact that you are grieving. Guilt - You might find yourself worrying that you didn’t do enough to help or save your dog – this is a normal part of bereavement. Anger and Bargaining - Anger and frustration with the situation are normal parts of the grieving process.  Don’t be surprised if your temper is short and you find yourself looking for an outlet for your anger. Depression and loneliness - Once you have acknowledged your loss and the reality sinks in, you might experience a period of depression. Recovery and moving on - Once you begin to move on, you won’t forget about your dog, but you will be able to recover and come to terms with the reality. Acceptance - Once you have accepted your dog’s passing, recovered, and moved on, you can start to heal. You’ll soon be able to think of your beloved companion without the same heaviness in your heart, and enjoy your memories of joy and love. Reference list Adrienne Janet Farricelli (2018). 12 Signs a Dog Is Dying: What to Do When Your Dog’s Health Declines. [online] PetHelpful. Available at: https://pethelpful.com/pet-ownership/The-Dog-Dying-Process-Signs-a-Dog-is-Dying [Accessed 5 Nov. 2019]. Purina (n.d.). What to Do When Your Dog Dies. [online] Purina. Available at: https://www.purina.co.uk/dogs/key-life-stages/saying-goodbye/what-to-do-when-your-dog-dies [Accessed 30 Mar. 2020]. Ryback, R. (2016). Why Losing a Pet Hurts So Much. [online] Psychology Today. Available at: https://www.psychologytoday.com/gb/blog/the-truisms-wellness/201608/why-losing-pet-hurts-so-much [Accessed 30 Mar. 2020]. Stregowski, J. (2019). A Most Difficult Time: Handling Your Dog Dying at Home. [online] The Spruce Pets. Available at: https://www.thesprucepets.com/if-your-dog-dies-at-home-1118473 [Accessed 30 Mar. 2020]. Usher, J. (2019). The Seven Stages of Grief Explained. [online] Ashes Memorial Jewellery. Available at: https://www.ashesmemorialjewellery.com/blog/the-seven-stages-of-grief-explained/ [Accessed 30 Mar. 2020]. Sources [1] https://www.psychologytoday.com/gb/blog/the-truisms-wellness/201608/why-losing-pet-hurts-so-much [2] https://pethelpful.com/pet-ownership/The-Dog-Dying-Process-Signs-a-Dog-is-Dying [3] https://www.thesprucepets.com/if-your-dog-dies-at-home-1118473 [4] https://www.purina.co.uk/dogs/key-life-stages/saying-goodbye/what-to-do-when-your-dog-dies [5] https://www.ashesmemorialjewellery.com/blog/the-seven-stages-of-grief-explained/

What is a coroner's inquest? What is the purpose of an inquest? How does the inquest process work? Post-mortem Why is it carried out? Tips to help you through an inquest Most deaths occur perfectly naturally and in circumstances where a doctor can quickly establish the cause. Where the reason is not immediately apparent or a persons death seems to have happened in a violent or unnatural way; an inquest is the process of getting answers to the important questions of who died, where and how? What is a coroner's inquest? Ordinarily, a persons death is not referred to a Coroner, and the deceased's doctor will issue a medical certificate recording the cause of the death. In many cases, the deceased will have been treated for a medical issue just before death. Where the cause cannot be found, a referral should be made to the Coroners Office. The Coroner decides whether an inquest is needed to find out why the person died. A coroners inquest is a legal inquiry looking into the reasons for a persons death. The role of the Coroner, sometimes along with a Jury, is to investigate the circumstances which caused the person to die and to find out all of the facts relating to the death. The Coroner should open an inquest where there are grounds to suspect that the deceased died a violent or unnatural death, or where the cause of death is not known. The Coroner 'must' open an investigation if the deceased died while in state detention, such as in a prison, police cell or mental health institution. What is the purpose of an inquest? The main purpose of an inquest is to determine the important facts relating to the death. It is a legal process to establish the identity of the dead person, how they died, and when and where the death occurred. The inquest can be conducted by a Coroner alone or with a Jury where the death happened in state detention. Who is involved in an inquest? Coroners are independent judicial officers and are appointed by the local authority. The Coroner is normally a doctor or a lawyer and is responsible by law for investigating the cause of deaths. There are around 98 Coroners in England and Wales, covering over one hundred coroner areas.1 Other persons involved in the process are witnesses to the facts of the death, experts who may prepare reports to assist the inquest in reaching its conclusion, and sometimes legal representatives of the parties involved. The family of the deceased can attend as can the press as the hearings are held in public, except where certain sensitive circumstances mean that part of the hearing must take place in private. How does the inquest process work? When an inquest is required, the Coroner must 'open' it as soon as possible and then if necessary, adjourn for the period of time needed to gather evidence. Where the identity of the deceased is known, subject to the need for a post-mortem, the body can be released to the family for burial or cremation. In some cases a pre-inquest hearing will be needed to set out the scope of the inquest, decide what information is needed and set a timetable for the hearings. The post-mortem may reveal the cause of death, meaning there is not a need for an inquest. Where, for example, the death happened from natural causes that will conclude the process. If further investigation is required, the inquest will be opened and then adjourned. The inquest hearing should take place within six months or as soon as reasonably possible after the death has been referred to the Coroner. Sometimes it may take longer than six months to hold the inquest in complex cases. The hearings themselves are often short but can take weeks or months, the Hillsborough football stadium tragedy being one such case. During the inquest, the Coroner will hear evidence from witnesses and consider other material such as the post-mortem or experts reports. It is up to the Coroner to decide what evidence can be heard. As the purpose of the inquest is limited to discovering the facts of the death the Coroner (or Jury), cannot find anyone criminally responsible for the death. However, if it is suspected that the person died as a result of a crime, the Coroner can pass a file to the police or Crown Prosecution Service. Any 'properly interested parties' can request copies of the statements, reports or medical records to be used in the inquest and can be invited to make representations to the inquest. The inquest takes place in a courtroom, and although it is a process open to the public, reporting restrictions can limit what the press can report. The Coroner and any legal representatives can ask questions of witnesses to try and find out what led to the death. They cannot cross-examine witnesses as the hearing is an investigation and not a Trial. The Coroner does have the power to compel witnesses to attend. The Coroner is also able to call witnesses dealing with any concerns that other deaths may happen in similar circumstances. This is part of the Coroners role to prevent future deaths. The facts of the inquest may be passed on to relevant organisations to improve systems and procedures which might have contributed to the death. Once all of the evidence is heard, the Coroner must reach a conclusion on the cause of death. Where a Jury is needed, the Coroner will hear legal submissions (in their absence) on which conclusions should properly be left for the Jury to consider. The most common conclusions on the cause of death are: accidental death or misadventure narrative detailing the circumstances but not attributing responsibility to any individual alcohol or drug-related death industrial disease unlawful killing, i.e. murder natural causes open, meaning there is not enough evidence to support any other conclusion road traffic collision suicide The decisions are reached on the balance of probabilities, except for unlawful killing, which must be decided on the basis of beyond reasonable doubt. Once the cause of death is established, the Coroner will produce a report, and the death can properly be registered. Post-mortem A post-mortem is a medical examination of the deceased's body, carried out to establish the cause of death. Usually, this involves an internal examination of the body tissue and organs but can also involve toxicology tests to examine if substances are present in the body. Samples can be taken for further tests. Parts of the body may be retained if further tests are required. This may happen where the cause of death is complex or disputed, or a second post-mortem is needed. Why is it carried out? The Coroner may conclude that a post-mortem is necessary to find out the exact cause of death, particularly where a doctor cannot identify the reason to record on the death certificate. A post-mortem is conducted by a pathologist. Body parts, organ tissue and fluids are thoroughly examined to try and establish what caused the person to die. Where a criminal act is suspected of having caused the death, the post-mortem is carried out by a forensic pathologist skilled in such investigations. There is sometimes a request for a second post mortem from legal representatives of any suspect identified. This can cause delay to the body being released and in turn, lead to additional upset to the family of the deceased. The Chief Coroner is able to issue guidance on the appropriate use of post mortems. Tips to help you through an inquest Naturally, an inquest is a difficult time for anyone connected to the person who has died. Emotions can be raw, and the hearings may come soon after the trauma of the death itself. There are some useful steps that can be taken to make the process as bearable as possible: make use of the Coroners office that supports the work of the Coroner in each area. They can provide helpful information and guide you through what might seem a complex and daunting process. the charitable organisation, 'The Coroners Court Support Service' provides help and support to those going through the inquest process (coronerscourtssupportservice.org.uk). be well prepared and ensure you are given access in good time to the statements and reports that will form the evidence in the inquest. think about the questions that you might want to ask of the witnesses and perhaps appoint a family member to act as spokesperson. if you are able to have a legal representative involved, this can help alleviate some of the pressures and stress of the inquest. as the hearings are in public there is nothing to prevent you from taking along a trusted friend to provide moral support. don't do anything or make any decisions in haste. When emotions are very raw people can do and say things that later they regret. Take your time to carefully consider each decision. remember that the purpose of the inquest is to find out why the person died. This may mean that upsetting information is heard, which can be traumatic, but the overall aim is to provide answers, helping people to understand why the death occurred. Summary The Coroners inquest plays a vital role in ensuring that the circumstances of unnatural deaths are fully investigated. It maintains the legal rights of the deceased's family and other properly interested persons, referring the matter on to the prosecuting authorities where a criminal act is suspected and can prevent similar deaths occurring in future.  It can aid the grieving process as the family have the chance to take part and to ask questions and discover the facts about how their loved one died. Sources 1Coroners and Justice Act 2009 [Coroner Areas and Assistant Coroners] Transitional Order 2013). https://assets.publishing.service.gov.uk/government/uploads/system/uploads/attachment_data/file/859076/guide-to-coroner-services-bereaved-people-jan-2020.pdf

When a loved one passes away, even the most mundane and simple tasks can feel overwhelming and painful. When struggling to tidy the house or cook a meal is difficult, more complex and emotional tasks, such as dealing with your loved one’s belongings, can seem impossible. In some cases, you might not have any time limits placed on when you need to deal with their domicile and sort through pack up their belongings. You can wait until you are fully ready to get started and take on the task in small increments. However, in most situations, you only have a fixed amount of time to clear everything out. You’ll have to deal with your loved one’s belongings, even if you don’t feel quite ready. Your loved one’s home will be filled with reminders of them – their scent, their slippers, their last moments alive. There will be many memories, difficult emotions, and pain associated with sorting through your loved one’s possessions, but it can also be a cathartic, healing act. Remembering a loved one is deeply personal, and it is different for everyone. Whether you choose to create ashes jewellery, dedicate a memorial bench in their honour, or commemorate them in your own way, we know that it is never easy to say goodbye. Here are our suggestions and tips for what to do with your loved one’s belongings. Start by thinking about ‘everyday reminders’ You might think that it is the cherished keepsakes and special heirlooms that will be the most painful belongings to go through, but that is not always the case. Yes, photo albums and Christmas decorations will be laden with memories, but most people find that dealing with their loved one’s everyday possessions is even more difficult.[1] Seeing their half-used tube of toothpaste, a packet of medication, their hairbrush covered in strands of hair, and their worn clothing in the laundry hamper – these deeply personal items can be the most challenging emotionally. Their partially read magazine and set of house keys are sure to evoke heaps of memories and feelings. These seemingly small but exquisitely painful everyday reminders can be hard to throw in the bin, even though they are of no use to anyone. This is a good time to rally your friends and family members. They have likely been feeling helpless about what to do to help you in your most difficult time, and will jump at the opportunity to lend a hand. If the idea feels right for you, ask one or two people to do the rounds of your loved one’s home or room before you get there. They can carefully do a sweep for the mundane reminders of your loved ones that have no sentimental value, respectfully placing them in the bin before you arrive. They can place any items that they are unsure of in a box to deal with later. This could include their slippers, a scarf, their hairbrush, and other items that you might want to keep for personal and sentimental reasons. How to get started with your loved one’s belongings It would be lovely to be able to take as long as you want with this task, but in most cases you have to deal with it sooner than later. Make a list of the most practical details before you get started. Find out if you need to deal with their bank accounts, bill payments, estate agents, etc. Dealing with these issues first will ensure that you don’t have any nasty surprises later. When you come across paperwork and any official communication, always set it aside in a labeled box.[2] Next, decide if you want to undertake this task on your own, or if you want the support and company of your close friends. If you have a friend or family member who enjoys organising and sorting, maybe they would be the best choice to ask for help. There are likely other people who can’t be present when you are sorting through the possessions. Make sure that you establish clear communication with the others involved, as throwing away items of significance for them can be hurtful and cause tension. We recommend starting a shared Google doc so that nothing gets lost in the shuffle, and everything is clearly in writing. This simple step will prevent so many problems – don’t neglect to do this. Speaking of starting a document, you should also do this for yourself. Make a list of what needs to be done, and start a prioritised plan that will help guide your process. Most people choose to do this room by room, but you might have a different strategy. Finally, remember to pace yourself as you carry out this trying series of tasks. It can be very hard on your heart and soul, and can be overwhelming. Take it as slowly as your timeline allows. You might want to power through the experience to ‘get it over with,’ but take as many breaks as you can to recharge your spirit. Organise your loved one’s belongings into 6 categories We suggest organising your loved one’s belongings into 6 broad categories.[3] For me This is the pile of items that you want to keep. They might have practical use for you and your family, or sentimental value. Be mindful that you don’t add too many things to this pile; more advice on this is below. For others Here is where your Google Doc information will come in handy, ensuring that you set aside the items requested by others in your loved one’s life. Sell New items and objects in good condition, as well as collectables that no one else wants to keep, can all be sold on eBay, Facebook Marketplace, or Gumtree. Donations Gently used clothing, shoes, and household items can be donated to your local charity. If you loved one had a favourite charity, find out if they are accepting donations. You could also consider donating artefacts or antiques to a local museum. Throw Away Sadly, some items will be too damaged or used to sell, donate, or use again. Remember – donating heavily used clothing to charity shops can actually cost them money, so ensure that you throw away anything that you yourself wouldn’t want to buy.[4] The ‘Unsure’ Box There will always be items that you simply can’t make up your mind about on the spot. Having an ‘unsure’ box will allow you to revisit these items at a later time. Don’t get carried away with this box and rely on it as an indecision crutch – limit the number of items in the box to 10. Once you reach 10 items, you will need to revisit the box every time you want to add another. Resisting the urge to keep too many things Many people end up with too many items in the ‘For me’ pile. If you are the sentimental type, you might find it hard to part with your loved one’s objects, and the pile will get bigger and bigger. To prevent this from happening, ask yourself the following questions: Do I have space for this? Do I have more than one of these? Would a photograph of the item suffice? (this works well with cards and letters) Could you keep a small sample of the items? For instance, take a few swatches of clothing or blankets. Be prepared for any emotions that might arise – but don’t get sidetracked Even the toughest person can be caught off guard when they discover a stack of their grandparents’ love letters, their childhood school projects, or their parents’ genealogy research. These documents can bring tears to your eyes, but be wary – now is not the time to start pouring over their contents. It can be very easy to get sidetracked, and hours of time can escape you. Set them aside in a special pile, and go through them when you have plenty of time to walk down memory lane.[5] Sorting through your loved one’s belongings after they pass is never easy. Remember that this process is challenging for everyone, and give yourself permission to mourn in your own way. You might experience tears, but don’t be surprised if you also find yourself with a smile on your face, or even laughing at happy memories. We wish you all the strength and support as you go through this process. Reference list Garber, J. (n.d.). These Are the Important Papers You Need to Locate After Someone Dies. [online] The Balance. Available at: https://www.thebalance.com/what-do-you-need-to-do-when-someone-dies-3505207 [Accessed 17 Feb. 2020]. Horseley, G. (2014). Cleaning Out a Deceased Loved One’s Closet: 12 Tips to Make the Process a Little Easier. [online] HuffPost. Available at: https://www.huffpost.com/entry/cleaning-out-a-deceased-l_b_6065480 [Accessed 17 Feb. 2020]. Jay, P. (2018). Here’s where your donated clothing really ends up. [online] CBC. Available at: https://www.cbc.ca/news/canada/ottawa/donated-clothing-where-it-ends-up-1.4662023. Stevens, M. (2017). Take a Walk Down Memory Lane. It Can Be Healthy. The New York Times. [online] 25 May. Available at: https://www.nytimes.com/2017/05/25/smarter-living/nostalgia-memories.html [Accessed 17 Feb. 2020]. What’s Your Grief (2013). Dealing with Stuff (literally): sorting through a loved ones belongings. [online] What’s Your Grief. Available at: https://whatsyourgrief.com/sorting-through-belongings/ [Accessed 17 Feb. 2020]. ‌ [1] https://whatsyourgrief.com/sorting-through-belongings/ [2] https://www.thebalance.com/what-do-you-need-to-do-when-someone-dies-3505207 [3] https://www.huffpost.com/entry/cleaning-out-a-deceased-l_b_6065480 [4] https://www.cbc.ca/news/canada/ottawa/donated-clothing-where-it-ends-up-1.4662023 [5] https://www.nytimes.com/2017/05/25/smarter-living/nostalgia-memories.html

Losing a loved one is a deeply painful, stressful, and overwhelming experience. It often feels like the grief will never cease, and the difficult emotions can ebb and flow over time. That said, eventually you will reach a ‘new normal’ that will be easier to manage, and you will likely start to think about how you can best remember your loved one and honour their memory. Remembering your loved one is a deeply personal experience. Everyone has their own way of honouring and evoking someone who has passed, and what works for one family or individual may not feel right for another. We have listed some meaningful ways of remembering a loved one. You can alter and amend them to create memorial traditions that work best for you. Support A Charity Or Cause Close To Their Hearts Everyone has specific causes and charities that truly speak to their hearts. One of the most meaningful ways that you can remember a loved one is to make a donation of cash or in-kind goods to a charity that they supported (or wanted to support) during their life. If your loved one passed away from an illness or a disease, you could also consider choosing a medical charity that helps raise funds for research and treatments. Purchase Memorial Jewellery Memorial jewellery comes in many different styles and options. For some, an engraved bracelet or a locket containing your loved one’s photo will be the ideal way of remembering them on a daily basis. Others prefer to purchase memorial ashes jewellery made out of a small amount of their loved one’s cremains. When you glance down at your jewellery, you’ll be flooded with memories of your friend, spouse, or relative. Commemorate Them With A Memorial Bench Memorial benches have long been a popular way to commemorate and honour a loved one’s life after they pass.[1] By placing the memorial bench in a in a scenic, peaceful, beautiful, or meaningful location, you can sit and remember the wonderful times you had with the departed. You can contact a memorial bench company who organise the bench for you, but you save a lot of money by speaking with the local council to get permission to place an engraved bench in your desired location. Keep Some of Their Treasured Items When a loved one close to you passes away, the responsibility of dealing with their home and estate may fall to you. While you will likely need to donate, sell, and throw away many of their household possessions, be sure to select some of their most treasured items to keep as meaningful keepsakes for years to come. Plant A Memorial Tree Memorial trees have long been a meaningful and significant way to honour a loved one or an event, and the practice occurs around the world.[2] A tree will blossom and bloom each year, reminding you of the celebration of life on a cyclical basis. You might choose to plant a tree in your garden, but if you want to do so in a park or public garden, ensure that you seek permission from the local council in advance. The planting ceremony can be laden with symbolism and meaning, and you can invite other loved ones to attend. Share Their Photos and Stories In An Online Remembrance Book Like a hard copy remembrance book at a funeral or memorial, you can leave memories and thoughts on an online remembrance book. Share the link with well-wishers who can’t make it to the memorial or funeral service. If you wish to take the online remembrance book one step further, you could also create dedicated online memorial website for your loved one. With a little tech savvy, you can form an online repository for photos, anecdotes, songs, and videos.[3] This is an especially good idea if you want to share memories with family members and friends across the country, and around the world. Don’t be afraid to bring them up and share their stories You might be tempted to avoid bringing up your deceased loved one, but experts say that this can actually prolong the most painful parts of the grieving process.[4] Don’t be afraid to talk about your loved one. This can include sharing your most treasured memories in a formal setting, or simply mentioning them in passing when you are reminded of them. Not only can this be healing for you, it can also help your friends and family members through their own grieving and healing process. Create A Shrine To Their Memory The word shrine is certainly a loaded one, but this term actually refers to an ancient and contemporary Greek custom of marking the passing of a loved one. The commemoration doesn’t end after the funeral; memorial services are held again on the 40th day after death, and then on an annual basis.[5] In addition, Greeks create small roadside shrines adorned with photos, candles, flowers, and religious icons.[6] You can do the same in your home or garden. Include items and icons that were meaningful to them during their lifetime. Select an Annual Day Of Celebration Speaking of the Greek Orthodox traditions above, many other cultures and religions around the world also take time out of the life at least once per year to remember their loved ones. In many Latin American countries, they do this one day per year, known as ‘Day of the Dead’ (Día de Muertos). On November 2nd each year, which is a national holiday in Mexico, people gather with friends and family in order to collectively remember their lost dead, making offerings to their loved ones, pray, and celebrate. Rather than celebrating all of your deceased loved ones on one day per year, you can make the celebration more personal by choosing to honour an individual each year on a date meaningful to them. You could do this on the anniversary of their death, or choose to focus your celebrations on their birthday. Play their favourite songs, eat some of their most-loved foods, and take the time to tell stories and reminisce about their life. Create A Memorial Quilt Memory quilts are an American tradition that is growing in popularity in the UK.[7] Create (or hire someone to create) a quilt using clothing, bedding, and other textiles that belonged to your loved one. Consider having some meaningful photos printed onto cotton and include them throughout the design. This can be a truly tactile and comforting way to remember your loved one that can be passed down for generations. Display your loved one’s photos in your home A time-honoured way to remember your loved one is to display their photo in a prominent place in your home. While some people are tempted to remove visible reminders of their loved ones from view to reduce the pain of loss, it can actually be more healing to have them in view.[8] Place a few photos in your home or on your desk where you can see them and smile. The grieving process is different for everyone Remember – there is no ‘one right way’ to grieve. Some of these suggestions and ideas will be suitable for you, and others might not feel quite right. Be creative, and do what you need to do to remember your loved one in the best way for you. Suggested Read:- How To Honor Your Loved Ones Who Have Passed Away Create an online memorial Reference list Cloke, P. and Pawson, E. (2008). Memorial Trees and Treescape Memories. Environment and Planning D: Society and Space, 26(1). Greek Boston (2015). What is the Greek Orthodox Memorial Service? [online] www.greekboston.com. Available at: https://www.greekboston.com/religion/memorial-service/ [Accessed 20 Feb. 2020]. Miller, J.T. (2014). How To Make an Online Memorial for a Departed Loved One. [online] HuffPost. Available at: https://www.huffpost.com/entry/how-to-make-and-online-me_b_5459622 [Accessed 21 Feb. 2020]. Patowary, K. (n.d.). The Roadside Shrines of Greece. [online] Amusing Planet. Available at: https://www.amusingplanet.com/2019/03/the-roadside-shrines-of-greece.html [Accessed 20 Feb. 2020]. Saner, E. (2018). Memorial benches – inspirational reminders, or grave eyesores? The Guardian. [online] 14 Mar. Available at: https://www.theguardian.com/news/shortcuts/2018/mar/14/memorial-benches-inspirational-reminders-or-grave-eyesores [Accessed 20 Feb. 2020]. Taibbi, R. (n.d.). Six Signs of Incomplete Grief. [online] Psychology Today. Available at: https://www.psychologytoday.com/ca/blog/fixing-families/201706/six-signs-incomplete-grief [Accessed 21 Feb. 2020]. What’s Your Grief (2014a). Creating a Memorial Quilt: the inspiring work of Lori Mason. [online] What’s Your Grief. Available at: https://whatsyourgrief.com/creating-memorial-quilt-lori-mason/ [Accessed 20 Feb. 2020]. What’s Your Grief (2014b). Photos of Deceased Loved Ones: The Great Debate. [online] What’s Your Grief. Available at: https://whatsyourgrief.com/photos-of-deceased/ [Accessed 21 Feb. 2020]. ‌ [1] https://www.theguardian.com/news/shortcuts/2018/mar/14/memorial-benches-inspirational-reminders-or-grave-eyesores [2] https://journals.sagepub.com/doi/abs/10.1068/d79j?journalCode=epda [3] https://www.huffpost.com/entry/how-to-make-and-online-me_b_5459622 [4] https://www.psychologytoday.com/ca/blog/fixing-families/201706/six-signs-incomplete-grief [5] https://www.greekboston.com/religion/memorial-service/ [6] https://www.amusingplanet.com/2019/03/the-roadside-shrines-of-greece.html [7] https://whatsyourgrief.com/creating-memorial-quilt-lori-mason/ [8] https://whatsyourgrief.com/photos-of-deceased/

Everyone needs to have a will. While you might think of writing a last will and testament as something only important for the wealthy, or those with children, this is not the case. Even if you only have a few meagre possessions and don’t own a property, leaving a will helps your loved ones to get your affairs in order when you pass. People often don’t know what to do when a loved one passes away, and so leaving a clear will can help them through a dark time. It’s a common misconception that writing a will and testament is overly complicated, or that it requires hiring an expensive notary or solicitor. This is not the case. If your assets and bequests are fairly straightforward, it is reasonably straightforward to create your own will that will stand up in court.[i] This will allow the government and/or your loved ones to execute your wishes with as much ease as possible. There are two common ways to draft your own will: write it in a document on your computer or even by hand, or use an online programme designed to help you through the process. Why do you need a will? There is a wide array of reasons why you need to create a will. You might be reluctant to think about this inevitability; after all, no one likes to think about their own death. However, even if you have only a few possessions and no dependents, it is important that you make a will for some of the following reasons: Without a will, certain strict rules will be followed - The government has strict rules that will dictate how your money, property, and possessions will be allocated in the event that you do not have a will. This means that your belongings and assets could be distributed in ways that you do not wish. In particular, any unmarried partners or stepchildren will be left out of your inheritance. Your children and grandchildren could be left out - If you have children with different partners, or you have stepchildren, they could be completely left out. Similarly, if you wish for a different relative or friend (such as nieces and nephews, or godchildren) to receive your belongings, this needs to be enshrined in a will. Your new partner could be left out - Similarly, even if your romantic partnerships have changed, your ex-husband or wife could still automatically inherit your assets. Did you know that, despite common usage, there is actually no such status as ‘common law’ in the UK?[ii] Your new partner could be left out, even if you are in a ‘common-law’ relationship with them. Without a will, your benefactors might pay higher taxes - Certain inheritance taxes can be mitigated or reduced if you take advice from experts (or online programmes) in advance and if you create a will.[iii] What happens if you pass without a will? If you pass away without leaving a will behind, your property, possessions, and assets will be divvied up according to UK rules. You will be considered an ‘intestate person’ – that is, someone who has died without leaving a will. According to the rules of intestacy, your closest relatives and legal spouse will automatically inherit your estate, regardless of your wishes.[iv] Your assets might be more heavily taxed than if you had left a will. In the case that you do not have a will, your spouse or civil partner will automatically inherit all of your personal belongings, and then the first £250,000 of your assets.[v] It does not matter if you are divorced or have split up and have a new partner – your ex will be treated as your spouse unless your will removes this relationship, or you have remarried. Your children will be entitled to half of all money in addition to £250,000. If you have no spouse or children, your estate will go to your parents, siblings, or nieces/nephews. Step by step guide to writing a will Step 1 – Value your estate In order to write an accurate and useful will, you need to take accurate stock of your possessions and get an idea of what it is worth. Do this by creating a list of your assets and your debts. Your assets could include: Your home and properties Your savings and bonds Life insurance policies Pension funds that pay out a lump sum on death Investments, including stocks and shares Vehicles Household contents Jewellery, art, antiques, and other heirlooms Things of sentimental value Your debts could include: Your mortgage Credit card debt Loans Step 2 - Determine how you would like to divide your estate At this point, it is extremely important that you think carefully about who you want to leave your assets and possessions to when you die. Be very, very clear, and leave no room for nuance or confusion. Use clear, simple language. Some things to consider include: Who do you want to benefit the most? Do you want to leave sentimental items to specific people? Do you wish to leave a gift for a charity or organisation? How much you want to spend on your funeral arrangements? Do you want to set up trusts for children to access when they reach 18? Step 3 – Choose your executor Your executor will be the person responsible for overseeing the distribution of your estate. Some people choose their spouse or one of their children, while others prefer to appoint someone a step removed from their family. You must tell your executor of your intentions to appoint them. Step 4 – Writing your will The following are common options for people writing their wills: Lawyers: Speaking to a solicitor or chartered legal executive is a good idea when making a will. They can provide advice, or write the will on your behalf. Ensure that they are licensed, and have experience writing wills. Professional will writers: Professional will-writers (such as those who belong to the Institute of Professional Willwriters) can be a great help. Charities: If you are struggling to pay for the costs of a lawyer or professional, consult with local charities to see if they provide these services. Will Aid and Free Wills Month are both good resources. Banks: Your bank might offer will-writing services and estate planning as one of their services. Ensure that their fees are competitive before you go this route. Writing your own will: In order to write your own will, you need to ensure that you follow the advice in this article. You might want to seek professional advice before diving into the task. Step 5 - Sign your will with 2 witnesses present Sign your will in the presence of 2 independent witnesses. They should not be benefactors named in your will. Step 6 - Keep your will in a safe place, and advise your executors If no one can find your will upon your death, it won’t do much good! You can store it with your solicitor (if you use one), in a bank safety deposit box, stored safely in your home, or you can leave it with the Probate Service.[vi] Let your executors know where you have stored it. How do you ensure your will is valid? In order to ensure that your will is valid and will be honoured when you pass away, you must ensure that you do the following: Your will needs to be in writing (not a verbal recording or in video form) It must start with the statement that it revokes all previous versions.[vii] If you have ever made a will in the past, you should destroy it/them You must sign your will in the presence of 2 witnesses.[viii] They should not be beneficiaries named in your will You must have the mental capacity to understand the effects of your actions It must be voluntary, and you must not have been coerced or pressured by anyone else to write it How do you make changes to your will? At different times in your life, you might need to make changes to your will. Children are born, relationships end, and life circumstances change. As a result, you should review your will regularly, at least every 5 years. If you need to make a small adjustment to your will, it’s fairly straightforward to add a codicil (a minor amendment).[ix] You will need two witnesses, but they do not need to be the same as the witnesses who signed the original will. Do not attach amendments or changes with staples or paperclips, as these can go missing. Similarly, do not use any paperclips or staples on your will at all. If they detach and leave any marks, it can raise questions about potential missing information. If you need to make major changes, you should rewrite your will following all of the steps listed above, including signing it in the presence of two witnesses. Remember – divorce does not invalidate your previous will (but marrying, remarrying, or entering a new civil partnership does). Always create a new will whenever your serious relationship ends, or when you remarry. Creating a will is easier than you might think Don’t put this task off – creating a will now will save your loved ones a lot of headaches (and potentially money) when you pass away. Ensure they are taken care of, and improve your own peace of mind. Reference list Antoniou, J. (2018). Is a Homemade Handwritten Will Legal in England & Wales? | Co-op Legal. [online] Co-oplegalservices.co.uk. Available at: https://www.co-oplegalservices.co.uk/media-centre/articles-may-aug-2018/is-a-homemade-handwritten-will-legal/ [Accessed 21 Jan. 2020]. Citizensadvice.org.uk. (2019). Living together and marriage: legal differences. [online] Available at: https://www.citizensadvice.org.uk/family/living-together-marriage-and-civil-partnership/living-together-and-marriage-legal-differences/. Fahy, D. (2019). The 10 best ways to avoid inheritance tax - Money To The Masses. [online] Moneytothemasses.com. Available at: https://moneytothemasses.com/tax/inheritance-tax/the-10-best-ways-to-avoid-inheritance-tax [Accessed 21 Jan. 2020]. Government Digital Service (2011). Making a will. [online] GOV.UK. Available at: https://www.gov.uk/make-will/updating-your-will [Accessed 21 Jan. 2020]. GOV.UK. (2016). Intestacy - who inherits if someone dies without a will? [online] Available at: https://www.gov.uk/inherits-someone-dies-without-will [Accessed 21 Jan. 2020]. HM Courts & Tribunals Service (2011). How to deposit a will with the Probate Service: a guide for people who want to deposit a will for safekeeping (PA7). [online] GOV.UK. Available at: https://www.gov.uk/government/publications/how-to-deposit-a-will-with-the-probate-service-a-guide-for-people-who-want-to-deposit-a-will-for-safekeeping-pa7 [Accessed 21 Jan. 2020]. Legalwills.co.uk. (2020). U.K. Legal Wills. [online] Available at: https://www.legalwills.co.uk/signingawill [Accessed 21 Jan. 2020]. Moneyadviceservice.org.uk. (2020). Sorting out the estate when there isn’t a will. [online] Available at: https://www.moneyadviceservice.org.uk/en/articles/sorting-out-the-estate-when-there-isnt-a-will [Accessed 21 Jan. 2020]. Randolph, M. (2015). How to Tell if a Will Was Revoked or Replaced. [online] www.alllaw.com. Available at: https://www.alllaw.com/articles/nolo/wills-trusts/how-tell-if-will-was-revoked-replaced.html [Accessed 21 Jan. 2020]. ‌Resources [i] https://www.co-oplegalservices.co.uk/media-centre/articles-may-aug-2018/is-a-homemade-handwritten-will-legal/ [ii] https://www.citizensadvice.org.uk/family/living-together-marriage-and-civil-partnership/living-together-and-marriage-legal-differences/ [iii] https://moneytothemasses.com/tax/inheritance-tax/the-10-best-ways-to-avoid-inheritance-tax [iv] https://www.gov.uk/inherits-someone-dies-without-will [v] https://www.moneyadviceservice.org.uk/en/articles/sorting-out-the-estate-when-there-isnt-a-will [vi] https://www.gov.uk/government/publications/how-to-deposit-a-will-with-the-probate-service-a-guide-for-people-who-want-to-deposit-a-will-for-safekeeping-pa7 [vii] https://www.alllaw.com/articles/nolo/wills-trusts/how-tell-if-will-was-revoked-replaced.html [viii] https://www.legalwills.co.uk/signingawill [ix] https://www.gov.uk/make-will/updating-your-will

If your loved one has just passed away, you have many decisions to make and tasks to attend to as you plan their funeral. In the confusing and dark days after the death, it can be hard to know what to do when a loved one passes. Some people find that keeping busy and planning the funeral helps them immensely in the initial period of mourning. Creating the order of service for their funeral can be an immensely healing and comforting process. An order of service is a booklet that is offered to guests as they arrive at the funeral, or mailed to those who cannot attend. It provides mourners with the information they need about the service ahead. That said, the order of service is so much more than simply a schedule of the day (although that is an important component for many people). It can also include special memories, photos, quotes from the deceased, a brief biography, and song lyrics, scripture, or poetry that they loved. Many people choose to keep the order of service as a memento; a token of the relationship they had with the deceased. While traditional orders of service can be quite spartan, you are free to be as creative as you wish. You can customise your loved one’s order of service to reflect their unique personality and passion in life. Conversely, you can leave things rather minimal and let their memory speak for themselves. Here is our guide of what to include in a funeral order of service. We hope that it can be of some comfort during this difficult time. The Front Cover Most people choose to keep their funeral order of service front cover quite understated and simple. However, it is completely customisable, and some people do decide to go even more elaborate, or ‘over the top,’ depending on the personality of the deceased. The most common inclusions for an order of service front cover are: The full name of the deceased Their date of birth and their date of death A short quote, message, or piece of scripture that commemorates them The location, time, and date of the funeral Any nicknames that they used As you begin looking through all of the photos of your loved one, choose one that speaks to your heart. Which photo best represents their personality? Some people prefer to select a more contemplative or serious photo, while others think that a humourous or whimsical photo is even more suitable. While you might be tempted to choose a photo of the deceased surrounded by their friends or family, it’s always a better idea to go with a solo photo. The Schedule Of Service Every funeral is different, as each person and their family members have different requirements, wishes, and customs. The schedule of service prepares guests for what to expect. As with any event, people like to be kept abreast of what will happen, and when. Whether you are planning a short non-denominational funeral or a longer religious ceremony, the schedule of service will keep everyone on the same page about every aspect of the rites. A typical schedule of service includes a welcome from the celebrant or religious leader, a series of readings from friends and family, and a listing of the songs or hymns that will be played or sung. The schedule will also include any additional events that are planned, including any graveside ceremonies, wakes, or gatherings that will be held afterwards. A schedule of service typically looks something like this: The title and artist of the song used for the musical procession as guests enter the facility and take their seats The name of the person or celebrant who will do the introduction The lyrics to the songs or funeral hymns that will be played at the service Information about the readings, verses, speeches read by the speakers The prayers that will be read The title and artist of the closing song Information about the location of any graveside ceremony Information about a wake or gathering that will occur after the funeral Special Memories and Moments After you have written the schedule of the service, you can start choosing any additional photos, memories, poetry, and quotes to the booklet.  While some people choose to go with a simple 4-page option (one piece of paper folded in half), others add multiple sheets of paper. Do keep in mind that if you elect to add more pages to your booklet, the price of printing will increase. A lovely idea is to include a timeline of your loved one’s life. This can include any and all landmark moments in their life, such as their graduation, wedding, major promotions, the birth of their children and grandchildren, and other important dates. If they loved a specific sports team, had a lifelong hobby or loved to travel, you can also include information, logos, or illustrations to represent these passions. Similarly, if they themselves were an artist, writer, or photographer, consider adding some of their work for an additional personal touch. This can make the order of service an even more meaningful keepsake for friends and family. Back Cover Once you reach the back cover of the order of service, you will have already included all of the most important information. This is an ideal place to display another photograph of your loved one. Some people choose to use a contemporary photo of the deceased on the cover of the order of service, and a photo of them in their younger years on the back. Of course, you can reverse this. You could also include a family photo on the back of the booklet or a photo of the person and his or her spouse. This is also a good place to list any charities that were important to the deceased or to ask for donations to a charity or cause. It can also be the best place for a heartfelt thanks to anyone who attended, and a message to those who could not make it. Commemorating your loved one in different ways Creating the order of service for your loved one’s funeral is a labour of love, and is a process that many people find comforting during their darkest hours. There are a variety of other commemorative acts that may bring comfort to you as you prepare for the funeral or service. Write a meaningful eulogy that details the important events in your loved one’s life. If you do not feel comfortable reading this aloud, a close friend or the celebrant can do this for you. Write a poem or song that reflects your relationship with the deceased, and expresses how you feel. After their cremation, have a piece of ashes memorial jewellery made with some of their cremains. Create a slide show filled with photos and short video clips from their life, including all of the important moments. Accompany this with a song that they loved, and that will remind others of them. Design a poster or collage featuring photos of the deceased, for display during the wake or gathering. Customise the funeral visitor’s book with photos, quotes, and other meaningful details. The days and months after a loved one passes are never easy. Creating the order of service for their funeral can be a great comfort.

Grieving is painful and difficult no matter what the time of year. However, as the holidays approach, it can become even more difficult. The first Christmas after a loved one dies is always hard.[1] There is something about the nostalgia and traditions of Christmas that can trigger the most severe feelings of grief, sometimes even years after the death. The grief isn’t always easy to deal with, so you might find that you want to do things differently, or even to ‘cancel’ your celebration. Surround yourself with understanding friends and family, or if you prefer, spend the day alone. Remember – there is no one ‘right way’ to grieve. Here are some of our thoughts and ideas about how to deal with grief at Christmas.[2] Do not feel guilty if you have moments of joy or laughter Sometimes the hardest parts about grieving are the unexpected jolts of guilt as you find yourself enjoying a moment or having a genuine laugh. Emotions are complex and layered, and sometimes people find that comedy can ease their pain. Watching a child open a gift, biting into a mince pie, or watching It’s a Wonderful Life can all trigger happiness, and that is normal and ok. It doesn’t mean that you miss your loved one any less. Don’t allow the sneaky tendrils of guilt to make you feel ashamed about any moments of Christmas joy that you may have. On the other hand, don’t feel guilty if this year, you simply have no holiday spirit at all. Implement new traditions As the first Christmas season after your loved one has passed approaches, you might want to think about implementing new traditions. Making a special effort to remember the person can be soothing at this time of year, and can be a meaningful moment in your celebration. Some people choose to set aside a few minutes for each person to speak about the person who has passed. Others light a candle and set it at the table, in the centre, or at a set place.  As a family, you may want to visit their grave, or a place that was special to them. If you have children, remember to involve them. Consider having Memorial Christmas Decorations made to include the person who has passed in your annual celebrations. These decorations include some of the ashes of your loved ones, giving them special significance and meaning. Handling Christmas with children after someone has passed Handling Christmas with children after someone they love has passed can be a tricky and complex experience. Children grieve in very different ways than adults,[3] and they might seem to be enjoying the season as normal, even when they are in pain inside. The most important thing that you can do is open the lines of communication, and let them know that they can share anything they are feeling with you. Let them know that they do not have to celebrate if they do not want to, and ask them if there are any new traditions they would like to start in order to remember the person who has passed. You do not have to celebrate Christmas Some grieving people find that the idea of celebrating Christmas feels distasteful or too painful. However, others wish to have as normal a Christmas as possible, complete all of the foods and traditions that they enjoyed with their loved one. Still others plan a simple celebration, a ‘pared down’ version of their usual fete. It is important to note that all of these options (or something completely different) are valid. If you choose not to celebrate Christmas this year, that might be the best choice for your own mental health and grieving process. Some people find that travelling during the season can help, as they are not surrounded by memories in their home. Remember that everyone in a family mourns differently We all have different ways of grieving, and so it makes sense that we handle Christmas in different ways. As the first Christmas after a death comes closer, conflict can arise within families, as different people will have different expectations about what should occur. As mentioned above, some people will want to ‘skip’ Christmas completely, as they cannot imagine celebrating at this sad time. However, others will wish to have a joyful celebration, complete with all of the traditions that make a family’s Christmas special. This can cause a rift in the family, as everyone has different expectations. Remember that they are also feeling pain, and try to be sensitive to their needs, while asking them to be sensitive for yours. Try to speak openly about your feelings. It is ok to protect your own wellbeing above all else. You might choose not to attend a family gathering this year, and that is perfectly acceptable. Let them know that you need this time to grieve privately, and you will likely join them next year. Consider scheduling a family get-together on Boxing Day or New Year’s Eve instead, or plan a ‘commemoration’ rather than a celebration. Remember to take care of yourself Self-care is one of the most commonly cited concepts around grief, but it can be easier said than done around Christmas time. The holiday season means that your schedule is most likely disrupted, and taking care of your physical and emotional needs can fall by the wayside. Christmas can mean drinking more alcohol than usual, but using alcohol to escape your loss only provides relief in the very short term. In reality, it can make your mental and physical health much worse. The same can be said for decadent treats. Remember that it is ok to indulge, but ‘drowning your sorrows’ in food or alcohol can have negative consequences. Many grieving people find that they are exhausted, both physically and emotionally. Take some long baths, enjoy a warming hot spiced apple juice, and take as many guilt-free afternoon naps as you wish. If you have young children to look after, see if some of your friends and family can pitch in to help. Most importantly – be kind to yourself. Don’t ruminate on all of the things you’re not doing this year. It’s ok that the house is a bit untidy, and it will be fine if the meal is more simple than usual. Grief at Christmas doesn’t only affect the recently bereaved Grief is not just something that the recently bereaved experience. Christmas and other holidays and anniversaries can trigger memories of long ago, reminding you of a loved one who passed in the past. It’s quite ironic that the ‘happiest time of year’ can reopen old wounds and plunge you back into the depths of grief. It can be hard to see the smiling faces of children and happy families when you are feeling the pain and ache of loss. Remember – there is nothing unusual about feeling sadness and pain over the death of a loved one, even if they passed away decades ago. You are not alone. Some people find comfort in ritual and religion, and attend their local church for prayer. Your church or the local council might host grief support groups specifically around Christmas, as many other people are grieving at this time of year. Speaking with others in a similar situation can help to alleviate your pain. How to say Merry Christmas to someone who is grieving It can be hard to know what to say to someone who is grieving, no matter what the time of year. It is especially difficult at Christmas time. If your are speaking to someone who has had a very recent loss, it can see insensitive to wish them ‘happy holidays’ or a ‘Merry Christmas.’ Instead, try some of the following statements. “I am thinking of you this Christmas. How are you doing?’ “I’m keeping you in my thoughts on this second holiday season after your loved one (say their name) passed.” “Would you be interested in joining us for Christmas? We understand if you would prefer to be alone.” “May I come visit you during the holiday season?” “What can I do to support you during this Christmas period?” Remember – it is always better to say something than to say nothing. Even if your sentiment comes out a bit awkward, it is always better than trying to avoid the topic. It’s ok to need support – please reach out Most importantly, remember to reach out if you are suffering. Speak with friends and family, and lean on your support system. If you are feeling very down, or experiencing thoughts of self-harm, please get in touch with Samaritans on freephone 116 123.  They're there for you 24 hours per day, and are there to listen and help.[4] [1] https://www.mariecurie.org.uk/blog/christmas-tips/220455 [2] https://www.ashesmemorialjewellery.com/blog/how-to-deal-with-grief/ [3] https://www.griefshare.org/holidays/helpcenter/helpinggrievingchildren [4] https://www.mind.org.uk/information-support/types-of-mental-health-problems/suicidal-feelings/#.XeUBE5NKjBJ Reference list Ashes Memorial Jewellery. (2019). How To Deal With Grief | Ashes Memorial Jewellery. [online] Available at: https://www.ashesmemorialjewellery.com/blog/how-to-deal-with-grief/ [Accessed 2 Dec. 2019]. Griefshare.org. (2019). Helping Grieving Children Through the Holidays - GriefShare. [online] Available at: https://www.griefshare.org/holidays/helpcenter/helpinggrievingchildren [Accessed 2 Dec. 2019]. Marie Curie. (2018). Christmas after the death of a loved one. [online] Available at: https://www.mariecurie.org.uk/blog/christmas-tips/220455 [Accessed 2 Dec. 2019]. Mind.org.uk. (2019). Suicidal feelings | Mind, the mental health charity - help for mental health problems. [online] Available at: https://www.mind.org.uk/information-support/types-of-mental-health-problems/suicidal-feelings/#.XeUBE5NKjBJ [Accessed 2 Dec. 2019].

One of the most daunting parts of dealing with the loss of a loved one is the visit to the funeral home. First, there are the arrangements to be made, and then there is the potential for viewing your loved one. Much like the beauty and solace that is found when purchasing memorial jewellery, time with the funeral director and at the Chapel of Rest could help to move you through the process of grief. Although your time at the funeral home can feel unbearably painful, the decisions you make and the discussions you have can help begin the healing process. Here we want to debunk some of the worries and concerns you may have about the funeral home. We hope this guide will provide some comfort and help overcome any potential fears you may have. What Is A Funeral Home? A funeral home is the name of the building where people are taken when they pass. A funeral director runs the establishment. It is this funeral director that will help you in your preparations for the burial or cremation of your loved one. What Happens To A Body In A Funeral Home? The funeral director will be asked to retrieve the person who passed once the death has been certified. This means that the funeral director will go to the family home, or the hospital, and remove the patient. They will then bring them back to the funeral home. What happens with your loved one from this point forward depends on the length of time between death and discovery. Sometimes, it can be many days or even weeks before a patient is found. At this point, the retrieval, and management, of the person is difficult, and the family are unlikely to be involved further with the body of the loved one. However, if the death occurred in the hospital or the family home amongst relatives, the patient will be refrigerated once at the funeral home. If someone is left untreated at room temperature, the remains will deteriorate quickly. Once permission is granted, the person who has passed will be embalmed. The embalming process then involves the removal of bodily fluids and the replacement with embalming fluids. However, much depends on the beliefs of the person. If the person who has passed is of the Muslim faith, it must be an imam who comes in to wash the loved one and then wrap them in an unbleached cloth. If your family member is Hindu or Sikh, then it is family members that must come and do the washing themselves. Once embalmed, your loved one will be dressed and placed in a coffin. Again, cultures vary here. It is traditional for the family to provide the clothing and many offer a favourite outfit of the person who has passed. Some African cultures bury the dead in full robes and headdress. In some Chinese families, they also ask the funeral director to layout spare clothes around the coffin, to aid your loved one in their journey to their next life. The funeral director will ask you for a picture of your loved one. The photograph helps the mortician present your loved one in a way that reflected the person in life. Therefore, they will return the skin tone and style the hair appropriately. It is also possible to apply make-up as your loved one would have worn it in life. Once prepared, your loved one will be transferred to the Chapel of Rest. Here the coffin will be placed in a private viewing room and can stay there for a day or longer if required. If your loved one needed a post-mortem, you should not worry. The post-mortem will not change the appearance of the person who passed, and they can be prepared in the same way as if this had not happened. You will still be able to view the person who has passed. What Is A Chapel Of Rest? A Chapel of Rest is a room or a building where you can view your loved ones if they have passed. It is a room of remembrance. It is a place where you can visit to pay your last respects to those who have passed. The Chapel of Rest is usually attached to the funeral home, where you went to arrange the details of the funeral. Alternatively, the funeral director may have a building used specifically for the viewing of bodies somewhere else. There is no hard and fast rule as to what a Chapel of Rest should look like. The size and décor of the chapel will vary. The person who has passed with be placed in a coffin or casket, known as a catafalque. There may be seats for mourners to stay a period of time with the person who has passed, or there may be a place to light some candles. The privacy of those choosing to view their loved one will be secured. Although Chapels of Rest vary, they all share the same aim to keep this experience discreet. What Happens In A Chapel Of Rest? The Chapel of Rest is where people visit the loved one before she or he is buried. These places exist for those people who feel it is essential to say a final goodbye to a loved one. There is no requirement for you to visit the person who has passed or to see them. The person organising the funeral will be given authority over whether the person can be viewed and by whom. There are no limits to who can see people who have passed, so a person of any age can visit the Chapel of Rest. Your relationship with the person who has passed is irrelevant. The funeral director will advise you if it is suitable to view your loved one. It may be that the viewing would be too distressing, or that the cause of death means they are infectious. It may be that the coffin will need to be sealed for your emotional protection. If it has been a long time between death and viewing, then your loved one may have begun to change. In these cases, the funeral director may encourage you to come much quicker, and they may cover the person who has passed with a veil, so the extent of these changes can be camouflaged. Can You Take Photos In A Chapel Of Rest? If you have permission from the next of kin, you can take photographs in the Chapel of Rest. However, you must ask permission of the person organising the funeral. It is likely that the taking of photographs could cause extreme distress or offence and should not be done if no consent is extended to you. For some people, the taking of photographs can be useful as a tool for explaining the death to younger family members. It may be too challenging for very young children to be close to the remains of those who have passed, but the act of seeing the loved one in a coffin can help them to process the idea of death. Chapel Of Rest Etiquette Although visits to the Chapel of Rest are highly personal events, there are some general rules that people tend to follow. If you fear there may be specific instructions for how you should act, you can speak to the funeral director or the next of kin of the person who has passed. First, what should you wear? To be honest, it is entirely up to you. It will ultimately depend on what you feel comfortable in – and it will depend on your relationship with the person who has passed. This is not the funeral; therefore, you are not expected to wear black, formal wear. You may have rules that are dictated by your culture or your spiritual beliefs. However, ultimately, you should decide what feels appropriate to you. Should you speak in the Chapel of Rest? Many people take the opportunity to talk to the loved one who has passed. Visiting a loved one who has passed is the time when many people take the opportunity to vocalise how they feel and to say goodbye. Be aware of your tone of voice, what you are saying, and how it is being said, in case it is overheard by others who knew the loved one, and your words may hurt them. If you are alone in the room and cannot be heard, then you can speak from your emotions. Just remember that this is a moment that will last long in your memory. You can choose to go into the Chapel of Rest alone. Be aware that this is an emotional and challenging experience. If you need someone to go in with you, the funeral director will likely be happy to accompany you. There is no set time limit, and you can visit more than once – there is no right or wrong decision here. During your visit, you may wish to place items in the coffin. You may have written your loved one a letter, or want them to have a card, a teddy bear or a poem. This item will stay with the person who has passed within the coffin and be with them for the rest of their journey. Summary The loss of a loved one is challenging. Understanding what happens next can, in some ways, relieve some of the fear and worry about what to expect. In this guide to what happens in a funeral home, we hope we have demystified the establishment. You will now, we hope, be able to work closely with your funeral directors. The many, many people who have experienced the loss of a loved one will confirm that this process will be an essential part of the grieving process and one you will be grateful for in retrospect.

Grief is inevitable. At some stage in life, everybody suffers the loss of something they cherish. Typical causes are the loss of a parent, child or sibling, the breakup of a relationship or the passing of a pet. Dealing with grief is a personal journey. There is no set formula or rule book that outlines how you should deal with loss. However, it is important that grief is not ignored as this can lead to psychological and emotional problems later in life. Although there is some debate as to the actual healing process after a loss, it is acknowledged that people overcome grief in stages. It is helpful to identify the different types of grief and understand the typical stages you go through during your recovery. What Are The Seven Stages of Grief? 1. Shock and Disbelief When someone becomes aware of a loss, the initial reaction is typically shock and disbelief. This is your brain’s protective mechanism kicking in to avoid you from being overwhelmed. Feelings of shock and disbelief suspend your pain until you are ready to grieve properly. How you respond to a change in circumstances, and the length of time it takes to pass through each stage, depends on various factors such as age, the closeness of the relationship and your emotional dependency on whatever it is you are missing from your life. 2. Denial Denial is another coping mechanism, a means of self-preservation. It is a subconscious way of suspending belief in order to avoid the feelings of being overwhelmed by pain. This phase takes form in different ways. Some people will deny they are grieving or affected by the loss whilst others will deny their loved one has gone. 3. Guilt A study performed by researchers at Columbia University revealed around 7% of bereaved people suffer from “complicated grief” - a prolonged period of suffering. This often involves ruminating about the circumstances for the loss, a difficulty in comprehending the finality of the situation, and excessive avoidance of anything that serves as a reminder. In some circumstances, it is quite normal for the bereaved to feel a sense of guilt during the grieving process, especially if the death was sudden or unnatural. Researchers at University College London found that shame and feelings of being stigmatised is a common response to unnatural and violent deaths. The report published in The Lancet Psychiatry reads: “…there were many similarities in the mental health problems experienced after bereavement by sudden unnatural causes and by suicide.” Thoughts and feelings may arise that you are to blame, even when you know deep down that you are not. It is common for survivor’s guilt to surface with expressions of what might have been “if only I had/hadn’t…” 4. Anger and Bargaining Stage four is the turning point in how people respond to grief and one of the most important to understand. Feelings of loss, disbelief and guilt can later arise as anger and frustration. It is a sign that you need an emotional release. Some people also negotiate with themselves in an attempt to work out what could have been done differently. This is a necessary process to overcome guilt. During this stage, it is important to find a healthy way to deal with your anger and during the bargaining process, acknowledge there is nothing you could have done to change the outcome. 5. Depression, Loneliness, Reflection Once the bereaved acknowledges the certainty of the loss, a period of depression will follow. This is often accompanied by reflection and feelings of loneliness as you realise those times are gone. In most cases, this stage involves an acute sadness, but can also demobilise people to the point where you do not have the energy or willingness to leave the house. During this stage, grieving is not about feeling the pain of loss, but a fear of the change in your life. This is particularly the case for people that have lost a loved one with whom they spent a lot of time. 6. Reconstruction of Working Through The final turn on the road to recovery begins to emerge in the sixth stage. This is the point in which the bereaved realises the situation cannot be changed and you need to move on. This does not mean you will forget about what you have lost. It’s normal to feel lonely from time to time even after many years. The important factor is that whatever grievances a person experiences, the only way to actually overcome loss is to move forward and find a way to enjoy life again. 7. Acceptance The acceptance stage is when a grieving person makes a conscious decision to move on and actively starts restructuring their life. This may involve a cleansing process of clearing out the possession of a loved one or moving them out of sight. It’s also quite natural to seek out old relationships, start a new hobby or join a social club. In Summary After a significant loss, it can be difficult to adjust to your new circumstances. The goal is to reach the acceptance stage, look beyond the present and focus on the future. Whilst some people struggle to overcome grief, understanding the stages we need to go through during the recovery process, can act as an incentive and encourage you to push yourself towards the next stage. Resources: https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC3384440/ https://www.ucl.ac.uk/psychiatry/ucl-bereavement-study https://www.webmd.com/balance/normal-grieving-and-stages-of-grief#1 https://www.nhs.uk/conditions/stress-anxiety-depression/dealing-with-grief-and-loss/

The time around the loss of a loved one is challenging.  Not only do you have to contend with overwhelming feelings of loss, but the practical challenges of arranging the funeral and the estate.  It cannot be expected that you can work at your best at this time. Many employers have clear policies that tell you what leave you can take.  Some employers will offer paid leaves; others will have detailed back to work policies to support you on your return. Although the policy around bereavement leave can vary from one company to another, some standard rules apply to all businesses.  Here we give you all you need to know about bereavement leave, in the hope this will be one less thing to worry about. What Is Bereavement Leave? Bereavement leave and compassionate leave are the same things.  It is time allowed away from the workplace in the event of the death of a close member of your family.  It is the time agreed between the employee and employer, giving time for the individual to deal with the immediate aftermath of the death.  Initially, this might be dealing with the immediate emergency.  However, it may also be another period when you will need to attend the funeral. It is likely that this bereavement, or compassionate leave, will only cover the beginning of the grieving process.  You may feel that the enormity of grief requires a longer period to recover.  This extended period would likely be covered by sickness. What Is The Law Behind Bereavement leave? The law is not clear on how much time you are allowed; there is no set number of days for bereavement entitlement.  According to the Employment Rights Act of 1996, the number of days must be reasonable. What reasonable means is open to negotiation, or an agreement between the parties involved.  This may be perceived as unhelpful, as there is no minimum number of days defined in law.  However, the complexity of families and grief makes it difficult to dictate for all situations. ACAS, the organisation that works as a mediator between the employer and employee, states that reasonable should be defined as two days.  Based on studies, most companies allow two days to deal with the immediate emergency and to begin making plans.  Some businesses realise that the person will not be working at peak performance, so can offer three to five days of unpaid leave beyond the initial emergency. Whatever the policy of the business, the bereavement leave should be considered entirely separate from sickness days.  This is significant for the staff records, as it cannot during this period of grief be labelled sick leave.  It is essential to differentiate these because an employer can build a case for dismissal based on persistent absence from work due to illness, even if given a note from the doctor. What Is Considered Immediate Family For Funeral Leave? The law only covers those considered immediate family.  Therefore, it includes the spouse, partner, parent, child, siblings, grandparents, aunts and uncles and their children, or someone for whom the employee is responsible.  This is because the law also references dependents; therefore, can be people we care for as well as close family. Beyond this group of people, there is no help in law for the setting of parameters in the policies for bereavement held by companies.  The loss of a close friend may be as significant, if not more so, than some defined as close family members. However, in this situation, it is at the discretion of the company you work for. The company needs to have a policy that is easy for the employees to understand from the start.  If the deceased is not a dependent or a person from the immediate family, the employee needs clear direction. They need to know what time they can or cannot take without approaching a medic to help certify unfitness for work. Most companies have human resource managers who are aware of the importance of writing a bereavement and compassionate leave policy.  Experts in the field feel that writing a period of paid leave after a death has a significant impact on employee loyalty and levels of commitment.  A policy is also essential for managers who need support when making decisions in such difficult times.  However, the picture across the UK represents a considerable lottery in terms of how you are treated in the event of a death. How Do You Know If You Need To Take Bereavement Leave? It is more complicated than you would imagine, knowing if you need bereavement leave or not.  The question about whether you should work while you are grieving is cluttered with complexity.  Research into bereavement leave and its impact are difficult because it is typically listed as stress in staff records.  This hides the extent of the problem.  Mental Health charities have been campaigning for many years for the government to dictate five days paid leave per year as appropriate guidance for employers. However, as much as it is crucial to have time to deal with loss, it is also good for mental health if you get back to a regular routine.  Being away from your routine can be unsettling and lead to you living within the pain.  Work may offer you some distraction from the emotions, as well as being given opportunities to forget.  When at home, people will come and visit and offer condolences, all of which will keep the loss to the forefront of your mind. If you do return to work, you need to mindful of your usefulness and put safety nets in place should you need to escape.  For instance, you cannot assume your work colleagues are aware that you have experienced loss.  Therefore, they may not understand your distraction or withdrawal.  It would be a good idea to find a way to make those in your workplace aware of what has happened.  You can do this via an email, or through social media, or by asking a manager or human resources colleague to let people know. If people are aware of your grief, then you will be able to retreat and take further time away from work without fear of judgement.  If you realise you need to negotiate more time off for bereavement leave, your manager will find it easier to accommodate you because the team will better understand. You may need more bereavement leave if you become forgetful, overly apathetic, and you are finding it difficult to concentrate.  You may also feel overwhelmed, exhausted, irritable or impatient and that you are making a higher number of errors than usual – or can be expected.  If you feel yourself thinking that you ought to leave your job – stop – it is essential to avoid making major life choices.  You may just need to take some time away from the workplace to recover. How Do You Take Bereavement Leave? First, you would hope that your company has a bereavement policy that you can refer to, which will tell you who to inform and how.  It would be helpful if there were an out-of-hours number that could be called in the event of an emergency. There is obviously nothing more awkward than telling your manager that someone has died.  Hopefully, there will be someone close to you who can make the call.  However, if you do have to make the call prepare a list of details on a piece of paper.  Write down who has died, what you know about the details and when you hope to return to work – so you do not become overwhelmed and forget essential information. Your employer may at some point ask for proof of the death.  However, the hope is in this first instance that your call will be treated with care and sensitivity.  Be prepared for the possibility that they may request a death notice at some point. If you return to work and then realise that you are not coping, you need to open a dialogue with your manager as soon as possible.  It may be that they will find a way to use your allocated leave to give you some extra time to recover.  They may suggest you see a doctor for a certificate that says you are unfit to work.  Listen to the suggestion you go to the doctor, as it may be that you need grief counselling. What Family Members Enable You To Qualify For Bereavement Leave? The law is clear in its definition of family members.  It obviously includes parents, grandparents, children, brothers and sisters.  However, it also covers aunts, uncles, nieces and nephews.  It does not cover first cousins, though this might be open to discussion with employers if this is someone who you feel is close to you. It does not, no matter how much you believe them to be part of the family, cover family pets.  People are largely understanding of the upset caused by the death of a pet.  However, your managers may struggle to justify giving you time off work to deal with your grief. Summary It is worth reminding you that the reason the law is so vague as no two situations or individuals is the same.  It is challenging to compose a policy that applies to everyone when there is no hard and fast rule as to what may happen.  It is vital that employers have clear bereavement policies and that staff are aware of this policy.  At a time of considerable uncertainty, which comes in the aftermath of loss, it is better to fall back on a set of guidelines than makeup policy ad-hoc. Also, remember, sometimes getting back to the regular routines of work could actually help.  You will be among colleagues rather than potentially isolated and lonely at home.  If you feel you can, getting back to work might be your best option. This guide has been written by Ashes Memorial Jewellery.

There are few certainties in life, except life itself, and that one day this will end.  Throughout our life, we will experience many funerals.  Despite this, no one becomes an expert at organising or attending an event that marks the loss of someone close to you. It can be tempting to avoid the funeral.  Nobody wants to experience intense emotions or face loss head-on.  However, there are reasons we go through such rituals. The team, at Ashes Memorial Jewellery have put together a guide to help people know all they need to about the funeral process. Why Do We Have Funerals? There are lots of reasons why we choose to have a funeral.  The ultimate aim is practical, as something must be done with the body.  It would seem insensitive to dispose of this body as if there was little meaning to life. You may argue that the person has gone and has no idea that the funeral has occurred. Most of the meaning in the burial is indeed for the living.  In many respects, we are reassured that we are treated well when we die and not just discarded carelessly.  It is about respect. However, there are more pertinent benefits of the funeral.  It is a means of paying tribute to a person's life.  This, in turn, helps us to acknowledge, if not yet accept, that this life has come to an end.  It is a marker that tells us it is time to start mourning.  Without the funeral, it would be easy to fall foul of magical thinking, to assume it was all a mistake, and the person did not die.  The reality of death is evident in the box and the service that focuses on saying goodbye. Going to the funeral will also bring you together with friends and family who are also mourning the loss.  It is comforting to be with others who feel similar levels of pain and understand the sense of loss.  This congregation of people will allow everyone to be open about feelings and to express these. What Happens At A Funeral? There are lots of traditions and beliefs that mean one funeral may be different from the next.  Your religion will have a significant impact on the timing and the service.  If you are not religious, this too will impact on the way the service will be conducted. The ceremony will take place in a church, a chapel or a crematorium, or other religious building.  When arriving, you will likely be ushered in to take your seat before the family, and the coffin arrive.  Some services require you to enter behind the family.  The front rows of the service are for the family.  If you are not close to the person, then you should sit towards the back. The choice of who leads the service depends on your religion.  It may be a celebrant or humanist, or it could be a minister of your faith.  You will likely be presented with an order of ceremonies when you arrive.  This pamphlet will let you know what is going to happen, who will speak, and the hymns that will be sung.  It will also let you know where you can join the family for drinks and food after the ceremony. There is such a lot of choice of what can happen at this ceremony that it will be individual to the family involved. Be aware; the coffin may be on view throughout or shielded behind a curtain.  In a crematorium, part of the ceremony is to remove the casket from view.  You will not see the process of cremation. At a burial, the mourners will move to the graveside behind the coffin.  There will be more words by the grave, and the casket will be lowered into the ground.  Many burials include the dropping of earth, flowers or other objects onto the grave.  Sometimes, only the immediate family proceed to the graveside. Showing emotions at a funeral is to be expected but is not necessary.  You will react-how-you-react.  You should take some tissues just in case. Do You Have To Have A Funeral? No law demands you must have a funeral.  The law states that you must "dispose of the body of the person who has died by burial, cremation or other means."  You can choose to have the burial outside the formal structures of a church or crematorium. This means your choices are: A traditional funeral, either a crematorium or burial Direct cremation, where the body is disposed of without a service. A funeral director can arrange this, and the ashes can be delivered directly to the family. Natural Burial – here the family organise for the burial to take place in a natural place or woodland burial site. This means that all the details of the funeral are entirely at the discretion of the family. DIY funeral – there is no legal requirement to hire a funeral director. You can arrange all the details yourself, from collecting the body from mortuary, transporting them to the burial and more.  Most professionals in the arena of funerals will want you to have a funeral director, but it is not necessary. How Long After A Death Is A Funeral? Some religions require the burial to happen very quickly after death, out of respect to the person.  However, the average time between death and a funeral is two weeks.  If there is an inquest into the death, the funeral may be delayed because the body may not be released. How Much Does A Funeral Cost? Much depends on your choices when planning the funeral.  However, the average cost for burial is close to £5000 and for cremation is £4000.  There are lots of details that will affect the price of the funeral, including: the location the type of coffin the choice of transport the flowers the catering The most significant proportion of costs will likely be the coffin. You will also need to consider the cost of the funeral director, the doctor's fees, the celebrant or service leader, the burial or cremation fees, the headstone, and the fees for other administration costs.  By hiring a funeral director, you will get help with the collection and care of the deceased, as well as additional professional guidance. Who Pays For A Funeral If There Is No Money? If there is no money in the person’s estate, then family and friends are expected to cover the cost of the funeral.  If this is not an option, then you will need to explore how to fund the funeral. Options include: The funeral director may take payment by instalments There may be charities who would be willing to help with the expenses You may also qualify for a Funeral Expenses Payment. If you are claiming benefits, you are entitled to this Funeral Expenses Payment. Here the government gives money towards the funeral costs, though you should apply within six months of the funeral.  To qualify, you need to be a close family member such as a sibling, parent or dependent. Bereavement support payments can also be claimed if your husband, wife or civil partner has died and either you or the deceased has made NI contributions for at least 25 weeks and if they died because of an accident or disease caused by work. They will need to be under State Pension age and living in the UK. What Do You Wear To A Funeral? It may be that the family gives some direction about the dress code.  Some people feel it is appropriate to wear bright colours to celebrate the life of the person.  If the person is young, then something more colourful may feel necessary. However, if there is no mention of dress-code from the family, then you need to assume that it is going to be formal and you should wear dark colours.  You are unlikely to be expected to wear dress clothes for most funerals, just smart clothes in darker tones. For women, it is appropriate to wear dark dresses or suits.  You should, however, keep your shoulders covered.  Avoid bright sundresses and do not reveal too much. The ideal options are a skirt or pantsuit or a dress.  However, it is also fine to wear a skirt and blouse or sweater. For men, you will likely wear a dark suit or a buttoned-up shirt.  Your shirt should be tucked in, and you should wear dress shoes. Both genders need to avoid athletic shoes and flipflops, and it is not appropriate to wear jeans. How Do You Find Out When A Funeral Is? It is usual for the family to place a funeral notice in the local newspaper. This informs others of the death, as well as giving details of arrangements.  It does not have to be a local newspaper; you can publish this notice online and can be this is considered just as respectful.  Therefore, if you are trying to find out when a funeral is, you may want to try the internet first. What Do You Say Someone Who Is Attending A Funeral? Fearing that you are going to be struck dumb or say the wrong thing could make you dread the day of the funeral.  However, if you are looking for some prompts, then some possible phrases could be: I am so sorry. Your mother/ father/ uncle… was loved by many He was a wonderful person and talented at….. Please know that you are all in my prayers I have such good memories of…. she will be missed. When you feel ready, please call me if you need to Do not be afraid to talk about the deceased.  The point of such a day is to share memories and feelings of loss. Summary It is never easy to attend a funeral.  However, it is essential to the healing that will begin soon.  It is a formal ritual that helps us make the passing of a loved one real.  We can say goodbye to them and show our respect and love.  It does not have to be something elaborate to be special.  The point is to respect the life of the person lost and to offer some celebration for life lived. If you would like to memorialise a loved one, then get in touch to learn more about how we can turn ashes to jewellery.

The horrible irony of loss is that at a time when you want to shut down and ignore the world, you must organise so much.  The loss of a loved one can be emotionally overwhelming, but there are legal steps that must be taken, and you must somehow summon the strength to undertake these obligations. This guide aims to make clear you should do in the event of a death.  We hope that this explanation of all that needs to be done will help you through this difficult time. Expected deaths in the home If the end is expected, for instance, if the person has a terminal illness, then you should call the family doctor and their nearest relative.  As the death was expected by the authorities, as well as you, there is little delay in the issuing of a medical certificate, which will allow you to register the death.  The GP should be able to do this for you as soon as you are ready to discuss the passing of the loved one.  This certificate will then allow you to contact a funeral director and begin the necessary arrangements. Unexpected deaths in the home If the death is unexpected, the event is treated in a way dependent on the circumstance.  Therefore, you are best to call 111. An advisor will talk you through all you have to do.  It may be that this death will need to be reported to a coroner to be investigated.  This coroner may request a post-mortem and may open an inquest.  As this could take some time, the arrangements for a funeral may be delayed. Deaths in Hospital The hospital will be well versed in what needs to happen in the event of a death.  The support you will receive should help you deal with the immediate aftermath of the loss.  The hospital will issue the medical certificate and the formal notice.  They will also keep the body in the hospital mortuary until a funeral director or another individual organises the transfer to a chapel of rest or to the family home. Register a death It is important to register the death within five days in England and Wales and within eight days in Scotland.  Failure to register the death in time can lead to a £200 fine.  The deadline can be delayed by a further nine days if the registrar is aware that a medical certificate has been issued.  It may be that the death is reported to a coroner; in this case, you will not be able to register the death formally until the coroner has completed the investigation. The process of registering a death is straightforward.  Here are the steps you should take: Step 1: Locate your nearest register office.  This is where you would declare births, deaths and marriages and is likely to be connected to council offices.  Call the office and request an appointment to register the death.  Do this as soon as you can, as the office can become busy. Step 2: Select the person to register the death. Usually, the person to register the death is a close relative.  If there is no relative, then there are only a limited number of other options.  Only a person who was present at the death or lives in the same house as the deceased, or the person arranging the funeral who is not a funeral director can register the death. Step 3: Collect together the necessary paperwork.  You will need a lot of documentation to register the death successfully.  Most importantly, you will need the medical certificate of cause of death, which will be signed by a doctor.  You will also need the birth certificate, council tax bill, driving licence, passport, marriage or civil partnership certificate, an NHS medical card and proof of address.  If some of this paperwork is not available, then it likely that the registering of death can still go ahead.  The only document you must have is the medical certificate from the doctor. Step 4: Attend the appointment.  You will be expected to provide all relevant information to the registrar to enable them to register the death.  This will take about 30 minutes.  You will need the full names of the person, their full home address, date and place of birth, details of when and when the person died, their occupation, and whether they were receiving benefits.   You will also need to provide the name, occupation and date of birth of a spouse or their civil partner, if applicable. Once you have registered the death, you will receive a Certificate of Registration of Death.  There will also be some other relevant documents that will be essential for the next steps. You will receive a green certificate for the burial or cremation.  You can also request a Death Certificate for a small fee. You will need this Death Certificate for many of the legal and financial arrangements to come.  This is the official notification of the death issued by the registrar and declares that the death has occurred. How to arrange a funeral It may be that the person who has died has left instructions in a letter or will for how the funeral should be arranged.  If this is the case, you can pass these to a funeral director who can enact these wishes.  However, if there is no such direction from the deceased, then the executor or nearest relative will decide if the body is to be cremated or buried and the other details of a funeral. The steps for arranging a funeral are not as difficult as you may fear. Step 1: Find a funeral director.  The National Association of Funeral Directors and the National Society of Allied and Independent Funeral Directors lists all the funeral directors, and you should be able to find organisations in your area. Step 2: Get more than one quotation.  As distressing as this might sound, you should seek out more than one quote for funeral services.  As with any business, there are different levels of service, and some are more expensive than others.  Make sure this quote is itemised and includes: the services of the funeral director; the cost of the coffin; the transfer of your loved one from the place of death to the Chapel of Rest and then to the funeral; the cost of the hearse and all the necessary arrangements and paperwork.  You will need to ask about other expenses, such as the crematorium, the clergy or pastor, the doctors and others.  It is likely the funeral director will request these additional fees up front. Step 3: Talking through the options. You will then need to consider all the different options for the funeral.  This can be distressing, but most people report that this is an essential process for coming to terms with death.  You will need to think about the type of service, the music, who will speak and what will happen after the funeral.  You may wish to invite people to celebrate the life of the person at a wake or similar event. Step 4: Paying for the funeral.  It is an unfortunate truth that a funeral is expensive.  It can be paid for by family members and friends.  However, other options may be available.  There could be a lump sum payout from a life insurance policy or a pension scheme.  It could be that the individual took out a pre-paid funeral plan or that there is enough money in the person's estate to cover the costs.  The cost of the funeral is taken first before any other debt.  You may be able to release money from the deceased's bank account.  However, money from the person's estate may be delayed while in probate.  If the person dies intestate, this could delay the processing of the estate significantly. You can get help with funeral costs from the Social Fund if you are on a low income.  There are strict rules on who can receive this help and how much they can receive.  If you don’t qualify for a payment from the Social Fund, you may still be able to get an interest-free loan for up to £1500. Who do you need to tell about a death? Informing people of the death of a loved one can be raw and painful.  However, there are certain people you should tell and people you must tell. You must tell government organisations.  The government has a Tell Us Once service.  This service will allow you to notify organisations of a person’s death all at the same time.  Although this service is not available in all areas of the UK, where it is available it can help you inform HMRC, DWP, the passport office, the DVLA, the local council and, if applicable, Veterans UK. You will also need to inform: the pension scheme provider, the insurance company, the bank and building society, an employer or school, the mortgage provider, housing association, council offices, the social services, all the utility companies, any medical services including the GP, dentist and optician.  It is a good idea to instruct a solicitor to act your behalf too. You can also register the death with the Bereavement Register.  This will remove the name of your loved one from mailing lists and should prevent receipt of upsetting reminders in the future. You should also seek to inform relatives, friends, employers, and schools – or anyone who has a personal stake in the life of the individual.  This can be difficult, and you may wish to enlist the support of someone close to help you with this process. Death Certificates When informing organisations of the death of a loved one, they are likely to request a copy of the death certificate.  You will have been given the option to purchase a death certificate from the registrar upon the registering of the death.  It is an essential document for those who are managing the estate of the deceased.  It is a good idea to request many copies of this death certificate.  Each certified copy will cost £11 in England and Wales. If you did not get multiple copies of the death certificate when registering the death, you will need to apply to get a copy.  You can do this by contacting the General Register Office in England and Wales.  The insurance companies and the banks are unlikely to accept photocopies of a death certificate. The same people who registered the death, e.g. relatives or a person with the deceased at the time of death, can collect the death certificate. Bereavement Support Services There are practical arrangements in the event of a death, and then there are the pressing emotional challenges to face.  Grief is challenging for everyone.  It is not something that is easily managed alone or without the support of professionals.  Therefore, it is a good idea to reach out to Bereavement Support Services.  Here we introduce some of the possible services you could approach. Cruse Bereavement Care: Cruse is a national charity that aims to help people through the process of grief.  They can offer face-to-face sessions, group conversations, telephone calls, email and website support. The Coroners Courts Support Service: If the death is unexpected and there is an inquest or investigation into the death, then loved ones can seek support from the Coroner’s Court.  This group can offer both emotional and practical support in the lead up to an inquest. Child Bereavement UK:  Is there anything more complicated than the loss of a child?  This service offers help to the loved ones of a child.  However, they also provide support to children who suffer grief too.  The Child Death Helpline is also available and is staffed by trained bereaved parent volunteers. Grief Encounter helps those who are suffering from the emotional consequences of death.  They can offer conversation and information, as well as access to professional support. There are also specific support organisations who serve particular circumstances.  If there has been a suicide, or the death as a result of a terminal illness, or sudden infant death – then specific charities will provide support groups and advice. In summary The period after death is traumatic.  Many people who have dealt with death will tell you that the practical arrangements required are challenging but in some ways a blessing.  The feelings of helplessness and loss of control can contribute to the pain of missing someone.  Therefore, by organising paperwork and funerals, there is something to be done, no matter how sad. What is essential to remember above all else is that you should not seek to do this all by yourself.  Grief, if ignored, can create problems in the future.  Remember to reach out and allow the feelings to come and go.  Negative emotions may not quickly pass, but at some point, you will be able to remember and smile again. Extended reading resource:- Publish an Obituary

Introduction The death of a pet can be an incredibly sad and emotionally draining experience. Most of us have a deep emotional bond with our dogs, cats, birds, rabbits and the other creatures we share our homes with, and the pain cuts deep when they pass away. When your pet first passes away, it can feel like the pain will never end. From shock to guilt, sadness to anger, you are likely to experience a whole range of emotions. While some people might not understand why you are so upset, most people have also lost a pet in the past, and most of your friends, family, and colleagues will be very kind and understanding. Remember to be kind and gentle with yourself, and don’t rush the grieving process. Read ahead for more information and advice on how to deal with the death of a pet. Why Can The Loss Of A Pet Be So Painful? Our pets are often the only relationships in our lives that are purely based on love and unconditional acceptance, with no judgement, anger, or ‘emotional baggage’ attached. A dog, cat or other furry/feathered friend is a member of the family, providing you with seemingly endless amounts of love and companionship. For some of us, our pet is our only companion, keeping us social and helping us to get out of the house. For others, our pets provide much needed emotional and/or physical support. They are always there to greet you when you arrive home, and sit with you at the end of a long day. Losing this reliable and constant friend can be a profound and incredibly painful experience. Whether you have had your pet for a few years or a few decades, you will feel their loss. The ways that your own grief will manifest will likely depend on your personality, your age, how long you have had your pet, your pet’s age and medical issues, and if you have other pets in the home. For some people, it is easier to accept the death of a pet when it is of an advanced age, while for others this makes the loss even more painful. Just remember – everyone is different. What Can You Expect When Your Pet Passes? When your pet first passes, it is normal to experience a sense of shock and disbelief. You might even have a hard time believing that your pet is truly gone. Everyone undergoes grief in his or her own way, so your own grieving process will be an intensely personal experience. Some common emotions that people report experiencing include depression, denial, anger, and guilt. You might feel anger directed at your veterinarian, and blame them for not doing enough to save your canine or feline companion. It is very natural to place blame on yourself, and to even feel guilty for not being able to save your sweet friend. You might find that your own grief comes in a series of stages. It might also come in waves, or as a series of highs and lows. You might start feeling ‘better’ one day, only to be extremely sad or angry the next. Try not to be too hard on yourself – this is normal, and you will soon be able to think about your beloved pet with fondness and love rather than sadness and pain. Even years from now, a sight, smell, or song might trigger a strong memory of your pet, causing a twinge of grief. How To Prepare Yourself For The Loss Of Your Pet? It is not always possible to prepare for the loss of your pet. If your pet dies in an accident, or has a rapidly advancing terminal illness, you may not have any time to prepare yourself. However, if you do have any warning in advance, consider the following: Accept Your Pet's Fate Coming to terms with your pet’s diagnosis might be one of the hardest things you have ever had to do. After all, we all want our pets to live happy, healthy, and long lives and to pass away peacefully of old age. Consider getting a second opinion from a different vet. If the diagnosis is clear, you need to dig deep and focus on your pet’s needs in order to do right by them and prevent them from suffering. Talk To The Vet The most important step is to talk to your vet and take their advice. They can tell you if your pet is experiencing any pain, and make recommendations on the next steps. If your pet is terminally ill but not feeling any pain, your vet might advise that it is ok to take them home for weeks/months, or even years. However, if they state that they believe it is time to administer euthanasia, it is vital that you follow their advice. This can be very emotionally painful, but you can say goodbye and ensure that your pet passes away peacefully. Make Sure You Have Memorabilia Maybe you have hundreds of photos of your pet’s younger days, but have a look to ensure that you have photos of them as they look now. The white on their muzzle and the wizened expression is how you know and love them today, and you will want to be able to look back on all stages of their life. Once your pet has passed away, you can request to have their ashes returned to you. Some people like to display their pet’s ashes in an urn, while other prefer to have their pet’s ashes embedded in pet memorial jewellery. This allows you to take them with you wherever you go. How To Help Yourself Cope With The Loss Of A Pet Everyone goes through pet bereavement in his or her own way, and so it is important to remember that your grief is normal. As listed above, you might feel angry, sad, guilty, or even depressed, but you are not alone. Even if no one else in your life is going through this with you, you can always find support on Facebook groups and other online forums. While some people will feel much better within a few weeks or months, others will be in the grieving process for years. Don’t try to escape or avoid your feelings, as this can make the pain and depression more acute. Some people find a lot of comfort in rituals and services, so don’t hesitate to hold a funeral for your pet if this would help you and provide closure. Some of your friends or colleagues might not be able to understand the level of grief you are going through, but don’t let anyone make you feel ashamed for your reaction. If you are having a hard time moving on after a few months or a year, you could consider speaking with a counsellor or therapist to help you healthily manage your emotions. Just always be patient and kind with yourself, and take comfort in your memories. Many people enjoy keeping mementoes and keepsakes of their pets in visible places to remind them of the good times. This can include photos, a favoured toy, pet memorial jewellery, or placing their ashes on display. How To Explain The Death Of A Pet To a Child? The death of a pet is likely to be one of your child’s profound losses. If this is their first experience of death or dying, it is a chance to model healthy grieving practices and coping mechanisms. While you should keep them from seeing anything too upsetting, it is important not to hide the loss from them. This is likely to be acutely painful for your child, so make sure that they know they are allowed to feel angry, sad, or confused. Their initial reaction may even be to blame you, which can add to your own grief. Just remember that this is a trying time for everyone, and to be kind and gentle. Explaining pet death to a child is never easy, but it is very important. Resist the urge to lie to your child by telling them that your dog or cat ‘went to live elsewhere’ or ‘ran away.’ While you might be trying to protect your child from the harshness of death, it can make them feel even more frightened and confused. Make sure that you answer their inevitable questions as honestly and openly as you can, and allow them to say goodbye (if possible) in advance, which can provide much-needed closure. Do not be surprised if your child begins to express worry or doubt about other loved ones dying or leaving them. Death is confusing and upsetting for all of us, and their minds are grappling with this new experience. Reassure them that you are not going anywhere, and reiterate that they did not do anything to cause this death. Reading books and watching short videos are also good ways to help them cope with their emotions. Summary Losing a pet can be one of the hardest things to go through, and some people claim it is even more painful than losing a friend or family member. Remember that grief takes time and that you are not alone.